Luna goes for a walk to clear her head. And meets her first real friend. Short oneshot about how Luna meet her first real friend in a very long time.
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Assassino01
Joined 6th May, 2012 ·
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I honestly can't say I liked or disliked it...
Your writing is good for the most part, but this simply isn't my type of story. :/
879214
I guess that's fair.
Having learned of this through your most recent Funnyjunk comp, I must regretfully say that I lack the time to read a story as of this moment.... However, it's definitely made its way to the "read later" list. I have high hopes for it.
Edit: After having read this story, I can say that I really liked it. I don't tend to discriminate when it comes to what kind of story I read, but I've generally held a soft spot in my heart for the sort of "slice of life" stuff seen here.
This was very good, I enjoy your writing style. I couldn't find any major mistakes in the story, just a few here and there but nothing serious.
Make sure you keep your Ponycomps coming
I really liked the flow of your story, i see it as a nice prolouge. you make the memory sequences merge very good.
this is my kind of story.
I think ill watch you zevran
i have to say that this story was really well written, i liked it a lot cause, well, Luna needs a lot more attention because of the fear she still gets from everypony, and well, i think she should be willingly getting that attention, without fear or as you stated in your story without an ulterior motive, it really is a good story.
Kinda sweet, and you have to admit, Luna did kinda set herself up for fail with nightmare night. She had no understanding of the holiday, and made a right royal mess of things, before she managed to fix it. Still, by the end of the show, I felt that at lest Ponyville would have been welcoming to her, and excepting, even if some of the ponys would still be a bit nervious. Also, honestly, its best to start with t he foals, its easyer to change there mind about something. Thay would be more excepting of the new, and the diferent.
My mind is conflicting with myself about this story.
While I do like it, at the same time, there are instances that I feel could have been worked on better. The idea of the story is nice, and it's good to see Luna getting along with someone, but you got to think, Luna wasn't that much of an icon of fear at the end of Luna Eclipsed. Her nature was revealed as a pony only wanting to be loved like everyone else, but she was just misunderstood. There may have been something else that happened in your story to make her be feared again, but canon wise, she was pretty much redeemed.
Now, onto the writing itself. I did notice a few errors in your writing throughout the story, but I try not to let them get in the way. The way you write is excellent, and I can say that there were some instances that I wish I would have come up with in my writing. The dialogue... is a little more on the 'could use some work' side, but overall, the dialogue wasn't all that bad. I felt as if the story was cut off a little short and that some parts throughout the story were shorter than they could have been.
However, all in all, I'll give this story a 7/10. It was a fairly nice read.
I was reading this, and I think you meant "hover" when I virst saw it I read This one time he demanded that I should vacuum in front of a window to give him shadow while he read because of the Hoover brand vacuum, so my reaction was, what the hell, vacuum in front of the window for a shado- oooooooh she meant hover that makes sense.
Still a good story though
I still don't quite get the "Slice of Life" stories, but I think I'm starting to understand it little by little.
That was just a comment of mine, about the story:
Well, the back story seems good, the narrative too, and you definitely know Luna's way of speaking.
Short but good, I like this story.
Sorry I don't have much more to say, but I don't actually have more, except to tell you "Keep it up!"
884723 For every person who believes that she has changed, there will always be people who think people can't ever change, and that Luna is still Nightmare Moon. It's just how some people are.
Speaking as a writer who has just started his own first ever story, I think you have a quite a way with words. As most people have already said, you have done an excellent job at portraying Luna's way of speaking. And the concept of this short story is pretty good. Many have done it before you, but your version of Luna-makes-a-friend-while-sad is...it's interesting. It's not long, but it doesn't have to be. It does we'l just as it is. So yeah good job.