Trixie was woken up by a slap across the face. “Ow!” When she regained her senses she saw Raindrops standing over her.
“Is this really the time to be napping?”
“I wasn’t napping. Ditzy punched me. Why do you ponies keep hitting me?!”
“Cause you kind of deserve it sometimes.”
Trixie glared at the weather pony. “What are you doing here?”
“Well I was at the school in case there had been a fire. I saw you and Ditzy leave in such a hurry, so when I couldn’t find Dinky anywhere on the school grounds I started to get worried.” Raindrops explained. “I decided to come check and on the way here I ran into Silver Script who explained to me what was going on."
“Could we focus on finding Ditzy?” Trixie turned her head to see Silver Script, still carrying the L&T bat. “You were supposed to keep her safe.”
“I tried but then...” Trixie’s punch drunk brain finally got back up to speed. “WE’VE GOT TO GET TO THE TRAIN STATION RIGHT NOW!!!”
Ditzy arrived at the train station to find Parley waiting for her.
“Punctual as always.” Parley said smugly “Good to see you haven’t let the recent event change that.”
Ditzy just glared at Parley as the two boarded the train.
“Well isn’t this nice.” Parley commented. “It looks like we’re getting a car all to ourselves. What a pleasant turn of events.”
Ditzy scanned the empty train car. “Where’s Dinky?”
“Again with that? Honestly you’re like a broken record. I told you, my associates have found an alternative means of transport for her so she’ll be waiting for us in Manehatten.” Parley sat on a nearby seat. “My advice to you is to get comfy and enjoy not having to worry about the little brat for a while.”
Something snapped in Ditzy’s brain. She picked up her suitcase and threw it through a nearby window, sending shattered glass everywhere.
Parley looked at the grey mare in dismay. “What do you think that is going to prove?”
Instead of answering, Ditzy pounced, grabbing hold of Parley, then flew straight out of the opening she had created.
Ditzy flew higher and higher, dragging a screaming Parley along with her. She finally found a lone cloud to stand on and dangled Parley over the edge by his tail.
“LET ME GO! LET ME GO!” Parley paused for a moment as he reassessed the situation. “DON’T LET ME GO! DON’T LET ME GO!”
“Where is Dinky?” Ditzy’s speech was slightly muffled because she was hanging on to the tail with her mouth but she was still surprisingly clear.
Parley’s screaming soon died down in to a panicked muttered as he tried very hard not look down. “Look, I know I’m not your favourite pony right now but if you kill me my boss’ll...”
“Your boss will keep Dinky alive so long as they think they can use her to get to me. If you die it will just be considered collateral damage so long as I’m on that train when it leaves.”
“You won’t kill me, you’re the element of Kindness.”
“Kindness has limits.” Ditzy answered. “and I’ve reached mine.”
The stallion was starting to sweat. “Look we’re both reasonable ponies. Get me down and I’ll tell you where to find Dinky.”
“No you tell me where to find Dinky and then I’ll think about letting you down.”
“You drive a hard bargain.”
“The ground is harder.”
“Alright! Alright! The thing is I don’t actually know where Dinky is.”
“My jaw is getting tired.” To prove it, Ditzy loosened her grip on Parley’s tail.
“It’s the truth I swear.” Parley was on the verge of tears. “Plata was in charge of getting Dinky to Manehatten, I never thought to ask him how he was planning on getting her there.”
“Well sucks to be you.” Parley started to plummet when Ditzy let go.
“PLOMO!! HE WOULD KNOW!!!”
Parley’s descent started to slow and came to a complete stop inches from the ground. He risked a glance upwards and saw that Ditzy had grabbed his tail again. She then dropped him onto his back but he was too scared to move. “Plomo was supposed to be following you. He and Plata scheme everything together. Find him and he can tell you where Plata went with Dinky.”
Ditzy glared down at Parley for a moment longer before being satisfied that the stallion had told her everything. She then clocked him in the jaw her right hoof knocking him out.
“Oh sure now you decide to actually start punching the bad guys.”
Ditzy turned to see Trixie, Raindrops and Silver Script approaching. “What are you doing here?”
“What are we doing here?” Trixie repeated in disbelief. “You punch me in the face and that’s all you have to say? What do you think we’re doing here?”
Raindrops silenced Trixie with a nudge. “We came to help you and Dinky.” She paused when she noticed that Parley was unconscious. “Seems we were a little late for that.”
“No time.” Ditzy said. “I’ve got to find one of the goons that were with him.”
“You mean we’ve got to find him.” Trixie interjected. “Look I know knocking me out was your way of stopping me from getting hurt but the best shot we have at saving Dinky is if we work together.” She then crouched and covered her head.
“What are you doing?” Silver Script asked
“Protecting my vitals in case she hits me again.”
“You're right.” Ditzy admitted.
“Well first thing we need to do is tie up this guy.” Raindrops idly poked the unconscious stallion. “Has anypony got some rope?”
“Here ya go.” Pinkie Pie appeared, holding a roll of rope. “I have rope hidden all across Ponyville, in case of rope emergencies.”
“Pinkie Pie?” Trixe gaped at the pink pony. “What are you doing here?”
“A running gag and a pointless cameo. See ya.”
As the other three watched Pinkie bounce off, Trixie used her magic to quickly tie up Parley.
“You know, speaking of Pinkie.” Sliver Script spoke casually. “Doesn’t she usually have these things at her parties that you dangle from a tree and beat with a stick until candy comes out?”
“Yeah, they’re called Piñatas.” Raindrops said. “Why do you ask?”
Silver Script eyed a nearby tree as he casually ran his hoof over L&T. “No reason.”
“That’s extremely tempting but not helpful.” Trixie turned back to Ditzy. “You said something about a goon?”
“Yeah, he was supposed to be following me. Parley said he would know where Dinky was.”
“The only one of those crooks that we’ve seen since so far was this one.” Silver Script gave Parley a kick. “Think something happened to him?”
“Something did.” The four turned to see Caramel make himself known them. “He’s big, red and not somepony you want to get mad.”
“Caramel?!” Raindrops said in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”
“Big Mac sent me here to make sure that Ditzy didn’t leave on the train.” Caramel glanced at the unconscious stallion. “Kind of a moot point now isn’t it?”
“Big Mac sent you?” Trixie asked. “Why?”
“Because he’s off finding Dinky, why else?”
“You know where they took Dinky?!” Ditzy closed the gap between her and Caramel. “Where?”
“Sorry, can’t tell you.” Caramel said. “Big Mac told me to keep you safe and if I tell you, then you’ll want to go off to rescue her yourself.”
“Tell me where they’re keeping my daughter this instant!!”
Silver Script put a hoof on Ditzy’s shoulder. “Listen, maybe he has a point. I’d like to have a crack at the scum bags too but Big Mac might be Dinky’s best chance and we’d only get in his way.”
“But why are you and Big Mac involved in the first place?” Trixie asked.
“Because I asked them to get involved.” Silver Script admitted. “I went to them this morning hoping they could chase those thugs off before they did something like this.” He gave Caramel a brief glare. “Nice work on that front.”
“If you have any complaints about the service you have received, please feel free to visit our complaint department at Froggy Bottom Bog.” Caramel turned back to the mares. “Look, trust me, Big Mac is on the trail so the best for us to do is to stay out of his way and wait for him to bring Dinky home. Besides, it's not like he's hunting solo, Cheerilee's with him."
"The school Teacher?" Silver Script asked disbelievably, "No offence, but is she really the best bet for a rescue mission?"
"I'm sure this is an excellent subject for discussion but could continue this somewhere safer," Caramel looked around. “Preferably not here.”
“Why not?”
“Well I may have...sorta...sabotaged the train as a stalling tactic.” Caramel explained sheepishly. “We may not want to be here when they come to investigate.”
The midday sun beat down on Plata as he waited in the clearing. Dinky was still in the bag that she had been caught in, struggling and shouting.
“Quiet you.” Plata hissed. “Kids these days.” He then saw a large shadows being cast. Looking up he saw a mail wagon (or at least what was supposed to look like a mail wagon) being pulled by four Pegasi descending. “You took your sweet time getting here.”
“It’s not like you gave us a lot of notice.” The driver hoped off the wagon and approached Plata. “Considering that we took a major detour getting here I’d appreciate a little less lip.”
“Quit your whining. You’re getting paid double for this.” Plata turned attention back to the bag. “Now my friends are going to fly you first class to Manehatten. I suggest you stop struggling otherwise they may drop you.” At that moment Dinky’s horn stabbed through the bag. “What the..?”
The clearing was suddenly filled with a bright light. As the adults were blinded, Dinky used her magic to tear the bag open. Once she was free, she ran for it as fast as she could.
Dinky didn't know where she was but she knew that anywhere was better than here. Despite running as fast as she could, Plata, having recovered, soon caught up with her.
The filly came to an abrupt stop when Plata stomped down on her tail, preventing her from running any further. "Listen you little bruja, give me one good reason why I shouldn't snap that horn off."
"Ahem."
Plata looked up from Dinky and came face to face with an extremely angry Big Macintosh.
"I got one."
Any reply Plata was going to give was stopped by a hoof straight to his face.
At that moment the Pegasi had finally gotten over their temporary blindness and had caught up to the scene. Seeing their current employer laying on the ground in a daze and their meal ticket was currently being blocked by the red new comer, they decided to leap into action.
The driver and two others tried to charge Big Mac at the same time. The red stallion used his front hooves to swat two of them away as if they were flies and head butted the third. After taking what could be compared to a wrecking ball to the face, the third Pegasus went down and stayed there.
The first of the two remaining flew in and bucked Big Mac in the side of the head. Big Mac, only slightly fazed by the attack, put up his foreleg to block the on coming onslaught. When he saw an opening, Big Mac struck out, hitting an incoming hoof with his own. The Pegasus fell to ground and held his hoof in pain, only to be silenced by an upper cut.
Cheerilee raced up to Dinky. “Are you alright?” She asked the young filly.
Before Dinky could reply a Pegasus tried to attack the school teacher. As he stood up on his hind legs, Cheerilee raced in, driving her shoulder into the attacker's chest and unleashing a devasting series of gut punches. When she finally relented the stallion took a couple steps back and doubled over in pain. Cheerilee then finished him off with two hooves to the top of the head.
As she finished that, another stallion flew in, hoping to tackle her. Instead of dodging, Cheerilee stood her ground. When he was close enough, she jumped up, caught him in a reverse headlock and, using the weight change and the stallion's own momentum, drove him head first into the ground.
When Cheerilee stood back up, dusting herself off, the pegasus remained motionless.
“Alright!” The two earth ponies turned to see the driver was back up and was holding a crossbow that he had probably recovered from his wagon. “Don't move!”
“Hey genius, you've got one shot and two angry ponies,” Cheerilee replied. “Do the math.”
When realisation struck, the driver dropped the crossbow and took flight. As the pegasus tried to fly straight up and away, the two earth ponies shared a look. After a nod from Cheerilee, Big Mac held out his hooves. The school teacher jumped into them and as she did, the red farmer threw her skywards.
As she flew through the sky, Cheerilee let out a sharp whistle to get the driver's attention. The pegasus looked down in time to get a magenta hoof straight to the face.
When gravity finally caught up with Cheerilee and the now unconscious driver, she remaining calm descended, right into the waiting hooves of Big Mac while the pegasus had a destiny with hard ground.
Cheerilee chuckled as she looked up at Big Mac. “You haven't thrown me like that since that job you had in Hoofington.”
Big Mac let out a chuckle of his own. “Good times.”
The red bounty hunter then turned his head and saw the remaining Pegasus trying sneak up on him, wielding a large piece of wood as a club. When the Pegasus saw that he had been caught out and the annoyed looks Big Mac and Cheerilee were giving him, he let out a nervous chuckle. He then promptly used the piece of wood to knock himself out.
Big Mac rolled his eyes as he put Cheerilee down but then saw that Plata was trying to crawl away. The farmer stopped Plata’s retreat by stepping on the grey stallion’s tail. When the Manehattenite looked up at Big Mac in fear, the farmer offered eight words of explanation for his actions.
“You attacked a school and foalnapped a filly.”
Next thing Plata knew, he was being held by the Big Mac. He wondered what the point of this was until he saw Cheerilee approach, fire burning in her eyes.
“I'm going to make you regret being anywhere near my students.”
With no means of escape, Plata could only look on in horror as Cheerilee readied her hooves to deliver harsh justice, repeatedly. She then stopped when both she and Big Mac remembered that Dinky was busy watching this. Though not releasing Plata, the two earth ponies turned to Dinky. For a brief moment the three just looked at each other
"Violence is bad." Cheerilee said in a weak attempt not to be a bad example for the young filly.
"Yes, I know." Dinky replied before turning her back to him and covering her ears with her hooves. “Let me know when you’re finished.”
Now I will leave it to your imagination how long Dinky had to keep her ears blocked. I'm thinking ten minutes but that's being optamistic about how long Plata would last.
Also that fight was also over a lot quicker than I expected it would be but frankly, Big Mac is like a pony Mike Tyson, one hit and you're down.
Next, of course, comes the "Stay outta Ponyville" speech....and someone's losses getting cut. (Preferably by the Shadowbolts.)
Wowsa. Some explosive stuff there. They're prone to using considerably more than harsh language out there in L!Ponyville it seems, but it may just be a case of provocation.
Just remind me to never, ever piss off Ditzy.
( Big Mac was king of a given.)
While I still think it's a good story, I think Ditzy's a bit out of character here.
The big thing for me is that, as of 'Family Matters' Ditzy's vision is not reliable enough to safely do what she did here. In that fic, she commented that she doesn't fly in town because she crashes into things, and in fact she almost dive-bombs Apple Bloom by accident. Here, she's trying to catch a falling pony while also not hitting the ground. It was really likely that she would either miss and let Parley fall to his death (they started at cloud height, as I recall) or crash into the ground next to him and be badly hurt; and I don't see her willing to risk murdering someone, even to get Dinky back.
(Also, why does she assume that Parley's bosses won't care if he dies? Some might not, but others might see the value in protecting their employees, if for no other reason than to stop others from getting ideas).
Also, if this was her plan I'm confused as to why she tried to keep Trixie out of it. Trixie would probably have liked this plan, especially as she's not the one getting kicked.
Otherwise, though, interesting story, and I'm eager to see the conclusion.
Aaand this story's just become my favorite non-RDD Lunaverse story. Congratulations.
This fic got off to a bumpy start, and I really never expected to enjoy it, but your skill has improved by leaps and bounds. Don't get too cocky from that praise though, you've still got plenty of room for improvement. Notably some of your dialogues could use more scene and/or emotional descriptors so that there are fewer strings of naked quotes. You also could still use a good proofer; it's rather a bad thing when there are errors glaring enough for someone as bad at catching those as me to notice.
"turned to see"
Not a damn thing wrong here, and I love you so much for dropping this into the scene.
Again, nothing wrong, just needed to complement your ability to weave wonderful humor into all this.
"beat"
"caught up with"
And again, just stopping to say thanks for making me laugh.
I don't know quite how but you made this full string of eight words feel as brief as any typical eeyup/nope, not to mention pants wettingly scary. I sir am impressed, and most glad not to be the pony on the receiving end.
Seriously, are you really the same author? Because this single chapter has had more pure awesome in it than all your previous ones combined.
963182
I don't think she was thinking much at all or had any plan going into it before hand, just acting on pure momma bear instinct, plus rule cool/drama.
963239
I'd be personally hurt, if this weren't also becoming a serious contender for my own non-RDD favorite slot.
Awesometastic.
Here's me hoping that all three-no six goons get to go on an all expense trip to Luna. Them and all their broken bones and bruises.
And why didn't Trixie get Princess Luna or the guard for that matter involved? I mean they smoke bombed a school and kidnapped a filly. Even if Ditzy got blackmailed and signed a contract at Manehatten, Luna would say that it was under duress, evidence being someone smokebombed a school full of kids and when the smoke cleared, one of the foals wasn't there. Thus kidnapping which is obviously against the law. .
963262 You shouldn't be (not because of comment of mere me), but I should have probably written "one of my favorite non-RDD stories". I'm way too vague in my tastes to rank anything to number one spot.
This is pure gold. I cheered hard when I read this.
I gotta get back to reading the rest of the chapter now.
Edit:
Laser-guided karma! Big Mac strong and Dinky approved!
Okay, Big Mac and Ditzy are both badass. Those mob-ponies deserve all the beatings they get. And more.
Man, remind me to never mess with Dinky. Ditzy is willing to shed blood for her.
Scary awesome.
963103 here dinky, listen to this while you wait http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMAIqZatptY&feature=player_detailpage
i have no idea how to put videos up...
Now I gotta wonder who was their boss...and if perhaps that boss will show up, pretending to not be related to the incident and offer Ditzy protection against future mob incursion in exchange for loyalty... basically this could turn out to be a Xanatos Gambit, where either outcome of the kidnapping attempt would end up positive.
You know, the cloud scene reminds me of the best line from the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Commando.
"Remember when I said I'd kill you last?
I lied!"
965218
True, though this is also a pretty extreme situation. Parlay didn't just abduct Dinky, he threatened to cut her up and send her back to Ditzy by MAIL. Seriously, that is some major line crossing. Ditzy isn't just in Angry-Momma-Bear mode here, she might as well be a full grown URSA MAJOR.
Nice touch at the end when you had Big Mac pause and clarify that violence is bad to Dinky
Big Mac like a boss!
Although I'm a bit surprised since I thought in the Lunaverse the apple family were basically farmer/thugs themselves.
This chapter is awesome.
973798 I forgot about that; this story is shaping up to be the Lunaverse's Sunday!
978740
Common misconception. The Trust is a big corporation of sorts, and like most such it is most concerned with 'growing' its own profits and influence. While no tears are shed for smaller farms that go under from being unable to compete, there is little if any actual thuggery involved.
This is especially true of Sweet Apple Acres, where our more familiar Apples are still supposed to be mostly the same well intentioned folk that we know in the main-verse, just having grown up and lived through different circumstances. Even AJ is supposed to have a good hear underneath her incessant need to plan for total catastrophe.
Hmm. Well, my notifications tell me that you had some comments for me, but by deleting the chapter I can't see them anymore.
I feel bad, I really do.
990320
Really? He seems to have only unpublished the chapter, not outright deleted it, all the comments seem to still be here on the main story page, or at least that's how my browser is working.
990381
Huh, now I can see them.
This site is weird for me sometimes...
Thinking about it more, I'm starting to wonder if the story should be de-canoned even if the Network stuff changes.
I guess my big issue here is, what do the L6 actually do? Big Mac and Caramel solve all the problems. Five of the six do nothing, and while Ditzy attacks Parley, it's meaningless because Caramel already broke the train and Big Mac independently tracked down Dinky. The story would have been the same had the L6 taken a day at the spa and explicitly let Big Mac do everything. In the M-verse, there's only been one episode where the M6 were totally uninvolved (Hearts and Hooves Day), and that was at the end of the 2nd season. In the first season, the M6 mattered in every episode, and I think we want to keep things the same way here with the L6. This would make a great L-verse fanfic, but I don't think it works in canon for that reason.
Also, thematically, this story seems to imply that the magic of friendship means less than the magic of Big Mac bucking things. I don't think that this works. Ultimately, the characters should solve the problems because of their own skills and their friendship and camraderie. Not because they have a tank in their back pocket.
Big Mac's near-invincibility is also a problem. It makes the L6 look like chumps, and seems like too much of a deus ex machina. I was fine with the comments earlier about him knowing, for instance, how to stumble into another pony to get info, because that seemed like it might be setting up a joke, but making him an actual pony with Leverage like skills (even if there's no Network) is a problem, for the same reason as above.
Third, there's Dinky. One of the reasons that Dinky and the Blanks was deemed non-canon, as I recall, was that it also featured Dinky getting abducted and such, and we didn't want to put Dinky through that kind of nightmare too often. Dinky should be mature, but not a PTSD victim, and after a certain number of kidnappings/abductions/being turned into a zombie, that's all she can really be. So I think that's a problem too. Again, fine for fanfic, but not so good for canon.
Just my thoughts. Sorry for being so critical. I do think it makes a good fanfic, but I'm not so keen on it being canon.
992267
To be fair, this isn't the first canon story that has little to do with the L6. Carrot Top of the Line had CT serve as the POV character, but was solely about giving L!RD and L!FS a backstory to explain why they do what they do, and A Chance Encounter literally does not include any of the L6 at all. (Just in case you might think that I'm hating on those two stories, I'm not. Just pointing out that that sort of thing has happened before in the Lunaverse)
Also at some point or another, someone is going to be kidnapped in a bid to control one of the elements.Really, that kind of thinking is something that a lot of the less scrupulous factions would come up with quite quickly.
995101: But at least in CTotL, Carrot Top actually solved the problem. She was relevant in a way that the L6 really aren't in this story.
I think the issue with kidnapping is that Corona already did it, and there were worries that too much of it would grimdark the universe.
996557
Pretty much any plot that can be done has a slippery slope. Too much of the politicking turns this into a political drama, too much M6 turns this into about how different they are in the Lunaverse, too much Corona turns her from a legitimate threat to something the L6 buck on there way to real problems. At the same time, a lot of those need to be displayed in some manner. For example,too little of the politicking turns Greengrass into a vague, barely defined threat, too little of the M6 wastes the emotional turmoil in the readers that can be caused by their modified presence, And too little Corona would make one think "Why make her a recurring villain if you never use her?" Basically, I'm trying to say moderation needs to be taken into account.
And yeah, I'll grant that about CTotL.
992267
I apprieciate critical reviews. It helps me grow as a writer. I'm also glad that you like this story. That said I don't agree that this story should be decannoned. Here are some of my arguments for why this story should still remain canon.
Firstly it provides world building. It Introduced that there are factions other than nobles that would be interested in getting hold of the elements, some of whom are capable of being ruthless. Yes Greengrass and Corona are the main villians of this season but it seems kind of strange if almost every evil non-corona thing that the L-6 had to deal with was Night Court based (espiecally if the night court is meant to be inherently good with just a few bad eggs). It also gave Equestria some more options in terms of Law enforcement seeing as so far it has been limited to (as fa.
It helps show that there are capable ponies outside of the L-6. If there was one flaw I saw in the first season of MLP:FIM, it was that in it's pursuit to keep the entire focus on the m-6 it had the bad habit of making everypony else in comparision seem incompetant. I'm not saying that Big Mac or Caramel should be made main characters (they may not even get another big role in a L-verse story, who knows) but you want to show from time to time that the world wouldn't suddenly burst into flames if the main heroes weren't there.
It delved further into what Ditzy is willing to do to protect Dinky as well as opened the possibility that Trixie's paranoa isn't always right (so far I don't recall a single time that Trixie has been completely wrong in her suspsicians, she has been a jerk and reacted incorrectly but she hasn't been wrong).
It offered character developement for side characters like Big Mac, Caramel and Silver Script. All of whom are potential allies for the L-6 (espcially after the events of Carrot Top Season).
Just because the L-6 weren't the ones that saved Dinky it doesn't mean that they didn't do anything. In "Swarm of the Centuary" the M-6 (aside from Pinky) achieved nothing in terms getting rid of the Parasprites but it was still their actions that drove the story. The members of L-6 present were still helping to drive the story.
At no point in this story were the L-6 meant to look like chumps, I intended them to act how they naturally would react in this situation. Yes Ditzy went blindly headfirst into an dangerous situation and didn't think things through but her daughter was in danger and that has alway's been her blindspot. Trixie didn't have time to think things through or to notify Luna or the other elements because when she was finally brought into the loop about Parley she was either stuck trying to catch up with Ditzy or being knocked unconcious.
Yes, the network idea was a miss-step that I have corrected but it can still justified what Big Mac pulled off, he is cannonically shown to stronger than the average pony and Carrot Top Season established him as being quite fast despite his size. I showed early on that he had experience as a bounty hunter and thanks to Caramel's sweep (This was caramel's first appearance in the Lunaverse so his skills weren't yet established) he knew that Plata and Plomo where staying at that motel. He already suspected them of being up to something so Applebloom's discription was enough for him to go investigate. He found Plomo en route and got the location from him.
And how exactly did this story imply that the power of friendship means less than the power of Big Mac bucking things in the face? This was one time when the main threat wasn't taken out by the L-6 as opposed to all the othertimes that the problem was solved by the power of friendship (which is actually quite a loose term considering that it has included everything from beating a griffan up to having Cheerilee impersonate a judge). The friendship was still there. Yes Big Mac did use violence but the L-6 also used violence in the past.
Also, with the political nature of the L-verse, very few problems will have the option of being solved in a straight fight so how does having a few
allies that are battle capable in Ponyville create problems for future stories?
Lastly the bit about the Train wasn't to show that Ditzy's actions had been pointless, it had been to show that Caramel's actions had been pointless and that while she had needed help in saving Dinky she was not helpless. If she had beaten Parley and then went to save Dinky Liam Nelson style, that would have been unbeleivable.
I'm not saying this story is perfect or that there isn't room for improvement but I still don't think that it should be decannoned.
Well, this was more violent than I expected. Reminds me of the action movies of the 90's, with a touch of slapstick comedy.
Also, when the Lunaverse gets turned into an audio series, we need a good Wallace Shawn impersonator to voice Parley. It's all I hear when I read his lines.
1306591
Yeah I will admit 90s actions and anything that involves A-Team style heriocs are a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine so I will not deny there may have some inspiration.
I hadn't really had a particular voice for Parley in mind but now that you've said I have to agree that a Wallace Shawn sounding voice would be perfect for him.
That last line....that is cosmically awesome!!!
I really liked this story - made me chuckle out loud and made everypony badass!
Just a little thing that bugged me; in this chapter, you did a small derp with Raindrops and Cheerilee's positions (Raindrops at Trixie's house and Cheerilee with Big Mac), namely not properly explaining them. In the very beginning, you call Raindrops a "teacher", making it seem as though you placed the two at random or something. I'm happy with your choice, just not with the explaining This has probably been pointed out already, but what the hay.
1878729
Thanks, glad you liked it.
I fixed that derp about calling Raindrops a teacher (originally Cheerilee was the one who woke up Trixie but I changed it in favour of her kicking butt) and I had Raindrops explain a bit more about what she was doing there.
Was there anywhere else you felt could have done with a bit more explaining?
1879982
Well.. It's certainly not a big thing, but I found it a little hard to discern Cheerilee's motives for partnering up with Big Mac, in this chapter as well as the last. But then again, it's cool to leave it a mystery
Assuming that's supposed to be Raindrops, too, given that Cheerilee should currently be with Big Mac at that time.
"Got a problem? Throw mares at it! The only technique guaranteed to work, and endorsed by both Bounty Hunters and Guard Captains!"
Damn, Never get between a mother and her kid n_n small typo “Your right.” Ditzy admitted. - Should be you're
Sorry, It might be quite a time since I read this, but wasn't just big mac the only one attacking plata original? And Cherilee waiting with the others and using parcey as a piñata?
Or it was all a dream
"Violence is bad." You can feel her reaching so hard with that one line that it's just hysterical.
clocked him in the jaw her right hoof
He then saw a large shadows being cast
she remaining calm descended, right into the waiting hooves
1. Clocked him in the jaw with her right hoof.
2. Shadow.
3. She remained calm as she descended.
Is this a thing, Cheerilee being a former wrestler with Big Mac as her former wrestling partner? Because I know I've seen it before, but I can't remember where, and it seems to be that here.
If Dinky were voiced, what would she sound like?
3301837 I think someone said once that she would sound like Michelle Creber's voice sans Applebloom's accent.
A combination of this chapter and the cunning linguist line reminds me of James Bond.
Thank you for that awesome mental image.
"Kindness has it's limits, and I've reached mine." and "Hey genius, you've got 1 shot and 2 ponies. Do the math." are epic Badass one liners! Big Mac approves.
I now want to see the Annual Wife-Throwing Competition.
Big Mac and Cheerilee vs. Shining Armor and Princess Cadance.
did..did cheerilee do a ddt
All she needs if five minutes.
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4986607
A flying DDT counter attack.
Welp, that was awesome.
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Violent, but satisfying!