Over the Edge and Over Again: Chapter 3
At Wits End
“Do...do you think Rarity will be mad at me?”
“Oh no no no. I think she'll just be glad you're safe.” Having already taken Applebloom and Scootaloo home, Sweetie belle was the only crusader left with Fluttershy. Applejack was just relieved to see Applebloom was safe, and despite her expectations, she wasn't going to be punished for going into the forest. Both Scootaloo's family and the Apple's believed the fillies had been through enough.
Over the course of the trip home, all three children seemed to have somewhat calmed down, albeit still occasionally looking back the way they had come. Sweetie Belle had long since stopped crying, and the sniffling and worried looks and not long faded either. While Fluttershy guessed it was because she was going home, she liked to think she'd played some part in cheering the fillies up.
Finally arriving at Rarity's Boutique, Sweetie Belle picked up pace and ran through the door, with Fluttershy calmly following behind. Alerted to the sudden noise in her store, Rarity readied herself with a quick check in the mirror and straightening of her mane. Her face dropped when she instead got a view of her very messy little sister.
“Sweetie Belle! What happened to your c-” She was cut off when the little filly charged into her head first, eager for some sort of familiar contact. She started to cry again.
“I'm so sorry big Sister!” Rarity was more surprised at the turn of events than anything else. Coming to her senses, and realising her sister was upset, she looked towards Fluttershy for answers.
“There was an incident in the forest. They said they were...attacked by a monster.” Rarity's eyes went wide. Attacked?
“Are you okay? Did it hurt you?” She didn't know if she was angrier at the monster for what it had done, or her sister for disobeying her.
“We got away b-before it got us...”
Thank Celestia. She had told her umpteen times never to go in the forest. They had all been told. But right now, being angry at them wasn't important. She was scared, and worsening her state of mind would just be cruel.
“Shhh, it's okay. You’re safe now. That's all that matters. I'm just glad you're okay.”
“So...so y-you’re not going to punish me?” She didn't plan to, but she still wanted her to feel guilty.
“We'll see about that.” She gave a sneaky wink towards Fluttershy. “Thank you for bringing her home. Are the others okay?”
“Oh yes, they're fine. I think they were just happy to be back at home.” Continuing the small talk on the events transpired aside, she soon said her goodbyes and left for home. Rarity was her best friend, but seeing as what happened to Sweetie Belle was more important, she left them to be alone.
Stepping outside, she realised it was still relatively early in the afternoon, being just after three at the most. Being spring, the sun was still relatively high in the sky, and with her duty of taking the children home completed, she wondered what to do with the rest of her day. She had already fed the animals and cleaned their homes, after all. And she didn't want to waste coming all the way into town.
Then her mind went back to the monster. With its long black claws and terrible teeth. It's power to down a Manticore and the intelligence to use tools. She hadn't seen or read about a creature that matched its description, let alone one that could stand on its hind legs. Diamond Dogs stood on their hind legs, but couldn't do so for long. Even then they wouldn't be a match for a Manticore. Still curious about the mystery monster, she worked out what she was going to do.
“I'll ask Twilight. She's bound to know what it is.” Even if she didn't, she could bet she'd want to find out. That is, if the library didn't have an answer already.
The library wasn't far, being barely ten minutes from Rarity's home. But Fluttershy made good time getting there anyway, given that the sooner she got there, the sooner she could get the answers she wanted. Eventually arriving after a brief five minute walk, she politely knocked on the front door. Twilight often said just to come straight in, but she still thought it was nice to be polite. Shortly afterwards, Spike came to answer the door.
“Hey Fluttershy.” He turned back inside. “TWILIGHT! IT'S FLUTTERSHY! Come on in.”
Having been invited in, she sauntered her way through the library's doors. Glancing around, she saw her purple friend piling books back into the many shelves situated around her. Having put the book she was currently handling away, she turned around to greet her friend.
“Hey Fluttershy. You don’t want another romance novel already, do you?” This ushered a small blush from the yellow mare, not that there was really anything to be embarrassed about.
“Not today, no. It's something a little bit more important.”
She then sat and explained the situation as she understood it to Twilight. About the Cutie Mark Crusaders and how they came running into her home. How scared they were, how tired they looked. And finally about the monster they had described. The beast with black claws and horrid teeth. Its abilities and it looks. As much as she could remember from how the girls described it. Throughout the tale, Twilight seemed deep in concentration, absorbing every word and analysing every piece of detail that left Fluttershy's lips. After stating the last of her claims, Fluttershy let Twilight take it all in. She was already thinking.
“Why were they in the forest in the first place?”
“Applebloom said they were being Cutie Mark Crusader Species Spotters. They didn't think they'd find many interesting animals anywhere else.” She knew they could have found just as many animals outside the forest, but resolved not to point out what couldn’t be changed. Twilight's brow furrowed, still in deep concentration.
“Well that aside, I've never heard of anything like this.” She was disappointed. She hated not knowing something. But all that meant was that she had a chance to find out. She looked above her head, and after confirming her choices, she pulled out three books, all from the same shelf. Opening the first one, titled “All the Strange, Strange Creatures”, she began ploughing through the pages, looking for anything at all related to their mystery creature.
Fluttershy sat on her haunches, unsure of exactly what to do with herself. Sure, Twilight would probably find an answer for her questions, but that left her doing nothing in the meantime. Remembering she was in fact in a library, she grabbed a book of a nearby shelf that piqued her interest. It wasn't a romance novel, but she saw no point in starting a new one anyway. Spike occasional left his duties to ask Fluttershy about the monster or fetch a book for Twilight, wanting to somehow be involved with finding out about the mystery monster.
This continued until Twilight had exhausted the final of the three books she had pulled out. She'd read most other books in the library pertaining to magical creatures, and couldn’t think of any piece of material that had a reference to their mystery monster. But that wasn't the only issue: she needed first-hand knowledge on the creature. The crusaders may have seen it, but as children she couldn't rightly trust their judgement on what it looked like. The truth was stretched even farther when she considered that not only were they scared, it had also been retold by Fluttershy, who may have got minor details incorrect
“I need to see it. The information I have could be inaccurate or wrong.” She groaned in frustration. “And some of what you told me is just too vague.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean like, does horrible teeth mean they were sharp and scary, or just disgusting? Does it always walk on its hind legs, or was it trying to intimidate them? We can walk on our back legs if we try.”
Fluttershy had to admit she had a point. She was sure she had got everything right, but if Sweetie belle, Scootaloo and Applebloom were wrong, that meant she was too. She just pictured the scariest thing she could with what she was told, that didn't necessarily mean that's what it actually looked like.
“Can I take some of these books to your place? That way we could start at your house tomorrow and search around the entrance to Everfree, and I wouldn't have to go back and forth to town” Fluttershy looked behind her friend to the books she was pertaining to. There were...quite a few. Wait a minute...
“We?” She didn't much like the thought of looking through Everfree solely for a creature that may or may not want to eat them.
“I could get the others together tomorrow to help. I don't know where Rainbow is right now, and I'm pretty sure Applejack's looking after her sister.”
Fluttershy decided to give in. She did want to know more about the strange animal, after all. Plus, if her friends were there to help look for it, she was sure nothing bad would happen. “I guess you could put the books in my r-”
“Great, just let me grab my saddlebag.” She skipped off upstairs and rummaged around for a few seconds before coming back down with the item in question. Twilight then began levitating various books from her pile into the bag on her back. After she had apparently gotten “enough for now”, she and Fluttershy headed for the door.
“What about me, Twilight?” Oh. Twilight had almost forgotten about her assistant. The wide grin plastered on his face and his bouncing up and down more than showed how eager he was to help.
“I'll be back later for more books. I promise you can help out tomorrow.” Spike gave her a dubious look. It wouldn't be the first time he got left behind when something cool was going on. “Just find all the books that might be relevant to the mystery monster. You can help me look through them at Fluttershy's.”
Somewhat pleased that he might be a part of the fun for once, he hurried off to complete the tasks his friend had gave him; spurred on by the fact he might get to catch a glimpse of the “Mystery Monster of the Everfree Forest”.
Finally leaving the library, Twilight and Fluttershy set off for the shy mare’s cottage. They attempted small talk to pass the time, but subject matters eventually reverted back to their current mystery. Now that her studious friend was involved, Fluttershy began to feel rather confident about finding about this creature. She felt like a policepony or an undercover detective.
The books on Twilights back weren't heavy, but after carrying them most of the way to the cottage, the weight began to get heavier under her tiring muscles. Her friend offered to carry them for her multiple times, but she refused. The cottage wasn't that much further anyway. However, nearing the edge of town, the sudden arrival of a certain someone prompted the two mares to stop in their tracks, much to Twilight's relief.
“Angel!” The little bunny rarely left the comfort of the cottage, one of the reasons being that he wasn't normally allowed to. His breathing was somewhat deep and wavered, but if he'd come all the way from his home, it was to be expected.
He began shaking his arms in the air and hopping around, holding a manner of different poses while doing so. After he was apparently done doing what he was doing, he proceeded to point down the dirt road he had come from. The two mares just looked at him, attempting to hold off their laughter. Fluttershy then had an idea and walked up to him, speaking in her most child friendly voice.
“Are you hungry mister silly billy? I'm sure I gave you enough food.”
Slapping his forehead in frustration, he proceeded to draw what appeared to be an angry face on the dirt at the mare’s hooves. He then proceeded to draw and arrow pointing from said picture to a simple square house. Finishing his masterpiece, he continuously pointed between Fluttershy and the house, obviously flustered as well as irritated that he couldn't get his point across.
“There's...is a monster in my house?!” Sarcastically clapping his paws, he nodded and attempted to pull his keeper along the route to their home. Fluttershy instead then turned to address Twilight, much to Angels annoyance.
“Oh no. Do you think it's the monster from the forest? Maybe it's harmed the animals.” While concern was evident in Fluttershy's voice, Twilight's response held more intrigue than worry.
“If it is, I want to get a good look at it.” Although this was certainly not the best of circumstances, with Fluttershy's home and her animal friends in danger, this could be the only chance they would get to see it out in the open.
“If we hurry we could help the animals too.” Shifting the satchel on her back into a more comfortable location, Twilight set of in a sprint for their destination, Fluttershy following with her bunny friend riding on her back. With the weight of the books on her back, however, the purple mare regretted not bringing them in moderation. She wanted to just leave them on the ground there and then, but argued against herself that they would get stolen or ruined.
“Oh, I hope the little dears are okay.” They were both breathing harder, Twilight more so. But with the cottage just out of view, she persevered. Just a little further.
And then they saw it.
The creature was tall. At least two or three heads taller than either of the mares were. It stood on its hind legs as if it had four; the loss of balance or need for support Twilight had theorised not being present at all. It wore clothes of...some sort of heavy material. It looked so out of place compared to the plants and the trees. And it wore a hat. With feathers! She hadn't thought it would even wear clothes at all. There were no sign of huge black claws, or its horrible teeth, but then they weren't up close. Everything else fit the criteria though.
It was coming down the path of Fluttershy's cottage, holding what appeared to be a book. The fact it could walk and read at the same time alone made Twilight jealous, but she vowed to save that for another time. It also appeared to be talking to itself. Carefully putting her bag on the ground, she searched for the will power to do...something. While she was scared, her curiosity won out in the end.
“Hey!” Fluttershy slowly turned her head to face her friend, shock clearly present on her face.
“What are you doing Twilight?” Her voice came out as little more than a squeaky whisper. Fluttershy just stood there, mortified her friend had dared call out to the possibly pony-eating monster.
“It's reading a book. It could be intelligent. We should try talking to it.” The creature had turned to them now, staring down the trio as they whispered to one another. Well, those who could talk anyway. Angel simply waved at the...thing.
While the two ponies conversed down the path, Barbossa stood there, considering his options. These two horses...well, horse and a unicorn, seemed passive enough, but there was no proof they held peaceful intentions. They had just seen him come out what could have possibly been their house, and the yellow one looked like it could be related to the child from earlier, seeing as they both had similar colour schemes. Then again, he didn't know if that was how it worked: he was making it up as he went along at this point.
It also annoyed him to no end he had forgotten what winged horses were called. He knew of Greek mythology, and many other foul creatures that roamed his world, but he had forgotten one of the most rudimentary.
On the other hand, he had the book. The maps of the surrounding land would prove useful at getting around, but it was the maps of Ponyville that interested him. Among other things, he now knew the locations of a school and a set of orchards. He could gain access to information on the world itself, as well as masses of food at the same time, before being able to decide on an appropriate course of action to get home. He knew his plan was flawed, but it was the one he was most comfortable with.
“Can you talk?” The purple one had begun to approach him, slowly but surely, still weary of his presence.
All he needed to do now was get away.
However, as much as he loathed the thought, he wasn't the escape artist Jack was. He couldn't just run towards something and, by chance alone, get away using whatever he found. If anything, that was one of Jacks only redeeming qualities when having him on your side: he was good at getting out of trouble. However, the Captain didn't consider himself a complete failure at the art. He wouldn't have survived as long as he did otherwise. He crookedly smiled towards his addresser, answering her question.
“I'm 'fraid not. Sorry te be wastin’ yer time.” Walking backwards, he proceeded up the path in the opposite direction the mares had come, shrugging his shoulders and holding his hand innocently in the air. He continued to watch as the unicorn continued to walk further forward as he walked further back.
“Do you have a name?” The question surprised the pirate, but he saw no need to keep it from her. He didn't exactly blend in.
“Captain Hector Barbossa.” He gave a sarcastic bow, and even tipped his hat for the occasion. “Pleased te' be meetin' yer acquaintances.” He ushered his hand towards the mare, obviously wanting her name in return.
“Twilight Sparkle.” This was great! She so felt proud with herself. She'd not only found out the creature could speak, but also discovered it had a name! She would have to write it down.
Her pride soon faded when the creat...Hector began snorting at her, eventually giving way to bellowing laughter. After a few second, letting his hysterics die down, he wiped away a tear from his eye.
“Aye, and a fine name it is too, to be sure.” He'd had an idea. “If ye were named by a child.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” She hadn't meant to let the question slip out, but his response had just come back too quickly. He simply smiled back at her.
“Nothin' to be offended for, Miss Sparkle. I'm sure yer friend's name be just as bad.” He had no idea if it was, but assuming that everyone was named like this, there was a good chance of it. He motioned to Fluttershy to get his point across.
“You're insulting my friends now?” Rather than letting her emotions take over, she took a deep breath, and calmed herself; she wasn't going to let him get the better of her good nature. “There's nothing wrong with her name.”
“My apologies. What be yer name then!” He called out to the shy Pegasus, who hadn't moved since she'd arrived on the scene. He hoped he had the situation thought out well enough.
“F...t...rs...” Her speaking barely above a whisper wasn't assisted by the fact that she was talking away from the pirate, trying to avoid eye contact and hiding behind her mane. Seeing where this was going, remembering the pattern from their own initial meeting, Twilight decided to speak in her steed.
“Her name is Fluttershy.” She regretted her decision soon after hearing his reaction.
“A name as withered as her nature, it appears. That be really helpin' your cause, Miss Sparkle.” His smile widened, showing of his teeth. They really were horrible. And she really didn't like the way he said her name. She needed to change the subject, seeing as she didn't know what else to do; Fluttershy was crying, and she didn't want start any trouble with Hector. Not yet, anyway.
“What are you doing here?” She would not let him get the better of her.
“Plunderin' for anythin' I deem worthy o' value.” He shook his new book in the air. “I presume ye be the owner this rather...fine home?”
“No.” She didn't want to give him anything else to talk about; anything to use against them. He was just trying to get under her skin. And, unfortunately, he was winning.
“Must belong to yer friend then. There be nothin' else worth takin' in th' hole anyways.” He moved back some more, apparently confident with himself.
“And I'd be watchin' out for her, Miss Sparkle. I'm sure her tastes in lovers be not of the gentlemanly persuasion, if ye be catchin' me drift.” Twilight wasn't taking this anymore. Making fun of her was one thing, but not her friends.
“How dare you!” She'd had enough. He was tall, sure, but that didn't mean she couldn't talk him down from his high horse. No one talked about friends like that! If she couldn't fight him, she would be sure to make him rethink making fun of Fluttershy. She sauntered towards him, eyes flaring and horn aimed forward. “You can get away with insulting me, but you w-”
She couldn't finish. Barbossa had grabbed the mare by the head and in a quick, flawless manoeuvre, shoved her to the side and kicked her in the ribs, pushing her into the river next to the cottage in the process. It was shallow, but he knew it would at the very least disorientate the animal.
Quickly making sure the shy one was still quivering and crying under her own hooves, he ran for the side of the house, and towards some trees in the distance, but not before hearing Fluttershy call out to her hurt friend.
“Twilight! Twilight are you okay?!”
He knew simply running from the start would be useless. Normal or not, they were horses, and any horse was faster than a man of his age. And even if Twilight couldn't catch him, he was certain the other one could, seeing as she could fly; he considered it pure luck that Fluttershy was too frightened or preoccupied to give chase.
The other option was to attack, but was that awkward due to the same reasons. Trying to land a hit would be hard enough, but with one able to fly off for help, and the other in possession a horn, he didn't want to take his chances. Lulling one of them towards him was easier, and much more likely to succeed. Plus, pushing them in the water would give him time to escape without harming them. Well, without harming them permanently anyway. He had planned to do the same to the yellow one, but as before, he was thankful she didn't seem inclined to attack.
But holding them back with his sword would have been unacceptable. They had no reason to be grievously harmed or killed. It would further no favour of his, nor would it have been honourable to do so; he considered himself a gentleman of the sea, and unlike many pirates, had learned the hard way what befell those compelled by greed.
The lack of allies or resources should he get caught was also an issue, but that wasn't the point.
Still running, and rather proud of how he handled the escape, he looked towards the trees ahead of him. Opening the book, he searched for the last page he'd had his eye on, eager to assure himself he was heading in the somewhat correct direction. Satisfied he was, he nodded his head and stored the book into his jacket. It may have held little in terms of descent co-ordinations, but made up for it in quantity and information on the wild life.
The section of the book he'd had open only focused on a specific corner of Ponyville, and the many orchards and fields that were present there. Given his current state of well-being, and the arduous task he likely had ahead of him in the evening, he only had one thing on his mind.
Food.
you get a citizen cane clap assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/citizen_cane.gif
I'd laugh if, as it turns out, Jack was staying with Pinkie or something.
That... would be EPIC! PINKIE X JACK SPARROW FTW!
Another entertaining chapter! Congratulations on the feature, my friend.
911704>>911636 you two no breaking the universe that is pinkie's job.
I give the author props, this sounds ridiculously awesome. I'm reading this.
Read Barbossa's lines in the best imitation of his voice that I could muster and found it really funny to be saying Miss Sparkle. lol
That must have been awkward when Barbossa gave Twilight the hint that Fluttershy was lesbian.
Although I think she gave her the book...
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/097/5/0/pierate_party_t_shirt_design_by_rannva-d4vaq3g.png
Vs
gabe-e.com/rushes/analysis/barbossa1.jpg
BEGIN!
how old is barbossa?
911990
EPIC-OSITY TO THE MAX!
My only complaint with this chapter was that too much of it, imo, was "meanwhile".
I think it would have been better if you'd skipped ahead to Fluttershy going to see Twilight. Nothing of any importance happened before that after all. You glossed over her dropping off Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, why not Sweetiebelle too?
The confrontation between Twilight and Barbosa was good, though it seems like your working to hard to keep his interactions peaceful. Everything he said to them was confrontational but you kept having him come up with reason not to hurt them. He has no reputation, they've obviously never seen anything like him, the obvious course of action would be for him to lie his ass off. Hell, he doesn't even need to lie. He could jut say he had lost his way and was looking for information on where he was. That would have gotten him the help he needs. Instead he said, "Stealin stuff." And he laughed at their names. Yeah, he's a prirate, but lieing and being treacherous like that should be second nature. But maybe that's just somthing else Jack is better at than him.
I hope the next chapter has Twilight telekineticly snag him and show him whose boss.
...
Or he get's caught in the orchard and AJ bucks him in the apples.
Time for my daily dose of AWESOME
Careful Barbossa lest some poison joke does THIS to you.
images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/22200000/Captain-Barbossa-barbossa-22294907-500-200.gif
912195
Meh, I thought the start was alright, but then again I didn't feel suddenly finding herself at Twilgihts was good enough. Thanks for the feedback though
As for Barbossa not acting like a kiss ass, if he acted too nice and lied to everybody, the story would end up to similar to other human in Equestria fics where there's a cocky human who moans at everything. I wanted Barbossa to be disliked, rather than loved by the mane six. So far, anyway
And from his point of view, they're simply the possible owners of the house he just robbed; he wouldn't think them that important. It's simply a bad coincidence for him that, had he simply lied, they were one of the few ponies in Ponyville who could have actually helped him
Plus, he's Barbossa. He's too arrogent not to try annoying the locals. But as I said, it just sucks for him that had he chose differently, they could have helped him.
Calypso vs Celestia, hmmm...
911636
I suddenly had the image of Captain Jack having to come save Barbossa from the candy-colored ponies.
912577
Personally, I like it this way. Too many HiE stories have the human being friendly with the ponies, even the ones where the Human isn't a brony. Besides, I can actually see Barbossa acting like this in this situation.
I will say though, that I hope Twilight takes note of the fact that he didn't try to kill her or anything.
inb4 Barbossa eats a whole bushel of (Applejack's) apples.
915357
Ooh, new stuff to learn. Okay, as for the captain thing, I assumed a title, when being mentioned with a character, is capitalised, like Emperor or Princess. But if not, I will look into it.
As for the manticore idea, I simply needed a reason for the crusaders to be scared of him, and a manticore is common enough to turn up off the bat, whilst also being big enough to scare the fillies, and small enough for Barbossa to actually take down. And if he'd just fell into Ponyville, I thought that'd make it more cliche than it needed to be.
Thanks for the grammar critique though. Most of the upcoming chapters have been mostly written, so a few of the problems you outline may seep through. Sorry about that
Ahh, I love this story! Never gets old!
*puts up finger and uses Sao Feng's voice*
But I cannot help but wonder...is Fluttershy in love with one of the mane 6???
Also...poor Twilight. She was just standing up for Fluttershy.
919449
I agree with the wording problem. As I said before to someone else, spell check is only as good as the person using it. And many thanks for the thing about ellipses, question marks and exclamation marks. That would have been a nice thing to have known
And thanks again; it's good seeing a harsh critic. Not pleasant per say but very, very useful all the same
920506
Believe me, I know what it's like to have harsh critics, but harsh criticism from a good pre-reader got the very first pony story I ever wrote onto Equestria Daily right from its first chapter, so trust me when I say that having one helps a lot. Your writing skill only stands to improve if people point out the flaws, and it just guarantees that your next piece will be even better. And I wouldn't criticise this so comprehensively if I didn't care to some degree. You got me invested, and I want to see this story do well.
I'll be reading chapter three later.
On a related note, your replies didn't show up in my notifications. Fimfiction has been doing that a lot lately. It annoys me.
Edit:
Also the title thing is finicky. It's okay to capitalise when used with a name, but not without. "Captain Barbossa" would be correct, but "Captain" by itself should be "captain" instead.
912077
it's over 9000!!
912577
I get why you wanted to do something different, but I still have to agree with Makokam. In this case, just talking to them would have been the smartest thing to do. He finds himself in a new world, with no idea what to do. He runs into some locals, who are clearly intelligent, and could tell him more about the place he's in, and could possibly help him (yeah, he doesn't know that Twilight can help him, but he would still assume they could at least give some help). They even talk to him, giving the impression they'd be willing to help. Instead he insults them, attacks Twilight, and runs.
I think my jaw dropped from reading that part because of how horrible it was. How could anyone in that situation be that stupid?
I'll keep reading, but if this is going to be another of those bad stories where the main character is given a massive idiot ball everytime an opportunity to get help comes up, then I'll have to pass. Which sucks because this looks really awesome so far.
Previous errors mentioned are still present, but no new ones this time. Aside from one. A little one.
>he hurried off to complete the tasks his friend had gave him; spurred on by the fact he might get to catch a glimpse of the “Mystery Monster of the Everfree Forest”.
The semicolon. It's used to bridge two sentences that are related to each other and could also be independent. Take out everything before the semicolon and what you have wouldn't make sense grammatically, therefore it's an improper use.
Few minor errors for you too:
>Spike occasional left his duties
Occasionally.
much to Angels annoyance.
Angel's.
descent co-ordinations
Decent, unless Barbossa is actually talking about aviation.
Still improving though. I'm going to assume you haven't got around to correcting the old chapters yet, but the latest one was uploaded after my last two comments, so I'm going to assume that it'll have taken my previous advice into account and look a little better. Here's hoping for the best.
His personality seems a little contradictory, but I'll still read it, if for no other reason than to see how he gets back.
Also,
The fact it could walk and read at the same time alone made Twilight jealous
That's easy to do as long as some chucklehead doesn't stick their leg out in front of you.
i like the DW references: all the strange strange creachers, and silence in the library
So far i like this story quite alot, its not a master pice of literature but it's certainly worth my time.
The first chapter was a bit cliche, he arriving in the forest the and all that, its the same old stuff we seen in hundreds of stories now and is frankly quite boring an unimaginative, i don't mind too much about that one just as you don't repeat cliche often cliche.
I like this as i understood it makeshift plan of finding a port and acquiring a ship. From his point of view it makes sens, he arrived in a ship so why should the be able to leave in a ship. But mostly because it seams it will shift the focus form Ponyville, and hopefully avoiding what who'd be the norm for most HIE storys, i don't care so much where the story takes place but with a main character quite like this, i just cant see him staying in ponyville and start befrendng the locals...
Just for future reference,
" slowly but surely, still weary of his presence."
The word you're looking for is wary. I was stuck on this line for a little bit trying to figure out what you were saying. Just trying to help.
Chapter 3 and I'm already laughing my ass off!
I think you got how he acts down well and I look forward to reading the rest of this
*later on when the ponies of ponyville catch him*
"What do you have to say about yourself!?"
"Well since ye be askin. Who gives a shit!?"
“And I'd be watchin' out for her, Miss Sparkle. I'm sure her tastes in lovers be not of the gentlemanly persuasion, if ye be catchin' me drift.”
Lol i just love how these two scenes played out. It's not really funny per se but when i read it i can't help but crack a smile. I can only imagine the bizarreness (is bizarreness even a word?) of the whole encounter
Edit:
make that three scenes
another gem of a scene (for me at least). Don't you just hate it when a supposedly familiar object or concept eludes you despite your vast knowledge of other things?
Poor Twi