After a bit of Universal mumbo-jumbo the Angel Of Death finds himself in Equestria. Can he make a new life? Can he overcome adversity? Can he stop staring at pony flanks?
First of all.< I like this story so far, I believe it is one of the better versions of A Death in Equestria story. So far, I think it is on par with the story: The Dark Entity by Raven Nevermore I do have one minor complaint. This.
Looking to the small alicorn and the rest of the 'Elements Of Harmony', one of them, a unicorn looks immaculate with her white fur and purple mane and tail curled stylishly, her butt tattoo is 3 diamonds , the next is an earth pony, she's orange and has a blond mane and tail in a... pony tail... ugh, anyway she's also wearing a cowboy hat, she's probably a farmer, her butt tattoo is 3 apples, next one is another earth pony and well... pink... so much pink, her body is light pink, and her mane and tail are dark pink... they look like candy floss, her butt tattoo is a few balloons, next one is a pegasus looks like a gay pride flag, I guarantee she is at the very least bi, her body is blue and her mane and tail are fucking rainbow coloured, her butt tattoo is a rainbow lightning bolt over a cloud, and finally the most adorable thing I've ever seen, a pegasus and she's hiding behind her mane behind the orange one, she's yellow and has a light pink mane and tail, I already like her, I can't see her... y'know what, she's cute, I'm gonna call her's a cutie mark, but yeah, I can't see it.
For some reason that I just can't put my finger on, this is actually painful to read. I don't know if its the fact that it feels "shoehorned in", for the sole purpose of describing (Very generically, in a dictionary sort of way) what the mane 6 look like to those who have never seen the show. It just feels really badly written........My point is that lining them up like that in a "police line up" style of introduction doesn't feel natural. Its better when an Author describes the characters in a spread out sort of way, one at a time throughout the chapter. After all, each character will speak or perform an action throughout the chapter. Making that particular paragraph perfect for adding the characters physical description. It also flows more naturally in the narrative.
Other than that minor complaint, your doing a great job and I am looking forward to more.
8336011 In this story death is also the angel of wisdom, he gathers as much knowledge as he can as quickly as he can, paying attention to every detail that seems important, the elements, are important, thus he immediately takes note of them.
So far the story seems to be going just fine i actually can't wait for more chapters. I'm having fun reading these.
Please just write more when u can because I love this story, its turning out great
First of all.< I like this story so far, I believe it is one of the better versions of A Death in Equestria story. So far, I think it is on par with the story: The Dark Entity by Raven Nevermore
I do have one minor complaint. This.
For some reason that I just can't put my finger on, this is actually painful to read. I don't know if its the fact that it feels "shoehorned in", for the sole purpose of describing (Very generically, in a dictionary sort of way) what the mane 6 look like to those who have never seen the show. It just feels really badly written........My point is that lining them up like that in a "police line up" style of introduction doesn't feel natural. Its better when an Author describes the characters in a spread out sort of way, one at a time throughout the chapter. After all, each character will speak or perform an action throughout the chapter. Making that particular paragraph perfect for adding the characters physical description. It also flows more naturally in the narrative.
Other than that minor complaint, your doing a great job and I am looking forward to more.
The Monk
8336011
In this story death is also the angel of wisdom, he gathers as much knowledge as he can as quickly as he can, paying attention to every detail that seems important, the elements, are important, thus he immediately takes note of them.
Aww man I hope you update this story soon it's getting very interesting too read
8363196
Welp you learn something new everyday
As some story, please keep it up