Alicorns in Koumapan

by AkumaKami64

Chapter 1

Numbness...drifting...confusion.

Water, Salt, Alarm, Terror.

Sand, warmth, exhaustion...footsteps.

When Celestia awoke, she knew something was...off, wrong even…many things to be exact.

Her mind was heavy, clouded, even worse than when she lost that duel to Chrysalis.

She felt...weak. Not just physically tired, but as if her magic had suddenly shrunken down many sizes. Accompanied by her sudden lack of ability to sense the Sun, the feeling was most unsettling. The fact that she didn't feel the familiar weight of her regalia was just an idle note in the back of her brain at this point.

She blinked her eyes awake, blurry objects quickly coming into focus as they adjusted.

The room was not only unfamiliar; it was downright foreign to her. It was very sparse, with walls made of wood and some sort of pale paper-like material, allowing the room to be closed yet lit by sunlight. She was lying on a cushioned mat of some sort against the hard floor, a blanket covering her. There was a simple wooden table, but it was very short and lacked chairs. Rather worryingly, there were no obvious doors out of the room.

She gingerly sat up, hissing lightly as her stiff muscles protested and realized she was dressed in clothing of a sort. It was much like a house robe but light and simple, covering down to her feet and held together by a sash. The entire thing was colored grey with a black trim.

Looking over to her right, she was somewhat relieved to find her sister in the same situation and clothing, sleeping still.

"Sister! Sister, wake up!" Celestia hissed at Luna, shaking her arm heavily.

"Hm, huh? Sister? W-what time is it and...where are we?" Luna asked slowly, looking around in alarm, then down at herself, "Who dressed us? And...do we have magic suppressors on?" She asked in confusion, feeling her horn.

"No, I don't believe so," Celestia answered, seeing nothing on Luna's horn, "As for where we are, I don't know."

"I don't even remember going to sleep myself," Luna murmured as they both rose from their...beds, for lack of a better word.

"Neither do I," Celestia agreed, rubbing her head with a scowl, "I...believe we were in the ocean. I remember tasting saltwater at some point."

"And I do recall a sensation of damp cold fur in my slumber. Still, I do not recall us intending to travel anywhere. Do you, Sister?" The lunar sister inquired, arms cross over her chest.

"No, nothing like that," Celestia answered as her ears twitched, "Someone's coming."

Both sisters turned to the wall opposite of the sunlight, spying a vague shadow beyond the thin material. "Sennin-Sama, are you awake?" A voice called, the apparent-door sliding open to reveal an earth pony stallion with blue fur and a black mane. He wore a black outfit that looked similar in fashion to theirs, but with some sort of loose dark blue pants. Tied on the side of his waist was a curved blade in its sheath, "Ahh, pardon the intrusion. We were beginning to worry you would not rejoin the living," He greeted before giving a half bow at the waist.

"Forgive the bluntness, but where are we? And who are you?" Luna asked suspiciously.

"Considering the state we found you in, I'm not surprised. I am Shogeki Urakugi, Retainer of the Muchitsujo Clan. You're currently in Umasaka Castle, under the care of Muchitsujo no Hakumei-Hime," He explained politely.

"...I'm sorry to say we don't understand much of that," Celestia informed after an awkward pause, "I am Princess Celestia and this is my sister, Princess Luna."

"Cerestia and Runa? Hmm, with names like that, I'm not surprised," He commented thoughtfully.

"You said the state you found us in. What did you mean exactly?" Luna asked curiously.

Uraguki blushed ever so slightly but kept his embarrassment off his face otherwise, "You were discovered washed up on the shore, devoid of clothing," He elaborated stiffly.

"Oh...," Luna said in understanding. Physical modesty wasn't a highly revered virtue in Equestria, though it was held higher in the past than the present, but there was a limit.

"We thank you for the clothing then," Celestia added on, breaking the awkward tension, "And for your care."

"The thanks belong to Oujo-Sama. Speaking of which, I should inform Hime-Sama that you are awake. Is there anything I can get you in the meantime?" Urakugi asked politely.

The sisters shared a look at that, deciding to play it safe, "Does the word "tea" mean anything to you?" Celestia asked hopefully.

"That one I know, yes," Urakugi confirmed, his mouth curled at the end in slight amusement.

"Then give us whatever you recommend, Shogeki," Luna requested with a nod, knowing they probably didn't know the flavors here or their names at the very least.

Urakugi raised an eyebrow at her, but answered with a bow nonetheless, "Hai, Princess-Kimi. Please remain here for now," He requested before leaving the room, sliding the door shut again.

"Well, this is certainly interesting," Luna murmured once she was sure he was out of earshot.

"That's one word for it. I prefer concerning...where are we Luna?" Celestia asked rhetorically.

"Oujo? Hawk-oo-May? He-May?" Luna repeated curiously, "I can barely keep up with Equestria's modern terminology, let alone another country's all together."

"Hence why I never asked you to do anything diplomatic yet," Celestia quipped as she walked over to the table, "I'm...not even sure how to sit at this," She mused with a thoughtful scowl as she sat down cross-legged.

"It is not like we were expected, Tia. Perhaps it is merely a table for young colts and fillies?" Luna suggested, tilting her head as she joined her sister.

"I'm not getting that impression, for some reason," Celestia answered doubtfully. She looked up in surprise as Luna sucked in a breath, suddenly holding her knees together and to her chest, "What is it, Sister?"

"It...appears they neglected to include undergarments when dressing us," Luna informed, awkward but amused.

Celestia blinked before blushing, realized that her robe was opened slightly by her movement, exposing things she'd rather not be exposed. Leaning on the table with her legs off to one side, the sun princess sighed, "So...why do you think they brought us here?" She asked solemnly.

"While I am not ruling out potential self-interest, I am neither ruling out genuine kindness and curiosity. I do not feel any sinister or deceitful intent aimed at us by that stallion. I believe this "Hakumei-Hime" will give us some insight on our true situation, perhaps even answers to how to get home and how we came to be here," Luna theorized calmly.

"We can only hope...if not, we should be able to just teleport away if things look bad," Celestia murmured quietly, in case anyone was eavesdropping. With that done, she sighed lightly, "I'm just glad Twilight and Discord can take care of things while we're gone."

"...Discord?" Luna asked dryly, clearly skeptical.

"Twilight to run the country, Discord to deal with anything she can't…like moving the sun and moon," Celestia explained offhandedly.

"Ahh, yes, that makes more sense," Luna conceded.

Meanwhile, Urakugi fell to one knee by another door in the castle, "Hime-Sama, they are awake."

"Do they speak Nippumago, Urakugi-San?" A feminine voice asked softly.

"Hai, I believe so, Oujo-Sama but they do not seem to know even the names Umasaka or Muchitsujo. Their names are not of our tongue, Princess Cerestia and Princess Runa," The stallion elaborated.

"Hmm, gaijin perhaps, yet Sennin all the same. How troubling," She noted thoughtfully, "Muchitsujo no Funaka-Tono must be informed of this."

"Are you sure he isn't already aware?" Urakugi couldn't help asking in a curious tone.

"I'm certain that any decent practitioner of maho, kotodama and other such arts would be aware that something occurred," The Lady of the Castle answered evenly.

"Meaning our Muchitsujo-Kyou might already be on his way," Urakugi joked with a small smirk.

"Exactly," Hakumei answered with a smirk of her own as she began to write a message, dabbing the brush in the ink, "Are our guests well enough for a meeting?"

"They are confused, but seem otherwise well, Hime-Sama," He assured.

"Good. Show them to the meeting room shortly, I will teleport there once I complete this message. Best not to keep two Sennin waiting, lest they curse we foolish umagen," Hakumei quipped, only half joking.

"Hai, as you command, Oujo-Sama!" He acknowledged before heading off with a quick bow to the door, leaving the princess to her work.

"Ru-na and Cer-es-ti-a? Sennin Gaijin? Funaka-Tono, Tou-San-to-Wagakimi, I pray for your wisdom in this," Hakumei said solemnly, her horn and eyes igniting with a mystic glow, "Kawakasu, Kakusu, Oru, Todokeru," She chanted, the paper folding into a rectangle before burning away in harmless violet flames.

At the same time, the Alicorn sisters had made another acquaintance.

"Kocha Keihi at your service, Sennin-Kimi," A beige unicorn mare greeted with a deep bow, tea pot and cups in her hands. She had deep violet eyes and curly brown hair, with a yellow dress like their own.

"If tea is made here, then it is a good place. Isn't that what you use to say, Celly?" Luna asked with a smirk as Keihi knelt at the table and began to pour the tea.

"Kukicha, I hope it's to your liking," She said as Celestia rolled her eyes at her sister.

"Thank you," Celestia said, she and Luna taking a sip, "Mmm, milky yet with a nutty taste to it."

"A most enjoyable flavor," Luna agreed with a brief grin.

"Thank you for your praise." Keihi bowed before rising to leave.

"Wait, Kocha? Could we trouble you with a few questions?" Celestia asked calmly, hoping for some more information.

The mare blinked before retaking her place at the table, "How may I help you, Sennin-Kimi?" She asked politely, looking at them both with wide, curious eyes.

"I'm not sure if it is obvious, but we are not from these lands," Celestia informed carefully, "While trying not to be rude, we are already confused by our first conversation with one of your countrymen."

"We understand that we will likely be meeting the lady of this castle soon. While we doubt we could learn much in what time we have with you, we hope to avoid anything overtly offensive," Luna supplied.

"Hmm, I see. I've never been much of a sensei, but I shall do what I can," Keihi assured thoughtfully.

"For starters, Hakumei-Hime? How do we address her?" Celestia asked with a head tilt.

"Hime-Sama and Muchitsujo-Hime would be best, but Oujo-Sama would suffice as well," Keihi answered.

"Hmm? Why only the Hime part of her name and not the Hakumei?" Luna asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Huh?" Keihi asked in confusion before something clicked, "Wait, do you...not know what Keigo is?" She asked slowly.

"No, I'm afraid not," Celestia informed with a small frown, holding back a sigh behind her political mask.

"Uwa..." Keihi murmured in disbelief before refocusing herself, "I'm sorry, it's just...Keigo is part of how we use politeness and respect. Depending on the relationship and setting, referring to someone by their given name is often considered disrespectful as it implies closeness or familiarity," She explained

Both of the mares stiffened at that, "We...apologize if we came off as disrespectful, Keihi," Luna apologized, mentally planning to do the same to Uraguki.

"What?" Keihi asked, once more confused, scrunching her brow, "Keihi...IS my given name, Kimi-Sama."

"What?" Luna repeated with a bewildered scowl, "But...are family names given first here?"

"Yes? Are they not where you come from?" Keihi asked with a raised eyebrow at the siblings.

Luna rubbed her forehead as she tried to process that naming system and remember it. Celestia, meanwhile, nodded in answer, "In Equestria, addressing someone has much less rules and family names in general are not something much stock is put into by most, Kocha," She elaborated neutrally.

Keihi sighed, not even sure how she could bridge these cultures in a short enough time to prevent incident, "With all due respect, I'll move on to save time. Hime is an honorific, something added at the end of a name to denote respect and acknowledgement for her position, but it can also be used as a stand alone title. If you do, add -Sama to the end. For most people, adding -San is enough and is a simple courtesy, but use -Sama for people like Hakumei: people you want to show that you respect," She elaborated, taking a deep breath, "Understand, Sennin-Kimi?"

"Yes, we were wondering what -Sama meant, along with -Kimi and Sennin," Luna acknowledged inquiringly.

"...I mean no offense, but I believe I shall leave that to someone more qualified to give a detailed answer. But in simple terms, Sennin is what we call beings like you," The unicorn answered carefully.

"Like us? You mean Alicorns?" Celestia asked with a head tilt.

"I...do not know that term," Keihi answered after a moment of thought, worry growing in her mind.

"Say..." Luna spoke up thoughtfully, "Does that mean Urakugi knows this Hakumei-Hime well, since he used her given name?"

Keihi smiled at that, "While that may or may not be true, its more likely he was informing you which of the Muchitsujo clan dwelled here."

"Princess-Kimi?" Uraguki called from the door, "Muchitsujo-Hime requests your presence."

"Gossip and their shadow appears," Keihi quipped as she stood and gave a bow.

"Keihi-Chan?" Urakugi said in slight surprise, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Just serving the tea, Kugi-kun," She greeted with a small smile before looking over her shoulder, "I think the Sennin-Kimi are ready?" She asked pointedly.

The sisters shared a glance, knowing they didn't have any real choice if they still wanted to be considered guests here.

"Do not worry," Urakugi assured with a small smile, "Hime-sama is aware that you are not from around here and she is very understanding of these things. Unless you attempt to, you will likely not offend her."

Keihi smiled and nodded in agreement, filling the Alicorns with some comfort. Not that they needed much. They had dealt with thousands of leaders and ambassadors over their long lives and each had their own share of missteps. Still, first contact and similar events had their own unique stress to them.

"Ke-....Kocha-San? Thank you for your advice," Celestia thanked with a smile and a nod.

"It was my pleasure, Sennin-Kimi," Keihi said with a smile, folding her arms together and bowing as they left, '...These two are going to get into so much trouble one day,' Keihi thought with a frown as she watched them go, 'If I didn't believe they came from another land, I'd have just labeled them a pair of lying baka,' she thought before heading back to her duties.

As Urakugi lead them through the "castle", Celestia and Luna couldn't help noting how all the doors seem to be sliding and mainly of the paper-like material, several of which they were led through. They didn't ask Urakugi anything nor did he offer them anything to speak about.

For them, it was like going to a trial. Not even because they distrusted these ponies, but because this meeting would probably paint them a good image of what life would be like for them in this land until they found home.

Finally, the earth stallion came to a stop, "Hime-Sama is waiting for you in here. I hope that you both come to a peaceful understanding with her," Urakugi said with a brief bow.

"Thank you, Ur-I mean Shogeki-Son," Luna said with a deep nod.

"-San, Kimi-Sama, but you're welcome," He corrected in slight amusement before slowly walking away.

They knew he was making sure they entered the room, but they didn't pay the initial suspicion much mind, "Think this'll end badly?" Luna asked in a whisper.

"I try not to jinx things like this with negative thoughts," Celestia countered lightly before they both settled into neutral expressions as they opened the doors....

If it was a throne room, it was unlike any they had seen. Namely, there was no throne, per say. There was a very slightly elevated rectangular dais on the far end of the large yet mostly barren room.

There was a mare there, kneeling on a cushioned mat and wearing a beautiful dress of dark blue with decorations of pink and red flowers on stems. Over that was a brilliant orange coat with a blue pattern they had never seen before all over it. Her mane flowed down her back like an enchantingly dark waterfall

But the greatest shock of all, that utterly destroyed their composure, was that they recognized this mare.

"Twilight?!"

Author's Note:

Here we go, first step into a new yet similar world. Or at least with similar looking people, as Celestia and Luna have mistaken Hakumei for Twilight.

Not much to say about this chapter, but I hope you all will enjoy this little world building experience. I'm even working on a map for this world. XP

Fair warning, I am not pretending to be an expert on the Japanese language and culture, past or present. In fact, I'm certain I'll be butchering most of it. However, the world I have created here is not meant to be a lesson on or representation of any incarnation of Japan.

It is merely a version of MLP that is influenced and inspired by various things relating to that setting, brought on by me playing Nobunaga's Ambition: Sphere of Influence. With that in mind, the terms and honorific may not be accurately used or defined, but I will try to be consistent in my usage of them. Next chapter will have a full list of what the honorifics mean in this world.

Comments

[alarajrogers]

I'm having a really hard time with this because it's so obviously anime-speak rather than an actual language.

If the Muchitsujo-ma (hey, if you can stick -nin on the end of a place name to say "people of", then you can stick -ma at the end to say "ponies of" :-)) are speaking Japanese, or something like it, then everything they say is in that language and the alicorns would have no idea what is going on. If there is a translation spell involved, then it should be translating fluently. This is like the translation spell was created by an otaku who learned everything they know about Japanese from the kind of anime where "purists" decided not to translate -san or -sama and just left them there.

Hime means princess. The fact that the characters are saying both Hime and Princess implies that the translation is failing, but the fact that the first character they met didn't say "Ahh, shitsurei shimasu," rather than "Ahh, pardon the intrusion", means there is translation going on. But strictly speaking, either he should be saying "Princess Hakumei of Muchitsugo", or he should be saying "Ceresutia-Hime" and "Runa-Hime."

Kimi... I'm guessing you made this honorific up? Normally "kimi" means "you" and is not an honorific. (It's not even as polite of a "you" as "anata" is.) The correct actual Japanese honorific would have been -san or -sama (since Sennin sounds like you're granting them an honored status just from being alicorns, -sama would probably have been correct.) Also, since Sennin has the word "person" (nin) in it, it's a little weird to me in a ponyfic. Maybe "Senma"? Or just assume that because of the presence of creatures like dragons and kirin all over the place, the language spoken here actually uses the term "person" to mean "sapient being" and doesn't specify that the being is a pony, in which case you can get away with -nin words.

"lying baka"... oh my god no. Baka = idiot. If you were saying "lying idiot" in Japanese, it would be something like "usotsuki no bakatachi" or "usotsuki no baka na yatsura" (because you specified plural, and while most words in Japanese do not get pluralized, words that mean people get pluralized more often than not. Bakatachi means "idiots"; "baka na yatsura" means "idiotic people" (where the term used to mean people has an implication of lowlife or bad people.) There is no circumstance where anyone would ever say "lying baka" except that they are an otaku who knows the term baka because of idiots who left it in a dub rather than translating it.

Basically, you have to decide here -- do these people speak in Bad Anime Translation, and if so, why? If you want them to actually speak in a way that makes sense, you can't do selective translation -- every word that can be translated has to be. So you don't say Hime, you say Princess. You don't say Muchitsugo no, you say of Muchitsugo. And for gods' sake you don't say baka, you say idiot. You can leave honorifics because it is logical that a translation spell might have a hard time with those; they don't really match up to English ones. (San = Mr, and chan = cute nickname, but kun and sama just plain don't translate well. And I still have no idea what kimi is supposed to be, but I presume it is also untranslatable.)

I realize that it wasn't your intent to literally replicate Japanese, but what you're doing would be deeply uncomfortable, hard to read and illogical if you were doing it with Spanish, French, Klingon or Elvish. There's a literary convention by which you can have characters say "Yes", "no", "my god", "friend" and some other random terms that are generally separated from the rest of a sentence by a comma, in their own language, and translate everything else, to indicate that they are really speaking that language. By that logic, you could have "baka" in a sentence if it was something like, "What did you think we would do, baka?" But you cannot say "lying baka". Oh my god that is like in the Top Ten on everyone who actually speaks Japanese's list of Why We Hate Anime Fanfics. Baka is not a strange and exotic word with no translation. It literally means "idiot." There is no reason ever to use it with an English adjective. Seriously if you were not normally such a good writer I would downvote and nope the hell out of the story for that, because it is a huge red flag for terrible writing. I kind of suspect you're sort of doing a similar thing with Kimi, where you've mixed up a "you" term with an honorific, but since this isn't literally Japanese you can get away with that. (One of my "favorite" examples of terrible anime fanfic writing is "you temae", because the writer doesn't realize that "temae" doesn't mean "bastard" or "asshole", it means "you, a bastard" or "you, an asshole". Basically it means you, but it's in a position on the politeness scale that you'd only ever use it with someone you consider far, far beneath you.)

The story itself is promising, but please, please, please fix the language. It is currently written in "nails scraping on a chalkboard-ese" for anyone who actually does know Japanese. I mean, all I had was 4 years in college -- I've never been to Japan and I'm not fluent -- but this is still horrible to me. I can't even imagine how bad it would be to someone who's actually a native speaker.

[AkumaKami64]

7840178
(sighs) This WAS going to be suggested next chapter and revealed a bit later, but to answer your criticism? There is a partial/incomplete translation spell in play. It works well enough for them to be able to communicate, but some things either don't translate well for them or just don't for other reasons- Hakumei's spells, for example, wasn't translate so because it was a spell. Honorifics don't translate because the concept is a bit strange to them, and the names don't translate BECAUSE they're names. And a bit of it(the bits that are meant to be amusing) they only need an explanation of to fix the translation spell

I'm going for a fish out of water theme here, Alarajrogers, and improving/tweeking their translation spell over time as they learn more about this culture is part of that. That's why neither side realizes that Hime=Princess=Hime. It was meant to be an amusing misunderstanding for later. I left baka as an amusing add on because I figure one or both of them will like how that word sounds. Once someone explains it means a stupid person, they'll hear it as idoit .

So, YES, eventually they would hear "Muchitsujo no Hakumei-Hime" as "Princess Hakumei of the Muchitsujo(Clan)".

As for the rest..... Again, I don't claim any expertise on Japanese. Most of my information comes from a mixture of internet research and years on fanfiction. Kimi was a word I searched the net for and found that it meant Lord/Lady, and was using it to detonate respect towards an immortal.

As for Sennin/Senma? Yes, you're actually right about that.

PS You have ANY recommendations on what to call a Griffon in Japanese?

[alarajrogers]

7840256
Ah, I see the issue. Kimi does literally mean "lord/lady" but it is not used that way; it's used to mean "you". ("Boku", a term for "I" used mostly by young men who are too polite to use "ore", literally means "servant.") The honorific for lord or lady is, in fact, -sama. In fact a lot of dictionaries will tell you that that's what -sama means. You can't get higher than -sama in Japanese; that honorific would be used for the Emperor, among many other people.

If there's a translation spell going on, then use correct language that hasn't been broken by the insertion of extra Japanese words when characters are thinking... which still means no "lying baka" when a character isn't talking to anyone.

A griffon being a mostly European fantasy creature, I am actually not sure if there is a word other than "gurifon" in katakana. If you know of any anime or manga containing griffons, we can look up what they're called there. Google Translate claims it's "gurifon" but they're not always accurate; there may be an obscure kanji rendering of the word that rarely turns up because most Japanese people don't write about griffons.

I'm sure you know that ryuu is dragon (in Chinese, it's long), which means Discord is a ryuuma, BTW (literal translation of draconequus). In Chinese, he'd be a long-ma, which is an actual fantasy creature that looks a little bit like a more symmetrical variation of Discord, so obviously Lauren Faust knew something about them. Spike might be a koryuu (puppy is ko-inu or child-dog, kitten is ko-neko or child-cat, foal is ko-ma or child-horse, so a child dragon is a ko-ryuu I guess...) Doubt that any of this will necessarily come up but it might be useful to you. I think they might have words for unicorn and pegasus, besides "unicoun" and "pegasusu" in katakana, but I'm not sure what they are.

MLP has actually been translated into Japanese. Maybe we could get hold of some of the Japanese dub and figure the words out from there...

[AkumaKami64]

7840370
A. Yes, I knew all about Discord being a Ryuma/Longma. I have plans around that angle in at least a half dozen stories.
B. I'm applying the incomplete translation to EVERYTHING because it applies to the alicorns, aka our main point of view into this world.
C. This is all kind of the reason why I put that big note at the bottom of the first chapter, stating that while I would doubtlessly get a lot of terms wrong, I would at least use them consistently since this is NOT really Japan, but an MLP world based on and inspired by its feudal setting that is written by an American author that can't learn another language to save his life and, yes, loves anime and manga and all the rest.

Seriously though, thanks for the advice, but I knew going in that I wouldn't be getting a lot of things accurate.