Is it just me, or is the spacing a bit off?

In any case, good story, I'm looking forward to the next chapters, even if my initial reaction was something a bit like this:

Image: http://chzanimalgifs.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/funny-animal-gifs-nope.gif

Her mane war fire-red

Best. Typo. Ever.

NIce job about the four horsemens. Hehe first thought "Darksiders". But Fluttershy really hadnt have to die...

It's a good idea, but something keeps interrupting my attention when I read, and I can't figure out what (fluency error? Sentence fragment? I can't tell.) Overall, I'll follow and give it a 'thumbs up,' and I'll try and figure out what's bothering me. Well, see you next chapter...

This was my premise...

but i have been surpassed

let me fade now into the shadows (err there's no luna emo)

on a second look this is absolutely different I look foward to more and GET A PROOFREADER

>>832577832577

LIES I HAD THIS EXACT SAME IDEA ABOUT THREE WEEKS AGO

>>832388832388

Yeah, I think I made a spacing error.

>>832464832464

Thanks for the heads up. Fixed.

pestilence isnts a horsemen, it's Conquest

>>833202833202

Depends on the version. Some have Conquest, some have Famine, and I know one that doesn't even have Pestilence and replaces War with Conquest. It just depends on the version you read.

>>833209833209

is it hard to stick to the original? Conquest is white, Death is Pale/Green, War is red, and Famine is black.

and why are they all mares...and why is war such a pussy

Nope, ain't gonna follow it. Sorry, mate. You lost my interest when you killed off Fluttershy.

>>833300833300

Well, the Death, Famine, Pestilence, War team is the one used mainly in pop culture.

As to your last question, this is my first fanfic, that's why.

Ah, I figured out what was bugging me. Whenever you switch perspectives or scenes (such as from going to Twilight's perspective to War's), indent the paragraph instead of just continuing. There should be an obvious gap so the reader knows that it's changing perspectives. It should help some with the smoothness of the story, if you're wondering why I'm being so strict about it. I'm not sure if Fimfiction is messing up your text-centering or anything, but the text seems a bit clumped together. That is all.

Also, good chapter, and it wasn't incredibly rushed, so bonus points.

>>833339833339

Yeah, I couldn't figure out why fimfic did that with my fic

>>833354833354

Trolled by technology.... If you can figure out the page perimeters of a FIMfiction page, you can use the ruler tool on MS Word to cancel out and fix the problem. Check out the FAQ or Help section or w/e it's called. That, or you could ask a veteran on the website. I have no idea though.

NOW GET BACK TO UPDATING, SLAVE! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*takes out flaming whip and starts lashing it at you*

This makes me wanna listen to some Metallica.

The Four Horsemen - Metallica

I still can't help but wish that Death had of been the one that had defected, or at least had a bit of emotion and humour...

Maybe it has something to do with Discworld/Mort... Just maybe...

-Jorofrarie

YOU! KILLED! FLUTTERSHY! THIS IS INTOLERABLE !

>>834435834435

Ah, a Terry Pratchet fan? I am as well, though I had forgotten about THAT Death. Been a while since I read one of his books...

>>833115833115 I started writing on the err 10th and i acted on it! Also I did not get a notafication about your reply... strange.

>>835343835343 Same here... On an unrelated note, that picture of a pony-fied death is the same one used in 'Mort's day off' over in EQ...

Just thought I'd bring that up... If it's not disrupting and all...

-Jorofrarie

>>835362835362

Really? I didn't know that...

>>834435834435 same here but with Death The Endless she killed the evil factor for all Death Gods,Psychopomps, and Anthropomorphic Personifications of Death

one more thing >>835343835343 from this day forth we are rivals!

>>835446835446

Why?

>>835491835491 You didn't read my first comment did you?

>>835595835595

I read it. You said that the premise was different in your story, so then why are we rivals if we're not telling the same story?

>>835610835610 They are similar enough. Also Rule of Drama!

>>835619835619

Very well then, have at thee!

Abrbrbr. Did I miss something, or are the Heralds' swords the source of their power? Just noticed that War was tired at the end of this chapter, and I'm not sure if I missed anything.

Just a little something at times War is a good girl it would be better to use the name Sparks (improves empathy).

>>837000837000

No, at the time, she was still exhausted from giving Twilight some of her power.

Alright, just making sure.

War, the bringer of destruction and one of four bringers of the apocalypse, backing down and acting like she's powerless, at least beef her up a bit and not make her cower when someone raises their voice.

>>10700991070099

She's psychologically scarred, and she has good reason. All that blood on her hooves has finally broken her resolve.

>>10700991070099

KingOfTheMuffins is right, and also, don't worry. I don't plan on making her like that for much longer. It'd be pretty boring if she was like that for the whole story.

*thinks about this story; story updates*

Welcome to the Order of Conspiracies, InsertCleverNameHere. Our job is to make KingOfTheMuffin's life awkward and make him paranoid.

Good update, although War/Spark reminds me of the cliche existential nihilist (somewhat, although not completely) who realizes that there's still a purpose left in life. The only issue I can find is formatting issues, such as not tabbing new paragraphs or dialogue starts (you'll know what I mean if you've seen how stories are formatted). However, I do understand how irritating it is to get FIMfic to format correctly, so no worries.

“Well...don’t get me wrong. I am sad. I miss Fluttershy so much...but...I’m smiling because, funerals aren’t places to be sad. They’re places to be happy. They’re places where we celebrate that pony’s life. I was thinking of all the fun we would have together. It made me smile.”

A very useful piece of sentiment that can applied to real life as well...

Then again, it's up to the opinion of the person...

>>13824371382437

Thanks. And glad you like the update.