Customer 4: Pinkie Pie
Discord's New Business
Customer 4: Pinkie Pie
by Jonathan 'KnightMysterio' Spires
All characters copyrighted to their original owners and used for non-profit amusement purposes. Please support me on patreon if you like my work!
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Ponyville...
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“I wanna be Princess Pinkie Pie for the day!” Pinkie Pie chirped.
“I love you,” Discord said, cackling. “I really do.”
Pinkie Pie beamed. “I know,” she said. “But since Knight's more of a Fluttercord shipper, I know it's more of a platonic thing.”
“I haven't even given you your powers yet and you're already breaking the fourth wall?” Discord said, pulling out a sheet of paper. “Sign here, please.”
Pinkie Pie looked at the paper. “Whuzzis?”
“Standard issue butt covering disclaimer for top tier transformations like alicorn and draconequus,” Discord said. “It says, basically, that you agree I am not legally liable for whatever you do as an alicorn, no matter how much damage is caused.”
Pinkie pouted. “You didn't make Fluttershy sign,” she protested.
“It's Fluttershy,” Discord said. “I'm surprised she had enough mischief in her to even set up that pro-wrestling ring.”
Pinkie smirked. “You're a terrible influence,” she said.
Discord feigned dismay. “I know. And I feel SO bad over it,” he said.
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Okay, that's fair,” she said, signing the paper. Discord rolled it up and put it in a drawer with other scrolls. He snapped his fingers...
...and KnightMysterio appeared in front of him, a blue unicorn colt with his avatar from FIMfiction as his Cutie Mark!
“What... wait... how?!” he said, looking around.
Discord snickered (funny word, snickered. Reminds me of snickerdoodles. Now I'm hungry,) and said, “It appears, my dear boy, that Princess Pinkie had traded places with you for the day.”
KnightMysterio made the most hilarious panic face you've ever did see. Even funnier than the Flower Trio's panic faces. “Wait... Pinkie controls the narrative now?!”
“For the next twenty-four hours in story time, yes,” Discord said, making a watch appear out of nowhere to look at it.
KnightMysterio looked dazed. “Um... I'm gonna hide... in Sugarcube Corner... because Pinkie Pie has a job to do and isn't a shirky shirkenson GOD DAMN IT PINKIE!”
Look, Knight, I promise I'll bring you back to reality once the story's over. It's my time, so I wanna have fun, okay? But I don't want my job to go undone either. You have my knowledge and skills now.
“I... wow, so that's how you work,” KnightMysterio said. “But still!”
Knight, I've seen some of your 'art' folders. I know that you'd enjoy the idea of coming here.
“T-this isn't that kind of story!” Knight protested, making an adorable blush appear on his face.
I know, I'm just teasing.
“Nggh...” KnightMysterio said, making that cute-scrunchy face I know the fans like. “Fine. Just... don't break reality too much, okay?”
Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. I promise Equestria will be mostly intact by the end of the chapter.
KnightMysterio just made a non-committal noise and went off to take my place for the day. Meanwhile, I, Princess Pinkamena Diane Pie, Ruler of Narratives and Parties, put myself back into the narrative to have the best day EVER!!
Oh. I should probably describe what I look like now, shouldn't I? Well, I pretty much look like me, but a little taller like Twilight. Plus I've got a horn and pretty wings now! They kinda make my back feel all tingly, though. Plus I gotta itch...
I rolled over on the grass and wriggled about, using the ground to scritch my itch until it went away. I stood up again and tested out my magic, picking up some rocks and juggling them.
So cool! I turned the rocks into colorful balls and began to use my hooves to juggle them, turning a Large Conveniently Placed(tm) Boulder into a pink-striped giant ball, hopping up onto it, and rolling into town! Once I got to the center of town, I flipped off of the ball, taking to the air, and launched ALL of the balls into the air, making a fireworks display! It was awesome! Trixie would have been proud of me.
“Tada!” I cheered.
“IT'S THE END TIMES!” screamed Lily.
“THE PINKPOCALYPSE HAS COME!” screamed Roseluck.
“EVERYPONY FOR THEMSELVES!” screamed Daisy.
And then they ran off, screaming in terror.
I have to say, I'm a little offended.
Applejack trotted up to me. “Hoowee,” she said (I love her accent). “Guess I shouldn't be surprised that y'chose something like this.”
I smiled happily. “I know, right?”
Applejack smiled. “What are you gonna do?” she asked. “I'm assumin' something to do with parties.”
“Well, duh,” I said, giggling. “I'm the absolute Princess of Parties now! I can't NOT hold a party!”
Applejack bit her lip. Did she have an itch? I do that sometimes when I have an itch. “Well... I'm sure it'll be interesting, to say the least.”
“I've got a lot of expectations to live up to, that's for sure!” I said. “People have been wanting this chapter a lot, I'd bet!”
Applejack gave me a confused look. I forgot sometimes that Discord and I are the only ones who can see the narrative, and even then with me it's a situational thing. Come to think of it, I think Twilight can too. After Magic Duel, she came into the iris out with me and restored my mouth...
TWILIGHT! That's right! She should probably know about this!
“I gotta go, Applejack! See you at the party?” I asked.
“Wouldn't miss it!” Applejack said, smiling. Before I teleported off, I thought I heard her mutter “Better bring the extra strong lasso...” I don't get why she'd need it. Maybe she's planning on doing some rope tricks! OOH! That'd be great! I should set up a stage for her and...
...right. Twilight.
I vanish in a flash of confetti and reappear inside the castle. I don't appear right next to her, which was weird since I was wanting to go right to her. Instead, I appear outside her lab... okay, that makes sense. She must be doing research or something and I must have subconsciously wanted not to disturb her.
Huh. Did turning into an alicorn make my brain more mature? 'Cause I have the weirdest feeling that I wouldn't have done that before, I would have just barged in and...
...yeah, definitely more mature in this form. I'm starting to look back a lot on what I did and I'm not really liking some of what I'm seeing.
I knock on the door to her lab. I wait for her, hearing the clink of bottles being put down. She opens the door and looks surprised.
“Pinkie Pie?” she said, looking me over. “You knocked?”
“Yep! Being Princess Pinkamena is making my brain more mature and stuff, I think,” I said. “Can I come in?”
“I... how is that even... Ngh... Stop it Twilight, Pinkie logic, move on,” Twilight said, looking frustrated. I pulled a cupcake out of my mane and offered it to her so she'd smile, which she did! I'm glad, because I don't like my friends having a sadface or madface. “Thank you, Pinkie,” she said, eating the cupcake. “Please, let's talk. Can I get you some tea?”
“Naaah,” I said. “That stuff gives me gas. You have chocolate milk or anything like that?”
Twilight nodded. “Sure thing. Lemme go get it,” she said, teleporting to the kitchen and reappearing with the drinks. Twilight and I walked into the lab. “So... alicorn, huh?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yepyep! I've never thrown a Princess Party as an actual princess!” I said. “I figure if I can do all sorts of cool stuff with my regular magic, I bet with an ALICORN'S magic I could do something REALLY cool!”
Twilight grinned, giving me my chocolate milk as she poured her tea. “I'll bet,” she said. “Considering how much you defy physics already, it'll probably be a party that Equestria will remember forever.”
Twilight's so nice! And so encouraging too! “Thanks, Twilight!” I said, giving her a hug and picking up my cup of milk.
I freely admit I gulped down my chocolate milk. I love chocolate milk. I convinced Discord to give me my own personal chocolate milk cotton candy raincloud a few days after he reformed. I keep it in my room! I named it Cecil Von Cloudington the Fourth.
Donkey names are so silly. Did you know that Cranky named that one changeling who attended his wedding Kevin? He's all colorful now like the rest of Thorax's changelings.
Anyway, getting off topic. “So is there anything I could help you with?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, actually!” I said. “I was wondering if there was any spells I could borrow to make the party even more superiffitastic?”
“Superiffitastic's not a word, Pinkie,” Twilight said.
“I'mma princess now, so I say it is!” I declared.
“You're a princess for a day. I'm the Princess of Nerds forever, and I say it isn't,” Twilight countered.
I laughed, I couldn't help it. “Okay, I'm so gonna tell Rainbow Dash you said that,” I said.
Twilight laughed as well. “I think I have a few spells that will liven up your party a little,” she said. “Let me go look for them real quick.”
I nodded. “Can I help?” I asked. I noticed a spell on a torn scroll in the corner. “Ooh, hey, what's this?” All the words and stuff looked interesting. And thanks to my newly enhanced alicorn brain, I think I got how to cast them.
“No, wait, Pinkie Pie, that's the...!” Twilight said.
I didn't hear the rest of what she said. I had already started casting the spell and it sent me somewhere that I didn't know where it was.
It looked like the Everfree Forest. But that was weird, 'cause I could have sworn I was just in Ponyville. Oh well! I flew up above and looked around. The mountain looked kinda familiar, but that little rinky-dink city coming out of the side of the mountain couldn't be Canterlot. There was no castle!
Still, new friends are new friends, so I flew over to say hello to everyone!
I landed it what looked like the town square. There were Earth ponies, and pegasuseses, and unicorns... Plus there was this glowing crystal in the shape of a blue heart, and a heart-shaped flame above it. The blue heart looked kinda like the Crystal Heart... maybe there was more than one?
I shrugged, and moved on. The other ponies seemed afraid of me at first, but I sang a song to relax them. You know the one, bronies!
“My name is Pinkie Pie! And I am here to say! I'm gonna make you smile and I will brighten up your day!”
It took me a bit longer than usual to get a full chorus going, but I did! Once I was done, everyone seemed a lot happier and relaxed! I wasn't surprised. A good musical number always makes me feel better! Now that everyone wasn't afraid of me, I went to help anyone who needed it. I ended up doing a lot of manual labor, using my magic to help build houses and such.
Unicorn magic is really convenient.
I was setting up some playground equipment for some foals, when a bunch of guards came. With them were some very important looking ponies! One was an Earth pony like I am normally. She kinda reminded me of a female cheese sandwich, except with the colors reversed (brown coat, orange mane and tail). She wore a robe, and had a DELICIOUS looking fresh pudding on her head!
Pudding... head... that seems oddly important for some reason. Huh. Anyway, the others. One of them was a unicorn with the most GORGEOUS coloring! She had a curved horn, like Sombra's except not menacing, and a platinum colored coat, mane, and tail. She was wearing a beautiful cloak, like some of Rarity's best work, and a crown. There was also a pegasus there. He was a big guy, built like a fusion of Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps, with gold-lined iron armor on! His face was scarred, and his coat was gray, his tail and mane a stark white. There was another unicorn there. He was robed like the Earth pony and the female unicorn, but he had a huge, long, curly beard, and a big, wide-brimmed hat. Like Trixie's! Except he had bells all along the brim of his hat.
I bet he's a lot of fun!
“My lady,” the bearded unicorn said, “It is the greatest honor to receive you here this day.”
Or maybe not... He and the other ponies bowed to me.
“Please don't do that,” I said. I think I'm starting to realize how Twilight feels when ponies bow to her. This didn't feel comfortable at all. “I'm only like this for the day anyway.”
The platinum unicorn looked up, confused. “For the day... a polymorphic spell has made you this way?”
“Yep! A friend of mine is running a business where he can transform you into anything he wants for a single day!” she said. “I wanted to be an alicorn! And now for the day, I'm Princess Pinkie Pie! Equestria's Royal Party Pony!”
That made all of them look up. “Equestria, you say...” the scarred pegasus said.
“Yepyep!” I said. “It's the greatest! An entire kingdom founded on friendship and harmony! And I've got lots of friends, too! Earth ponies, and pegasususes, and unicorns, and dragons, and minotaurs, and changelings, and griffons, and zebras...”
“Changelings, eh...” the pegasus said. “I was worried, as some of our advisors have been expressing anti-changeling sentiment. With that young queen recently being born, Chrysalis I think her name is, I was worried that the next generation might turn against them...”
Chrysalis? Can't be... Probably an inherited name, yeah... “I don't know about that. But changelings are everypony's friends where I come from!”
“You sound like someone I'd get along with greatly,” said the Earth pony wearing the snack on her head. “But... Equestria is really such a place? All are accepted there?”
“For the most part, yeah! My hometown, Ponyville, is really a nice place. Especially considering its near the Everfree Forest,” I said. The pegasus grinned at that, giving a smug look to the bearded unicorn.
“So Everfree CAN be Tamed...” the bearded unicorn said, stroking his beard. “Most interesting...”
“We do get the occasional monster attack,” I said, “but me and my friends can deal with them.”
The pegasus nodded. “So you and your friends are monster hunters?”
“Nope! I plan parties, and my other friends are an animal caretaker, a professional racer and weather manager, a fashion designer, an apple farmer, and a librarian!” I clarified.
The platinum unicorn looked confused. “Fashion... designer?” she asked.
“She makes clothes! I have the most beautiful dress made by her... and she's so nice and generous, too! Always willing to lend a hoof!” I said.
The Earth pony giggled. “Sounds like you have interesting friends...”
“It really is! And my librarian friend? She actually became an alicorn for realsies! Not because of a spell, but because she earned it for being so awesome!” I said.
That startled all of them. “Tell me...” the bearded pony said. “Who rules Equestria?”
I blinked. Did they really not know? “Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, of course! Princess Celestia's so very wise and smart... She taught my librarian friend about the magic of friendship!”
The bearded unicorn scoffed. “Don't be so quick to dismiss it,” the platinum unicorn said, grinning and looking at me. “What of 'Princess' Luna?”
That was a weird way of saying Princess... Huh. Anyway. “Oh, she guards everypony's dreams! She raises the moon every night, and keeps watch over the dreamscape!”
The Earth pony cackled. “I knew those two fillies had a lot of potential!” she said.
“Huh?” I asked, confused. “Anyway, there's also the Crystal Empire in the north.”
“An empire in the north?” the pegasus asked, looking worried.
“No, it's really a nice place!” I said, not wanting him to be concerned. “It's ruled by an alicorn of love, and kept warm and cozy by this thing called the Crystal Heart! Kinda looks like that crystal under the heart-shaped fire.”
“Four...” the platinum unicorn said breathlessly.
“Five, now,” I clarified. “She had a baby recently!”
The four important-looking ponies began to chat among themselves. Their faces were all smiles, and they looked like their day was going well because of what I said.
I'm glad! I like it when I can make ponies happy! At that point, though, magical sparks started dancing around me.
“What's going on?!” the bearded unicorn asked.
“I'm being called back to where I came from, I think!” I said. “Byebye! It was nice meeting you all!”
“Princess... Know that on this day, you have given us all hope when our doubts were flagging! Equestria stands!” the bearded unicorn said. And that was the last thing I heard before I was called back, reappearing in Twilight's lab.
“Pinkie, are you all right!?” she asked, hugging me. “What happened? Where did you go?”
I grinned. “I dunno, but I made some new friends! There was this Earth pony with a pudding on his head, a big ol' pegasus with a scarred face and some really cool-looking armor, a unicorn with a beautiful platinum coat, and a unicorn with bells on his hat and this really epic beard!”
Twilight's jaw dropped. She'd better close it quick, otherwise she might catch bugs!
“Huh?” I asked.
“Pinkie... You went back in time... and met three of the founders of Equestria...” Twilight said.
“Really?” I said. And then it all clicked. “Oh wow! I met Chancellor Puddinghead, Commander Hurricane, and Princess Platinum! And that must mean the bearded unicorn was...”
“Starswirl the Bearded!!!” Twilight squeed, grinning so widely it looked like her head had developed a fliptop. “Oooh, you have to tell me about him. What was he like?!”
“Pretty formal,” I said. “I didn't have that much time to talk with him.”
“Oh...” Twilight said, looking disappointed. She brightened up again, though. “Still! Pinkie, this means that you inadvertantly played a part in Equestrian hisory!”
I grinned. “Wow... that's cool!”
“Can you tell me anything more about the Founders?” Twilight asked.
I thought for a moment. “Actually, can I wait until the party tonight? I think the others are gonna want to hear about this too!”
“Good point!” Twilight said.
“Great! See you then!” I said. Okay Knight, you can have the narrative back.
Thank you. Okay. As Pinkie Pie hopped off to finish planning her party, Starlight Glimmer poked her head in. “Did I hear right?” she asked. “Did Pinkie really go to pre-Equestria Equestria?”
Twilight giggled. “Yep! She never ceases to amaze me,” she said. “She's going to tell us about it at the party she's throwing tonight!”
Starlight looked thoughtful. “Then I better go get my 'costume' for it,” she said.
Twilight blinked. “Planning on using your freebie?” she asked.
Starlight nodded. “And I think I know what I want to try being.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next up: Starlight transforms!
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"He's all colorful now like the rest of Thorax's changelings." Too bad.
So Pinkie Pie set a lot of things into motion that happened in the present, perhaps opening the doors to Princess Chrysalis' dark path. Still. Interesting to be sure to say the least.
Like the first person narrative!
Starlight... is a tough call. Having her be another Alicorn would be generic, but her being a diamond dog feels like she'd be too fixated on 'self punishment' somehow.
She might go with Classic Changeling Queen, to better understand Chrysalis, and notice how the new changelings look 'uncanny valley' to her, and understand more on why Chrysalis rejected redemption.
Careful with the 4th Wall, Pinkie.
Smart.
It's Fluttershy.
Wait what?
Oh hell.
Well, that's that. Wait, mostly intact?
Well played, Pinkie.
Might help.
It'd certainly explain why Twilight post alicorn is generally a lot more mellow than pre alicorn Twilight.
Sounds about right.
She's got you there.
The old Crystal Empire?
Starswirl. This should be good.
Well played.
8082818
Fancy meeting you here.
8082825
Indeed.
Firstly, I love this story. It gets better and better with each chapter. Keep up the good work!
Secondly, would it be alright if I posted a drawing I've made of draconequus Fluttershy?
As a huge fan of Pinkie, I must say I adored the whole section of the narrative that she controlled here.
The fact ponies of pre-equestria met Pinkie as an Alicorn, means Celestia and Luna HAD to let Discord start his business to prevent a Paradox, because Pinkie not going back to meet the founders would cause just that a Paradox.
The idea of starlight being an earth pony with no magic tickles me. The magic adict that can't use magic?
For Starlight I went with "Dragon" 'cause she and Spike are great friends and I think she'd like to see how he lives (especially since he's a unicorn now). Plus since she's only a teenager, she'd only be as big as Garble.
Here's hoping!
Damn i hate the new look lings...
(Old style changeling royal) Queen Starlight vs. Queen Chrysalis
After To Where And Back Again, I say Changeling.
8082832 please share that cause it would be awesome if you made it
If Starlight ends up a changeling, I can imagine her going on a dinner date with Sunburst,
"Why are we going on this date again?"
"I'm hungry."
If she isn't struck by the changeling queen instinct to start a hive.
8082832 Please do!
8083082
8083253
Here we are, then. How's this?
i1064.photobucket.com/albums/u371/Unity_Star/Shapeshift_Draconequus%20Fluttershy_zpsgwq7yud5.png
8083178 I wouldn't mind seeing Starlight as a Changeling Queen like Chrysalis was, I bet she would want to start a hive and try to get Sunburst to help her with that hive, they are a cute couple after all, it would be cool if Sunset could show up and buy a day for being an Alicorn, or Pony Lyra to be a human for a day.
How mash was earth-pony magic ?
How do they know her ? Pinkie Pie didn't say her name
8083878
Yeah she did.
I believe the proper term is "apinkalypse."
You slip out of first-person Pinkie for a few paragraphs here.
She's got her there.
Ha! Closed time loops at their finest. Pinkie doing what she does best, bringing smiles and joy where it's needed most. This was a delightful chapter. My vote for Starlight doesn't seem likely to win, but it will certainly be interesting to see where you go with the current front-runner.
8084178 Ah. Thanks for catching the slips. I think fixed them all.
8083385
Imagine Starlight asking Sunburst how he feels about having a couple hundred kids.
8084143 sorry
8084543 Now I would just LOVE to see the look on Sunburst face if Starlight get's the Royal Changeling form (Chrysalis style) and walks up to her colt/stallion-friend and ask him to help her build a hive with her as the mother of many half-changeling/pony foals.
I feel like I should enjoy this chapter a LOT more than I do.
But something about it, something I can't quite put my finger on, just makes it my least favorite so far.
It's still entertaining, just not AS entertaining as what came before.
8087577 I'm debating.
If RD becomes a griffin, I wonder if she'd bother to ask for a spell to make sure none would recognize her, to see how the average pony treats meat eating griffins.
8082806
Eh, I dunno; I wasn't crazy about that other story with Kevin, so it's good to see he came around in this story.
8091435
I can appreciate that. I'm sorry that the actually point of the story sank. The actually point was how "appearances don't matter, so let's change appearances once you become good," or "they've all changed appearances, that means they're all good now." Just how... wrapped that is.
"How do we know you've turned good Commander Skulls?"
"Because now I wear pink bunnies on my costume instead?"
"Okay we believe you."
It wasn't meant to be sour grapes. :-(
This isn't related to the current poll, but how about making Big Macintosh into a dog?
Looks like Starlight will be taking the role of Changeling Queen for a day. A mile in her horseshoes, etc.
I actually wanted that to happen too, strangely enough.
Well, that was a bit of an understatement, wasn't it?
Who needs logic when you have PINKIE LOGIC.
....Knight all is forgiven.
The temporal prime directive, Pinkie !!