Twilight's Villain Reformation Clinic

by Mal Masque

Chapter Two: Cold Case

“Hey, Twilight,” Spike called out, entering the Clinic Office with an overstuffed file in his arms. “I got the information on the next guy coming in!”

“Thank you, Spike!” Twilight beamed. Spike placed the file down on the desk with a resounding thud. “Wow, quite a lot on this new one, huh?” She popped open the file and began carefully examining the papers within.

“Was this guy really that bad to have all these papers on him?” Spike asked, peering over the desk.

“No… Most of these are complaint forms…” Twilight mused. “And… restraining orders from countless people… Bearing royal seals….” A worried frown graced her lips as she continued to read the stacks upon stacks of papers. “This… might be tough.” Spike shrugged his shoulders and started out of the room, but paused once reaching the door.

“By the way, the next guy is here...” Spike clarified, a slightly concerned look on his face. “… And he’s got friends…” Twilight’s ears perked up at that last notion.

“Oh, he’s already got friends?” Twilight asked. “Well, that’s already a good step forward, and I haven’t even met him yet! Send him in, please!” Spike exited the room to grab the next entrant, Twilight ruminated on the prospect of this new challenge. If he already had friends, then it was a significant step forward, now all that remains is the psychiatric evaluation, skills that could benefit society, some song and dance number, and the final joyous reformation to the side of good – why did the temperature suddenly drop by twenty degrees? Twilight snapped out of her trance to notice her office floor was replaced by a sea of penguins, cramped together like sardines in a can, quacking at each other and generally making movement difficult. At the center of the room stood a blue-faced man, dressed in bulky blue robes, a golden jeweled crown atop his head adorned with three red rubies, and sporting a long pointed nose and massive white beard that nearly draped to the floor.

“Um… Am I in the right room?” The blue man asked. “That weird purple lizard thing told me to come into the room on the left, but, heeh heh,” He giggled slightly. “There are a lot of doors here.”

“Yes… You’re in the right room.” Twilight clarified, struggling to move in between the crowd of penguins. “I’m sorry, but can you possibly ask your friends to leave? It’s a bit… cramped in here, and it’ll be hard to focus.”

“Wenk.” One of the penguins chirped, staring at Twilight with big, round eyes.

“Even if they are pretty adorable.” Twilight admitted.

“Say no more!” The blue man said. He snapped his fingers and all the penguins immediately stood to attention. “Alright boys, time to give daddy some room so he can get this meet and greet done. Go wait in the hall and we’ll go out for gelato later, okay?” The penguins chirped in agreement and begun progressively piling out of the door. “Get a move on, ladies, move on out…” The blue man stopped, plucking a single penguin out of the bunch and holding him up by his head. “Except you, Gunther, you stay with me.”

“Wenk.” Gunther quacked. Once the room was officially devoid of penguins (and Twilight was certain her desk and chair were on stable ground once more), the Princess of Friendship readied herself and shuffled about her papers in her magic.

“Alright mister…” Twilight attempted to read the two sets of handwriting on the paper, but the words were partially scrawled and difficult to decipher. “Simon?”

“Simon?” The blue man asked, almost slightly confused. “No, I’m the Ice King! King of the frozen lands of Ooo.” Twilight glanced at the papers again, a quizzical look on her face.

“It says here your name is Simon Petrikov.” Twilight noted. Before the line of questioning could continue, Spike ran back into the room, clutching a scroll in his stubby clawed hands.

“Oh, Twilight! I forgot to give you this!” Spike called out. “It’s got the same candy stamp on it as a few of the other papers in that file, so I figured it was related.” Twilight gently took the scroll from the dragon with her magic and quickly gave it a read.

“Okay…” She muttered to herself. “Uh huh… Okay… Oh!” Her eyes went wide upon coming across a certain detail under ‘medical psychology’. “Well, thank you for the information, Princess Bubblegum,” She floated the scroll back to Spike. “And thank you for bringing this to me.” Spike beamed and walked out of the room, unaware that the Ice King had apparently drifted off into his own world.

“Y’know, this place is really smooth and shiny.” Ice King said. “Kinda reminds me of my bachelor pad… Only frozen.” He smirked a bit, flashing his mouth of icicle-like teeth. “You and I really think alike, eh, Princess?” A few beads of sweat appeared on Twilight’s forehead at the perturbing mention of that word.

“Eh heh heh…” She nervously laughed, quickly clearing her throat to regain composure. “Now… Simon, do you know why you’re here?” Ice King leaned back on the chair, taking on a relaxed look as he smirked at the princess.

“Well, after my last date with my gal, PB, got interrupted by my bros, Finn and Jake,” Ice King explained. “She sent me a cool ticket to a free pizza party, and all I had to do was to talk to someone about… I dunno, reconstruction or somethin’.” He waggled his eyebrows a bit. “I didn’t know this was set up to be a blind date, yeh hee hee heh…” Twilight involuntarily shuddered, putting on a very forced smile. “So yeah, ask away…”

“Right…” She said through gritted teeth. He seemed like a nice guy, but was being really creepy about everything. “So… What skills do you have that could benefit society?”

“Society? Pah!” Ice King dismissively waved his hand. “Never touch the stuff. Although I can do all this with my ice magic.” He giggled childishly as he raised his hands as they glowed an icy blue, generating a small snow cloud above his head, allowing several snowflakes to drift to the ground. He waved his hands a bit and the snow formed into a pile on the ground, gradually taking form into a base snowman. “Wait, hang on, not done yet.” Ice King got out of his seat, picked up Gunther, and stuck him inside the topmost ball of snow. “Tada~!”

“Wenk.” Gunther quacked. Twilight blinked, the three engaged in a brief round of the quiet game, waiting to see who would break first as the chilling air nipped at the lavender alicorn. Eventually, she conceded and jotted down ‘Ice powers?’ on the paper.

“And that is a very useful skill, Simon.” Twilight said, smiling a little more honestly this time.

“Ya darn right it is.” Ice King chuckled, putting one of his bare feet on the chair. “Built my whole dang kingdom with this stuff. The snowy landscape, the snow golems, the ice people, my sweet castle, made all of it with my own two hands.” He wiggled his fingers, the distinct sound of ice crackling with every movement.

“That’s actually incredibly impressive, Simon!” Twilight said, pointing at him with her hoof. “You could build homes for a lot of people who need them… Unless it’s summer and everything will melt…”

“Nah, my Ice Kingdom is eternal and all that awesomeness.” Ice King bragged. “I build a castle and WA-BAM!” He shot a bolt of frozen magic at the wall, a large, jagged icicle now jutting out like an eyesore. “Nothin’ short of a blowtorch or Fire Princess could melt that sucker.” Twilight stared bemused at the imperfect protrusion jutting out of her wall, making a mental note to see how well it can stand against dragon fire.

“Moving on…” Twilight continued. “Okay what are your personal weaknesses?”

“Bein’ too distracted by your looks, princess.” Ice King drifted over to the desk, leaning on it and waggling his eyebrows. Trying to hide her blush, Twilight held up a hoof and used her magic to roll up a newspaper and bop the cryomancer over the head. “Feisty, I like that.”

“Please stop attempting to flirt with me.” Twilight said, through grit teeth. “It’s getting annoying.”

“Aw, c’mon,” Ice King climbed onto the desk, knocking assorted things over. “We can play nice. How’s about after this, you come with me to that pizza party, we go back to my bachelor pad and watch some scary movies and eat popcorn, huh?” He poked Twilight on her muzzle, the mare reflexively scrunching it up in annoyance. “Boop. Nyeh heh heh hah heeh hah…” The door clicked open as Starlight trotted in, clutching a book in her magic.

“Hey, Twilight, you got a minute?” Starlight asked. “I had a question about Haycarte’s Method I need to ask you about…?” Her eyes went wide when she saw the baffling sight of an icy blue man laying seductively on Twilight’s desk, now glaring at her in a furious glance.

“Excuse me,” Ice King harshly said, his beard fluffing outwards as his tone rose. “I’m trying to have a moment with a PRINCESS!” He shot a bolt of magic at Starlight, the shrill whine of the spell drowning out Twilight’s cry for her pupil’s name. When the bright light cleared, Starlight felt cold all over, noticing that she was completely frozen up to her neck.

“Huh…” Starlight muttered. “So this is what it’s like on the other side of the crystallization spell… Kinda cold.” Ice King cackled madly, leaning back towards Twilight in a seductive pose.

“Now, where were we, my lovely little lavender – OOF!” Ice King’s vision suddenly went black went Twilight bashed his head with the potted plant, poor Simon now knocked out cold and slumped on the desk. With a huff, Twilight immediately moved to try and help out her pupil.

“I’m so sorry that happened, Starlight.” Twilight apologized, using her magic to cast a heating spell to gradually melt the ice. “The profile said he was prone to lashing out, but I didn’t expect anything like this.”

“Nah, serves me right.” Starlight said, actually taking this rather well. “You were in a meeting, my thing was just a random question… You probably should get a sign that says ‘In Session’.” Twilight clicked her tongue in a teasing manner, ignoring the gradual snoring of the unconscious Ice King as the melted puddle of ice pooled at her hooves. Finally, Starlight was free and a little chilled to the bone. “Thanks, although I gotta say, I’m a little surprised.”

“Surprised about what?” Twilight asked, pulling the sleeping Ice King off her desk. A sly grin appeared on the pink unicorn’s face.

“Well, I’m surprised at your handling of this guy.” Starlight said, the grin forming to a manic smile. “I never expected you to be the kind to give off the cold shoulder.” The response to her irritable pun was a snowball to the face. Twilight chuckled as her student wiped the snow off her face, levitating the prone Ice King behind her as the two mares left the room.

“Wenk.” Quacked Gunther, apparently having been forgotten, still entombed in the snowman. Well, might as well be comfortable, the penguin was clearly going to be there for a while…

Author's Note:

Poor Simon, everyone keeps on dealing him the wrong hand in life, but he's always a good source of laughs when he isn't completely depressing. Anyway, next villain to be dealt with will be someone a bit more vicious, having a bit of a rebellious teenager attitude, and didn't get along with daddy very well. Keep an eye out!

Comments

[Belated1truth]

This was an enjoyable chapter. As for the next guest, hmmmm that is a broad description Considering the surplus of that kind of villain. So I guess maybe Kylo Ren (Star Wars), Harry Osborn (Marvel), Daichi aka Atlas (Astro Boy), Kalibak (DC), Liquid Snake (Metal Gear), Loki....to an extent (Marvel), Bass (Mega Man Classic), Ramsay Snow (Game of Thrones), Sylar (Heroes), Lexus Luther partially (DC), or even Simon Killgrave ( Jessica Jones/Marvel). There are a LOT.

[Belated1truth]

Oh and Daken (Marvel), both Jin and Kazuya (Tekken), and Leonard Snart aka Captain Cold (The Flash/DC) too.

[Mal Masque]

7704753 Quite a lineup you have there. Well, to say who our next victim of the Reformation Clinic would be would give away the surprise, but I will say that ONE of the characters you have mentioned will appear later down the line. Just not this next chapter.

[yay855]

I'm looking forward to the Doctor Wily and Sigma chapters, as well as a DBZ villain. Piccolo and Vegeta are fine by now, but, what with the Xenoverse series, there are a number of DBZ villains to be reformed.

[QueenMoriarty]

Your sentences have a distressing tendency to go on for too long, and there's a lot of random shifts to present tense.