Amateur writer who likes MLP and Devil May Cry. What can I say? I love it.
"I think im going crazy, I just don't know anymore! the voices tell me things and if I don't listen it just gets worse! I don't know if I should listen to them or continue resisting. I don't think I can take it much longer" ~ Spike the dragon
Page generated in 0.1 seconds
Total duration
1,050 users online
2,047,173 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, first of all, congratulations on starting your first story!
Now, a few things (because you asked):
1) Read this. It covers just about everything. Pay particular attention to the 'tenses' section.
2) I'm is a contraction of 'I' and 'am', and thus has an apostrophe in it, and should be capitalized.
3) Names, being proper nouns, must be capitalized. No exceptions.
4) Capitalize the first word of every new sentence. No exceptions.
5) If you put an action, like 'sighs', in quotation marks, that means that the character said the word 'sighs', not that he did the action.
6) Your formatting in regards new lines should be consistent.
7) Sentences like 'Looks down at my claws and notices that they are untrimmed and sharper than a razor.' do not make sense because there is no proper noun to attribute the verb, in this case 'looks', to. Also, the tenses are inconsistent.
8) You do not need to put 'Chapter 1' at the top of the story. We know what chapter it is.
9) Author's notes are generally less annoying if they are placed below the chapter.
10) If you are writing from Spike's POV, then his thoughts are the narration. You do not need to put them in quotations. In addition, he should refer to himself as 'I' in the narration, not as 'Spike'.
11) There are a lot of weird mistakes that I think you knew better than to do, but must have missed. Go back through and do an(other) editing run.
12) Style suggestion: It would be a lot clearer who's talking if the voice in Spike's head spoke in italics, like this.
13) Commas are your friends. Use them. They like sitting in front of their friends 'and' and 'but'.
14) An ellipsis has only three dots: ...
15) You missed the period on the last sentence.
Hmm, thank you bud! This is my first story and i did try my best! I intend to edit it and make each chapter better than the Last! Thank you so much for the criticism. I needed to know a bit better for my first time. I'll make sure to improve my story good sir.
I should've read the story first
Instead of the comment section
Well, I think that this story has a really big potential. I like horrors, where the dark atmosphere is built.
When the next chapter?
9408585
Planning on doing it soon, I don't know on specifics but I guess I should try for the end of this month.
9408675
Okay
Good chapter, but Damn
.... poor Spike
9479857
Thanks man!
I, CAN RELATE!
9785757
How?
9787310
I have To voices in my head. 1 Male and 1 Female. After being Alone for so long well
... I guess they Manifested After A while. Sigh.
9787613
Well, please don't snap. Also, you should probably seek help if you haven't done so otherwise.
9787741
No It's Fine I like this way!
9787753
Well, alrighty then :)
9788322
I call them Sarina and Bell-ukiss
Pretty nice description of the horror here.
Wonder if Luna would help about the nightmares due to her duty as dream guardian.
In fact what if Luna suffered a similar scenario that drove her into becoming Nightmare Moon?