• Member Since 18th Apr, 2013
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B_25


Thanks for Coming In! | Retired

T

Rarity's article on fashion, which she dedicated countless hours into, wasn't featured in her favorite magazine! Of course, this leads her to do what any other rational mare would when faced with rejection: pick up a typewriter and threaten to smash it.

Spike tries to explain that there's more to writing.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

Another quick one-shot without any editing.

If it gets featured, I riot.

“Indeed they don’t,” Rarity said, looking into the for the final time,

I know you said it was unedited, but I couldn't resist.

8364179
Holy shit, I LOVE your name.

8364180
They all do.

And by that, I mean you're the first to say so.

My rule for reviewing stories is that I meet the story halfway, judging it on its own merits. My problem is that I don't know whether this story is a true Slice of Life piece or a take on the feedback system in writing. However, after analyzing it further, I realized that it didn't matter. Either way, I don't think it worked well.

Spike's characterization at the beginning got me hooked. It was interesting to see the situation through the eyes of his infatuation and I had high hopes for the story. However, part way through, he seemed to morph into some sort of strawman for the sake of providing a moral. Instead of his feelings for Rarity continuing to cloud his judgment, that is mostly dropped for him to point out the petty nature of her plight. His infatuation is still referenced, but it seems to have no bearing on his behavior. And I'm not sure that Rarity's concerns are petty.

Being sad that hard work went unrewarded is not unreasonable. I agree that destroying property is too far, but Spike quickly attacks the feelings over focusing on her actions. This could be realistic if done by a different character, but since Spike clearly cares about Rarity, it makes no sense that he would find her feelings illegitimate.

I did find a few of the jokes, like Spike blurting out his feelings on being underappreciated, to be funny, but overall the story lacked internal consistency.

There might be something here for a Slice of Life story with a nice moral, especially with the angle of it being done from the perspective of a biased narrator in Spike's perspective, but I think that, overall, the story breaks down as it goes.

And if this is some sort of venting over frustration with writing feedback systems... Well, I hope this direct feedback was helpful.

8364199
Thank you for the review, kind sir.

This story was written drunk and unedited, and you are absolutely right in each of your claims. I wish I had the capacity to comb through the fic, especially with your suggestions.

Keep it flowing.

I pinkie promise you that after that Friendship Journal incident, Spike is going to kick so much flank like a boss.

Nice.:twilightsmile:

And just another crazy day in the life of being, Spike!:moustache:

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