Hmm... there are some common mistakes when the mare have sex, when she have her orgasm... her parts will try to passively "milk" him in and not push him out, and theres also the winking that is missing, I understand the first chapter was the opening or test, just keep it in mind these differences in how a human(eg) and a pony should work in future chapters.
8251470 Well typically since the ponies of my little pony are more human like than regular ponies, I just decided to write it like that. Besides, you'll find that a good majority of the people who write this stuff do the same.
Nice chapter, but I found a couple typos you may want to edit.
"I"
"Holy".
8222691
Thank you for letting me know
Just to know, are you going to add something to this?
Maybe some chapters with the other girls?
That would be great
8231311
Yep. It's a new miniseries I'm doing.
Hmm... there are some common mistakes when the mare have sex, when she have her orgasm... her parts will try to passively "milk" him in and not push him out, and theres also the winking that is missing, I understand the first chapter was the opening or test, just keep it in mind these differences in how a human(eg) and a pony should work in future chapters.
8251470
Well typically since the ponies of my little pony are more human like than regular ponies, I just decided to write it like that. Besides, you'll find that a good majority of the people who write this stuff do the same.
This chapter was great, I love the idea of a giantess harem with the Dazzlings!