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Luna Is The Best Pony4,635 stories ·7,266 members
Protect Celestia1,762 stories ·1,946 members
Princess Celestia saves a pony from Rainbow Falls from stoning by her fellow townsfolk and gives her sanctuary in Canterlot. While investigating the matter further, she discovers of laws made without her approval and does everything in her power to remove the town's leaders from their positions.
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This is interesting.
I like where this story is heading
I like this so far, question what time frame does this story take place?
Those ponies from Rainbow Falls.....
They disgust me
They will pay for their crimes in due time... oh yes they will...
Nice story. I like how you used the Quote Jesus once said. Celestia defending and caring, that’s how we know her. I give the Pony she saved my condulences and a speedy recovery. This law must be banned...to the moon!
If one must take harsh action, then they should do so not out of ill will(hatred), spite(being aggressively upset) or coaxing (peer pressure). Rather, only out of necessity. (depending, that can also encompass self defense)
I won't deny I was drawn into the story and want to see it develop.
That said... the story feels a little force fed. Not to say situations like this don't happen, goodness no. But somehow the sisters just "magically" 100% know what the situation is about with only the slightest inkling then rush in and solve the intimidate problem a bit Mary Sue-ish. (and I mean resolving the situation so perfectly that it borderlines uninteresting.)
I do see potential for the general plot of the story, but if I were to isolate the biggest draw back for me it would be that you are presuming the audience automatically has the same point of view and it is being used as an excuse to not flush out details. Like what signs alert the sisters, or how a few ponies would likely be taken back in undignified confusion at Celestia's words of mercy. (thus setting up for later trouble with the taking the law in their own hands). If I were to give advice on how to seek remedy for this, it would be show, don't tell. Or don't tell where you can instead show. Let the readers read between the lines some.
I think I'll hold off up or down voting until you process more feedback (including that from other people)
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Of course, if the story was written like this on purpose for some melodrama effect or something, it was lost on me and I apologize.
Considering the ponies attitude I'd half expect them to wait for the Princess to rule. WHY are they dragging her to Celestia anyways they have their law and I assume its been in effect for a while. The Princesses wouldn't rule on every case
Unfortunately, there are still places in this world where stuff like this is legal... and encouraged.
Depending on the town structure, Celestia will be in for one helluva fight with many causalities.
I will be keeping an eye on this.
Good fic, but it should have been longer. Content like this should be 2k, minimum.
7916409 definitely longer, maybe even a few chapters
... The biblical quotes and references were heavy handed enough to flatten a tractor. I am not getting a good feeling about what this means for the rest of the fic.
Intrestng start
Interesting start
Um why weren't these ponies arrested for assault and battery?
7916409 I agree entirely.
7916757 Most likely cause the princesses don't have any evidence that the mob itself was actually responsible for what happened to the mare. They might've just been riled up by the actual culprits cause mob mentality. At the moment all they could be charged with is dragging the victim against her will, calling her to be stoned and pushing the guards aside in their riot and wasting the princesses time by calling for false justice and divine judgement without any evidence whatsoever of the crime accused of, especially for a punishment that is legally outlawed by the princesses altogether.
7917003 the fact they wanted to stone her I say they have probable cause to arrest them
7917007 And I agree there cause that's still a law they broke.
"My little ponies," said Celestia. Her tone was unaltered, yet carried the weight of her sun thrice over. Everypony in the courtyard could look nowhere but at her as she carefully prepared her next words. "Does that law overrule the Equestrian Charter of Sapient Rights?"
They all knew that no, it did not.
I don't know how someone can up with such laws in a peaceful world like Equestria, but that must be stopped before any more ponies get hurt!
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"The brighter the picture, the darker the negative."
Unfortunately, I believe a lot more ponies are going to be hurt before this story is through.
7920119 Yeah, i fear so too
Message to Blackheart and his supporters....
YOU WILL SUFFER AND FEEL AGONY THAT MAKES EVEN THE OLDEST DEMONS FLINCH IN PAIN FROM HEARING THE SCREAMS YOU WILL MAKE!!!
I don't do this very often. because when I DO it means I am at the Extreme end of being Angry. but for them....
*Growls low in my throat as I glare at Blackheart and his supporters... PREY I name THEE!!! and All that has Helped thee!!! Prey, Prey, Prey!!!! No Shadow shall Hide thee, Nor Cave Shield thee!!! PREY thee are to ME!!!
I want Blackheart to burn for eternity while the souls of the damned rip out his entrails and shove them down his throat.
Sounds like the kind of story I'd like to read. I'll be waiting for it to be complete.
Okay they just heard that anypony who opposes the new laws is executed without trial. That has to be enough for the sisters to declare marital law and secure the town. I like the concept of this story but the degree this Blackheart has gone has to be multiple violations enough for them to act now.
Oh hell, its about to get bad!
7920609 unfortunately word of mouth from one pony is not enough evidence to take extreme action on you need at least three unrelated to be completely sure
Once is happenstance twice is a coincidence three times is a conspiracy
Oh god.
You know, there's a good chance of Irish Coffee becoming a new love interest with Green Sleeves, especially since the latter is unhappy of her current marriage with her husband.
Okay 5 different ponies for beating injuries from another town and they never told the goverment? And i think they have more then a enough to go in force. Author they shouldn't be draggign their hooves in this.
How come I have the feeling that Irish Coffee is not going to make it? And why the hell is this story still rated E??
7921688 Just changed the rating to teen.
Well, Blackheart is going down. He might think he's powerful, but Celestia and Luna have the might of Equestria on their side.
May God go with you
Just launch a full scale raid on the town! The victims are proof enough!
One step closer, indeed. Hope it ens before anymore ponies get senteced to death
Arrogance gets you killed Blackheart.
Blackheart is going to eat those last words with a fork and spoon!
What an idiot. You think you can take out the princesses. WITH WHAT!? Remeebr those villiansyou spoke of were all defeated by one alicorn or another. You are just a mere pony.
I see what you did here.
Well done.
7924772 7924783 Well put, both of you. I totally agree.
Blackheart's gonna see his plans go down in flames.
Just like him.
you forgot the AU tag
I've seen nothing about Blackheart that makes him a threat on level of Tirek or the others. He's evil and needs to be taken out
*Tries to find a way to join in the battle*
Am I the only one that thinks that Blackheart is going to actually cause major harm to Luna in some way or fashion? You don't make plans to take over Equestria without having some way of taking care of the monarchy or the Element Bearers.
Yay! Luna stopped some!
Plus another yay! Modern weapons!!
7924983 Maybe but you'd think he'd try to make sure no one told the rest of the world what was going on before he was absolutely ready
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I completely agree, he is basically digging a hole for himself by this point
7925504 Thanks!