1-11-13
Well, it looks like I’m safe for the time being. We went to see Nurse Redheart to see what the foal would be. I was sweating and anxious the entire time. I had to keep getting water because my throat was drying up in anticipation. We stepped into the room and they did that jelly thing and put it on the monitor. Those things always look like Rorschach drawings to me, so I just had to wait for her response.
“Congratulations! It’s a colt!”
I fell dead silent, and Flutterheart looked over at me and smiled, a “It’s not your fault, I still love you” gesture.
“Oh, no, wait, that’s a leg. It’s a filly!”
I don’t remember how high I jumped or how long as I was tapdancing (Or attempting to) but Flutterheart gave me the biggest smile I’ve seen from her since we started dating. Looks like I get to live for a little longer. I’m glad to see that she wasn’t going to be upset if it wound up being a colt, though.
“Am I gonna be a big brother now?” asked Anacrusis. I simply bent down, looked him straight in the eyes, and asked him:
“Well...only if you’ll be a good, nice big brother. Otherwise we’ll have to give her to a different family!”
“NO!” Yelled Flutterheart. Nurse Redheart was terribly confused throughout the ordeal.
“I’ll be a good brother, I swear! I’ll teach her words and how to read, and stuff!”
“I’m sure you will be, Anacrusis. I know you will be.”
Anacrusis and Flutterwing burst in the door, dropping their saddlebags. Trey and Fluttershy smiled at them, ready to hear about the first day of 7th grade.
“So I take it school went well today?” asked Fluttershy, giving Flutterwing a nice, big hug.
“Yes, Mommy! I have some nice teachers!”
“Well, that’s good! I’m sure you’ll have a great school year.”
“So what about you?” asked Trey, nodding at Anacrusis. “What’s your year going to be like?”
“Well, my writing class looks promising. We’re going to have a 6-10 page creative story due later in the semester.”
“Now...can you keep a creative story within 6-10 pages?”
“No, not really.”
“Why not just make a short story?”
“I’m not sure how, really.”
“Hm...you know who else is a good writer?”
“You?”
“Well yeah, but Twilight Sparkle. I can see if she’d like to help you do different kinds of writing, different genres, etc. She writes letters to the princess all the time. I’m sure she’ll be happy to help you.”
“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go see her!”
“Hold your horses!” said Fluttershy, chuckling at his eagerness. “It’s a little late for that. Besides, Trey has to talk to her first!”
“Oh, alright...”
“Why not write something after dinner? I’m sure she’ll be glad to read it. Plus, she’ll better understand how to help!” said Trey, making Anacrusis smile.
“That sounds good. So what’s for dinner?”
“I figured we’d have something different. We’re going to have...hay Souffle.”
“Is that any different from regular hay?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
***
“Oh, I’d love to take him under my wing!” yelled Twilight excitedly.
“Yeah...that phrase doesn’t work as well when you don’t have wings.” said Trey, a snide expression his face.
“Oh. Well. Anyways, what time were you looking to have him over?”
“Does after school seem like a good time?”
“That sounds excellent. I have several different books he can read to get a sense of style, and several writing tools...oh, this is going to be so much fun!” she said, clopping her hooves together in excitement. Trey smiled at her, glad to see her so happy.
“How about tomorrow?”
“The sooner the better! It’s nice to have some company. Spike’s been away at Canterlot for a while...”
“Well, I’ll make sure he knows to trot over! Have you read any of his writings?”
“No, not yet.”
“His has quite an extensive vocabulary. I think his main issue is smoothing out and developing a writing style to actually fit those words in. You send letters all the time, I figured you’d be perfect for the job.”
“I won’t let you down. I’d better get some materials ready!” she said, her horn glowing purple as things started levitating in the background.
“Alright, Eager Beaver. See you tomorrow!” said Trey, flashing her a smile. Twilight nodded, waved, and stepped inside to gather her things.
***
Anacrusis leapt for joy as the final bell rang out. He gathered his saddle bags, writing utensils, journals, anything to be of use, said goodbye to Cherry and Flutterwing, and made a hurried effort to get to the library, looking as hyper as Pinkie Pie on coffee. Sweat beaded his brow as he reached the “Welcome!” mat of the library, and calmly tried to compose his breath. He wasn’t at the doorstep for more than a few seconds before Twilight burst open the door, beaming at him with a sparkle in her eye reminiscent of her cutie mark.
“Oh...” she said, noting his panting. “I didn’t mean that you had to actually gallop over here...”
“No, it’s fine...I wanted to.”
“Well then!” she shouted, beaming once again. “Come on in!”
Twilight Extended her hoof, leaving the door wide open for him to enter. He casually trotted inside, looking around.
“Well, take a seat!” she said, sitting on a pillow near a table where parchment, ink, and quills were all set up neatly. Anacrusis took the seat adjacent to her.
“SO...tell me more about you!” exclaimed Twilight, resting her head on her hooves, smiling at him.
“Well...I’m Bandmaster Anacrusis the fourth. I’m yellow...with my dad’s mane colors...my favorite book is the dictionary...um...what kinds of things did you want to know?”
“Awesome! Let’s get started!” she beamed.
“Uh...” said Anacrusis, a bit muddled. Was she even paying attention?
“So what kind of genre do you like best?”
“Never really thought about it. Probably action. Or comedy.”
“No romance?”
“Nah. That’s my dad’s thing.”
“You don’t have a special somepony?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Oh? What’s her name?”
“Chocolate Cherry. We just call her Cherry for short.”
“So how did you guys meet?”
“School. Valentine’s day.”
“Oh, that’s sweet!” said Twilight, absorbing herself in their story, asking him everything, from how she was, what she looked like, acted like, what her talent was, how they met, and what kinds of things they did together, losing track of time. Anacrusis smiled at her, laughing with her, completely forgetting about the writing, simply having a good time with Twilight. Who knew she could be so much fun?
A knock at the door resounded, bringing Twilight and Anacrusis back to the real world. Both of them got up and answered the door, smiling, to find Trey standing there, a smile on his own face.
“Well, what are you two so happy about? Had fun, I take it?”
“Oh, it was a blast. Twilight’s awesome!”
“So what kinds of things did you do?”
“Mostly talked about me and Cherry.” said Anacrusis. Trey raised an eyebrow and looked over at Twilight, whose smile had lowered, her ears pinned back in a “Oh, no” motion.
“Are you still lonely?” asked Trey.
“Yes...Spike’s gone, and I don’t have any company! It’s nice to see somepony...every once in a while...” she continued, drifting off, giving Trey an awkward smile.
“I have a friend who’s coming into town in a few days for a concert. Why don’t you gather up the girls and come along? I’m sure he’d like to meet you.”
“What’s his name?”
“Kirakuk.”
“That’s an...interesting name.”
“Yeah. But he’s a real nice guy.” he said, leaning in to give her a hug. He whispered in her ear, making sure Anacrusis couldn’t hear them. “And he’s single.”
Trey released the hug to see Twilight smiling at him, her eyes full of hope and wonder. Anacrusis gave her a quick hug as well.
“Thanks for helping out today. I’m sure he’ll be back again tomorrow.”
“Yes, thanks, Twilight! You’re awesome!” said Anacrusis, giving her another quick hug.
“Oh, anything to help a friend! I’ll see you tomorrow!” she said, closing her door. A loud shriek of excitement, followed by laughter and “YES YES YES YES YES!” came from behind the door. Anacrusis looked behind him, seeing Twilight bounce around in the window. Trey simply smiled.
“Dad...what was that?”
“Nothing, son. Don’t worry about it.”
I am so sorry for the long wait. College took a hold of my time. I'll try to write more frequently, devoting time to my chapters consistantly, as well as making longer chapters, but honestly, coming up with ideas for chapters is half the battle. I'm doing the best I can, trust me. Sorry for the wait. Hope it was a good chapter.
Trey
I was coming in here to say that the story should stop.
But it seems like that it's picking up again, so I'll sit back and wait.
1266537 Well, I have a set ending in mind. This story's more like...my life planned out ponified.
1266549 As long as that ending isn't like a certain other story I liked where you randomly decide to kill off all the main characters...
Seriously though, I really like this story, and I can't wait to see how it goes on!
All right, it's finally time I say this. I started reading your stories a while ago and it took quite a long time considering I had to read all of Flutterheart and then everything you wrote so far for this story. You, sir, make really emotional, well-developed stories! I would never have imagined Fluttershy having such an intense, romantic story! I have shed quite a few manly tears reading Flutterheart and then this story (and I never cry at sad things, so that is an achievement). The main reason I actually got an account on this site is just so I could tell you how awesome you are. Well, I've babbled on long enough. I wish you the best of luck and hope you keep up the good work!
1266862 Thanks, man! Always happy to meet someone who enjoys my stories!!
1266909 Hey, I'm just happy that you could reply to me. I don't read much, but I love coming to this site! And seeing a new chapter added to my favorite story made my day!
1266947 I always have time to reply to a fan, man. I'm not one of those dicks that doesn't try to interact with my fans. After all, if I didn't have any fans, I wouldn't be anything, right?
1266959 Truer words have never been spoken. I like to do the same thing when I make videos on YouTube, like polling people or asking them stuff. It's fun.
1266976 You should check out my youtube channel. I have some pretty good stuff on there as well.
1267166 Awesome. I found it. I will have to watch some of it.
Oh, story ties going on now. Plus loving the whole Twilight the teacher bit going on too
Haven't seen much from the Kirakuk story lately though. Any idea when the author is doing another chapter on that? That is if I'm not confused and you're the author of that too, and then I sound like an idiot, and then...*ahem* I'll stop talking now.
1267248 "Teabag Trey" Is my favorite!
1267326 No, a friend of mine is writing that story. I decided to give him a nod of approval. He was quite happy when he read that part. He smiled till he cried. And then world D'awed.
1267419 Ooh, goody, there's four of those videos!
1267499 Yeah, I'm going to hopefully have a 5th one out soon. I just need to get some people together when I have enough free time. I have some Bronies Play custom games videos you may or may not enjoy. Anyways, I'm glad to see you enjoyed Flutterheart and this story. Why not try writing one of your own?
1267585 Short and sweet, I'm not a very good writer. I have had ideas for a book for years and I just never got around to it, plus there's not really too many ideas that I have on it. Plus, that story isn't even pony-related, so thinking of some good plot WITH ponies just might not work for me. I just don't have the dedication or experience/talent.
1267419 Can't remember what the fic was called, mind giving me the name so I can reacquaint myself with it. After the shoutout I can imagine he's gonna be wanting to update his story now, that or people will come to his door. Either way.
Sir, you have absolutely no idea how long I've been reading your Flutterheart series. I think I started when the first one came out. I just wanna thank you, because, surprisingly, your series is one of the absolute first fanficitons, ever, that I have ever read. You've even gotten me hooked on romance. For anything! XD Thanks for sharing this wealth of skill to all your readers, especially me! You've inspired me to write, too! Thanks, sir, you're the best!
1267727 "The world keeps spinning 'round, but I'm stuck here in a minute with you" or something like that. He's still working on chapter 3. He's in college too, so updates are a little slow for him.
1268247 Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it! Always nice to hear from someone who legitimately enjoys the story. Maybe you like it so much BECAUSE it was your first, but...I'm not complaining. I'm glad you're writing you own story! I always try to encourage my readers to write something of their own, no matter how terrible it may be. Feel free to send me a link to your first chapter and I will do my best to make time to read it!
1267671 Well, it doesn't matter if you';re good nor not. Writing is something that comes from the heart. So if you want to write your own romance fic about you and (Insert favorite pony here), then feel free! I didn't write Flutterheart with the expectation of "Yeah, I'm so awesome, everyone'll love this!" I jsut wrote from the heart and everything else fell into place. I think you'll find that if you start writing, in the long run, your writing will improve. The people on fimfic are generally very nice, too, and will always give suggestions on how to improve. We're not like EqD where we say "You suck, rot in hell! Have a nice death! " No. This is the nice community, so why not give it a shot?
1268883 You're right. Maybe I will try something, probably a one-shot at first and then possibly go into a series after that (If I can think of a good story idea to last really long).
1268912 It's difficult. THere's a reason FHD now takes a while to update: Ideas. But seriously, man, I encourage you to try and write something. Your sentences are well punctuated, so you have a leg up on the competition. Go for it, man. Write to make yourself happy, and don't listen to all the haters. Flutterheart was rated less than 2.5 for the longest time (Back when we had the star system) then it slowly was brought up. There's still people out there who think I need to die in a hole for writing it, but you know what? FUCK THEM! I wrote because it made me happy, and I didn't write for anyone else. I'm so lucky that this fic was liked as well as it was, trust me.
It seems like Trey talks to Fluttershy's friends more then she does, something random I noticed. Also what grade is Anacrusis in?
1269665 Generally, I'm putting them around 7th or 8th grade.
1269671
For some reason I thought he was a Sophomore this whole time.
1269679 No, they'll begin high school soon enough. Don't worry.
"as hyper as Pinkie Pie on coffee." oh god
1271320 But for all we know, Coffee could be a sedative for her.
1268883 He... He responded? To me? My favorite author responded to me?
...
HORY SHET! My life is now complete.
You know, I'm gonna watch your YT videos as soon as I can, they sound pretty good, and thank you SO MUCH for responding! Fangirl-mode, activated. SQUEE! Seriously, that's awesome, you're probably one of my favorite authors of all time, and you're such a big inspiration to me. I dunno about my story, though, it's kinda... silly. Yeah, that's it, silly. But I might as well send it to you, via PM, so thanks! ERMUHGERD, you're so awesome! XD!!!!!!! You don't have to read my story, though, but I'll send it as soon as I get to a legit computer. WOOH! You're story really does have drive to it, and just because it was the first, doesn't mean that's the reason. If I read a terrible story as my first, I'd forget it. But this story? Hooked!
Also, been meaning to ask, is this based off of your life? I think I saw that question pop up before, but I can't remember an answer. Just curious, is all. That would be awesome if it is, though.
YOU ROCK! XD
Twilight is awesome!
1273825 The earlier diary entries are indeed, based off my life, some of them ripped off from my own personal diary. The later entries are jsut sort of how I want my future to play out. And really, I'm not that great of an author without great fans like you!
1277001 Man, that's awesome, I would love to know you IRL, you know? Wait, now I sund like a stalker. Meh, whatever. Anyways, thanks for being such a great writer and a cool dude, I guess I'll send that story link after all. Thanks for responding and for the compliment!
Grateful as ever,
SlayerHewkii
1277839 D'aw. Seriously, I'd be nothing without great fans like you.
1278971
1279721 But yeah. Feel free to write something. Some people have borrowed my OC for their stories, If you want to read any of THEIR stories, let me know, too.
Yeah, I'll admit, I was really surprised when that shoutout was put into this chapter.
As usual, great chapter, and I await more from you bro!
1267727 Yes, I will be adding Chapter 3 shortly, however there is still some fine-tuning to do. I'm hoping it will be released within the next week, but college works in mysterious ways.
I need more
1282578 Yes...yes sir.
1266577 How would that even be achived? Would he have them all say "Candlejack?" Because that's du
1322233 Candlejack?
1329255 From the old Freakazoid cartoons. If you said "Candlejack," he would kidnap you and hit the post button as well.
1330299 I never did see enough Freakazoid episodes. I remember Princess Motherfukin' Luna posting a link to the Cnadlejack episodes as part of her nightly nostalgia thing...
Finally got that chapter out, I was beginning to worry...okay, maybe not really, but still.
Moving right along, the diary section was nice as always. Very fitting with Trey's character to have him anxious, he seems to always get like that during major events (weddings, births, etc) Seriously, I'd kill to see a chapter with Trey chaperoning Anacrusis and Flutterwing to a dance or prom.
Moment of honesty, I had no idea what a Rorschach drawing was, so I had to look it up. Seems like I'm always learning something new when ever I read one of your chapters.
I liked Fluttershy not killing Trey over the baby being a colt (for a moment), such a simple and sweet smile that says so much is something I can easily see from Fluttershy. Those soft, gentle eyes that speak so much love and kindness. Of course, in classic form, Trey was kind of like a over excited child and Fluttershy's smile must be as big as when she “squees” on the show.
I personally think my favorite part of the diary entry was Anacrusis (what a surprise) I've always enjoyed the exchanges between Trey and Anacrusis, there is just this really nice balance of love, respect, and teaching from Trey to Anacrusis. It was sweet to see Anacusis excited to be a big brother. I've never been one myself, but it's nice to see a brother being so happy and loving towards his sister.
On a side note, had Fluttershy not been pregnant, I'm pretty sure she would have leapt across the room and proceeded to strangle Trey for his little “give her to a different family” comment.
Good to see that you're still working on developing Anacrusis's special abilities, not just a “poof, here's a great writer, cutie mark given and future secured”. I am also very pleased that Trey is so willing to get involved in Anacrusis's endeavors, that he really wants to work with his son and help him be the best he can be. Seriously, you're getting the medical bill when I get sent to the hospital for heart failure.
Hay this, hay that. I can't blame Anacrusis for getting tired of hay. Cute little bits like this help give a little flow and separation to the chapter, makes it seems a little more real.
I do like the idea of Twilight being Anacrusis's mentor. I wasn't the huge fan of her portrayal in Flutterheart, and this feels a lot more in character for her and gives her a more positive light. Plus it does continue a bit of a lineage of her helping Anacrusis (dictionary for Christmas bit)
The interplay between Trey and Twilight has balanced out nicely, I kind of thought there might be some awkwardness between them, but that would be out of character for Trey to hold a grudge.
The whole scene between Twilight and Anacrusis was....interesting. It seemed much less of a mentor/student relationship and more talkative close friends, which is fine, most of us have had adult friends at one point or another in our youth. Still, seems odd the entire time was Twilight asking about Anacrusis and Cherry. Which comes to another point...
The shout out is cool, especially since I've read through Kirakuk's work. The question is do you plan to play this out any further with Kirakuk and Twilight. It almost seems as though the entire scene between Anacrusis and Twilight was leading up to that single connection to Kirakuk. The shout out is fine, but it seems like you're almost setting up a major plot point for what is a simple shout out to a good friend. I feel like it almost distracts from the story and maybe there could be some refocusing on the mentor/student relationship that might develop between Twilight and Anacrusis.
Overall a nice chapter, but in light that there have been several feel good chapters, I feels like the plot has kind of come to a stand still. Hopefully this won't be such an issue depending on what you've got planned for the next chapter. Seems like maybe we could use a bit of conflict (not that I want to see the “Love” family in a bad situation, but it is a story), something else to come up and drive the plot forward.
As always, I continue to look forward to your future writings
Your faithful reviewer
~Nocturne
1334518 Another excellent review. Thanks for getting up a good, quality review, even if I may or may not have rushed you to it.
Trey