> Twilight's Villain Reformation Clinic
>  by Mal Masque
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue: Open for Business
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“… And the plastic fern goes here…” Twilight muttered to herself as she cautiously arranged the room, shifting the various objects around in her magic. “The water cooler off to the side here… And the drinking water bird sits on my desk right here!” The lavender mare beamed to herself as she set the final piece in place. “Perfect!” True to her word, the room looked perfect… As perfect as a standard-looking clinic office would. White walls with a green lining near the ceiling, three sets of filing cabinets off in the right, a potted plastic fern in the opposite corner, a nice wooden desk sporting several stacks of paper, three inkwells and accompanying quills, a novelty water drinking bird bobbing away, three stools sitting to the side, and a fancy wooden chair behind the desk, facing towards a standard grey office door. Perfect as can be. 
Twilight was distracted by her joy of a perfect office room by the sound of knocking on the door. The Princess of Friendship made one last adjustment to her desk by rotating the drinking bird another 2.5 degrees left, then giddily trotted up to the door. She opened it wide, allowing her pupil, Starlight Glimmer, to enter the room.
“I take it you finally got the room set up?” Starlight asked, a smirk evident on her pink face. 
“Of course I did!” Twilight said, proudly waving a hoof about. “I only want best for the upcoming clientele!”
“Does the best entail working straight through breakfast and lunch?” Starlight retorted. Twilight’s response was interrupted by the sound of her stomach grumbling, followed by a sheepish grin. “Thought so.”
“I’m sorry, Starlight, I really am.” Twilight apologized. “But I’m just so… What’s the word Pinkie used that one time? Nervo-cited? I think that work.” She turned about and used her magic to open one of the file cabinets and extracted a fancy paper from within. “But can you blame me? When Princess Celestia sent me this letter saying that Equestria is one of the greatest bastions of Good and Order in the entire MULTIVERSE,” She waved the letter in front of her student’s face, the clearly visible seal of the Solar Princess accompanied by another pair of unfamiliar sigils, one a blue wax seal of an elegant bird and the other a dark blue stamp of a set of scales. “And gave me this task, I knew, Starlight, that I had to make sure Equestria lived up to the standards the Multiverse has bestowed upon us!” While Twilight sat the letter back down, Starlight look on a look of slight nervousness and apprehension.
“Yes, but… To do something like this…” The purple-maned unicorn gestured to the office. “Might be a little out of our leagues.” Seeing the concern on Starlight’s face, Twilight draped a wing over her student’s barrel to ease her worries.
“Starlight, I know this might be a difficult challenge,” Twilight softly said. “But it is not impossible. You can certainly attest to that, can’t you?” A faint blush appeared on Starlight’s cheeks. “And besides, I’m not doing this alone. I have you and Spike and the rest of the girls to help me out.” She removed her wing and replace it with her hoof, pulling the mare into a half-hug. “And with our friends, we can move mountains!”
“You’re right, Twilight!” Starlight said, with renewed vigor. “We can do this! I believe in us, and I believe in you!” The two mares embraced in a brief hug, unaware of the baby dragon watching them the entire time.
“Well, that was really cheesy.” Spike commented, the two mares turned about and giggling in embarrassment. “So, Twi, does that mean we’re set?” Twilight glanced between her pupil and number one assistant. Everything had been set in place, the office was perfect, the assistance was ready, the mare in charge was filled with pride and preparation, there was only one thing to do.
“Spike, get the girls and write a letter to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said. “Tell them that the Villain Reformation Clinic is open for business and ready to accept the first customers.”

> Chapter One: Our First Case
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“Now, I know how our last encounter ended,” Twilight calmly said, ignoring the harsh and hateful glare her first ‘case’, as Spike and Starlight called it. “But I truly believe that if we just let bygones be bygones, take a deep breath, and act in a calm and rational manner, we can not only make this quick and painless, but reform you into a proper member of society.” She sighed, putting on (what she believed to be) an honest smile and extended her hoof forward. “So, shall we begin?” Her current guest, bound in an extreme number of magical chains and manacles, only gave the Princess of Friendship a half-lidded, bemused gaze with the two pools of unending darkness he called eyes.
“… Are you… absolutely serious?” Tirek incredulously asked. “You really think that you could reform me, Lord Tirek, consumer of Equestrian Magic and true lord of the world?!” The feeble and weakened red and black centaur struggled against his bindings, full intent to murder Twilight if he ever got free. “Your mind clearly has been warped by a field of stupidity just by being in the presence of Discord! No sane pony would do any of this! Not even an insane being!” Twilight sighed to herself, knowing full well that this was going to be a very long two-hour session… Even longer, counting the other lineup today.
“Look, Tirek,” Twilight said, leaning forward on her desk. “You have two choices here: Either go back to Tartarus, a realm of eternal torment where the screaming never stops and some obnoxious gremlin pokes you repeatedly in the butt with a pointed stick while whispering sweet nothings in your ear every thirty minutes, OR you can give the Reformation Program a chance.” She narrowed her eyes and waggled her eyebrows as a sinister smirk wormed its way onto the mare’s face. “Get the picture?” Tirek’s abhorred and terrified face spoke volumes.
“… This is about that thing with your tree-house, isn't it?” Tirek asked, trying his hardest to conceal the fear in his voice. Twilight beamed and once again took her seat.
“Perfect!” She cheered. She pulled out a formal parchment, gripped a quill in her magic, dipped it in ink, and prepped herself for work. “Now… We’ll undergo an evaluation to determine what you can do to benefit society with this brief questionnaire. Don’t worry, there are no wrong answers!” Tirek simply scoffed, but flinched slightly under Twilight’s harsh gaze. “Now… Let’s start off with skills! What talents do you have?”
“Stealing magic and crushing nations beneath my hooves.” Tirek bluntly said, folding his feeble arms.
“Right….” Twilight bit her lip slightly. “Let’s skip that part… What would you say your greatest skill is?”
“My undying strive to attain power.” Twilight hesitantly jotted down the answer.
“I see… Umm, a weakness you wish to overcome?” Tirek grumbled, narrowing his eyes and glancing off to the side.
“Choosing to take allies and having a low tolerance for fools.” Twilight scribbled the note down. “How is all this going to help with this so called ‘reformation’ you have planned for me?”
“You’ll find out at the end of the session, Tirek.” Twilight interjected, ignoring the muttered ‘Lord’ from the red centaur. She levitated the paper away and drew another stack, covered in various ink-splatters. “Now, I’m going to show you a series of Rorschach splatters, and you are going to tell me what you see.” She flipped the first card over.
“Equestrian Magic.” Tirek bluntly answered. Twilight flipped to the next card. “Alicorns in chains.” Next card, Tirek sinisterly laughed. “Slaves bowing to me!” Third card. “A destroyed nation, ha HA!” 
“Okay, I think we’ll move on past the cards for now.” Twilight said, hastily floating the cards away. “I think we’ll have one last exercise for the remainder of this session, a simple thing to help tide your emotions over.” She hopped off her seat and produced something special that was hiding behind the potted fern: a white feathered pillow and a dry-erase marker. “Alright, I’m going to give you this marker, and you will write on this pillow what bothers you most.” Tirek snatched the pillow and marker from Twilight’s purple magic. After a brief moment of pause, Tirek hesitantly began marking the pillow, and after a solid minute, finished. “Alright, let’s see what you’ve done.” Tirek turned the pillow around and showed a crude drawing of both Twilight and Discord, with lines radiating off of them and a comic ‘duh’ speech bubble coming from both of them. The centaur seemed rather proud of himself. “Cute.”
“I do my best.” Tirek cheekily retorted. Giving her eyes a good roll, Twilight sat herself back down in the desk chair.
“Alright, what you are going to do is very simple, Tirek.” Twilight said. “What I want you to do is punch -”
*WHAM*	
“The pillow.” Twilight’s voice was partially muffled, due to the sudden attack of the dreaded face-hugger pillow, now sporting a sizeable indentation in the midsection. Tirek, again, seemed extremely proud of himself.
“That felt WONDERFUL!” Tirek guffawed. Twilight furrowed her brow and tossed the pillowed back to the centaur, gesturing for him to continue. Wasting no time, Tirek immediately began viciously pummeling the pillow versions of the two people he hated most in the world… Then moved on to stamping it with his hooves, then thrashing it back and forth with his jaws like a wild beast, and lastly attempting to bisect it with his own bare hands. Meanwhile, Twilight had been silently compiling her gathered information into an end result. Finally, she had her idea.
“Tirek!” Twilight announced, tapping her hoof on the table. “I’ve figured out the best position for you to be reformed and contribute to society!” Tirek paused, his jaws firmly clamped on the top of pillow while his ink-smeared hands firmly gripped the lower half.
“Huh?” 



“Welcome to Barnyard Bargains,” Tirek droned, slouching as his store uniform wrinkled slightly. “Where the prices are so low, you’d be striking oil.” The customer barely acknowledged the new employee, simply grabbing his back and walking on, leaving the disgruntled centaur to do nothing but sigh. Another customer entered, and Tirek was forced to repeat his mantra again for the twenty-first time today since arriving. “Welcome to Barnyard Bargains, where prices are so low….” The stallion entering the store took immediate notice of just who the new store greeter was and took off, leaving behind a vapor trail that didn’t want to stay any longer than it needed to. Tirek grumbled, hiding his face in the palms of his hands, unaware that his boss trotted up behind him.
“Listen, Tirek,” Filthy Rich calmly said, tapping his two front hooves together. “I know this is your first day on the job, but we have a bit of a policy here when it comes to customer service.” He leaned towards the towering minotaur, nudging his barrel and flashing him a diamond smile. “’Sincere service with a smile!’ So, come on, show me your sale winning smile!” Tirek slowly peeled his hands away from his face, the sullen look on his face gradually warping into something else.
“Sincere service with a smile, you say?” Tirek asked, his raspy voice reaching deep, sinister tones. “You want me to show you a smile, little Earth Pony?” Sparks of red magic began to flicker between Tirek’s two small horns as Filthy Rich realized that a medical insurance claim would be really helpful right about now. “Show you a smile?!” The centaur whirled around, his already red face burning with the rage of an erupting volcano on the surface of the sun amidst a solar flare, reeling back his tightly clenched fist behind his back. “I’LL SHOW YOU A SMILE, YOU SON OF A -”



“You’ve done good, Twilight.” Twilight congratulated herself as she put Tirek’s file into a ‘success’ pile. “You changed another life around today, all with the power of psychoanalysis and emotional release.” She reached into her desk with her magic and pulled out a box of cookies that were delivered to her by Pinkie Pie a couple of hours ago. Twilight carefully extracted a single chocolate chip cookie from the bunch and happily took a bite out of it, the sudden explosion of flavor and love only Pinkie could provide hitting her tongue with the force of a moving train and the tender embrace of a close friend. Twilight earned this for her work today, and was happy. “You’ve done very good.” She hardly even noticed the sudden column of smoke rising out of town, because Twilight was content with her victory. She earned it.

> Chapter Two: Cold Case
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“Hey, Twilight,” Spike called out, entering the Clinic Office with an overstuffed file in his arms. “I got the information on the next guy coming in!” 
“Thank you, Spike!” Twilight beamed. Spike placed the file down on the desk with a resounding thud. “Wow, quite a lot on this new one, huh?”  She popped open the file and began carefully examining the papers within.
“Was this guy really that bad to have all these papers on him?” Spike asked, peering over the desk.
“No… Most of these are complaint forms…” Twilight mused. “And… restraining orders from countless people… Bearing royal seals….” A worried frown graced her lips as she continued to read the stacks upon stacks of papers. “This… might be tough.” Spike shrugged his shoulders and started out of the room, but paused once reaching the door.
“By the way, the next guy is here...” Spike clarified, a slightly concerned look on his face. “… And he’s got friends…” Twilight’s ears perked up at that last notion.
“Oh, he’s already got friends?” Twilight asked. “Well, that’s already a good step forward, and I haven’t even met him yet! Send him in, please!” Spike exited the room to grab the next entrant, Twilight ruminated on the prospect of this new challenge. If he already had friends, then it was a significant step forward, now all that remains is the psychiatric evaluation, skills that could benefit society, some song and dance number, and the final joyous reformation to the side of good – why did the temperature suddenly drop by twenty degrees? Twilight snapped out of her trance to notice her office floor was replaced by a sea of penguins, cramped together like sardines in a can, quacking at each other and generally making movement difficult. At the center of the room stood a blue-faced man, dressed in bulky blue robes, a golden jeweled crown atop his head adorned with three red rubies, and sporting a long pointed nose and massive white beard that nearly draped to the floor.
“Um… Am I in the right room?” The blue man asked. “That weird purple lizard thing told me to come into the room on the left, but, heeh heh,” He giggled slightly. “There are a lot of doors here.” 
“Yes… You’re in the right room.” Twilight clarified, struggling to move in between the crowd of penguins. “I’m sorry, but can you possibly ask your friends to leave? It’s a bit… cramped in here, and it’ll be hard to focus.” 
“Wenk.” One of the penguins chirped, staring at Twilight with big, round eyes. 
“Even if they are pretty adorable.” Twilight admitted.
“Say no more!” The blue man said. He snapped his fingers and all the penguins immediately stood to attention. “Alright boys, time to give daddy some room so he can get this meet and greet done. Go wait in the hall and we’ll go out for gelato later, okay?” The penguins chirped in agreement and begun progressively piling out of the door. “Get a move on, ladies, move on out…” The blue man stopped, plucking a single penguin out of the bunch and holding him up by his head. “Except you, Gunther, you stay with me.”
“Wenk.” Gunther quacked. Once the room was officially devoid of penguins (and Twilight was certain her desk and chair were on stable ground once more), the Princess of Friendship readied herself and shuffled about her papers in her magic.
“Alright mister…” Twilight attempted to read the two sets of handwriting on the paper, but the words were partially scrawled and difficult to decipher. “Simon?”
“Simon?” The blue man asked, almost slightly confused. “No, I’m the Ice King! King of the frozen lands of Ooo.” Twilight glanced at the papers again, a quizzical look on her face.
“It says here your name is Simon Petrikov.” Twilight noted. Before the line of questioning could continue, Spike ran back into the room, clutching a scroll in his stubby clawed hands.
“Oh, Twilight! I forgot to give you this!” Spike called out. “It’s got the same candy stamp on it as a few of the other papers in that file, so I figured it was related.” Twilight gently took the scroll from the dragon with her magic and quickly gave it a read.
“Okay…” She muttered to herself. “Uh huh… Okay… Oh!” Her eyes went wide upon coming across a certain detail under ‘medical psychology’. “Well, thank you for the information, Princess Bubblegum,” She floated the scroll back to Spike. “And thank you for bringing this to me.” Spike beamed and walked out of the room, unaware that the Ice King had apparently drifted off into his own world.
“Y’know, this place is really smooth and shiny.” Ice King said. “Kinda reminds me of my bachelor pad… Only frozen.” He smirked a bit, flashing his mouth of icicle-like teeth. “You and I really think alike, eh, Princess?” A few beads of sweat appeared on Twilight’s forehead at the perturbing mention of that word.
“Eh heh heh…” She nervously laughed, quickly clearing her throat to regain composure. “Now… Simon, do you know why you’re here?” Ice King leaned back on the chair, taking on a relaxed look as he smirked at the princess.
“Well, after my last date with my gal, PB, got interrupted by my bros, Finn and Jake,” Ice King explained. “She sent me a cool ticket to a free pizza party, and all I had to do was to talk to someone about… I dunno, reconstruction or somethin’.” He waggled his eyebrows a bit. “I didn’t know this was set up to be a blind date, yeh hee hee heh…” Twilight involuntarily shuddered, putting on a very forced smile. “So yeah, ask away…”
“Right…” She said through gritted teeth. He seemed like a nice guy, but was being really creepy about everything. “So… What skills do you have that could benefit society?”
“Society? Pah!” Ice King dismissively waved his hand. “Never touch the stuff. Although I can do all this with my ice magic.” He giggled childishly as he raised his hands as they glowed an icy blue, generating a small snow cloud above his head, allowing several snowflakes to drift to the ground. He waved his hands a bit and the snow formed into a pile on the ground, gradually taking form into a base snowman. “Wait, hang on, not done yet.” Ice King got out of his seat, picked up Gunther, and stuck him inside the topmost ball of snow. “Tada~!”
“Wenk.” Gunther quacked. Twilight blinked, the three engaged in a brief round of the quiet game, waiting to see who would break first as the chilling air nipped at the lavender alicorn. Eventually, she conceded and jotted down ‘Ice powers?’ on the paper.
“And that is a very useful skill, Simon.” Twilight said, smiling a little more honestly this time. 
“Ya darn right it is.” Ice King chuckled, putting one of his bare feet on the chair. “Built my whole dang kingdom with this stuff. The snowy landscape, the snow golems, the ice people, my sweet castle, made all of it with my own two hands.” He wiggled his fingers, the distinct sound of ice crackling with every movement.
“That’s actually incredibly impressive, Simon!” Twilight said, pointing at him with her hoof. “You could build homes for a lot of people who need them… Unless it’s summer and everything will melt…”
“Nah, my Ice Kingdom is eternal and all that awesomeness.” Ice King bragged. “I build a castle and WA-BAM!” He shot a bolt of frozen magic at the wall, a large, jagged icicle now jutting out like an eyesore. “Nothin’ short of a blowtorch or Fire Princess could melt that sucker.” Twilight stared bemused at the imperfect protrusion jutting out of her wall, making a mental note to see how well it can stand against dragon fire. 
“Moving on…” Twilight continued. “Okay what are your personal weaknesses?”
“Bein’ too distracted by your looks, princess.” Ice King drifted over to the desk, leaning on it and waggling his eyebrows. Trying to hide her blush, Twilight held up a hoof and used her magic to roll up a newspaper and bop the cryomancer over the head. “Feisty, I like that.”
“Please stop attempting to flirt with me.” Twilight said, through grit teeth. “It’s getting annoying.”
“Aw, c’mon,” Ice King climbed onto the desk, knocking assorted things over. “We can play nice. How’s about after this, you come with me to that pizza party, we go back to my bachelor pad and watch some scary movies and eat popcorn, huh?” He poked Twilight on her muzzle, the mare reflexively scrunching it up in annoyance. “Boop. Nyeh heh heh hah heeh hah…” The door clicked open as Starlight trotted in, clutching a book in her magic.
“Hey, Twilight, you got a minute?” Starlight asked. “I had a question about Haycarte’s Method I need to ask you about…?” Her eyes went wide when she saw the baffling sight of an icy blue man laying seductively on Twilight’s desk, now glaring at her in a furious glance.
“Excuse me,” Ice King harshly said, his beard fluffing outwards as his tone rose. “I’m trying to have a moment with a PRINCESS!” He shot a bolt of magic at Starlight, the shrill whine of the spell drowning out Twilight’s cry for her pupil’s name. When the bright light cleared, Starlight felt cold all over, noticing that she was completely frozen up to her neck. 
“Huh…” Starlight muttered. “So this is what it’s like on the other side of the crystallization spell… Kinda cold.” Ice King cackled madly, leaning back towards Twilight in a seductive pose. 
“Now, where were we, my lovely little lavender – OOF!” Ice King’s vision suddenly went black went Twilight bashed his head with the potted plant, poor Simon now knocked out cold and slumped on the desk. With a huff, Twilight immediately moved to try and help out her pupil. 
“I’m so sorry that happened, Starlight.” Twilight apologized, using her magic to cast a heating spell to gradually melt the ice. “The profile said he was prone to lashing out, but I didn’t expect anything like this.”
“Nah, serves me right.” Starlight said, actually taking this rather well. “You were in a meeting, my thing was just a random question… You probably should get a sign that says ‘In Session’.” Twilight clicked her tongue in a teasing manner, ignoring the gradual snoring of the unconscious Ice King as the melted puddle of ice pooled at her hooves. Finally, Starlight was free and a little chilled to the bone. “Thanks, although I gotta say, I’m a little surprised.”
“Surprised about what?” Twilight asked, pulling the sleeping Ice King off her desk. A sly grin appeared on the pink unicorn’s face.	
“Well, I’m surprised at your handling of this guy.” Starlight said, the grin forming to a manic smile. “I never expected you to be the kind to give off the cold shoulder.” The response to her irritable pun was a snowball to the face. Twilight chuckled as her student wiped the snow off her face, levitating the prone Ice King behind her as the two mares left the room.
“Wenk.” Quacked Gunther, apparently having been forgotten, still entombed in the snowman. Well, might as well be comfortable, the penguin was clearly going to be there for a while…

> Chapter Three: Warped Expectations
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Twilight trotted into her office, chipper as a blue bird with a cup of tea floating in her magical grip. Granted, the mare should have kept her eyes open when she trotted into the room to avoid running face-first into a large obstruction that took up a person-sized space in the room. Which is exactly what happened, leaving Twilight with a bruised nose and a tea-stain on her wall. When Twilight came to and stopped seeing double, she saw that a massive golden and bronze metal box, the top nearly scraping the ceiling of the room, with a trio of pale, scraggly, half-naked humanoids strapped to it with intricately designed bindings. Something was incredibly off about this box, and whatever was inside it was probably not friendly.
“What in Equestria?” Twilight asked, cautiously examining the box. Spike crept into the room behind Twilight after hearing the loud thud.
“Oh yeah, I was about to tell you.” Spike said, gesturing to the box. “A bunch of big blue guys showed up and dumped this box here. They didn’t say anything, except something about ‘fixing the traitor’ or something. It was kinda hard to tell because of their weird voices.” Twilight tapped a hoof on the box, hearing something shifting inside for a brief second.
“Probably someone here to be reformed to good, I bet.” Twilight said. She carefully stood on the other side of her desk, readying her magic with her glowing horn. “They might be dangerous, so you should probably stand back, Spike.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice!” Spike exclaimed, immediately ducking out of the room and speeding off down the hall. Twilight’s magic encased the box, suddenly hit with an impact of several high-powered spells at once, sending a spike of pain through her skull. Twilight did not waver, for magic was her forte, and she could nullify many spells with relative ease, no matter how powerful they are! With a will of steel, a fortitude of iron, and a mind of gold, Twilight slowly weakened the spells on the box, peeling them off like skin off an onion. Eventually, she peeled enough away, the box rattling from the force contained within shaking with the ferocity of an overclocked blender. The box rocked back and forth, to and fro, even without Twilight’s magical grasp, until finally, the box couldn’t hold back any longer and exploded. Twilight immediately dove behind her desk, her wings only barely being grazed by the heated metal fragments. Once the storm had calmed down, Twilight nervously peered over her desk and saw what ungodly horror she had unleashed.
First thing she noticed was the size. The humanoid being that stood before her was massive, not in a weight sense, no, but in pure muscle. The top of his head only just barely scrapped the ceiling, and he appeared to have the strength to be able to stop a rampaging dragon in its footsteps. Her eyes were then drawn to his notable brimstone red skin, lion-like mane of red hair, and his face, oh by Harmony, his face, never before as Twilight seen such one-eyed malice before, one of his eyes notably absent while the other glowed an ominous bright red. Even his armor was intimidating, with golden plating on his torso, blue boots featuring tremendous scarab features, a large leather-bound book clung to his belt, and two sets of large horns, one set protruding from his abdomen and the other sprouting from his back. Finally, Twilight traced the source of the outrageous energy contained within the box to this newcomer. If anything could be said about this energy, this untapped power, it could be summed up in two words: Extremely pissed.
“NO FEEBLE BOX CAN CONTAIN ME!” The man bellowed, his voice ethereal and echoing with rage. “I, THE GREATEST PSYKER IN THE UNIVERSE, WILL NOT TOLERATE BEING IMPRISONED! IN THE NAME OF LORD TZEENTCH, I, MAGNUS THE RED, WILL DECIMATE YOU, ULTRAMARI-…” Magnus ceased his ranting and roaring, realizing he was outside of the box and inside a tiny office room. “Erm… Where did the Ultramarine dogs go?” Twilight slowly peered out from behind her desk, a slightly panicked look on her face.
“Are you talking about the blue people that dropped your box off here?” Twilight asked. “I don’t know, but they’re not here.” 
“Oh.” Magnus said, his earlier rage almost completely subsided. “Well, eh, I suppose that’s a spot of bother, isn’t it? Very well,” The red man clapped his hands together. “Tell me what Warp-forsaken planet I’m on, then I’ll be out of your Xeno hair in no time.”
“Xeno, what?” Twilight muttered, clambering onto her chair. “Actually, I think it might be opportune for you to stay and answer a few questions for me.” Those Ultramarine people he mentioned must have brought him for reformation. She thought. Might as well take advantage. “Have a seat, Mister Magnus.” Magnus glanced at the tiny chair right next to him, the little seat grossly disproportionate to his massive size. Reluctantly, he sat down, both the princess and the psyker wincing at the straining sound the chair made. 
“So… What exactly do you intend to do, Equine Xeno?” Magnus asked, gesturing to the lavender alicorn.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle, if you will.” Twilight said. “And I operate a program meant for reforming villains into proper members of society.” Magnus seemed to recoil in disgust.
“Villains? Reformation?!” Magnus spat. “Did my Father put you up to this?!”
“What? No, I don’t know anything about your father…” Twilight said, lips pursed together. “Although it seems that your problems seem to stem from that… Maybe talking about it will make things a little better.”
Magnus scoffed. “Pfft, I highly doubt that… However, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Err… My apologies if I offended.” Twilight shook her head and gestured for him to continue. Shrugging his shoulders, Magnus opted to being. “Well, might as well start off at the beginning. I was born on the colony world of Prospero, where I was raised in the city of Tizca by a coven of psykers…”




“… After I had slain the Psychneuein that plagued our planet, I was on my path to become leader of Prospero and uniting the squabbling Cults of Sorcerers…”




“… When the God-Emperor of Mankind first set foot on my planet, I knew deep within my heart that he was my true progenitor and father, he who created me as one of Primarchs to aid him and the Imperium of Man…”




“… All the other bloody Legions hated my own Thousand Suns, just because we have kickass psykers and a connection to the Warp! Especially goddamn Leman Russ and his SPACE WOLVES, those furry illiterate bastards….”




“… So what if I lost my eye and made a deal with a Chaos God? I stopped the mutations in my Legion and finally got to join the Great Crusade. Certainly showed Russ on that one, that bigoted jackass…”




“… Maybe things got a little out of hand when my own men started turning into Chaos Spawn, and maybe Father was right to get mad at me, but how was I supposed to know at the time?! Honestly…”




“… My Book was coming along fairly nicely via throughout most of the calamity of war. You seem like the bookish type, Princess, perhaps I could loan you one of my copies after this, who knows? Maybe your magic is similar to Psyker powers…”




“… And all those moronic jarheads can shove their ideals up their arses! Pursuit of knowledge is a viable asset in improving, it’s just as important as gaining territory and planets for Tzeentch’s sake…”




“… Lorgar was the only thing keeping me this close  from crushing Russ’ wolfish head like an ego-inflated grape, I swear…”




“… Ever since that damnable Council of Nikaea happened, it was like EVERYONE started turning against me! Like it was my bloody fault Chaos was becoming more rampant! They even had the gall to call psyker powers ‘sorcery’ and forbidding my Thousand Suns from using it! Utterly stupid…”




“… I tried to warn Father about Horus’ betrayal, but I was too late, and yet somehow, people made it seem like it was my fault! Well… I did know that wall was there in the Warp, and maybe listening to a disembodied voice offering me power wasn’t the best idea…”




“… PROSPERO WAS IN FLAMES WHEN RUSS AND THE DAMNABLE SPACE WOLVES SHOWED THEIR FACES, AND IT WAS ALL ON MY FATHER, THE CORPSE-EMPEROR’S WORD! I had to react, my home and my Legion were being destroyed, I had to do something… Even if it meant giving in…”




“… So I became a Daemon Primarch, my own advisor Ahriman turned a portion of my Legion into dust, so I had to banish him, and now I live in my castle of Warp-stuff in the Eye of Terror as an adherent of Lord Tzeentch. Lots of stuff has happened after that, and now here I am, on some unknown Xeno planet telling my life story to some Royal Xeno I only just met.” Magnus finally finished his story, leaning back in his chair. “Everything make sense?” Twilight looked up from her papers, a little surprised to see that the Daemon Primarch had finally stopped talking.
“I suppose it does…” Twilight softly said. She briefly glanced at the clock, noticing the hands had advanced a solid five spaces. “Wow, it’s three in the afternoon! I had no idea we were discussing for so long!”
“Well, I have a fair bit of history, Princess.” Magnus chuckled, rising a bit from his seat. “If I have wasted your time, I do apologize.” Twilight noticed this and waved her hoof to keep him seated.
“No, no trust me, this was a very good session compared to the last few.” Twilight said. “Although, I’m a little confused on a few things…” Magnus sat down as Twilight took a deep breath, ready to send her torrent of questions. “Why did your Primarch Siblings hate Psykers, even though your Father was one? Why did you knowingly ask Tzeentch for help saving your Legion, even though your mentor and your Father said to not do that? Why did your own Father order Leman Russ to destroy your planet when he had no desires to see his Primarchs die? Why did you exile Ahriman for being so dangerous, when it seems more logical to imprison him? And, here’s the big one, can I get a copy of that Book? I’m genuinely interested in seeing how Warp Powers compare to Equestrian Magic.” A little caught off guard by the question, Magnus sat in silence for a moment. Eventually, his Warp-addled mind managed to piece a few answers together.
“Okay, starting from easiest to answer: Psykers have a nasty habit of attracting Daemons from the Warp if not properly trained and controlled, and plenty of worlds have been ravaged by Daemons because of it. I didn’t know it was Tzeentch at the time, just multiple disembodied voices yelling at me. I exiled Ahriman because I knew he would fail in everything he attempted for making my soldiers into walking dust coffins. I’ll see if I have any spare copies of the Book of Me that won’t melt your face off just by reading it. Lastly, the damn Corpse-Emperor ordered Russ to kill me and destroy Prospero because he thought I was the traitor when it was really Horus’ fault!” He folded his arms and pouted, almost childishly. “Damn golden-plated, thick skulled, jar-headed, blind-sighted faithful of the Imperium, can’t see two inches in front of them through that Gellar field of bull…” Twilight pursed her lips together, mentally putting together the pieces of the jagged puzzle the Daemon Prince provided.
“Might I say what I think on the whole situation?” Twilight asked. Magnus simply shrugged his shoulders, quietly muttering under his breath something about Space Wolves and ‘being illiterate’. “It seems to me that you think your Father was conspiring against you, when in all actuality, your brother and your new Leader are the ones who tricked you.”



Elsewhere…	

A gigantic indecisive space mollusk covered in various faces that happened to have been listening to his Daemon Prince tell his life story to some Xeno, and did not like what he just heard.
“THAT’S NOT GOOD.” Tzeentch’s many voices proclaimed in worry. “NOT GOOD AT ALL.”




“It seems to me that Tzeentch intentionally implanted a corrupt Chaos thing into your Thousand Suns, seemingly curing them, and yet years later, they start mutating again. Sowing seeds of mistrust amongst your brothers’ legions.”




“YOU CAN STOP NOW, XENO PONY, SERIOUSLY!”




“And Tzeentch gave you the strength to break that Warp Barrier, letting a bunch of Daemons into your Father’s palace, causing you to take the fallout for it.”




“SHUT UP NOW! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! SHUT UP!!!”




“And when Leman Russ attacked your home planet, which was after Horus’ secret betrayal, isn’t it possible that Horus was the one who told Russ to destroy Prospero instead of your Father?”



 
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!”




“Doesn’t that make a bit of sense?” Twilight was a little upset she didn’t have a camera with her, because the kind of reality-destroyed, awestruck look on Magnus’ one-eyed face was the kind you send to friends as a Nightmare Night card. It was as if Magnus’ brain were a record player and the needle not only skipped, but the record flew off at warp-speed, orbited the entire planet, and came back with postcards from the opposite end of the globe.
“… Holy crap…” Magnus muttered, running a hand through his hair. “The past 10,000 years of my life were all a lie…”




“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“WILL YOU SHUT UP, TZEENTCH?!” Bellowed the monstrous Chaos God of Blood and War. “YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH ISSUES!”




Seeing how distraught Magnus was, Twilight hopped off her seat and gently placed a hoof on the large Primarch’s forearm. “I’m sorry the truth had to hurt, but the path to recovery is accepting the facts.” Magnus lifted his head up and offered a little smile to the lavender pony.
“Thank you, Princess.” Magnus said. “I have so many things that I need to fix now. I need to get my soul back from Tzeentch, find some way to make amends with Father, rewrite my Book a bit… Baby steps and the like.”
Twilight giggled a bit. “Well, know that you have a friend to help you out every step of the way.” She extended a wing over the big red Daemon Prince’s lower half, surprising him from the impromptu hug, which Magnus responded with a gentle pat on the head. “I suppose we can bring this meeting to an end and call it a success.” 
“Indeed we shall.” Magnus said, rising from his seat, horns scraping the roof a bit, and preparing to exit the room.
“Oh, and Magnus!” Twilight called out, prompting the Primarch to stop. “I have a book club later this week, and we’re always looking for new members! Now that you’re on the path to reformation… Maybe you could join?” Before Magnus could leave the room, he gave an earnest smile no daemon could give, but an honest human.
“I’d like that, Princess.”
"Call me Twilight."

> Chapter Four: No Shirt, No Shoes, No Stone Mask (Pt. 1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alright, who do we have for today?” Twilight asked, shuffling the papers around in her magic. Starlight flipped through her clipboard papers and located the latest case of the day.
“Let’s see… Either this one has a really long and weird name,” Starlight said. “Or we got three people who signed up under the same spot. I’ll go grab them from the waiting room.” Starlight ducked back out of the doorway, leaving Twilight a chance to ruminate on her thoughts. 
Three villains at once? She thought. This might either be my greatest accomplishment or most difficult trial yet. A knock at the door broke the Princess of Friendship’s concentration, signaling her next cases had arrived. “Oh, come on in!” The instant the doors opened, what the lavender alicorn saw… defied all manner of realism and expectations (*). Three overly-muscular, half-naked, and overall gorgeous humanoid men, wearing naught but loincloths, assorted headwear, and a few other accessories, stood shoulder to shoulder in incredible poses in the doorway. The one on the right had tan skin, a headband sporting a few long sharp bangles underneath his top of blonde hair, a dark blue chest-piece over his pectorals, golden ringed braces on each wrist, a purple box-like tattoo going around his eyes, and a golden ring in his lip. The one on the left had shiny bronze skin, long white hair kept under an orange and purple colored headwear, paddings that appeared to be sewn into his abs, shoulders, and the sides of his thighs, a purple ‘x’ tattoo across his face, and a golden ring on his nose. The one standing dead center had pale skin, a black loincloth, black arm braces, back boots, had most of his head covered by a purple cloth, and exhumed this almost haunting and unnatural aura that sent shivers down Twilight’s spine.
“Um… Hello, gentlemen…” Twilight nervously said. “Please, take a seat.” The three muscular men broke their pose, grabbed an individual chair, and sat down in front of the desk. As intimidating as the three men were, it was almost comical to Twilight how they were too big for the chairs, and the Princess tried her hardest to contain her laughter.
“Does something amuse you, equine?” The middle man said, glaring harshly at Twilight.
“N-nothing, nothing at all.” Twilight said, calming her nerves a bit. She pulled out the case files from her cabinet and quickly flipped through them. “Okay… So you three are the Pillar Men, correct?”
“Yes, we are the Pillar Men,” The bronze-skinned man said. “The pinnacle of existence and all-powerful beings!”
“Great warriors of skill and combat,” The blonde man said. “We have existed for thousands of years, entombed in stone until the day we had awoken to claim our rightful place in the world.”
“Right, and it says here,” Twilight said, putting a hoof on their files. “You three are ‘Aztec Vampire Gods’, under description.” The three men glanced at each other briefly with slightly mute looks. Finally, the bronze-skinned one spoke up.
“That was written for us.” He said. Twilight’s eyebrow decided to investigate the northern realm of Forehead-Land before returning to its companion at that rather… bizarre statement.
“I see… Care to introduce yourselves?” Twilight asked.
“WAMMU!” The blonde-haired man loudly proclaimed. “Master of the winds and the Divine Sandstorm!”
“I am Esidisi,” The bronze-skinned man said, a neutral look on his face. “Also known as 'The Burning King’.”
“And I am Lord Kars,” The middle man harshly said. “The Ultimate Lifeform.”
“Quite a bold claim, Mister Kars.” Twilight pointed out, although immediately shutting her mouth when she saw the horrifically hostile face Kars was giving her. “Um… Okay… So, how were you recommended to the Clinic for reformation?” Kars turned and shot Wammu a bit of a dirty look.
“After our… recent incidents,” Kars explained. “We were left almost purposeless in a void of nonexistence. It wasn’t until Wammu vouched with a higher power for a second chance, and we were instructed to apply here for a reformation program.” The look intensified to one of anger. “I feel we were better off in the abyss…”
“And I feel that we made terrible choices in our lives that guided us to ruin.” Wammu said, folding his arms. “Seeing the humans fight against us and JoJo’s act of mercy at the end of our battle made me see the metaphorical light, as I was blinded at the time. We were giving a chance to better ourselves, and squandering it would have been the ultimate mistake.” Twilight turned to face Esidisi, who had been quiet the entire time.
“And what about you, Mister Esidisi?” Twilight asked. “Where do you stand in all of this?” For a moment, no words were spoken, only an air of menace drifted about the room. Finally, he spoke.
“I’m mostly along for the ride at this point.” Esidisi admitted. “I may serve Lord Kars, but I agree with Wammu’s ideology. If anything, I go as the wind carries me.”
“The wind is my thing and you know it.” Wammu snapped. The three Pillar Men sat in silence, refusing to look the other in the eye. The sheer amount of hostility in the room was so thick, you’d need a chainsaw to even make a dent in it.
“It looks to me like you three have a few problems to sort about amongst yourselves.” Twilight noted. The three muscular men simply grunted and turned their heads away. “It seems that in order to begin the reformation process, you’re going to need to start mending bridges between each other.” She dipped her quill in an inkwell. “So, individually, tell me what issues you have with each other.” All three of the Pillar Man shot up in their seats and pointed at the other, posing dramatically in the process.
“THEY’RE dishonorable in the field of battle!” Wammu accused.
“THEY’RE acting like petty children!” Esidisi shouted.
“THEY’RE both incompetent buffoons bound by petty codes!” Kars snapped. Clearly there were a lot of issues to work out. Luckily Twilight knew the right crew of ponies to aid in this trial.
“Well, I think I have a perfect idea on how to make you all connect with each other again.” Twilight said as the Pillar Men sat down. “We’ll go out and meet with a couple of good friends of mine and have a few activities set up.”
“It will have to be done after sunset.” Esidisi spoke up, Wammu nodding in agreement.
“Why do we need it done after…” Twilight asked, but immediately realized why. “Right, Aztec Vampire Gods… Sunlight… Right…” She chuckled in embarrassment and rubbed the back of her head with her hoof. “Well, I suppose we can wait around and talk for a bit, or do whatever it is you usually do.” The instant she said that, the three Adonis-like Pillar Man shot up from their seats and began posing. As incredible as that was, Twilight felt like a vein was going to burst in her head if this was what she had to put up for the next few hours.




Several Hours of Posing Later….




“Any reason you woke me up during my late evening nap?” Rainbow Dash complained, rubbing the last bits of sleep out of her eyes. 
“Darling, it’s six o’clock in the evening.” Rarity tittered. “If this is late evening for you, I dread whatever you claim to be early morning.” The prismatic Pegasus simply blew a strand of stray hair out of her eyes and continued to flutter in the air. “But Rainbow Dash is right, darling. What did you need all of us for so late in the hour?” Twilight had Spike send a late-night message to the rest of the girls informing them of a ‘dire need of assistance’. So, all six of the mares had now gathered in the Map Room, sitting in their chairs (with Starlight sitting in a folding chair until they could carve up a new one) with slightly tired looks on their faces.
“I wouldn’t call you girls so late without a just reason to do so.” Twilight admitted. “Now, this involves my recent case with the Reformation Program.” A few concerned looks passed between the mares. “It can also be counted as bit of a friendship problem, seeing as there are three of them and they aren’t getting along.”
“Uh, no offense there, Twi,” Applejack interjected, tapping her hoof on the table. “But ain’t it a good thing that these villains ain’t getting’ along?”
“Yeah, wouldn’t these guys working together mean bad things happening?” Rainbow Dash added. “Like… what if they wanna conquer the world and become supreme beings of all life or something? Them being all buddy-buddy would be a bad thing.” A few nods of agreement came from the rest of the gang, much to Twilight’s chagrin.
“I know, but I have a feeling that if we work together,” Twilight continued. “We can not only make these three friends again, but turn their lives around completely and make them better for it! So please,” She pressed a hoof to her chest. “Help me with this.” The gang glanced around at each other, their looks of concern vanishing and replacing with glances of affirmation.
“Aw shucks, Twi,” Applejack said. “Y’all got my helpin’ hoof on this one.”
“Even if these guys get outta hoof,” Rainbow Dash boasted. “I can take ‘em down a peg if needed.”
“I wouldn’t be a proper lady or friend to turn down your request, Twilight.” Rarity said, fluttering her eyelashes. “We’ll follow you to the ends of Equestria for our friendship!”
“Friends shouldn’t be fighting with each other, evil or otherwise.” Fluttershy softly said. “We have an obligation to help them… Even if they’re not good…”
“I have the victory party cannon prepped and ready!” Pinkie Pie cheered, running a hoof along her precious festive artillery. 
“And you know both Starlight and I got your back in all of this.” Spike said, puffing his chest out while Starlight nodded. Twilight beamed, her eyes meeting each and every one of the ponies she called her dearest friends, a swelling feeling of pride and gratification blooming in her heart.
“Thank you all, so very much.” Twilight said, bowing her head slightly. She hopped out of her throne and trotted to the door. “I had asked the trio to wait outside until we finished, so they’re waiting around for me to get them.” She knocked on the door, getting everypony’s attention. “Let me introduce you to the Program’s latest cases, the Pillar Men.” (*) Twilight opened the doors with her magic, swinging them open to reveal the Pillar Men, struck in magnificent poses, the air of menace bursting through at their mere presence. Granted, everyone else was just gawking at the bizarre scene before them.
“Did… did you plan this, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked, not once taking her eyes off the posing, half-naked Pillar Men. “The… entrance with the hairless monkeys?” Kars’ eyes narrowed upon faintly hearing the comment.
“No, they just sort of… do that…” Twilight somewhat explained. She blinked for a moment, and noticed that Kars was no longer amongst the bunch. Rainbow let out a panicked yelp when she saw the leader of the Pillar Men standing less than a foot away from her.
“Forgive my hearing this, Rainbow Equine,” Kars said, his purple eyes boring into Rainbow’s magenta eyes. “But did you refer to me as a ‘hairless monkey’?” Rainbow swallowed her fear for a moment, prodding a hoof at Kars’ chest and staring at him with steely determination.
“Yeah, so what if I did, b-b-big guy?” Rainbow accused, unaware of Twilight’s frantic hoof signals telling her to ‘back the buck off’. “You going to do something about it?” Wammu and Esidisi both simultaneously groaned, the latter placing his face into his palm. Rainbow Dash blinked again, and Kars was gone. Suddenly, she felt something grab her by the back of her neck, and something cold and sharp poking her neck. Everypony gasped and saw Kars was holding Rainbow like a scolding puppy, with a sharp blade springing up from his own forearm pointed at her jugular.
“Rainbow!” Fluttershy cried out, hopping from her seat and flying over to her friend. “Put her down this instant, mister!” Kars quirked an eyebrow, a slightly amused smirk appearing on his lips for only the briefest of instances.
“Could you repeat that, Equine?” Kars said, retracting the blade into his arm. “Put her down?” He slowly moved his free hand to the base of the cyan mare’s hind-legs. “But why should I listen to a lesser life form?” Much to everypony’s surprise, Kars began using Rainbow Dash like an air guitar, strumming at her hooves as he tightened his grip on her back. Letting out a brief laugh, Kars looked and saw Fluttershy now giving him the dreaded Stare. For the first time in an extraordinarily long time, Kars felt unbearable unease, like he was under the scolding influence of a mother. In the instant Kars was enraptured, Rainbow Dash broke free and ducked behind her chair. In that very same instance, Kars realized what was going on and returned with a Stare of his own, catching the butter-yellowed Pegasus off guard. 
“Did he just counter ‘the Stare’?” Pinkie asked, vocalizing her surprise for everyone else. Esidisi let out a brief chuckle while the pony and Pillar Man engaged in the world’s most intense staring contest.
“Lord Kars is the Ultimate Lifeform, due in part to our last escapade.” Esidisi explained. “He has become the pinnacle of evolution and is capable of godlike actions unlike any have seen before. He can mimic human capabilities, create life from nothing, become one with nature itself... In other words,” He gestured to the ongoing battle of pupils. “Anything you can do, he can do better.” The exchange between the two became increasingly more tense, the very air becoming rife with menace and determination, with each opponent glaring not only deep into the others eyes, but into their very being. What Kars saw was a pure soul, someone who only strived to make the world into a better, kinder place, and would search for the inner child within to find a common ground. What Fluttershy saw, deep within Kars’ eyes, was oblivion, hatred, and emptiness, nothing to relate or connect to, and it terrified her. 
“Enough of that.” Wammu said, getting incredibly fed up of the whole ordeal. He stepped between the two and snapped his fingers in front of their eyes, breaking their gaze and concentration. “We have to deal with the matter at hand.” Fluttershy nodded her head and shakily drifted off to her seat, while Kars simply scoffed and folded his arms. Wammu turned to Twilight and apologized on behalf of his master. “My apologies, Lord Kars has become extremely irritable as of late.”
“Noted.” Twilight said. After the hassle, Twilight turned to properly address the newcomers to her friends. “Everypony and Spike, these are the Pillar Men: Kars, Esidisi, and Wammu.”
“WAMMU!” Wammu shouted. The ponies and dragon briefly glanced at him in confusion, but decided to let it be.
“I need each of you to split into pairs to work with each of the Pillar Men to help kindle the peaceful and friendly sides of these powerful Aztec Vampire Gods.” Twilight explained, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. “Rarity, Applejack, you work with Wammu. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, you two help with Esidisi. Pinkie, Starlight, try and do what you can with Kars. Spike and I will work on a project to bring these three together like friends again.” She clapped her hooves together with a smile. “That sound good?”
“… Mind running that ‘Aztec Vampire God’ thing by us one more time?” Applejack asked.
“Alright, BREAK!”





“Forgive me for saying this,” Wammu cautiously stated, his body tense from being told not to move so much as a hair on his head. “But I’m not sure of this purpose of this bonding exercise.”
“Ah gotta agree with the big feller here, Rarity.” Applejack hesitantly agreed. “Ah’m not sure why y’all think this is a good idea for the whole bondin’ thing.” 
“Applejack, I can assure you, this is a tried and true method in reconnecting with friends.” Rarity snipped, her magic levitating several objects at once in the air. “Now please, raise both of your arms at length, I need the proper wingspan measurement.” After Twilight had instructed everypony to handle the Pillar Men, Rarity wasted no time dragging Wammu and Applejack all the way to her Boutique to do, what else but, get him fitted with a dashing new suit. Hence why Wammu now stood upon a small pedestal as Rarity ran several measuring tapes across his body. 
“I don’t quite understand.” Wammu said, still a bit confused. “Why would a suit help my masters realize the folly of their ways and accept the reformation program?” Rarity clicked her tongue, jotting down the measurements she recently acquired.
“Darling, if all my years in the fashion industry have taught me anything about clothing and social functions,” Rarity said, levitating her notepad away. “It’s that one’s own attire can properly convey a message.” She hopped on the pedestal and stood on her hind legs, placing one of her hooves on the Pillar Man’s biceps. “You require a suit, darling, that tells your brutish friends ‘I care for this world and you should, too’!” She hopped off the pedestal and trotted over to several rolls of fabric.
“But my attire already ‘speaks a message’, as you put it.” Wammu said, thumping a fist to his chest. “It announces to all my status as a warrior, a man who seeks to prove his strength through honorable combat! Amongst the Pillar Men, strength matters above all…” He sat himself down upon the pedestal. “At least, that is what Lord Kars and Master Esidisi have taught me since I was naught but a child.” Applejack recognized that look on Wammu’s face. The warrior’s face beheld a look of forlorn contemplation, the kind she once had upon her face when she herself had doubts on what she wanted to do with her life. It was the same face she wore when she left the Apple Family Farm for Manehatten. Right now, she was seeing the same face in Wammu.
“You’re confused about a lotta things right now, aint’cha?” Applejack asked, putting a sympathetic hoof on Wammu’s shoulder. “Like where y’all stand now that y’all are doin’ this reformation shindig?”
“All my life, I was led to believe that the Pillar Men were destined to rule all,” Wammu said, his gaze not lifting off the floor. “And yet, when I faced JoJo amidst that honorable battle, I came to realize that our way might have been… wrong.” He looked at the Earth Pony farmer with a somber gaze. “He made me realize our way, Lord Kars’ way,” He spat out that title with the spitefulness of venom, both Applejack and Wammu unaware that Rarity had returned with several spools of thread and blankets of fabric. “Was naturally evil, it was dishonorable. It was not the true Pillar Man way.”
“And what, if you don’t mind me asking,” Rarity said. “Is the true Pillar Man way? Stand up, please.” Wammu complied, rising to his towering height as Rarity began to work her magic.
“An honorable way of the warrior.” Wammu said, a slight glimmer appearing in his eyes. “Despite Lord Kars attempting to bewitch me with his teachings of the way of the Pillar Man, Master Esidisi taught me our true history, a culture that thrived upon honor and pride, living alongside the race of humanity for eons.” He moved his form slightly while Rarity began weaving fabric around his body. “While the Pillar Men held no true kinship with the humans, Kars simply viewed them as cattle to be used to sate our desires. These views have been imprinted in my mind since I was an infant.”
“Now that’s just despicable!” Applejack objected, stamping her hoof on the ground. “Fillin’ yer head with lies about yer own kinfolk since you were a baby!”
“I completely agree! A little to the left, darling.” Rarity added, carefully running a thread and needle along the side of Wammu’s body. “How such a malicious and cruel creature like Kars could become your leader baffles me!”
“A realization I have come to all too late,” Wammu admitted, twisting his body slightly. “And one I feel Master Esidisi is slowly making as well. Lord Kars led us to our own demise, and we should have been condemned for our crimes! If I hadn’t realized this when that great power offered us a second chance…” His shoulders sagged slightly. “We would have been trapped in eternal nothingness.” Both Rarity and Applejack exchanged glances, sharing a conversation between their minds and facial expressions.
“Well, it sounds to me like y’all are really committed to this here reformation hootenanny.” Applejack said, adjusting her hat. “And if yer spirit is really in it…”
“You can certainly sway Esidisi, maybe even Kars, to your rational thinking.” Rarity praised, placing her tools aside. “Especially in this dapper new suit top of yours!” Standing up, Wammu was slightly surprised to see that, throughout the entirety of the conversation, Rarity had worked upon him and created a fantastic top half of a suit, complete with a frilled orange undershirt featuring golden buttons and a lovely green suit jacket, with intricate designs of winds blowing around the cuffs and shoulders. Seeing himself in this wondrous outfit that had taken mere minutes to construct, Wammu felt a feeling of confidence and determination.
“You two equines are right!” Wammu exclaimed. “With the warriors spirit burning within me, and my resolve gifted to me by JoJo, I can bring my old comrades around and into a newer light! WAMMU!” At his final declaration, Wammu flexed his muscles and posed triumphantly. However, apparently the suit top wasn’t built to withstand such powerful posing, as the instant Wammu came to cease his movement, the shirt and jacket exploded from his body in a shower of fabric shreds, leaving the Pillar Man in his standard garb and armor. “… Might want to skip the suit part.” Only response that got was Rarity landing on her fainting couch.





“Believe me when I say this, Mister Esidisi,” Fluttershy softly said as she, Rainbow Dash, and the Pillar Man walked along the pathway towards her cottage. “Spending time with my critter friends is definitely the best way to rekindle friendships. Maybe even form new ones.” Throughout most of the night, Esidisi said very little, rather simply taking in the scenery and keeping his thoughts to himself. While Fluttershy was content with this, Rainbow Dash didn’t waste a single moment with at least one of her eyes trained on the Pillar Men, watching warily for the big villain to make any sudden movements. “Oh, here we are!” 
“Quaint little cottage you have.” Esidisi noted, seeing the small home and the various animal houses that surrounded it. “You seem to be at one with nature, little one.” Fluttershy blushed at the comment, trotting off to go unlock her door. Before Rainbow Dash could trail after, Esidisi tapped her on the shoulder.
“I have seen the looks you give me when the Shy one is not glancing our way.” Esidisi coolly noted. “I recognize these looks of mistrust and contempt.” Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes, wondering what this muscular man was getting at. “You believe that I will bring harm upon your friends.”
“Well, yeah!” Rainbow Dash retorted, jabbing a hoof at Esidisi. “After your boss held a blade to my neck and played my legs like a guitar, I don’t trust you guys one bit!” She glanced at Fluttershy, the animal caretaker working on unlocking her stuck door. “These girls are my best friend, and while I get that Twilight’s reformation project is important to her, I just don’t want to see any of my friends get hurt because of you… villains!” She spat that last word with venom. Esidisi furrowed his brow, contemplating the words before him. The Pillar Man never considered himself or his companions to be villainous, rather staking a claim in a world that belonged to them. Well, it’s obvious where that ended up, and, in hindsight, maybe what they had done could be considered truly evil.
“I see.” Esidisi said. Much to Rainbow Dash’s surprise, the Pillar Man got down on a single knee and bowed his head. “To ease your concerns, I will make a warrior’s promise that I will not harm you or your friends, nor allow them to come to any harm during our stay.” While Rainbow could tell that the promise seemed earnest (or Esidisi was doing a very convincing act), she still didn’t entirely trust him.
“I get the warrior’s promise,” Rainbow Dash said. “But you gotta make a Pinkie Promise to seal the deal.” Esidisi lifted his head up, a faint hint of confusion on his face. Rolling her eyes, Rainbow Dash went through the motions and said the mantra. “Now you do it, if you’re serious about the promise.” As childish as the ritual was, Esidisi knew that he would get nowhere without complying. Filled with reluctance, Esidisi rose to his full height and towered over the hovering mare.
“… Cross my heart, hope to fly,” Esidisi recited the mantra, his hands moving to match the movements until reaching one of his eyes. “Stick a cupcake in my eye.” Satisfied, Rainbow gave a confirming nod as she heard Fluttershy unlock her door.
“Great, now come on, big guy.” Rainbow Dash urged. “Let’s get you acquainted with a couple of critters.” The two reached the cottage, but came across a rather problematic situation involving size differences. Fluttershy glanced between the Pillar Man and her own door and sheepishly blushed.
“Oh, um, I don’t think you’ll be able to fit in.” Fluttershy meekly stated. “Don’t worry, though! I can get my animal friends ready in the back!” She turned to Rainbow with a smile. “Could you take Mr. Esidisi to the backyard gate for me, please?”
“Yeah, sure thing, Flutters.” Rainbow said, casually waving her hoof. Fluttershy thanked her friend and shut the door to her cottage. “Alright, big guy, follow me.” The cyan pony guided the white-haired Pillar Man around a more off-beaten path on the cottage, coming across a little red picket fence that barely came up to the Pillar Man’s knee. Esidisi felt one of his eyebrows raise when he saw Rainbow Dash push the gate open and expect him to go through it. Letting out a sigh, Esidisi simply stepped over the fence and entered the backyard, much to Rainbow’s annoyance. Once Esidisi came to a halt, he was incredibly surprised at the diversity of the menagerie the butter-yellow pony possessed. When he heard she was a caretaker of animals, she assumed she cared for domestic creatures like dogs and cats, but he saw a wide birth of creatures both large and small congregating around the grassy yard. Flamingos, elk, bats, chickens, serpents, rabbits, tortoises, fish, and even a large bear, this timid little Pegasus housed and cared for them all, and she sat proudly in the center of the group, surrounded by her various animal friends.
“Welcome to my home, Mr. Esidisi!” Fluttershy announced, several animals letting out their own various chirps, barks and yowls in excitement. “Please make yourself comfortable, I’ll have some tea prepared while you get acquainted with my critter friends.” Fluttershy quickly flew off into her cottage, leaving Rainbow Dash and the slightly confused Esidisi alone with a bunch of nature’s finest.
“What… does she expect me to do?” Esidisi asked, noticing the smaller animals starting to creep up to his feet. 
“Just start petting ‘em, dude.” Rainbow Dash calmly noted, rubbing the shell of her own tortoise pet. “Fluttershy does this thing called ‘pet therapy’, where she has ponies come and play with the critters she cares for. Says it’s really relaxing and makes ponies really happy.”
“And it really works!” Fluttershy softly called out, re-entering the backyard with a tea set on a tray carefully balanced on her hooves as a certain white bunny rabbit bounded after her. “I’ve read several books and studies that show that being in company with a bunch of cute, fuzzy and friendly animals can help calm the nerves and relax them.” She set the tea tray down on a tree stump as several chipmunks and squirrels started to gather around, while Esidisi sat bow-legged opposite her. “I believe that calming your nerves will help you reconnect with your friends.” She gently gestured a few of the critters towards Esidisi, who approached the Pillar Man out of curiosity. “Go on, try it out.” As the critters began to approach Esidisi, the Pillar Man was slightly reluctant to lay one of his massive hands upon the little creatures, not out of fear of them, no, rather how silly it would make him look. He was a Pillar Man, one of the pinnacle life-forms on the planet! He had now intentions of doing something as menial as ‘playing with animals’, it was beneath him! Even if they looked upon him with beady, adorable little eyes, their small noses twitching with curiosity, and those cute puffs of fur that covered their bodies, there was no way it was making him weak to such frailty and frivolous actions – and, he’s already gently petting the head of a family of squirrels. 
It was working, Esidisi had started to open up, petting a few of the critters that had approached him, while a few birds had even perched themselves upon his head and shoulders. The Pillar Man, this giant of a man who seemingly had the power to crush everyone with ease, was now sitting in a field cuddling with animals. He even let out a small chuckle as he reached his gargantuan hand towards Angel Bunny, intent on giving the guy a little scratch under the chin. Rainbow Dash turned and saw the pleased look of joy and excitement on Fluttershy’s face, the look someone gives when they’ve succeeded and changing someone’s life. The smile was infectious, as the prismatic Pegasus felt herself join in.
“I believe I am truly enjoying this,” Esidisi said, smiling as he rubbed one of his large thumbs under Angel’s chin, unaware of the bunny’s blatant dislike. “Dare I say, I’m having a good time!” Fluttershy beamed, glad that once again, her furry and feathered friends helped bring joy to yet another person.
*CHOMP*
“GAH!” Esidisi yelped, yanking his slightly damaged finger away from the rabbit. “The pest bit me!” Fluttershy gasped in shock, quickly moving to admonish Angel while Rainbow Dash looked on in worry.
“Angel Bunny, how dare you do that to Mr. Esidisi!” Fluttershy admonished. Esidisi clutched his finger, watching the tiny trickle of blood leaking from the tiny bite marks, trembling and shaking violently.
“Oh, this can’t be good.” Rainbow commented, hiding behind the large bear. Fluttershy took notice of Esidisi’s growing emotional state, and debated heavily whether she should attempt to comfort the creature that could snap her like a twig or duck behind the nearest safe cover. 
“N-n-now Mr. Esidisi,” Fluttershy stammered, cautiously inching backwards from the shaking Pillar Man. “I know Angel can be a bit… r-r-rambunctious at times, but he really does mean well.” Angel, having realized the beast he might have unleashed, quickly changed his demeanor and nodded frantically, ducking behind his caretaker’s leg for fear of his little furry life. “So, um… p-p-p-p-please don’t smush him.” However, no anger or violence came from Esidisi, no explosion of rage and destruction. Instead, a stream of tears began leaking from his eyes.
“I can’t believe it…” Esidisi sniffled, the tears dribbling down from his face. Finally, after a few seconds, the mighty Pillar Man burst into a shower of tears and crying, bawling his eyes out in an almost tantrum-like fashion. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I-I-I-IT! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!” Everyone present was… confused. Rainbow Dash had expected Esidisi to utterly lose it like Kars did, and probably start demolishing the place in retaliation. Fluttershy felt like she needed to comfort the poor man, even if he was intimidating and scary. Angel genuinely felt bad at what he had done. All the other animals could do was sit and watch the uncomfortable burst of emotion. 
“What?” Rainbow Dash softly asked herself. She saw Esidisi continue crying loudly as he looked at his partially bleeding finger.
“GAHAHAH, MY POOR FINGER!” He cried. “WAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!” This continued for another solid minute. Eventually, Fluttershy decided to take the initiative and comfort Esidisi, but the instant she moved her hoof, the crying immediately stopped. Both Fluttershy and Rainbow let off startled gasps as Esidisi rose to his feet, completely silent. The animals felt an instinct of pure fear, like they were drowning in an ocean of menace. Finally, Esidisi spoke, his face neutral as the instant he made his face in Equestria. “I feel so much better now.”
“WHAT?!” Rainbow Dash loudly exclaimed. “You looked like you were gonna kill Angel Bunny, then start crying like a baby who bumped his muzzle, and now you’re just okay?!” She flew right up into Esidisi’s face, eyes wide as dinner plates. “WHAT ARE YOU?!” In response, Esidisi gently pushed Rainbow away and wiped his bleeding finger off on a tree. 
“I’m a bit emotional at times, that is all.” Esidisi calmly said. “I believe we are done here now.” With that said, he turned about and started to leave, all eyes gaping in shock and confusion the entire time. Just as he opened the gate, Esidisi stopped and turned about. “Oh, and if that little rabbit of yours decides to do that again, I know a few excellent fast recipes for Hasenpfeffer.” Angel let out an audible gulp as he watched Esidisi leave with what he SWORE was a smirk on his face. Once everyone came to, Fluttershy smelt an odd odor of burnt wood. She followed her nose and saw one of the trees had a hole burned right through it, the same tree Esidisi had bled on. 

To Be Continued ====>