Things were quiet at the representative house as the group waited for Big Mac’s return. They were in the lounge. Trixie on the couch, practising card tricks to calm herself whilst levitating an ice pack against the side of her face. Silver Script and Raindrops were busy finding a good place to leave the gagged and restrained Parley. Caramel was watching the door while Ditzy was pacing back and forth.
“It’s taking too long.” The grey mare said. “They should have been back by now.”
“It hasn’t been that long.” Caramel said. “Trust me, Big Mac has everything under control. Most likely he’s already on his way back.”
“How can you be so sure?” Ditzy demanded.
“Because I know Big Mac, that stallion is unstoppable even when he’s in good mood but these thugs have managed to get on his bad side.” Caramel said reassuringly. “The only thing we need to worry about is Big Mac leaving enough of those scum bags for questioning.”
*THACK*
“HRMP!!”
Everypony turned to see the restrained Parley dangling from the ceiling like a piñata while Silver Script stood there with the L&T Bat. Realising that he was being watched he quickly hid the bat behind his back and pointed towards Raindrops in an attempt to shift blame.
Trixie stood up from the couch and went to stand beside Ditzy as a form of comfort. “Wait 10 more minutes and if they’re not here by then we’ll go looking.”
*THACK*
“HRMP!!”
“Enough, Silver!” Trixie scolded.
Before any more could be said there was a knock at the door. Ditzy bolted straight for it and swung it open in time for a small filly to tackle her which turned into a big hug.
“Momma!” Dinky said happily.
Ditzy responded with the hug and returned it with gusto. “Oh Dinky, are you okay? I was so worried?"
"I'm alright, Big Mac and Cheerilee saved me."
"I love you so much, Dinky.”
“I love you too, Momma.”
The two stayed like that, just hugging each other and being so happy to be back together. Single tear feel down Ditzy's cheek as tried to recommit every sound, touch and smell to memory. Her daughter was back and most important, safe. No more words needed said, their world had been made whole again.
Big Mac and Cheerilee then walked through the doorway, smiling at the scene in front of them. Caramel smirked as he went to stand by the crimson stallion.
“Times like these are what make this job so worthwhile.”
“Eeyup.”
Big Mac then got pulled into surprise hug with Ditzy and Cheerilee. “Thank you.”
The big stallion looked like he might have been blushing under his red as he shrugged off the hug. “No problem.”
After all the adults present had taken the time shower the returned foal in boat loads of affection. Trixie approached the farmer.
“Look, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, cause I am really grateful, but as a Night Court Representative I have to ask: What did you do with the thugs that had foalnapped Dinky?”
Big Mac gestured towards to the door.
Everypony headed outside and found what appeared to be a mail wagon.
“A mail wagon?” Trixie asked in disbelief.
“Not a real one.” Silver Script remarked. “The wagon's an outdated model and the paint job is too shoddy to be government issue.”
Big Mac open the back to reveal seven restrained and unconscious stallions. Trixie and Ditzy edged closer to examine them.
“Recognise them?” Trixie asked.
Ditzy pointed to Plata and Plomo. “Those two were working with Parley. I don’t know about the other five.”
“Ahem.”
Trixie turned to see Big Mac holding out a note. The Representative took it and examined it. It was hastily written but still legible and at the top was Big Mac’s name and Bounty Hunting ID number.
These seven individuals that have been captured and detained were in the process of foal napping a young filly.
The two earth ponies should be charged for attacking the school and for foal napping.
The five pegasi, while not involved in the attack on the school, were intending to transport the foal napped individual, known as Dinky Doo, against her will to Manehattan and as such should be charged for being accessories to a foalnapping as well as impersonating mail carriers and carrying stolen and/or illegal items.
Though these are the only charges I am aware of, all seven appear to be career criminals and will most likely have other crimes they can be charged with.
As the one with bounty hunting authority, I take full responsibility for the actions taken to apprehend these criminals.
Any and all actions I have done in the process of capturing these five ponies were done with the safety of Miss Doo as my chief concern as well as ensuring that she was returned to her mother as soon as possible.
I request that this be taken into consideration if charges are brought against me for actions not covered under the Bounty Hunting Act or the Civilian Arrest Act.
Trixie looked up from the note and stared at Big Mac who just shrugged in return. After not getting any further answer she turned to Caramel who gave a shrug of his own.
“He's a writer.” Caramal replied
After getting statements from them, Trixie sent Ditzy and Dinky home, saying that she would let them know if there was any trouble but that there wasn’t any need for them to wait for the authorities to arrive.
Silver Script walked them home, treating them to a late lunch and ice cream on the way. As was expected Silver Script got strange looks for still carrying the bat but he did get 10% off the meal. At last they arrived back at their apartment. Dinky went in first but Ditzy paused at the door to say goodbye to the post master.
“Thank you for everything.”
“No worries, like I said I take care of my own.” Silver Script replied. “Though you know, since the students are getting the day off tomorrow, why don’t you have it off too?”
For once Ditzy didn’t argue. “Thank you.”
Silver Script nodded and took his leave.
“Wait!”
Silver Script stopped and turn back to Ditzy.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while. Why did you name your bat ‘Love & Tolerance’?”
Silver Script smiled knowingly. “The same reason I named my sledge hammer ‘Gentle Persuasion’.”
At that he left. Ditzy walked into the apartment and then received another hug Dinky. The filly stayed like that for while, holding onto her mom.
“Momma” she finally said in a quiet voice. “Would it be alright if we stayed in for the rest of the day?”
Ditzy scooped up her daughter and held her close. “Of course we can.”
Big Mac and Caramel entered the kitchen. Big Mac was promptly tackled by Applebloom.
“Did you save her?”
The red stallion gave his sister a hug. “Eeyup.”
“Told you he would.” Granny Smith was sitting at the breakfast table. “I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, my grandson is the best bounty hunter Ponyville has ever had.”
“I just hope that ya taught them a good lesson of the physical kind.” Applejack had walked in to the kitchen when she heard Big Mac was back. “No good varmints think they can come into our town and attack Applebloom’s school like that. They’re probably the ones that messed with the train too.”
At that Caramel gave a nervous cough and tried to change the subject. “Hey Applejack, can I have Monday off?”
“No.” Applejack said flatly before raising a threatening hoof when she saw Caramel opening his mouth to argue. “Now don’t ya give me lip, yer already taking those two weeks off ta go visit yer family up north. Which is a pretty big favour considering that ya’ll be missing preparations for the Trottingham Farming Contest.”
“Oh come on, it’s just like every other farming contest you guys have been in.” Caramel argued. “What’s the worst that could happen?” Big Mac then whacked him on the back of the head. “Ow!! What was that for?”
“Tempting fate.”
At that Caramel left for home, while Applejack and Applebloom went out to finish their chores before night fall, leaving Big Mac and Granny Smith alone in the kitchen. The elderly mare smiled warmly at the large stallion. “Ya did yer folks proud today.”
Big Mac gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Anyone else wouldn’t have noticed it but Granny Smith knew him too well to be fooled.
“Still worried about them, aren’t ya?”
The red farmer sighed as he sat down beside her. “Eeyup.”
Granny Smith gave her grandson a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Look, I know you want to do everything in your power to make this world a safe place for the sake of your sisters but there are some battles that aren’t for you or me to face. I think you’re granddad said it best.”
“Do good...” Big Mac began.
“...and let fate worry if it was enough.” Granny Smith finished.
Big Mac nodded as he took an apple from the fruit bowl. He took a bite and winced in pain.
“What’s wrong?” Granny Smith asked, clearly concerned.
“Got bucked in the face.” Big Mac answered.
“Let’s take a look. Open up.” She ordered. Big Mac complied as she put on her glasses and came in for a closer look. “Hmm, nothing looks broken or loose.” She backed up and let him close his mouth again. “Give it a couple of days and if it still hurts we’ll take you to go see a doctor.” She then headed towards the fridge. “In the meantime, what you need is a big slice of apple pie.”
“With whipped cream?” Big Mac asked hopefully.
Granny Smith laughed as she put a slice of pie on a plate and then a bit dollop of whipped cream on top.
“Here you go.” She placed the plate in front of Big Mac. She then affectionately ruffled the part of his mane she could reach. “You big softie.”
Night time finally came for what had felt like one of the longest days Ditzy had had to date. And it seemed like her days had gotten a lot longer since Corona showed up. Still what mattered was that her little muffin was back where she belonged.
Dinky had gone to bed and Ditzy was just doing some cleaning up when there was a knock at the door. The grey mail mare opened the door to find Trixie standing there, levitating a tub of ice cream. “Um hi Trixie. What are you doing here?”
“Well firstly to tell you that it’s all been taken care off. Parley and company will be in Canterlot by now and can look forward to a personal one on one meeting with Princess Luna amongst other things. Secondly I wanted to know if you and Dinky wanted to help me eat this tub of Ice Cream.”
“Why?”
“Well I decided that after a day like today I needed ice cream but I couldn’t sit at home shovelling down a tub of ice cream by myself because that would be depressing, so I decided to come here instead.” Trixie explained. “I got double choc ripple.”
Ditzy eyed Trixie and the tub of ice cream. “Alright, but Dinky is already asleep so we’ll have to save some for her.”
After filling up a big bowlful and leaving it in the freezer for Dinky, the two mares crashed on the sofa with two spoons and started to dig in.
“So how’s Dinky doing?” Trixie asked.
“She’s doing okay. Better than she had last time.” Ditzy really hated the fact that there had been a ‘last time’. “But it’s hard to tell if she actually alright or if she’s just being brave for my sake. So are you sure they won’t be back.”
“Trust me, with the charges they're facing, those scum bags won’t be coming back.” Trixie assured her. “And the same goes for the lowlife who sent them.”
“Do they have any idea who it was?”
“Nothing definite but the going theory right now is that it was one of the Manehattan crime bosses hoping to make a fortune holding an element ransom.”
“Ransom?” Ditzy asked in disbelief. “We’re the one thing that can stop Corona and there are actually ponies trying to jeopardise that for money?”
“Well you see Ditzy. Everyone in Ponyville got a front row seat to what Corona can do and she also made her presence known in Canterlot. Everywhere else she is still almost treated like a myth granny’s tell their grandkids, as far as we know she has been keeping a low profile so some ponies find it hard to see her as a real threat.”
“So they’re idiots.” Ditzy surmised.
“Yeah pretty much.”
The two continued to eat the ice cream. A few more minutes Ditzy started to voice something that had been bugging her for a while. “Hey Trixie. If we’re the only thing that can stop Corona why hasn’t Princess Luna placed anymore protection in Ponyville to help keep us safe?”
Trixie paused and took a moment to make sure she worded her explanation right. “You know how as the Elements of Harmony Luna deemed us property of the people and can’t do us any special favours so that we can stay politically untouchable?” Ditzy nodded. “This is kind of the same thing. If Luna was to place extra guards or protection in Ponyville, just for our sakes, it would be like waving a big banner saying that the elements weren’t safe here.”
“And that would be bad.” Ditzy assumed.
“It wouldn’t be good.” Trixie answered. “If that happened then factions in the Night Court would argue that the elements should be moved to Canterlot for safe keeping.” She went on to explain. “That would then lead to arguments over where we should stay and who would be in charge of protecting us. It would be a political battle field and we would be in the middle of it.”
“That’s bad.”
“That’s politics.” Trixie knew that she was being brutally honest but this was one time when brutal honesty was needed. “Look I know it sucks that we have become targets just for doing the right thing but that’s how it is.”
“But it isn’t just us. It’s our loved ones too.” Ditzy replied. “How are we supposed to handle that?”
“By working smart and more importantly working together.” Trixie replied. “Look I know that you were worried about finding Dinky but there were better options than what you did. I could have contacted Luna for help. She can’t do us special favours but she doesn’t turn a blind eye to foal napping. Or least we could have gotten help from our friends. But instead of being able to do any of that I was stuck chasing after you and trying to make sure you didn’t get hurt and was knocked out for my troubles.”
Trixie looked at Ditzy sternly.
“We got lucky today, as-in-Sweet-Luna-I-wish-Ponyville-had-a-lottery-so-I-could-buy-a-ticket lucky, but we can’t afford to rely on luck and we can’t afford to fly off the handle.”
Ditzy looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry.”
Trixie realised she may have done too good a job at getting her point across. “It’s alright, the important thing is that we got both you and Dinky back.”
“No it’s not alright!” Ditzy shot back. “You were trying to help and I punched you. Then I completely lost it at the train station.”
“Come on, I wasn’t too fond of you punching me but that slime ball deserved it.”
“Deserved it?” Ditzy repeated. “I almost killed him.”
“You wouldn’t have killed him.” Trixie said dismissively.
“I dropped him from cloud height.” Ditzy shot back. “There is no way he would have survived that.”
“You caught him before he hit the ground.”
“I didn’t know that I’d be able to do that!”
Trixie paused. “What?”
“You know how bad my depth perception can be, especially when I’m flying. I have enough trouble sticking a safe landing let alone trying to catch anything that was falling too.” Ditzy said. “I took him up there knowing that if I let go he would most likely die before I could get to him... and I didn’t care.”
Ditzy leaned on the armrest and curled into a ball. “I was so angry...I didn’t care about what I did. I just wanted to hurt him.” She looked back at Trixie through teary eyes. “What sort pony does that make me?”
“It makes you a good pony and a great mother that’s had a really bad day.” Trixie put the ice cream on the coffee table and scooted closer to Ditzy. “You know, my mother once told me that if you weren’t willing to shed blood for the sake of your children, you didn’t have the right to call yourself a parent.”
Ditzy sat up and looked at Trixie. “Your mother said that?”
“Well technically she was my Aunt. That said she raised me like I was her daugher and yeah, she did say that. A little psychotic I know but still I used to think that she was the greatest mother in the world.”
“Used to?”
“Yeah a funny thing happened,” Trixie took a moment to feign sadness. “I moved to Ponyville and, as much as it hurt me to do it, after meeting you I was forced to move her to the number two slot.” Trixie then smiled Ditzy. “and guess what? The rankings still haven’t changed.”
Next thing Trixie knew, Ditzy was giving her a big hug. “I’m lucky to have a friend like you.” She whispered
“I’m the one who’s lucky." Trixie whispered back. "Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”
Finally the two disengaged from the hug. “So how about we get back to the ice cream?” Trixie suggested
“Ok but first.” Ditzy stood up and pulled Trixie to her hooves. “I want you to hit me.”
“What?”
“I hit you so it’s only fair that you hit me back.” Ditzy explained.
“Ditzy, this isn’t the playground. You said you’re sorry so let’s just leave it at that.”
“No, I won’t feel alright about this until you hit me.”
“I’m not gonna hit you.”
“Hit me!”
“I don’t see how this...”
“HIT ME!”
*THACK!*
“OW!”
“You okay Trixie?”
“No I’m not ok!” Trixie snapped as she clutched her hoof in pain. “You the one that got hit! Why am I the one that’s hurting?”
“Maybe you didn’t do it right.” Ditzy suggested. “Did you want to try again?”
“No I don’t want to try again! I want to go back to doing the thing that wasn’t causing me pain.”
Trixie sat back on the couch and scooped up a big spoonful of ice cream and stuck it in her mouth. She then clenched her teeth in agony as she experienced a massive brain freeze.
“Why do I even bother?”
*Edit*
Due to points made by readers, this chapter has been heavily revised and combined with what was going be the next chapter.
Please note that all the comments that discuss a concept called "the Network" is based on a concept in the old version of this chapter that has been removed.
985579 I'm liking this, a great deal. The stakes are getting pretty high, but there are options out there.
The explanation why the EoH team aren't in a vault somewhere, besides Luna very deliberately not being that sort of ruler, is an elegant one. Not deeply reassuring for them, though.
Hmmm. I doubt that the Celestiaverse is going to actually need something like SPHINX (SPHINX!!!) hanging around administering minty-fresh justice but here in the Lunaverse, ponies like these make sense. Perhaps their 'friend' has a nifty way of making ponies talk without hurting them.
Aw man...I was with you right up until the vigilante justice organization. It's...well, firstly, it's a bit late in the game to introduce another player in Equestria and the season, and I wish we'd had more of a hint of this earlier in the story as well.
It's a cool idea and all, but it sort of comes out of left field and I'm not sure it really works all that well. Not to mention that despite their differences, Trixie really does love Luna, and if she learned about a vigilante justice organization, I do not think she wouldn't report it, no matter the circumstances surrounding her learning about it.
Badass indeed.
Awwwww, the last chapter is lower in quality. And you started so well. :( I mean, the part where Dinky and Ditzy reunite? No 'I was worried' and 'I was scared' or other stuff? Straight out ' I love you'? Seems a bit unnatural...
Meinos Kaen
986176
do you ever think maybe having Celestia restored Luna style might have made people think this wasn't a really dark AU?
986328
Definitely, but I wanted a recurring villain.
But it's not out of any dark feeling for the organization. It's just that it really seems to come out of left field. I was all aboard with the idea that Big Mac was some kind of bounty hunter, because bounty hunters exist in real life and even have reality TV shows about them n' such. But a vigilante network? I can't get behind that springing into existance this late into season 1. Not to mention that it just feels really out of place in and of itself.
And also, yes, it suggests an awful lot about the state of Equestria: the only reason why this Network would exist is because Equestria needed it, but I don't think anyone has suggested even once that Luna's Equestria is in some kind of moral decay. Even what we've seen of the Night Court in action pretty much shows us that it's a normal government that spends most of its time concerned with boring things like a .5% increase in national sales tax and debating whether or not individual provinces should be allowed to append an additional .25% provincial sales tax. Sure, Greengrass has been a bastard to get what he wants, but the ponies around him seemed to mostly be on the level.
Now, mind, there is meant to be a perception that the Night Court is a place of cutthroat politics, and I don't mind Big Mac's statement that the Night Court is a circus with Luna as the ring leader: the best governments in the world have people saying that about them, and I see no reason why it wouldn't be different in Equestria. But a vast vigilante group and conspiracy that exists to basically get what the Night Court missed?
I just can't with that, man.
And Trixie wouldn't either. This would be reported so fast that she'd end up with whiplash. The Network basically suggests to Trixie that the Night Court doesn't work. She's spent an awful long time trying getting ready to enter the Night Court. That's not something she can take in stride. And I cannot see Luna supporting it (i.e., I just can't see a scene with Luna going "Oh, them? Yes, I know about them."), so the end result is Caramel and Big Macintosh arrested (vigilante justice is illegal for a reason), bad feelings from Cheerilee and Ditzy to Trixie, but Trixie firmly taking the stance that the Network can't continue to exist, fallings out, and just basically an unfun time for everypony involved.
986176
Agreed.
I was fine with the crime fighting dynamic duo of Big Mac and Caramel, but this whole Network thing is going a bit far. Something this big should have probably been brought up on the discussion boards or something. Really though, I'm just not sure what this whole Network angle really adds of value to world we've been building. The heroes of the Lunaverse are Trixie and her friends, not some random assortment of vigilantes. All this does is detract from that, while also making Equestria seem like a much more disorganized and scary place, with a government that's too impotent to get its job done effectively.
Also, we've already got the Shadowbolts as a legitimate government sponsored group that serves a rather similar role. So the Network would also seem kind of redundant.
986561
It still seems a bit too late to be introducing it, and even if Caramel was supposed to be blowing it all out of proportion, nothing about it seems to suggest that at all, and Big Mac seems to support everything he said.
Plus, given the nature of Luna's Equestria, I think the Network is fooling themselves if they honestly believe they aren't the unwitting pawns of at least two or three noble factions. Something like this is probaby the worst-kept secret from the Night Court.
I've got three issues with these last two chapters. For one, Ditzy just seems so...cold. I mean, when she was threatening Parley, there seemed to be little to no screaming. She was just calmly asking where Dinky was, then went on to explain why Parlay's bosses wouldn't care if he died. She should be ignoring every word out of his mouth unless it's telling her where Dinky was, as well as just screaming at him. And "a single tear" after she gets Dinky back? No. Most, if not all mothers would be blubbering unintelligently after getting their child back from a kidnapping.
For another, that whole fight between Big Mac and the three pegasi. It's not that he won when the fight was 3:1 odds, but that he took a buck to the head, and didn't even seem to feel it. Unless he's Superpony, he would at least feel it, as well as attempt to dodge. This isn't some 4 year old attacking him either, but a full grown pegasus, meaning something should have happened there. All in all. I just felt he was much to invincible there.
And the third problem I have, centred in this chapter, is the Network. It's just came out of no where, and ultimately is kind of...silly. A large network spanning across all of Equestria that no one knows about? Right....And why do they explain this to them? What purpose does that serve?
Beyond those points, I felt overall this story was good, so please don't think I hate the whole story. I just felt that it's kind of unravelling n the last few chapters.
Count me in as another who finds this 'Network' to be way too much. Big Mac and Caramel as licensed and above-the-board bounty hunters? Sure, makes them badass and is something we have in RL. But the 'Network' pushes it too far, is a bit too late and yeah, Trixie would be firing off a letter to Luna ASAP and STAT.
As awesome as a Leverage based network is, it seems out of place. I prefer the two guys hunting bounties route.
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin
985579
I, personally, like the network.
I can see Fancy Pants as a silent backer to this network, providing money for many of the resources that Caramel mentioned. He's certainly not its creator of course, but possibly an ancestor of his had a hoof in it. Maybe even with the approval of Luna.
If the network has Luna's silent approval, it would explain how they can operate with minimal interference from the law, provided they continue to work in the law's best interests and not try to become it themselves.
986569
I agree that something like this probably wouldn't be nearly as secret as Caramel makes it out to be. But it's a good way to introduce a group of nobles who genuinely have Equestria's best interests at heart and use their money, influence, and machinations to aid rather than for personal gain.
987533
there are people who can't feel free unless they're safe.
987582
Permit me to rephrase Mr. Franklin's quote then: If you could obtain protection from threats at the cost of being able to choose what to do with your life, are you really protected? After all, the person who now decides your life has the power to send any threat they like straight through the protections you rely on them for.
987601
The Network would NOT have Luna's backing. If she became aware of it, she'd set the actual law enforcers of Equestria - the police and the Shadowbolts (basically the FBI) on arresting its members.
We don't have to introduce those nobles. Our default assumption about most nobles should be that they have Equestria's best interests at heart - certainly that has been my assumption. For that matter, even Greengrass at leasts deludes himself that he has Equestria's best interests at heart. But neither Puissance nor Fisher nor Posey have come across as hoof-chafing villains out to spread their influence for nefarious purposes.
Have there been abuses of power? Yes, absolutely. Just like any normal government, the Night Court has its corruption and dark side. But a large vigilante group like this? No. I can't endorse that.
Right now I'm waiting to see if ZapAppleSmash wants to weigh in on this situation and is willing to change this chapter. If not, that's fine, but I'm going to remove this from the list of canon episodes otherwise - something I don't want to do, but this just doesn't, for many reasons, jive with the Lunaverse as it is right now. It suggests too many things, changes too many things, and is coming too late into the season, without enough buildup.
I mean...compare/contrast what I'm doing with "Crisis on Two Equestrias." I've posted the title, a comparitive map of Luna's Equestria and Celestia's Equestria, established L!Twilight Sparkle and L!Shining Armor...and then Emeral Bookwise and Hendy853 are further developing L!Twilight while I focus on establishing L!Trixie. And all this for something that will probably have a minimal effect on the overal canon!
Or compare/contrast all the discussion we've been doing about the lead-up to the Grand Galloping Gala.
987893
Fair enough.
987893
We don't have to introduce those nobles. Our default assumption about most nobles should be that they have Equestria's best interests at heart - certainly that has been my assumption. For that matter, even Greengrass at leasts deludes himself that he has Equestria's best interests at heart. But neither Puissance nor Fisher nor Posey have come across as hoof-chafing villains out to spread their influence for nefarious purposes.
well, I have to admit I've been assuming pretty massive corruption, just because if there wasn't I don't see how Greengrass would have much more ability than to skim some money off the top on taxes and maybe see some contracts awarded totally undeserving ponies.
Otherwise the rest of the nobles would have brought his actions to Luna's attention and he'd have been bounced out.
988159
What has Greengrass done that couldn't be done by a US senator? Heck, what extralegal or illegal actions has he really taken?
I would hope US Senators aren't involved in instance like the setup with Lyra and Octavia. He's intentionally and personally threatening to destroy lives to get what he wants.
987893
Yes I was first waiting to see what the general opinion was about this chapter before throwing in my two cents. I'm willing to change this chapter.
The first thing about this organisation is that it's not a supper power and it's not trying to fight against the government. I'm not saying that the Night Court is a corrupt cesspool, Im saying that like all governments, there are cracks in the system. Sure there will be nobles who abuse those cracks but the focus is more that there are other people that abuse those cracks to get power. That's who the people in the network would be fighting.
Caramel played the spy angle but I see it more as a hyped up "I know a guy who knows a guy...". For the most part these are pony's acting on their own.
Also, why is there the assumption that noone knows about it? The government would know they exist but knowing they exist and taking them down are two different things. Kind of like how the everyone seems to know that Greengrass is self serving and two faced yet no one has taken him down yet.
Also I agree right that in any other case Trixie would contact Princess Luna ASAP but the thing is that they had saved Dinky and they said they would give over Parley and co as soon as they got the information to take down who ever had sent Parley, thus helping keep her friends safe. She may still contact Luna but right now the point was that this is a situation where her loyalty to her friends comes in conflict with her duty.
986176: Also not a big fan of the Network idea. It just seems out of place in this universe. And it doesn't really mesh with the political situation -- as said above, if this thing existed, it would wind up as a tool of the nobles in about five minutes. And if Luna found out, they'd be arrested in about that time as well. Sorry, but I don't think it will fit.
Thematically also, the series is supposed to be about the power of friendship. As fun as Leverage is, it's... not about that. It's about beating bad guys, often in a very literal sense. The characters are friends, but it's not important like it is in the show. The L6 should be able to win their battles and solve their problems by means of their friendship with each other and their allies, and their own talents, not by needing a team of hitters to show up and pound the crap out of their enemies.
Furthermore, we kind of already have this with the Shadowbolts/Fancy Pants,etc. In other words, if the mafia did attack Ponyville for some reason,the government could have things they would do. They wouldn't need these guys.
The thing about Greengrass is that the things he's known for are perfectly legal political manuevering. Any actual crimes are done by his subordinates, who are either then indisposed if they suck (F&F) or very carefully protected (Lockpick) and are deniable in any event. (And, actually, if the Network existed and he learned about it, that would give him a perfect excuse to seize the Elements above-board. "They live in the same town as these vigilante lunatics!") And if the Network tried to stand up to the Court, or even a Noble's concentrated power, that would end very poorly for them.
Also agreeing that Trixie would report these guys ASAP. Which would suck for everyone. Might even screw up the farm dynamics again, as now AJ has one less actual sane pony she talks to on occasion due to BM being arrested, and she'd blame Trixie for the loss and the hit to her farm's productivity.
Re: Puissance and Fisher, yeah, they aren't power-mad. Puissance wants power and money, but is restrained in her actions to avoid being caught and disciplined. Fisher is a tribalist extremist, but he honestly believes himself to be doing right by Equestria. Neither of them are complete hoof-chafing psychos.
And, lastly, this really wasn't how I saw Big Mac when we discussed him (while I was writing Carrot Top Season). Ultimately, I see him as a very peaceful pony; he might fight if pushed to it, but he wouldn't seek out battles. He's not a more taciturn Eliot Spencer.
986826
I mostly liked Ditzy's cold furry. It's not something I'd like to see as regular character trait, but under this set of specific circumstance I think it worked wonderfully.
As for Big Mac's invulnerability, again, for a first encounter establishing badass moment it was pretty awesome. Future fights, if any, should be less one-sided, but this one was good
987533
I much prefer the idea that Fancy Pants is secretly the administrator of the Shadowbolts than the mysterious financial backer to some loosely organized band of motley mercenary vigilantes.
988352
Except again, we already have the Shadowbolts as a legitimate government sponsored agency that deals with those 'cracks' in the system.
988681
I actually really liked the cold fury too. I just felt that it didn't work for Ditzy to react that way. If it had been L!Big Mac doing the dangling instead then I would feel that it would be appropriate, but Ditzy is not some hardened secret vigilante. She's just a single mother of a child who desperately wants her child back. She would have a burning rage, not a cold fury.
And as for Big Mac's nigh invincibility...Well, there are ways to establish a character is a badass without being so over the top.
But, we'll just have agree to disagree.
988728
For me, Ditzy already did the hot anger at the hotel; it didn't work. By the time she's at the train she has burned through all that and is only left with the cold 'I don't give a damn what happens to you just give me my daughter back'. More yelling and screaming might be REALISTIC, but narratively it would have just been pointlessly repetitive.
Similar with Big Mac, realistically no one takes getting clocked upside the head without so much as flinching, but narratively it's a classic trope.
988785
I think for me, the problem is that she gives that explination of why she doubts Parlay's boss cares if he lives or not. A much simpler I don't care what your boss does, I just want my kid back Would have made it, I think, work much better.
I agree that the network doesn't work. IMO this fic is taking the darkness of the L!verse in an unfun direction.
The network seems kind of similar to Eclipse from the brainstorming threads, but Eclipse was supposed to be legal and above board, if sometimes at odds with the EoH and night court.
the problem is that the network breaks the laws of a Citizen's arrest . when captured a criminal must be turned immediantly to the police and cant be interrogated . trixie not reporting them to luna , is turning a blind eye towards a very serious issue with the justice in ponyville .
regarding vigilante justice I can say that usually is worse than normal justice , generally ends with a mob torching something .
989064
well, I can see it ending better than that since pony nature is not human nature.
Perhaps just suggest that the bounty hunter "network" sometimes keeps an eye on ponies that used to have bounties on them and ponies they think will have bounties on them eventually
988185 988785 989064 989104 986979 986995 988470
You have all made valid points so for the time being I am going to unpublish this chapter and rework it.
As much as I feel the whole 'vigilante organization' could have worked (most likely in a 'verse where it was planned from the beginning), I do think the two acts mentioned here are a better fit for the Lunaverse.
Heh. Never let them see you hurt.
Ah. Well, the changes seem to fit what's been established so far.
Ah, yes. This is much better. :-) I like this chapter. I really like the Ditzy/Trixie scene at the end especially; it works really nicely. Consider my objections to the canocity of this story withdrawn.
What's this network everyone's talking about?
Also, while this isn't among my favorite stories among the Lunaverse, mainly due to the undue levels of darkness, it's still pretty decent. Also, I liked Trixie's explanation for the ice-cream.
999312
The network was a concept that I introduced in the first version of this chapter but due to it being decided that it didn't fit in with the rest of the Lunaverse it was scrapped (think Leverage but on an equestria wide scale). Every comment before 998444 is based on the old version.
999449 Okay; huh.
It occurs to me that the only reason that the Mane Six never had to go through anything remotely like this is that very few ponies actually know that they are the Bearers. This, I should think, is owing to M!Celestia keeping that on a need-to-know basis. (Hint; the reason that the 'public' was allowed to watch the 'We just beat Discord' ceremony is that said 'public' knows to shut up.)
999790 That and the fact that in the Mane Universe Luna reformed after Nightmare Moon was defeated. Without Luna to present a threat, the elements stopped being as essential until Discord came round (something which wasn't expected and was also handled fairly quickly). So without an immeddiate threat the elements do not have the political stopping power that they have in the Lunaverse.
999873
That's for sure. In the Lunaverse, Ditzy and her friends are more vital than the Elements we see on TV.
999922
Though the funny thing about the Elements we see on TV is the fact it seems that aside from when it's a two parter, the Elements pretty much seem to forget their Elements. As dishonest it might be you'd think that Rarity or Rainbow Dash (the mane attention seekers) would at least try to get some millage out of the fact that they had saved equestria twice (Plus the Canterlot wedding but I'm not quite sure if you'd count it as three or just 2 and a half considering it was Shining Armour and Cadence that finally defeated the changlings).
But no, Rainbow Dash got a big head over saving fillies from wells and stopping baby carrages where as Rarity bended the truth as well as outright lied to get in with a group of ponies that should rightfully be tripping over themselves to be assciated with her.
1000150
Which is all sorts of wrong. The odd thing about that is that it makes it so very easy to write them as mild antagonists in this continuity: you don't really have to change them that much.
1000308
But oddly enough that had been the thing that had drawn me to the Lunaverse in the first place. Reading Boast Busted and Longest Night, Longest Day, I liked how it toyed with the concept of Hero Based Morality. The mane-6 weren't villified so much as that they simply had the good aspects we saw when they were heroes absent meaning that you had AJ being money obsessed but without the desire to help out her fellow pony, RD being lazy but without the heriocs or stedfast loyalty (besides to Fluttershy) and Twilight was obsessive and magic focused but without duty to friends or her mentor. All very easy to turn into villians but without altering who they were that much.
While this may be the basis for the Lunaverse Burn I felt it made for interesting reading. Flipside was also that we got to see what characters like Trixie may have been like if they had been given a chance to have a good side.
1000308
I really feel you do, which is one of my biggest problems with the Lunaverse
1000308
I really feel you do, which is one of my biggest problems with the Lunaverse
1000627
Rainbow Dash has a job in the main show. Plus she's shown to be athletic. Maybe her lying around isn't because because she's lazy but because she's tired.
I don't think there's much heroes based morality in FiM, what I think there is is a ton of fans painting the heroes black. Why assume Twilight would be so obsessed with magic if she wasn't trained personally by Celesta who she felt deserved the best.
Ah, this is why I shouldn't make posts to incomplete stories. It just makes me look a bit foolish.
I cam get behind this. This story has gottem 20% cooler with the revision.
*drops a nickel in the nickel jar*
But seriously, that scene at the end with Trixie and Ditzy was cute.
Happy to see you posted a new version. This chapter has a lot more emotion in this version than before, and it feels more like a conclusion. Your other ersion felt more like the begining of something more.
I think your Network was a cool idea but in itself too 'big' for the Lunaverse, it would make it too crowded already. I do think there is potential with the idea if you were to dedicated a canon-verse fic to Big Mac's crime busting adventures. Your network reminds me of Elements Network from Until Death Do Us Part so that's pretty kickass. It's not a concept you should give up on even if it doesn't fit in the Lunaverse.
I love big Mac and Caramel as proactive bounty hunters though and just establishing them as being around is, I think, a very good contribution to the Lunaverse.
One minor detail, Trixie never knew her mother, she was raised by her aunt. You should slip in a note like 'well she was really my aunt but she's like a mother to me'.
1002221
Thanks Most of this stuff was originally going to be in the next chapter but I do agree this new verson as a whole does flow a lot better.
Glad you liked the Network idea, but I do agree with you, in hindsight there just isn't room for such a group to exist in the Lunavers. That's actually a pretty cool idea about doing a canon-verse fic for Big Mac. I'll definitely think on it
I'm also glad that you thought Big Mac and Caramel as proactive bounty hunters was a good contribution, I really enjoyed writing them and would love to see the pair get more use in the Lunaverse.
Thanks about the note on Trixie's Aunt. I've changed it so now Trixie says that it was technically her aunt but she still raised her like a daughter and Trixie still thought she was the greatest mom in the world.
1002420 I hope you do make a canonverse Big Mac fic, I kinda want to see him in more badass adventures of his own. Keep me updated.