hank,bill,dale,boomhower,khan, and jhon redcorn find a stange portal near reedcorns new age healing center whitch transports them into equestria.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 2nd Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 17th, 2014
roytheboy1213
i love all but sexual fanfic unless its funny.
roytheboy1213
Joined 2nd Jul, 2012 ·
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The spelling errors makes it hard to enjoy this.
Normally I would just point out all your errors but HOT DAMN. There're more snafus here than at the Bay of Pigs.
Oh, wow.
871327 Oh, playing that card I see, good work.
871355 Usually I can come up with at least ONE piece of advice. But here...it's just a big mess.
The plot's unoriginal, the grammar and spelling is BEYOND atrocious (although good work with the dialogue double spacing) to the point where I can barely read it. And there's barely any flow or pacing or descriptions.
Dufaq did I just read? 871371 Mornin'.
871538 Mornin'. And I honestly don't know. This is a first for me.
871553 I think one of us should do a ranting lecture on the crossover genre. I've been checking out the crossover page, and it seems like crossovers bomb more than anything else besides HiEs and self inserts.
871560 I'll do it later, right now is sleepy sleep time.
871571 Alrighty then, if my brain can sort itself out by noon I'll start hittin' the books for material.
*TRIES to read this...*
*Puts gun up to head*
I've got nothing to say, so this is what I think the author is doing:
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJOMjAxMi8wNy8wNy8wNV8wOF8zOF8yMDJfMzUxMTNfX3NhZmVfcmFpbmJvd19kYXNoX2ZsdXR0ZXJzaHlfYW5pbWF0ZWRfZmFpYwY6BkVU/35113__safe_rainbow-dash_fluttershy_animated_creepy_nightmare-fuel_rape-face_faic.gif
871713 god that scared me, troll artists ;3
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/21250194.jpg
871312
I throw my hooves up in the air sometimes,
Saying ai-yo,
Gotta let go,
I wanna celebrate and live my life,
Saying ai-yo,
Baby let's go...
Overall impression of the story:
seems like something out of Half-Life: Full-Life Consequences
This feels like a satire of bad fanfiction writing like the writer wrote all the gwammer probms and missplls unpearlfess LOL
omg i didn't think id get this much comments!!
im not that good at spelling but at least theres more than 1koth mlp fan fic
871371 i apreciate the critisisum but there was only one koth mlp fan fic so i couldent resist makeing dis
These were my thoughts when i read the title:
These were my thoughts as I read the beging:
These were my thoughts when i scrolled through sentences of mis-pelling:
This is what happened when I finished:
875449 ya im not that good at spelling but did you like the story part.
beacous im trying to improov.
and this is the only other koth mlp fanfic i know of in this website.
Oh yah. I love the way your goin with the storyline. It's just that you need a better way to provoke it...in a more "readable" way. But anyways, lovin the storyline. Peace out my fellow brony.
875608 well the 2nd chapter is hopefully going better now that im not half asselp becaus i was on the first chapter.
so sorry the spelling sucked.
875615 I know how you feel. (im tired like a mothur fuqer) Im making a first person documentary about rainbow dash!
Not sure if serious or trollfic
875617 i fixed the first chapter hope youll like it.
873928 i fixed the first chapter hope youl like it
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSI5MjAxMi8wNy8wMy8xM180NV8wMV8xM18yOTg2Nl9fc2FmZV9hbmltYXRlZF9tYWNyb19ubwY6BkVU/29866__safe_animated_lyra_bon-bon_minuette_image-macro_golden-harvest_cherry-berry_the-super-speedy-cider-squeezy-6000_lucky_merry-may_no_comet-tail.gif
876001 jees dude...
875774 Much better bro. KEEP IT UP
BOGGLE.
BTW I haven't even touched this story. I just wanted to say that.
I'm sorry, but this is bugging me the most. John is spelled J-O-H-N.
i like the story little rushed but still i like it. So when are you going to post another chapter
884604 i actually apreciate the spelling i get comfused when spelling his nam thx
886009 soon
886293
I'm looking forward to the next chapter though. ;)
You should really get google chrome; it has spell-check automatically installed. If not, type it up first in a typing program (Microsoft Word, Word Perfect, etc.)
This brings great shame, I tell you what.
889051 lol i try my best
I...the author is playing us for shits and giggles.....
889175 lol i try
So, here is a suggestion. In the 2nd chapter you mentioned that each of them would be staying with the mane 6. Maybe you should focus on each of them interacting with each other at their homes.
890332 not a bad idea thx dude
