Chapter 2: Playing in the mud
As soon as Fritz said that, Babs broke down in tears, realizing that she was far away from home.
“Sister…”
I hugged and patted her. “Shh, I’m here for you.” She calmed down and looked into my blue eyes.
“Thanks. My sister is the only one left for me. My parents died after I was born in an accident.”
“Sorry to hear that. Do you want to tell us more about you?” I felt guilty, as it could make her sadder.
She smiled weakly, before she blows her mane out of her eyes. Cute.
“Well, I was born in Manehattan, a metropolitan city in Equestria. I have a big sister named Sunflower. I’m a member of the Apple family, large family of Earth pony farmers, who own apple farms all over Equestria. Apart from Earth ponies, there are Pegasus ponies and Unicorn ponies in Equestria. The pair of scissors with apple-shaped bottom is my Cutie Mark. It shows my special talent.
My cousin Apple Bloom introduced me to her club, the Cutie Mark Crusaders who helping other ponies to get their Cutie Mark.
Before I got my Cutie Mark, I was very shy and meek and to avoid being bullied, I acted mean and aggressively to Apple Bloom and her friends. But I changed and forgive them after they tried to get revenge and aborted it. I visit them regularly. You’re soldiers, right?”
I scratched my back. “Well, yes. My brother I and were born on a farm in Munich.” My brother waved with a smile at her which she returned. He also had blue eyes like me but had black hair instead of brown. Fritz had blond hair and green eyes, Bergmann brown eyes with matching hair.
"Bergmann used to be a cook before the war, and Fritz was a Fashion designer.”
“W-war? The last war in Equestria was 1000 years ago. That’s terrible.” She trembled.
“Yeah it is.” I told her without going to deep into it what the Great War was, where she was and which year it was.
“So, you never had such a great War?”
“Yes, Babs. My brother and I are using the Gewehr 98, standard issue rifle in the German Army. It has a 5-round internal magazine and is a bolt-action rifle, meaning that I have to bolt it after each shot. Slow rate of fire but it packs a punch. This,” I pointed to my holster, “is the Mauser C96. It also an internal magazine but has a 10 Round magazine. I use it as we did not have enough quantities if our standard sidearm, the Pistol 08 known as ‘Luger.’ The Luger is used by my brother and it has a magazine of 8 rounds, unlike the C96, the mag can be changed. Bergmann uses also a Luger as sidearm and the carbine version of the C96 as primary weapon, featuring an extended barrel and a shoulder stock.
Fritz is our support gunner and uses the MG15 n.A. It’s a Machine Gun. It has a mag of 100 rounds but can overheat if fired too long. His task is to suppress the enemy and to give covering fire, which is no problem. As side arm, he uses the Kolibri, the smallest pistol ever made. Has a mag of 8 rounds.”
Fritz showed it to her to prove it. “Wow. It is so tiny.” She said as he had to hold it with the thumb and forefinger.
“I know, they accidently gave me it. It’s difficult to handle and reload but I’m used to it.”
“Is that a… ditch we’re in?” Babs looked around.
“It’s a trench. Armies clashed, Calvary owned the battlefield but one device changed warfare... The machine gun... It effectively ended the Calvary and there supremacy on the battlefield. Planes rule the sky, artillery rain hell on us and in the end, we only could dig down, eventually the trenches were created and now every day we fight pre yard of bloody mud. Gas attacks and charges are a daily occurrence.... And this is our heaven until one side wins.”
“That sounds horrible. But it must be annoying.” She lowered her ears.
“It is.” Fritz confirmed.
It seemed the Tommy’s were asleep, so I showed her the trench. She didn’t mind walking in the mud, actually she enjoyed it and jumped into the mud puddles like she would in the rain. She could walk with her injured hind leg but rather slowly. The other soldiers shook their heads but as she greeted them, they showed compassion for her.
Suddenly, I heard a whistle. “Here they come!” The enemy was attacking.
“I don’t want to die!” Seed exclaimed scared.
I picked her up and carried her to the bunker next to the sickbay. “Please don’t leave!” She was scared.
“Sorry, but my comrades need me. I will be back as soon as it’s over.”
As I left for the frontline, I heard her cry, “Wait! Please, I don’t want to be alone!” I heard that she was crying and I’d comfort her, but holding this trench was the key to her safety.
My rifle cocked, I joined my brother who already fired on the hostile soldiers.
When they came closer, I fired too. I felt remorse as I’m a medic whose task was to save lives not to end them. But sometimes, the only way to save a life, is to take a life. I learned that in this war.
Even if Fritz managed to mow them down, it were too many.
They stormed our trench and were struggled in brutal close combats.
One Tommy jumped into the trench but I killed him with my bayonet. Right into the chest.
Another one charged at me with his bayonet from my left but I blocked it and did a counterattack with my Shovel. It was both, a useful tool and weapon, better than a knife in my opinion.
They retreated. Smoke was popped. What now?
“Something big is coming.” Bergmann said as he heard a noise.
It sounded like an engine. Oh, no.
My fear was real as a Mark IV came out of the smoke. The tank was accompanied by infantry.
We fired at the infantry and killed them all but the tank fired, knocking me and Fritz down. I grabbed one of his Anti-Tank Grenades and waited until he came closer.
The canon missed us but the shellshock from it was incredible.
Closer…Closer…Now! I threw it just as the Mark IV was a few meters from the trench away. The grenade landed on top of the rear of the tank where the engine I believed.
The tank exploded. Phew! That was a close one.
“Nicely done! Now let’s-wait, Message coming in!” A Carrier Pigeon landed next to Bergmann.
“New orders from High Command! The attack is postponed to tomorrow. Get some rest, men.”
I wasted no time to get back to Babs.
The bunker and the sickbay had both not a scratch. The foal however was crying, hooves over her ears, eyes closed, tears running down.
Even if the bunker and sickbay were at the end of the trench, far away from the frontline, it could be heard very loudly.
“Babs? It’s over.” She looked up and hugged me tightly.
“I…was afraid…that you…were…going to…die.” She sobbed.
“I’m still in one piece, my dear. Are you hungry?” I asked as her stomach growled.
“Yeah, I could eat something.”
I took a sip from my canteen and gave her some bread and zwieback. She enjoyed it clearly. Even if the food supply was bad thanks to the Turnip Winter and the British Naval blockade, we still had enough here.
Then we both looked into the beautiful sunset until Babs let out a yawn.
“You should get some sleep. It was an exhausting day for you.”
“Yeah, I should.” She fell asleep and I gently carried her to the cots at the sickbay. We had no wounded at the moment, and I slept almost always here to treat wounded.
My brother joined me. He smiled. “She’s so cute when she’s asleep.”
“You got that right. I hope her friends and family finds her soon. I don’t want her to be victim of artillery or gas.”
“Brother, you have my word, I protect her with my life, and let me tell you, all men in this trench have closed her into their hearts and will fight for her. You should get some sleep, you earned it after you destroyed that tank. I take the night guard. Goodnight.”
“Night, brother.” I putted the safety of my rifle and sidearm on, so that they accidently go off and hurt Babs and putted them on the table next to me.
Babs hugged me in her sleep and I couldn’t help myself but put my arm around her.
She really looked like an angel as her belly raised and lowered gently.
I hope and pray that the Brits won’t shell us tonight. She suffered already enough. And I don’t want that’s she ends like the recruit I once met. He was just 16 and suffered a mental breakdown in the night after they shelled us the entire night, not letting us sleep. I was glad that they gave us the new Stahlhelm instead of the Pickelhaube. Not only it was more comfortable in sleep, but also Babs couldn’t accidently get hurt by the tip.
But I promise you Babs Seed, I will protect you from all harm with my life. I fell asleep with a smile at the cute sleeping filly.
7684728 Really? I just let it proofread two days ago before publishing it.
7685027 Of course not.
A few typos I could point out if you want, but I want to criticize your characterization to try and help you improve your craft first. Hopefully this helps, sorry if I come off a little blunt!
Hmmm, the humans and talking ponies meet for the first time, but the exchange of information is strangely one sided.
One is an alien in a strange, unknown place and the others are meeting a totally alien creature for the first time. The pony gives a detailed explanation of her city, country, family, biology (cutie mark), personality, and travel habits. The humans respond with:
If the humans had said something like:
It would have seemed pretty weird right? The reason this would have been weird is that there is no need to explain all this stuff. The character, the reader, and you the author feels like it is common knowledge and goes without saying, or is irrelevant to the situation.
From the point of view of the pony, that whole speech should have been common knowledge and go without saying, or irrelevant (why would you tell a creature unlike anything you've ever met before how a cutie mark works and how you're in a club with your cousin and your family owns farms?). It feels like this is more of a character outline (or a dating website profile) then realistic dialog. Don't just tell us about this character, SHOW US! Rewatch the first episode of FIM, its a great example of how to introduce characters in an interesting way. We see basically one trait/quirk from each of the mane 6 and then spend the rest of the episode discovering who they are as individuals by how they react to difficult situations. At no point does Pinky start explaining her love of parties and her history growing up on a grey bland rock farm. She just gasps and starts getting ready to throw a party! You don't need to tell us about Bab's past and personality, show her shy and meek side in a conversation in chapter 3, explain her cutie mark when she asks the humans where theirs are while they are showering in chapter 5, and flashback to her hometown when the cast is visiting Herbert's hometown in chapter 7.
Also: The pony (a prey animal from a peaceful utopia) just had weapons and strategies of war and wide scale murder explained to her and all she has to say is:
But it must be annoying? They fight and kill and bleed and die for mere yards of land! Boy that sure sounds annoying! *facepalm*.
Please keep writing! Let me know if you want a prereader or anything!
7685530 Thanks for the advice and the offer, I have already a proofreader. As for Babs reaction, she learned in school about humanity, What she meant with anoying, was the trench war. Imagine: Attack the enemy trench, retreat to own trench, defend it, repeat the circle. If you do this every day, it must get anyoing with the time. Also, the German Soldiers in Battlefield 1 comment sometimes how anyoing that is.
Herbert told her also about humanity, you sure know the part where someone tells something off screen, or tells something but no words are heartd
After Herbert helped her, she trusts him
His home and family will be shown in the fourth chapter.
I hope you will enjoy it
7685623 This kinda reminded me of Hacksaw Ridge and I wish the developers put the Mauser C96 in battlefield 1 anyway good chapter
8037634 glad to hear it. The C96 can be used in battlefield 1 as the medic class. As it is my Favorite class and the C96 my Favorite pistol, I made the Main character that way