Quarter Pony: Halfway to Destruction

by weird gai

CHAPTER 4: GETTING PAST THE 1000-WORD LIMIT THINGIE

Ponyville was nice and the plants were singing and the sun was at the top of the sky. Ponies went around doing their everyday chores and everything was normal. However, deep within the bowels of a certain famous bakery, an argument was raging between two of the Elements of Harmony; the protege of Princess Celestia and the owner of the bakery,

"And that's how Equestria was made!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie after Twilight finished reading her story.

Twilight's ear flopped down and her head was tilted upward in a perfect impression of a fish. She was stunned by the sheer amount of errors Pinkie's story contained, not to mention how much sense it DIDN'T MAKE.

Pinkie flailed her limbs around like a Gmod ragdoll, each hitting Twilight hundreds of times per second. Strangely enough, she did not seem to be affected by this and started speaking.

"Seriously, this story is stupid. SCHTOOPID. SCH-"

Pinkie Pie had stuffed a cupcake into Twilight's mouth in order to shut her up. How she got the cupcake, Twilight didn't know, but she chalked it up to Pinkie being, well, herself.

Pinkie Pie's mane had deflated. They were long and straight instead of the short and curly mess that usually resided on her head.

She didn't like anyone insulting her work, which she put so much effort into to try and make people laugh. It was like the Discord-laughing-at-Pinkie-Pie incident again.

"It's called fiction for a reason, you know," she said all serious and stern.

Pinkie Pie returned to her normal jovial and happy self after stating her feelings. Her mane reinflated somehow. She snatched the cupcake from Twilight's mouth and swallowed it whole. When Twilight saw this, her face turned all green and she began her fruitless search for a wastepaper basket or any container to empty her load in.

Just then, a parasprite fell down from the ceiling onto Twilight's head. It wrapped it's limbs around the upper part of her head, trying to subdue it's target. As she flailed around, trying to get the parasprite off her head, the claws concealed in it's limbs dug their way into her head to the brain. They injected a chemical which linked her brain to that of the parasprite, effectively making her a zombie.

Pinkie, of course, was oblivious to the incident unfolding just behind her. She only thought about how the cupcake tasted of plum when she hadn't added it to the recipe. She was interrupted in her thoughts by a disembodied moan behind her. She turned around slowly...

...and found a zombiefied Twilight staring right at her. Blood trickled down her face from the wounds made by the parasprite. The colour in her eyes had been replaced by a blank white. Her chest had ripped itself open, giving all a glimpse at the internal organs of a pony. Provided they can stand such a gory display, that is. In a voice that wasn't hers, Twilight said,

"Pinkie Pye you were too slow and now I am zombie goast. YOU WILL PAY" while shaking her head around and spraying the walls with her blood.

Just as Pinkie was about to run away in fear, one of her songs began playing from somewhere. It was "Giggle at the Ghosties". At the same time, a strange metal contraption came out of nowhere and next to her. When she picked it up, a loud voice boomed out.

"Pinkie Pie then looked on the ground and found wepon so she pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goast in a house."

Suddenly, she knew how to fire the 'wepon', as the voice called it. She aimed the gun at her former friend's head and fired. The bullets punctured the soft flesh of the parasprite which killed it immediately. It fell off of her head and landed on the floor, dead. However, as Twilight's brain was linked to the parasprite's, when it died, she died along with it.

Pinkie Pie stared in shock at the headless body of her best friend. She had never been forced to kill a pony before. Grief took over and she ran over to hug Twilight's body despite the multiple wounds on it. A tear fell out of her eye and splashed on the cheek of the cadaver.

"You are dead sis but I killed the evil parasprite." Pinkie Pie told Twilight's corpse.

She was interrupted in her grief by multiple disembodied voices outside her house. Something snapped inside her at that very moment. She pulled out a can of perfume and a matchbox. She lit one of the matches up and sprayed it with the perfume to make a makeshift flamethrower. She opened the door-

"BUCK YOU AUTHOR, I DO WHAT I WANT!" shouted the delusional Pinkie Pie. She aimed the flamethrower at her oven instead.

AND SO SHE BLEW UP THE HOUSE AND KILLED THE ZOMBIE GOASTS SO THEY WERE AT PIECE

What happens next? You deiside!

Tahnks for reading please read my other fic i am new :(

Comments

[NaturalGlitch]

img.ponibooru.org/_images/1fd6ba3fec8a433d9311b8c1d27e9090/152295%20-%20animated%20background_ponies%20berry_punch%20carrot_tops%20crowd%20doctor_hooves%20laughing_ponies%20Linky%20sea_foam.gif
Now this was funny. It's based on this:
[youtube=fOvglodUIcA]

[Ledomare]

Bad pony from the show is best pony.

Now, I do believe a gmod version of this is in order, somewhere. DO IT NAO

[Lucky Roll]

To those who came here for the same reason I did: yes, it's a trollfic. We can calm down now, humanity hasn't reached the point yet where it'd post this as a serious work. Don't thumb it up or down, just move along, nothing to see here. Unless, of course, you genuinely like mediocrely executed trollfics. In that case, do as you please.

I'm outta here.

[Stereo_Sub]

Not only is this a trollfic, but it's literally a copy-paste of an already-existing (and hilarious) trollfic with pony names put in. They even copied the fucking description. If you're going to submit something this stupid, at least try and fudge the fact that you put any sort of effort into it, lest you incite the ire of the entire community. Christ.

NINJA EDIT:
The original fanfic (based on the game Half-Life 2): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3934572/1/QuarterLife_Halfway_to_Destruction

And the excellent dramatic reading: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOvglodUIcA

Go watch that instead, you'll be much more entertained.

DOUBLE NINJA EDIT:
I read chapter 4, and now feel slightly less angry. It's still a tired concept, but at least you actually created original content as opposed to just find-replacing as I thought you did. My apologies.

[weird gai]

884251
Apology accepted.

[Jar of Dirt]

Even the most hardcore grammar nazis cry at the beauty of the grammar in this story. This is Shakespeare-grade litterature right here.

[M E]

dude fuck this is amazing