Sea pony Lyra! Maybe. Probably. Boy will that be weird for the two of them.

Anyway. This could probably use an editor, but I'm not much of one so I'm not going to do such.

No continuity problems detected, in any event.

>>904496904496

I'm not much of an editor either, though tonight I played one on TV,  such as it were.

Can't say I agree with everything Fizzy's doing here, at least not in the initial setup, but I'm quite intrigued to see it all play out.  Things are looking to have a whole lot of epic potential, infinitely more so than when he first mentioned doing a side-story of what the rest of the cast was up to during CTotL.

Hmmm. This could be the official substitute for 'Over A Barrel'.

Also, Rarity seems to be taking lessons in being an opportunistic creep from Greengrass.

Your mention of a Brigadier General and the aquatic setting now has me thinking of The Sea Devils. This is also the first Lunaverse story that seems to explore L!Rarity's unpleasant side.

Definitly interested where you're going with this.

Heh. Legend of Epona. Hilarious.

...makes me wonder what Requiem of Spirit does.....

Oh, hey, I forget when this is taking place - just before Carrot Top of the Line, right?

The Legend of Epona huh? Nice

I haven't played that game in years...

Anyway, good start. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Lyra’s specialty when it came to magic was spellsongs, spells recorded in the form of pieces of music. To perform the spell the caster would simply have to match the harmonic frecquency of their magic with the music. Her horn glowing with golden light, Lyra began to perform [url= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72zr1S8Znfw]a series of five notes[/url], her lyra pulsating with magic. Soon the sound of her linstrument was joined by the phantom sound of a type of flute, as the five notes were repeated three times before coming to a soft finish. Like a wave of water the magic washed over the assembled crowd of pony.  

You need to get rid of the space in the tag to make it work properly.

The Zelda reference was pure win though.

>>922403922403

Nocturne of Shadow for fridge horror.

>>922647922647

Actually, in this universe, I think Prelude of Light would be scarier.

>>923081923081

Nah, that would be the Sun's Song. Or would it be called the Moon's Song due to certain factors?

Also... The Lunaverse Burn for Rarity.

Please, please, please stop using the mane 6 to make the luna 6 look good.  

“Was that the Serenade of Water from The Legend of Epona?”

I see what you did there.

Nice chapter, keep up the good work.

>>923722923722

That's part of the point of this series, to explore what the mane 6 might be like without the influence of their friends.  Fluttershy's more reclusive than ever, Rainbow is (more of) a jerk, Applejack has her work ethic turned up to eleven, Twilight is so antisocial she borders on insane.   I've been hoping for Rarity to have a shared 'episode' for a while now so we could see more of her.  Apparently she's a b(uy some apples!).

>>932847932847

it seems to be making the Luna 6 superior to me.  In the show all of them, excep t Trixie are unexplored but decent ponies.  Here they're the main good guys, they have flaws but they're good overall.  Of course in the show the mane 6 are good guys, but here they're pretty lousy.

So you've got a message of things had to be just right for the mane 6 to turn out right, but for the most part the Luna 6 are okay anywhere

>>932903932903

Can't really agree with you there.

L!Ditzy is a hard working single mother, while the only thing we know for sure of canon M!Derpy is that she seems to be a rather vapid klutz who despite trying to be helpful, tends to do more harm than good.

L!Raindrops is  steadfastly dependable and probably the second best weathermare in Ponyville, while M!Raindrops seems to be about as big a klutz as Derpy (it's often forgotten that she was just as culpable in the furniture incident from Feeling Pinkie Keen) and she was also the first pegasus to lose formation during the tornado, taking out several other pegasi as she did.

Neither Carrot Top nor Lyra have ever really done much of note in actual canon, thus we really can't say one way or the other.  So about the only L6 who seems to be just a well off in both universes is Cheerilee.

>>932903932903 >>933367933367

And on a side note, from what we've mostly seen of her, mane!Bon Bon isn't exactly the nicest mare around either.  Plus, it's not JUST the lack of friend influence, its a number of factors due to the timeline changes in this 'verse, one of the biggest being the Night Court.  While there is probably a 'Day Court' counterpart to them in the maneverse, I, at least, really doubt they have as much influence and power as we've seen in the Lunaverse stories.  Heck, from what little we (may have) seen from them, they mostly seem to throw fancy parties, christen ships and other 'for show' tasks.

((Stuff below gets spoilery for those who haven't read the rest of the Lunaverse stories))

We know that L!AJ's issues are at least partly a result of fallout from Court shenanigans years back, and we know that Fluttershy's parents being members seem to have contributed a bit to the way she and Dash have turned out.  So while it's not JUST the lack of the friendship bonds that have affected the mane 6 Lunaverse counterparts, it is one of the primary reasons.

Okay, finally got around to reading this. Oh, Rarity... *Shakes fist at her, then tosses beach ball back at her* Anyway, evil cliffhanger!

As for the M!Six, their darker sides are brought out a bit more.

Call them...

Not sure if this'll be one of my favorites among the 'verse, but it's a decent start. Really interesting Discord/Jellyfish mythology (I hate those things, they're hella-creepy!) and I'm curious as to what those mutant shark things are, exactly.

When will you come around to continuing this?

>>14312781431278 Probably not before I finish Where There is Smoke.

>>14313841431384

Okay. I'll check back.

>>14315511431551 Don't worry, I'll make a blog post once I've updated.

>>14316141431614

Guess I should try and subscribe to you, then?

>>14316731431673 Or favorite one of my story. I set blog to notify anyone who favorites any of my stories.

>>14317891431789

Oh yeah. Already did.

Wait a second... If this is taking place at the same time as Carrot Top of the Line, how is Rarity in both places at...

>>923665923665 I don't think it's Burn this time.

>>15370141537014 Rarity isn't at two places at once *whistles innocently*

>>15372331537233 "Rather clever, only changing your mane color and cutie mark."

>>15373361537336

Well, I had to check on something for my own story, so I thought I'd check up on this one. It's...pretty good, although it's obviously just a start. Hope to see more of this down the line.

And GAH! L!Rarity, why do you haunt me so? At least this one isn't as bad as in "Tales of Ponyville."

>>17279201727920 I actually have most of my story beats down, it's just a matter of actually writting the story itself. Hopefully what follows with make you happy.

The same author writes 2 stories set at the same time with Rarity in 2 different locations at once.  1 of the Rarities does not know that she has a Gem-Finding Spell and has to improvise when asked about it.  If I did not know better, I might believe that the Rarity not knowing about the Gem-Finding Spell should be an impostor.  ;-)

And this, I think, is where Rarity goes from 'irritating antagonist' to 'irritating friend'.

>>20724942072494 Yup.  But she might have to haul through "bothersome companion" and "annoying ally" first.  

“ I guess you want to repay Ditzy any way you can, after allyou were one of the adult taken by Corona on the Longest Night.” commented Lyra.

There's some odd spacing in this (and a missing "s"?) but it seems like a weird declaration to make about someone else.  I can get asking a rhetorical question along these lines, but does this seem odd to anyone else?

>>20725852072585

Well, yes. That's a given, isn't it?

As for Lyra's saying that out loud, it would work better if she'd thought to herself "One thing she had to give Rarity is that she always repaid a kindness."

YAY! IT UPDATED!

Hey, my own chapter 2 is taking a long time...mostly because of IRL problems but still.

Fun chapter, you made a good cut off at the end regardless of length the ending worked well setting the rest of the story and character actions up well. Dinky and Sparkler were adorable! The star fish scene was hilarious! and I quite enjoyed the Ditsy meeting the Sea Pony, Cucumber seems fun! I liked Rarity getting more helpfully involved, so overall good chapter. oh and interesting idea with water playing shenadagins with magic, though I do imagine Trixie could figure out Lyra's spell fairly easily, looking forward to the next one!

Love what you did with the revised Ditzy meets Cucumber scene.

>>20725852072585 You're right about that line. I decided to cut out the bit about adults and just have Lyra mention wanting to repay Ditzy.

>>20733682073368 Glad the cut off wasn't too terrible.

“Dangit Trixie, I’m a musician not a mage!

>>20735582073558 Exactly!

Something tells me Rarity may have her own plans aside from helping out...

One of the things I love about this story 'verse is that almost all characters have depth to themselves and their motives, including the Original Mane 6. Sure, in LNLD Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie came across as varying degrees of jerkiness, but subsequent fics have shone light on why they are that way, and made them more complete that way. Maybe now is Rarity's turn?

...besides, anypony would come across as a jerk when they have to deal with a grumpy, bitter, pre-friendship Trixie. The mare's abrasive.

So yeah, looking good so far.

>>20735342073534 That does feel less "info-dump-y" and less presumptuous of Lyra by just having Rarity acknowledge it.

But more importantly, Yay update!  

>>20741112074111 That whole segment was originally even worse in term of info dump, so I'm glad it flows better now.

>>20738272073827 We do our best to give our characters hidden facets that onyl slowly reveal themselves.

>>17279201727920 In case you hadn't noticed I updated this story. I really want to see what you think of chapter two and a certain mare in it.

“Nothing, just this… this… pouffiasse de fille de pute that’s causing trouble,”

Trixie's got quite the mouth on her hasn't she? I'm Glad Dinky doesn't understand Prench.

Nice to see there is a positive side to L-Rarity, she seems smarter than her normal universe self., she certainly reacted better to having green hair.

finally giving n to laughter

taken aback by he helpful suggesting.

saying their good byes

>>20752652075265 I suck.

Hooray for updates! I've really been enjoying this story.

Sea Cucumber is all kinds of adorable. It's good to know that Ditzy Doo isn't actually in any danger, although I have a horrible feeling that that's about to change...

Nice to see that Rarity can give as good as she gets in the "nasty sniping and immature magical pranks" department. Seriously, you two, cut it out.

I like the bit about pegasus magic interacting well with water while unicorn magic doesn't. It makes a lot of sense.

>>20754382075438 Actually, I almost always find about that many errors in a given chapter if it's this size or smaller, so you're actually pretty ok (and that's just as far as writing mechanics. In story quality, you're maybe half a notch shy of "very good")

Pretty good, here. :D Ah, i hope they can get to DItzy in time!

"Off course!"

My favorite typo to read phonetically.

This Rarity reacted out of character when The Great And Powerful Beatrix Lulamoon turned her mane green, let slip that she is good at Illusion-Magic, knows Fancy, and in explaining her knowledge of Fancy, gives the wrong backstory for the father of Rarity:

* Rarity is in 2 places at once in 2 stories set at the same time by the same author.

* This Rarity is wrong in subtle ways:

0. She does not know about the Gem-Finding Spell of Rarity.

1. She reacts out of character to her mane turning green.

2. She knows Illusion-Magic

3. She knows Fancy.

4. She does not know about the family of Rarity.

¡This Rarity is an impostor!

Fine, we’ll do the boat thing too. Now can I return to my book?

Off course

had been sacrificed to sake the Bringer of Strife’s thirst for carnage and conflict

1. You. (It was Lyra holding Trixie's book right?

2. Of.

3. Sate.

Keep calm and Pony on!

it was my worse score of all my university years

said Wind Sailor, look at the white mare

Ditzy Doo is one of the Element of Harmony

1. Worst.

2. Looking.

3. Elementzzzzzzz

Hope you manage to get over your writers block soon! It's not like a horde of seaponies that have jumping starfish among other sea critters waiting for her command at her beck and call right? ... Hmm... this makes me think of a Lyra X Fluttershy X Seapony body fusion... Kinda.

So the Bolero of Fire is...Viagra.

Yeah, Rarity's acting...noticeably off.  I smell a Ziziane.

>>22272382227238

1. Nope, it was Trixie holding it, and asking if she could go back to reading it.

IT LIVES!!!!!!

>>24090932409093 yup.

Now that I've read this.....

Ok, I love the fact that the seaponies and meonies are afraid of eachother. And is that Zizanie? Oh what fun.

Great!

I take it this will be a parody of settlers vs buffalo? (can't remember the episode name)

Sooo, it's "Over the Barrel"... but under the sea? With a lost city to be found?

Image: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IACE8kJCMMg/UFoa01ZV6ZI/AAAAAAAABos/GBGBCmER_k0/s1600/mlfw892_131715680015.png

And the guess of the day: Lyra gets to inevitably sing a song in the vein of "You gotta share"   Don't answer, No need to spoil the speculation.

Merponies and Seaponies and Kaosharks, oh my!

Hmm, interesting that all of Sea Cucumber's band seems to have "Sea" in their name. Except Charybdis. This intrigues me - yes.

Oh, goody. This should prove interesting.

So Rarity is team rogue, but turned up to 11 and a half?

I can get behind this...

So I'm guessing the merponies think the kaosharks work for the seaponies?

Interesting, there seems to be more the L-Rarity than it would appear at first glance unless this isn't Rarity.

As someone who dislikes the normal universes Rarity, I would like the Lunaverse's even less likable Rarity to get eaten alive in this fic.

Please?

>>24110922411092 I'm afraid that is impossible.

>>24113752411375 awww

>>24113852411385 If a certain white unicorn was to be eaten in this fic, it would kick At the Grand Galloping Gala out of continuity. I can't really do that.

>>24113952411395

Image: https://i.canvasugc.com/ugc/original/088f8eb2579ede1c9d959b0e46568385364dd7f0.png

>>24114212411421 No.

Don't you mean...

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ne8C1IPvvfs/UMsIgYl75aI/AAAAAAAABHE/BXzoaTYzY34/s1600/47509+-+computer+denied+hardware_abuse+no+punch+twilight_sparkle.jpg

>>24122512412251 Nah, I'm not that angry.

It just wouldn't work with changelings either.

>>24122952412295 I'll guess I'll just have to leave myself without an outlet for my irrational hatred of Rarity

>>24101382410138 L!Rarity = "Friendship is Dragons" Rarity. She and Sapphire Shores are in the same Thieve's Guild.

Sea cucumber swam ahead

I wanted to proove I hadn't been sitting

1. Forgot your capitalisation.

2. Prove

I do wonder right now... where do said sea/merponies disappear to when kid- er... ponynapped? Some kinda conversion chamber mayhaps? Nah... Or they turn into coral... could be... Aztecs and their blood coffee!

What... exactly ARE the differences between Seaponies and Merponies? And that other, third type that got massacred?

>>24392552439255 the seaponies are like sea horses, the merponies are a bit more like mermaids in that their lower body is that of a fish (with dorsal fin), Plesiopony... well imagine a little nessie with a pony's head. They also had different duties in the ecosystem.

>>24394042439404

So seaponies are basic G1 fare, with less singing and more puns.

Image: //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png

Merponies are essentially "normal" hooved ponies up front and fish/dolphins behind.

Image: //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png

Plesioponies are... I can't think of a clever way to put that.

Image: //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png

Also, there are a lot of tense issues this chapter... You need an editor/proofreader?

Good update, I did note a few things I noted; i'm not sure Trixie would be strained from having to do such spells, but that's a minor point. the Rarity line when pointing out the stalker and straining credulity, along with capturing it I feel like you are foreshadowing something there; is she not Rarity or does Rarity have a back-story as a secret agent or something ETC? ; the exposition/names-introductions in the Sea pony and sea Lion scene seemed a tad forced, not overly so though. Anyway I liked the intro for the merponies and Ditsy's interaction with the leaders,, this was a solid chapter so i'll be looking forward to more. Can't wait to learn more about Kaosharks! oh and I found Rarity's thoughts on debt very interesting.

See Youaround... that loops into corny, slingshots around and lands in awesome territory. :D

Also, seems like we've got crossed comm lines between the two groups. I hope it's cleared up soon. And nice update, as well.

“I’m Ditzy Doo,” replied the pegasus, bowing as well"Thank you for taking care of me...how long was I out?"

Normally, I read these in ebook format on my phone, so I'm rarely able to remember an error when I come back to do these retrospectives, but that is the sort of basic copy errors I'm talking about, Fiz.

Anyway, for this one, I see what you're doing with the Over the Barrel bit here. Interested to see where it's going.

Considering that Rarity is in your other fic taking place at the same time over in Ponyville, it's odd that the Rarity whose perspective we see in Chapter 3 doesn't mention anything particularly incongruous. I'm sure we'll get an explanation soon, eh?

>>24110922411092>>24113952411395 And besides, you can't do that to the best pony!

First incomplete episode I run into. I wish I had realised sooner.

>>24094152409415

Lyra needs to appear out of a giant seashell like Pinkie did. It should be easy to find one.

I'm...not so sure that's really the real Rarity with them...

>>25504152550415 You filthy communist! Only Twilight can be best pony!

>>26065392606539 That's a strange way to spell Rarity.

This is a very interesting retelling of "Over a Barrel"