HA! Okay, that was funny. I like how Flash can immediately turn Pinkie down. I can't wait to see how much Twilight and Flash don't get along at all.

8179062
They certainly dislike each other, that's for sure.

Okay, I'm starting to get the idea that Flash has a "bully vision." Ergo, a societal self-defense perception which tells him that nearly everypony around is out to get him or harass him in any way possible. The only one he can really trust is Shining Armor who didn't do that when they interacted. In tough societies where such behavior is expected, it's one thing, but this is Ponyville. Which makes it a big hindrance for him to do his job without the sass. Or the attitude.

So I think that they were thinking that Flash needs to learn to let go of the bully vision and to start appreciating other ponies.

Just one problem here: It fees a lot like Flash here is a bit too similar to the protagonist of your Coco Pommel fic at the start. So I'm a bit unsure on how this works out.

But keep going. This is interesting and I am a FlashLight fan to begin with.

8179071

Okay, I'm starting to get the idea that Flash has a "bully vision." Ergo, a societal self-defense perception which tells him that nearly everypony around is out to get him or harass him in any way possible.

You're correct, he does have bully vision in a sense, and yes, it does get in the way of him doing his job. But whereas the main character in "Her Generosity" developed a stigma for the general populace of Manehattan, Flash's coping mechanisms have deeper origins, maladaptive behaviors driven from his rough childhood.

So I think that they were thinking that Flash needs to learn to let go of the bully vision and to start appreciating other ponies.

Unfortunately for him, this is a heavy psychological issue that cannot be regressed quickly or easily. And as you'll see in the next chapter, it only gets worse for him from here on out, and more context will be provided as to why he acts the way he does.

You see, the main character from "Her Generosity" developed a bleak outlook of society whereas Flash has developed a bleak view of life in general, almost in a state of subtle and repressed depression.

8179066 I can't wait to see where this goes because of the first bad impression here.

8179377
Next chapter is already in the process of being written, and if I'm being very ambitious, it'll be done before the end of next week.

8179380 AWESOME! Sounds great to me!

Hey Jack, how come u didn't add the tag Alternative Universe to the fic? Correct me if I'm wrong but wouldn't u think that it would make more sense to add that tag since this Flash Sentry is different, as well as the rest of the story is also different from the show itself? Oh yeah, and before I forget awesome chapter. I'm already excited for the next chapter.

8179438
This was something I asked people before I ended up writing the story, and the general consensus was that the world itself hadn't been altered enough to warrant an "Alternate Universe" tag. Flash Sentry is the only pony whose personality has been significantly changed, everyone else is the same for the most part.

And thank you, more on the way soon.

8179082 Sounds to me like you've adopted a very deep characterization for Flash, something that both makes him stand out as a character and a flaw for him to get over.

And I absolutely love that.

8179461
Something that I don't think a lot of people may understand at first glance is that I don't like Flash Sentry as he's portrayed in the show. He's just too perfect, and it makes him come off as being shallow in depth. It's why there's a stigma around him, he's not relatable.

I've taken it upon myself to rewrite him so that he's alive and real, I've given him a past that is psychologically traumatic and has made him who he is now. But the important thing to realize is that as the story progresses, he may just become what he's depicted as in the show, but not without me showing you just what he's capable of.

8179493 Absolutely. Hasbro really fumbled on Flash as a character (of course, he only had a small role in the movie, so adding more character to him would've probably wasted time). Adding more depth to him would definitely require going off-canon with him.

I personally think that a traumatic past can be a bit cliche at times, but it can work, and I really think that it will with you.

8179530
Unfortunately, when everything has already been written, a lot of apsects of writing become cliche.

It's just a matter of how it's handled, if you're the one that does it right, then you're the one that sets the precedent for future writers.

Anyone can write anything well if they just try hard enough, even ideas that have been done to death can still have their own flair if they know what they're doing.

You made flash into a great character and I can't wait to see how he develops.

8180053
Thank you.

Hmmm.... So far so good. The jaded guard with the troubled past is a bit cliche, but a marked improvement over the vanilla Flash Sentry. I can't wait to see where this goes.

8185818
Thanks!

8190246
I think Derpy is actually a pretty likable character in comparison to Flash. The problem is that he was basically designed to be Twilight's love interest. He's too perfect in a sense, very nice and has little to no moments of weakness. That's why I changed him in my story to be more relatable, so that people may actually appreciate him for how he acts in my story. He's just more human now, in terms of realism.

There will still be people who down-vote the story just out of principle or spite, but it doesn't bother me much anymore. I don't cater to them, I write to make people who appreciate my story happy.

Twilight Sparkle may have OCD.

8193450
Maybe a little.

8193511 *beat box scoff* Excuse me a little?

8193597
She's functional in pony society, for the most part.

Hmm. Pretty interesting so far, this is looking like a pretty good story.

8196162
Thanks!

Whether or not he's too perfect on the show, this Flash Sentry is such an utter jerk, I am not sure I want him to stick around Ponyville any length of time, never mind learn more about him.

God, and some people say Blueblood is bad. He has nothing on Flash here.

8269565
Maybe so.

I found this story accidentally and decided to try.
I liked the first chapter, a lot. But was not able to get farther than the third one.
There are several logical discrepancies that made impossible for me to continue reading:
1) he is (according to backstory) competent military officer:
a) he got promoted to captain very early, he definitely is favored by princess Celestia - it looks like he earned his position
b) Shining Armor considers him as a friend and trusts him enough to personally ask to protect his sister
2) how can he in that case:
a) not know who elements of harmony are? if he is competent officer he should have known that already. At least he should respect them for the service to the crown and role in protection of the realm.
b) not know anything about Shining Armor's sister?
c) not prepare for the mission. like at all. even if he did not know anything about the elements - knowing he is to guard the princess he should have checked her and her inner circle.
d) he is rude at the level of incompetence.
I would expect officer to be cold if something is not to his liking, but still extremely polite. He could never get to officer rank with the way he talks. No matter his background, actually - especially taking into consideration his background. People who get from the low to high positions usually do _everything_ they can to put maximum distance between them and slums. If he is officer with poor upbringing - you would expect him to be perfect example of perfect officer. I have no doubt he should have made at least few enemies among nobles in the guard with his quick ascending of the ranks. He should know how to behave and set example to get this far.

Summing up: If he was a private - I could understand the language and incompetence. If he wasn't Shining's friend - I could understand wary approach to his charge (though still cannot understand being so negative from the start). But as it is - it makes story unbelievable.

I think you tried to balance the story with main character negative traits, but made him too childish and as was mentioned in one of previous comments - utter jerk.

Imho this setting could work with stoic/cold/neutral character, could be pretty interesting actually. But not like this.