- Member Since 25th Aug, 2015
- offline last seen April 16th
AleaJactaEst
That one guy who is creatively bankrupt, but thinks he's hot shit
AleaJactaEst
Joined 25th Aug, 2015 ·
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Interesting.... very interesting.
8001870 oh Goddess, someone commented. I half expected this to remain 0 0 0 untill the end of time
And thanks you, I hoped it would be
Hmm... maybe it's a 'mere sketch' as you may call it, but to be honest, it's really nice. Your descriptions sound nice and give a detailed, calm view of the surroundings. Also, given how short it is, you have still managed to get out a lot of emotions and thoughts. The italics getting a little confusing at times and some minor tense slip-ups aside, it was a pleasant read. Have an upvote!
>8406792
Well, the "mere sketch" part was not to detriment, just a warning of how brief it is:)
Thank you for the kind words(and the upvote), they do mean alot
Yeah, I do mess up with tenses occasionaly, and italics are my one true weakness x)
8410419
You're welcome. Glad I could help and make your day a little brighter
So, I liked this. It has a dark air to it, with the narrator's obsession coming across as downright creepy from the beginning, and ending on that almost sinister note. I also like how you never say who this is, leaving the reader to guess that this is just a random guard officer, whose motives and mentality are unknown to us. Very much the monologue of a madman...
8501282
First of all: thanks for the comment, appreciate it
Second: holy f... oO I just reread it from your(reader's) perspective and wow. I intended for it to be creepy, but, I guess, I never truly considered what narrator anonymity means for a story like this
8503114
Well I'm glad you at least intended to be a bit creepy. I was a little worried when I wrote the comment that you might have intended it to be romantic. I think it's the anonymity that really makes ot creepy: if this were revealed to be a beloved court jester or guard captain, or some secret affair she was keeping at arms length, that wouldn't be creepy. But this guy? He could be a crazy pony who is just imagining that she'd return the affection, and we wouldn't know the truth until the explosive ending, after several chapters of tension.
...hmm... that might actually be an interesting story...