The Music of Love
Octavia smiled as she finished playing the last set for her concert to the applause of the ponies watching. She smiled as she gave a bow to the crowd before heading backstage, where she was greeted by an enthusiastic Vinyl Scratch.
"Hey love, how'd you like the show?" She asked.
Vinyl smiled and nodded as she nuzzled the Earth pony gently. Octavia had been surprised to learn that the beautiful and energetic DJ Pon3 was a mute from birth, but she was a sweet pony that had always gone out of her way to make her happy in the three years they had been dating.
"Mmm, we're coming up on another Hearts and Hooves day next week, I can't wait to see what you have planned for me this year," Octavia said with a smile.
Vinyl had always surprised her with something special on Hearts and Hooves day. Heck last year she had gotten her a private concert done by Elegant Voice who was one of Octavia's biggest influences in music.
Vinyl's ears drooped a little and she shook her head as she levitated her schedule over to Octavia. Vinyl had concerts leading up to Hearts and Hooves day, which meant she wasn't going to be able to plan anything big this year. She looked at Octavia apologetically.
"Its okay Vinyl, I'll just be glad to have you with me," Octavia said and gave the DJ a kiss, she was disappointed sure, but she understood that she'd be busy. "I love you Vinyl."
Vinyl smiled and kissed her back, nuzzling her gently. She really loved Octavia, and while she never could tell her in words, she made sure that she showed her love for the amazing mare every day. She just hoped that Octavia wasn't too disappointed, especially given what she had in mind.
The two mares headed out of the concert hall and towards home.
00000
There was something nice about just cuddling with your marefriend after a concert. She was laying on the couch with Vinyl resting on her chest, smiling with her eyes closed. Octavia smiled and stroked her marefriend's spiked mane gently as she thought back to when they first met.
Octavia had just graduated from the Canterlot Musical Academy and was looking for a place to settle down so she went to Ponyville to look into moving there. Vinyl had been the first pony she met while she was there.
Vinyl had been looking for a roommate at the time, and Octavia couldn't afford to pay rent on her own anyway so they agreed to split rent. While they had their differences when it started, mostly because of Vinyl's loud music, Octavia quickly learned that her roommate was a sweet and loving mare.
She was surprised to see Vinyl's violet eyes staring up at her with a perplexed look on her face. It was her way of asking what Octavia was thinking about.
"I'm just thinking about how we met," Octavia said with a smile as she nuzzled her gently, making Vinyl smile. "I love you Vinyl, you're the best marefriend a pony could ask for."
Vinyl smiled and shook her head, then pointed her hoof at Octavia. This made the Earth Pony giggle and kiss her marefriend gently on the nose. She was just happy to have Vinyl there with her, it was going to be slow for a few days, but at least she'd get to spend some time with Vinyl.
She smiled and closed her eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of being close to Vinyl.
00000
"Hey Octavia, how's it going today?" Lyra asked as Octavia came into Bon Bon's sweet shop in town the next day.
"Good, Vinyl had to leave for Manehattan, so... yeah," Octavia said as Lyra looked at her sympathetically. "Yeah, she's going to be busy this week, so I don't really know what to do."
"Oh, well that's a shame," Lyra said and looked thoughtful for a long moment. "So, you don't have any concerts coming up?"
"No, not until next month," Octavia said, it was going to be a pretty slow month for her and last night's was the last concert for awhile.
"You know, you could always do something for Vinyl," Bon Bon suggested as she trotted over to them with Octavia's order. "I'll bet she'd like that."
"Yeah, but what?" Octavia asked. "I don't really know what I could do for her, I mean she's done so much for me, I really should repay her somehow."
"Tavi, don't worry, Vinyl loves you for who you are, she'll like whatever you do for her," Lyra said with a smile. "Besides, you're a clever mare, I'm sure you'll think of something."
Octavia thought for a long moment, it was true she and Vinyl didn't have many interests in common, other than music and each other of course. Maybe there was something she could do music related.
"Yes, I think I may have an idea already," Octavia said with a smile as she gave the bits to Bon Bon. "Thank you, and I hope you two have a lovely Hearts and Hooves Day as well."
"Oh we certainly will," Lyra said with a giggle while she kissed Bon Bon on the cheek.
Octavia just smiled and trotted out of the shop with her food.
00000
"So you want to record a song for your marefriend?" Neon Glow, the pony that Octavia and Vinyl frequently went to for this kind of thing asked.
"Yes, I know its a bit short notice, but Hearts and Hooves Day is coming up and..." Octavia started to say, which got a smile out of Neon. It was a couple of days later and Octavia had been working hard on making sure that it was just right.
"Say no more, I'll get it recorded for you," Neon said with a smile. "You two really helped my career when I first recorded for you, its the least I can do."
"Thanks Neon," Octavia said as she entered the recording studio and set up her cello and the music. "I'm ready to go."
"Recording starting in 3... 2... 1..." Neon said and gave the signal to Octavia.
She began to play the song she had written, it was energetic and full of spirit. She didn't have to give it any lyrics, she had poured all her love into making sure this song was just right.
As she played, she thought of Vinyl, of all the wonderful times they had together, of how special she really was to her, and most importantly how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with the DJ.
She wondered if Vinyl felt the same way, she knew the Unicorn loved her, but she didn't know if she wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Right now she just had to focus on her playing.
She finally finished playing and put the bow down as Neon finished recording and gave her a nod.
"That was beautiful, do you want me to do anything special with it?" Neon asked as Octavia was packing up.
"Just make sure its all ready for Hearts and Hooves Day," Octavia said with a smile as she gave Neon a quick hug. "Thanks, this means a lot to me."
"You're welcome Octavia, just promise you'll consider letting me release it, that was really good work," Neon said.
"I'll think about it sure," Octavia said with a smile, she really just wanted this for Vinyl, but it was definitely worth considering. "I'll see you next time."
Neon nodded and Octavia headed out.
00000
A few more days passed before Hearts and Hooves Day finally came around. Neon had come through and brought the record to her the day before. She was finishing setting up the Hearts and Hooves Day dinner that she had planned when she felt the familiar sensation of legs wrapping around her.
"Hey there Vinyl," Octavia said with a smile as she turned and nuzzled the off white Unicorn gently. "How was your shows?"
Vinyl smiled but wiped her forehead with her hoof, it sounded like they had been tiring for her. She then smiled and kissed Octavia and patted her chest gently.
"It was worth it for me?" Octavia asked, tilting her head a little, what did Vinyl mean by that? Vinyl nodded and nuzzled her again. "I love you Vinyl."
Vinyl smiled and kissed Octavia gently before trotting over to the table.
"I know its nothing extravagant, but I did make you something," Octavia said with a smile as she trotted over to the record player and put on the record she had made before joining her marefriend at the table.
The two ate as the music played, Vinyl was really enjoying it as she smiled at Octavia knowingly. She pointed her hoof at the record player and then at herself as she gave Octavia a smile.
"Yes, I made it for you Vinyl, I wanted to do something special for you, like you always do for me," Octavia sand and leaned over and kissed Vinyl gently on the cheek. "I know you were busy this year, and that's okay, I love you anyway."
Vinyl just grinned and shook her head as she reached over and patted Octavia.
"You did do something for me this year?" Octavia asked curiously, she was confused, Vinyl had been acting like she hadn't done anything. "What is it?"
To her surprise, Vinyl got up and levitated a small box out of its hiding spot, then she knelt down and opened it, revealing a beautifully crafted ring with their cutie marks made out of amethyst and diamonds.
Octavia raised her hoof to her muzzle and gasped when she realized what was happening. "Are you asking me..." she started to ask and Vinyl nodded, pressing her hoof to Octavia's chest again, then to her own.
Octavia was amazed, she didn't think that Vinyl would be doing this. It took her a moment to gather her thoughts to even figure out how to answer her. She hugged Vinyl and kissed her long and passionately.
For a long moment, it was as if the two of them were the only ponies in the world. They held the kiss for a few minutes before breaking it, but Octavia didn't want to let go of Vinyl.
"Yes, I'll marry you, Vinyl Scratch," she said with a smile and nuzzled her again.
The two of them were happier than they had ever been.
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This story needs an editor and expansion. There are grammatical mistakes littering every single dialogue, even the most basic ones such as using a comma for a "said" part.
Another problem is the pacing... it's as if you ran a marathon in a minute. It leaves no time for us to enjoy the scenes, the characters, or anything at all. It's more of an outline for a story than an actually finished product.
My advice: Take every single small scene... and expand upon it. Make it larger, grow it, add in a few subplots, just make it bigger. I liked the outline, but it just needed more time to develop.
Edit:
The grammar mistakes have been fixed (for the most part, I still saw one miscapitalized "She said", but with that done I like it much more.
7934273 I probably could do better... probably doesn't help that I'm not that great at romance either.
Very sweet.
7934341 Thanks
.
Hey, folks, wanna risk dying? You do? Then take a shot every time you see the words "smile" or "smiled"!
7934287 Hey, join the club. (Hands out membership card)
Remarkably sweet, even if Valentine's Day is still quite a few days away. You know, in some ways, this seems almost like a parallel to my LyraBon fic I did last Christmas. Fellow musician helping out their friend on a day of love, with some differences. (My fic: anniversary, and yours: Hearts and Hooves day) Just one thing, don't you mean Neon Nights instead of Neon Lights, or is he an OC I don't yet know about?
I'm doing a valentine's special too... ON THE ACTUAL DAY.
7935196 Well, umm, at least its the right time of year.
7935177 Oh, I just did that at random, didn't think of that, oh well.
7935217 If you want a link to the story I was talking about, I can send you one.
7935228 Oh I meant the OC thing, I know what you meant by the fic.
7935240 Whoops, my bad.
7935244 Its okay, I'm glad you liked the fic.
It seemed a bit jumpy to me, but I suppose that's to be expected in a one-shot though.
All in all, I liked it.
*Reads it*
"Where's a doctor? Because I need one right now!!!"
*has heart attack*
"It's too cute!!!"
*dies*
Friend shipping is best shipping
#shipping
My Review of the Story:
Professional: While this story is very short it hits all the major critical crucial points, themes, and ideas very early on, there are no detectable run on sentences and everything is short, concise, exact, precise, and to the point.
For example:
One of my own personal favorite quotes, and it emphasizes all that I said and says so much more because it can show rather than just tell.
And to reply to: 7934273
Yes, fair point, but she did very well in a very short story far more and much better than what I have seen previously before.
The grammar was excellent, the story very short and powerful to me, and it did a romance short story very well even if you claim to be lacking in this Genre.
Thoughts: I really LIKE and LOVE the idea that Vinyl is a Mute and has been ever since birth and it aligns very nicely with my own head canon, so bonus points to you. But why is it not tagged 'Slice of Life'? Just curious, that's all. Also nice job getting it around the time of the actual theme and idea of the event it pertains to, because if it's within a week of the event then that's very good, extra bonus points if it were on the actual day, but for now just bonus points. (Extra points include re-readability)
Grammar: 10
Theme: 10
Ideas: 10
Bonus: 60
Extra: 10
Total Points: 100
Award: Featured in my Collection, and....
Outstanding Short Story of the Week.
Outstanding Short Story
Outstanding Romance Story
7937394 Really glad you liked it, honestly I could've waited for Valentine's Day, but I felt like going ahead and posting it.
The mute thing was fun to explore, a little tricky, but I managed.
Slice of Life? Yeah, I should've added that, I'll do it now.
Very cute. Upvoted and faved. Perhaps there will be a sequel on Valentine's Day?
That was such a sweet story.
Short, but sweet. Got the emotion across well. I like the idea of Octavia doing a recording for Vinyl.
Is it okay if I do an Audio Narration of this (and the sequel)?
(Because I don't want to do it if you're not sure that this would be final enough for a audio reading.)
7997001 Sure, go ahead, I have no problem with that.
7997006
Thank you very much Miss RQ Oblivion.
7997013 You're welcome, I look forward to it.
7997017
Here it is.
Warning: This is MY VERY FIRST time trying anything like this, so yeah, take it easy on me.
8001205 I'll listen to it while I'm eating lunch.
8001216
Kay then.
Thanks for linking my audio narration of it.
8006487 You're welcome.
This one is really good! Very simple, and yet very impactful. It feels like a real relationship and a real proposal, and I love that about it.
Well, I cried.