The Conversion Bureau: Dinner Among Friends

by Mray

Act I: Part III

The Conversion Bureau: Dinner Among Friends

Act I, Part III

A ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’ Fan Fiction by Mray

Inspired by “THE CONVERSION BURAEU” by Blaze

From the Author: As always, any feedback or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

Act I, Part III

-0.29 A.F.C. (one week later) Reunion Tower, DFW Metroplex, Texas-

Alan tugged at the collar of his button-down shirt as he sat down, adjusting his slacks as he did so, “You didn’t have to go through all this trouble man,” He smiled at his friend even as he winced, glancing around the room at the extensive décor.

Saul, in the meantime, thanked the Maitre d’ for the seats and took his own, sinking into the plush black leather, “It was no trouble,” He smiled back, “I know a guy back in the kitchen, so the reservation was free. And, even if it wasn’t, it’d be worth it.”

“How?”

“Well, you said you wanted to take advantage of your fingers and canine teeth, you jumped at the idea of a fondue place, and…”

Alan interrupted him, “When you said ‘There’s this little fondue restaurant I know’ I didn’t think you meant the second most expensive one in the city! How can you afford this?!”

“Alan, what do I do?” The blond-haired man gave a defeated sigh, opening one of the menus and grimacing, bespectacled eyes traveling over the prices, rather than the dishes themselves, “Come on man,” Saul smiled, “At least take a look at the view outside,” He said, gesturing to his right, Alan’s left, to the floor to ceiling glass and, more importantly, to the slowly revolving city beyond it, “You’ll need to get used to views like this. The sooner the better.”

“You know there’s no guarantee I’ll…”

“Not with that attitude you won’t,” The young man said, “Just…look.”

Alan turned, glaring out at the rising buildings, but his eyes slowly stopped squinting as he looked on. The towers of the city rose as high as and higher than the window, appearing either in the form of white obelisks or monoliths in the newer buildings, or the grand glass blocks and spires, their crystal facades sparkling and shining in the rapidly fading sunlight, that were the older structures from the turn of the century.

As the floor beneath them turned, more came into view. The old industrial and meat-packing districts. The railroads and lots, with grain silos, warehouses, and the occasional concrete monolith spread out across the city, all coming into view; their grey and black palates turning to garish red and gold in the sunset. The highways and interstates, normally hidden in other parts of the conjoined cities, rose above these segments, each one a river of lights, traveling at over one hundred and fifty miles per hour, serving as the bloodstream of the vast megapolis.

“…I don’t think I’ve ever seen the city from up here.”

“Nobody that lives here does,” Saul sighed, “And if they do, they do it regularly enough that it’s ‘normal,’” He chuckled then, “Only the tourists get to see it as something beautiful… though they never seem to appreciate the grimier parts of it…” He drifted off, turning away and finally opening his own menu.

Alan slowly turned back as well, opening his mouth, before a voice interrupted him, “Hello there,” The woman stood to the side of their table, fingers clasped in front of her, a smile on her face, which Alan closed his mouth and returned, picking up his own menu, “My name is Barbara and I’ll be your server for the evening.”

“Hello Barbara,” Saul scanned through the menu, before lowering it, “My friend and I are new here, is there anything in particular you’d suggest?”

“Well, that depends what you’re looking for.”

“Lots of food, high quality, and…”

“Inexpensive,” Alan quipped in, his frown returning as his vision sped through the column marked ‘price per person.’ $70, $75, $60, $85…

Saul glared at his friend for a moment before smiling back at Barbara, “…with variety.” He finished.

Barbara glanced back and forth between the two men, her smile slipping into a smirk, “Well, given those factors,” she began, “I’d suggest sharing one of our combination dinners. Either the sampler or the feast. They’re three and four course meals, $35 and $48 per person, respectively.”

The pair flipped through their menus to find the page with the two options, glancing over them for a moment before looking at each other, “…We’re going to need a moment…” Saul said, looking back at the waitress and smiling slightly, the outer ends of his eyebrows dipping.

“That’s alright. Though, can I get you anything to drink in the meantime?”

“Some water would be good.”

“Coke please.” Barbara smiled and nodded, quickly making notes on her pad and walking away, leaving Saul to turn back to his bespectacled friend, who’s lips were pressed together, the corners of his mouth threatening to draw them into a smile, “What?”

“…you… you are the only man I know who would order a soft drink in…”

“In my defense…” Saul interrupted him, lifting a hand, before pausing, frowning and scratching his chin for a moment.

“Well?”

“Nope, drawing a blank,” He shrugged, laughing, Alan himself finally cracking a smile, “So,” he began as he looked back down at the menu, “I vote the feast.”

“How about ‘no,’” Alan answered back, “It’s barely any more food than the ‘sampler,’ just three more meats to the main course, in addition to the six already there.”

“And?”

“And, the increase in price isn’t in an advantageous proportion to the added benefits.”

Saul leaned forward, setting the menu down on the table and grinning, “Not quite, the sampler,” he pointed at the dish, “offers six meats, two from each column, red meat, poultry, and seafood, for $35, the feast offers three additional meats, one from each column, for $48, meaning that the price per choice is…” The short-haired human closed his eyes, drumming his fingers on his forehead a moment before smiling and opening them again, “$5 for the sampler, and $5 for the feast. Therefore…”

“Therefore, the feast is monetarily the superior order. Your analysis, however,” Alan was smirking now, “ignores three key bits of information. First, that the $35 of the sampler also covers an appetizer and a dessert, in addition to the main course. Second, that, from what we’ve seen of the portions on other tables, between us we’ll be lucky to finish even those six meats, plus the appetizer and dessert, and that adding on three more would just be a waste of both money and food. And third…” He paused here, his smirk still present.

“What?”

“If we add on the other meats, I’ll have more decisions to make off of the menu.” The blonde’s smirk grew into a full grin.

Saul’s eyes widened and his face paled, “Okay, okay you win.” He chuckled, Alan joining him in the laugh before the two settled down at the approach of Barbara, who set down a pair of glasses on the table, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” She smiled, “Are you ready to order?”

“I believe so, we’ll be going with the sampler.”

“Excellent choice. Now, with that you get to pick a cheese, meat, and chocolate fondue, as appetizer, entrée, and dessert.”

Alan frowned, “We uh…I’m afraid that we haven’t picked anything yet…”

“That’s alright, would you like to just start off ordering your cheese fondue and we’ll cover the other two later?”

“I think that would be perfect. Saul?”

“Works for me,” the man held the still fizzing glass of soda just under his nose, before taking a drink, holding the mouthful a moment, then swallowing and smiling to Barbara, “I’m sorry to ask again but…”

“I’d recommend either the Wisconsin Sharp Cheddar or the Mediterranean.”

Saul gave a quick glance to Alan, who merely gave a small wave of his hand, smiling, “We’ll go with the Wisconsin Sharp, thank you.”

“No problem” the server said, taking the menus and motioning to a nearby waiter, who wheeled out a cart with a small pot, a grater, a set of utensils, and a small collection of cheeses and other ingredients, “So,” The waitress began, quickly placing the pot onto a small burner in the center of the table, pouring what appeared to be a half-can of beer into it while simultaneously grabbing the grater and a clove of garlic, “Is there an occasion?”

“Kind of,” Alan said, “You could say it’s a last meal…of sorts.”

“What do you mean?” The woman set the burner to light, before beginning to grate the garlic, sending small flecks into the pot.

“Well tomorrow I’m heading out east for…”

“A job opportunity,” Saul gently interrupted, smiling at Barbara as he kicked his friend under the table, “And, since we’re old friends, we figured we’d share a nice meal before he left.”

“Aww,” Barbara set down the garlic, switching to a large hunk of cheese as the liquid in the pot began to bubble and boil, the alcohol leaving the mixture, “Well, I suppose that’s how things work. You have to go where the jobs are, especially with all the AI expansion.”

“Yeah…” Alan winced, rubbing his shin and giving a narrow-eyed glance toward Saul.

“I suppose I’m lucky,” The server mused, eyes focused on the grater as she neared the end of the cheese, before setting both aside and grabbing a pair of spoons, beginning to mix, flip, and knead the mass of cheese, helping it melt, occasionally adding a few more spices as she worked, “Those of us who’re working with our hands now have better job security than people who work with computers or engineering, you can’t shift cooking or serving to an AI. Funny how that works out.” Saul nodded, keeping his eyes focused on the server’s, until she removed her spoons and set them aside, “Now then,” She reached beneath the top level of the cart and brought forth a tray, loaded with various foods, mostly vegetables, but also with cubes of French bread and crackers, placing it at the side of the pot, with a quartet of fondue forks, two for each diner, before standing up straight, and smiling, “You two enjoy yourselves and just flag one of us down if you need anything, I’ll be back in a little while to get your order on the main course.”

“Will do; thanks again…” Saul took a long drink as the server wheeled the cart away.

“What was that about?” Alan hissed, glaring across the table, even as he picked up one of the pronged utensils, piecing a piece of cauliflower on the tray, dipping it in the cheese of the pot, and quickly bringing it to his lips, quickly slipping it into his mouth and chewing.

The dark-haired friend set down his glass gently, “You were about to tell a complete stranger that you were planning to get ponified.” He said, plucking a cube of bread from the tray, quickly giving it a small sniff, “Also, don’t bother whispering, no-one’s paying attention to us.” Saul popped the cube into his mouth and chewed, simultaneously piercing a second cube with his fork and rolling it on the surface of the fondue, coating the exterior.

“So what? That’s no reason to kick me in the shin.”

Saul lifted his fork as he swallowed the first bit of bread, before pausing, “Actually, it is, considering what you had me promise after that fiasco in Bonham,” He gave an equal sniff, then used his teeth to gently bite the cheese-covered cube, drawing it off the fork and closing his mouth, shifting the morsel back to his tongue, careful to keep the hot fondue away from his lips till he’d gauged the temperature, before chewing and giving a small hum of appreciation.

“One, why would you bring that up? And two, how does that have anything to with you kicking me?” He grabbed a cracker, scooping up a glob of cheese and quickly eating it, going to grab another.

“Simple, you were about to divulge a bit of sensitive information that might have had you jamming your foot in your mouth and, following my promise, I stopped you.”

“Sensitive…what are you talking about?”

“You haven’t been reading The Tract have you?” Saul asked, switching to a stick of celery and filling the center with cheese, biting it in half and chewing.

Alan shook his head “No, and I still don’t understand why you do. All that thing ever seems to do is piss you off.”

“I read it because it reflects the opinions of a significant portion of the city,” Saul slipped the other half of the vegetable into his mouth, chewing and swallowing, “It’s useful for avoiding setting off a religious landmine in conversation…even if I wind up having the blood pressure of someone twice my age for a half hour after I read it.” The man smirked, taking a drink from his cup, draining it to the half-way point before frowning, “In any case, a lot of the writers have started latching onto the bureaus.”

“Bad?”

“This is The Tract remember. Bad doesn’t even cover it.” Saul stabbed another cube, along with a piece of broccoli this time, rolling the pair in cheese, “Care to guess what the headline was this week?”

“Something along the lines of ‘Evil Horses Corrupt Eastern United States’?” Quickly piercing, dipping, and eating various vegetables from the platter.

“Less accusation, more guilt,” The man once again lifted his fork to his lips, biting and dragging both the bread and broccoli off and into his mouth, before swallowing and adding on “It’s a familiar message.”

Alan’s eyes widened in understanding, “‘Thousands Abandon God’s Gift Of Humanity By Joining Ponies’ then.”

“Precisely,” Saul took another drink, “It’s the same attitude they take toward nano-enhancement, though a bit more…fanatical.”

“What do you mean?”

“They’re not just piling on the shame and dehumanization this time,” Saul shook his head, rolling another few morsels in the cheese, “The prevailing undercurrent seems to be that being ponified is equivalent to being transformed into an animal, or even a demon, giving up being a creation of the Lord for being the creation of a ‘False God,’ far worse than merely editing God’s blueprints, as was the accusation with nano-enhancement.” He finished before eating the new set.

“Hm,” Alan nodded, grimacing as he took a bit of another cracker, “I can see why you’d stop me then...” He said before glaring across the table, “But did you really have to kick me? That hurt you know.”

Saul grinned, a gesture which was quickly returned by Alan, “Hmph, there is a bright side to all of this though,” The man said.

“What’s that?”

Saul glanced around the room for a moment before turning back to his friend, still smiling, “With the public focused on the conversion bureaus, I was able to get this…” He pulled back his right sleeve, revealing a bright yellow-anodized steel bracelet, marked with a black triangle, circumscribing a circle, with a trio of broken bars in the center arranged in a pattern similar to that of a “radiation hazard” sign, “Without too much harassment.”

Alan gaped at the band for a moment, and continued to gape at Saul’s wrist once the metal had been covered again, “Was that what I think it was?”

“Do you think it was a permatech medical bracelet?” Saul’s grin grew wider.

“But…h-how? I thought the waiting list would have held you back for another six months at least, not to mention the price tag…”

“A combination of a few factors actually. For one thing, Bill S.296 was signed over in California last month, and it went into effect two weeks ago.”

“Wait, that passed? I thought there was this huge controversy over Grey Goo again.”

“The mainstream media wasn’t paying much attention to the raising of the cap and lowering of the tax on nano-assemblers at the state level, what with the whole ‘magical talking ponies’ thing going on. I actually didn’t find out until about a week ago, when I got called by the company I was on the waiting list with.”

“Oh,” Alan continued eating as he listened, “That makes sense. The immediate result of the law was…”

“A flooding of the market with abundant, cheap nanotech; permatech included, which caused supply to increase, prices to drop, and the queue to move faster.” Saul drained his glass, setting it down on the table and smiling, “Add to it that there’s an alternative to permatech, one that’s free, that just came out, and people dropped off the waiting list faster than you’d believe.”

Alan squinted, “Alternative…” Saul raised his eyebrows and cocked his head slightly, gesturing to his friend, before Alan’s eyes widened, “…ponification. It’s free, it makes a person essentially immune to illness, grants increased lifespan, rapid healing, sharpened senses, and even special abilities that are literally classified as magic.”

Saul nodded, before looking off to the side, “Hm…imagine if someone got both …the flexibility and adaptability of permatech combined with all of the advantages of ponification” He mused.

Alan shrugged, “It’d be interesting, but we’ll never know.”

The brown-haired man turned back, his brow furrowing, “What do you mean? What would stop someone from getting ponified and then installing permatech?”

His friend squinted, “You…you don’t know this?”

“Know what?”

“Nano-tech doesn’t work on ponies…or…at least, implants and permatech don’t.”

Saul’s eyes widened, “This is the first I’ve heard of that.”

“How’s that? It was in the documentation you sent me.”

“I never read it.”

“Wha…”

“It was a bureaucratic nightmare to get the NCBC to send a single copy of their stuff on such short notice; a copy I had sent directly to you.”

“Oh…why’d it take so much trouble?” Alan cocked his head to one side and squinted.

“Apparently some of the information hasn’t been released to the general public for security reasons,” Saul said, “It’s why the file is copy-protected, but that’s beside the point,” Saul made a waving gesture with his hand, leaning forward as he did so, “What’s this about permatech not working on ponies?”

Alan shrugged, “It’s just that; the stuff doesn’t work. Implants stop functioning within a week and are reabsorbed into the body in a matter of hours afterward; individual nanobots short out and dissolve within days of being introduced into a pony’s body. The short term tech like EMT bots will work, but nothing long term.”

Saul nodded, beginning to eat more steadily as Alan spoke, mainly focusing on the bread that was still present and occasionally combining a cube with a vegetable.

“At first they thought it was the ponification process that did it, destroying the nanotech in the transformation, and that’s what they said to the general public,” Alan took another few pieces of vegetables and a sip of water in rapid succession before continuing, “But recent experiments say otherwise, the tech just fails after a short time, and doesn’t usually work right when it’s working at all.”

The other human was nodding from across the table, lifting his glass and blinking as he lifted it and tasted water, realizing that it was filled with melting ice, he set it down again.

“They think it has something to do with the ponies’ high resistance to disease and poisoning,” Alan continued without missing a beat, “Ponies apparently don’t have lymphocytes or even a fully observable immune system, but, for some reason, anything foreign that enters their bodies, or any strange changes to their bodies, just gets wiped out over the course of anywhere from a few hours to a month.”

Saul held up his hand, palm out, as he chewed a bite, before swallowing, “Wouldn’t the ponies have any research of their own on that? Surely they must have some medicinal information.”

Alan shook his head “If they do it’s not in the documentation, but the NCBC seems to think it has something to do with the ‘magic’ that seems to be present throughout their biology.”

A nod from Saul, “So this position, how much are you getting paid anyway?”

The human squinted behind his spectacles, “What?”

“I don’t mean to pry, but I’m curious,” Saul’s eyes quickly glanced toward the center of the restaurant.

His friend followed his gaze and quickly focused back on him upon seeing Barbara walking toward their table, “Oh, uh, um…”

“Hey there, need a refill?” The server asked, smiling and indicating Saul’s glass.

“Yes, thank you,” Saul turned and returned the woman’s smile.

As she picked up the man’s glass, Barbara glanced at the tray and pot, “You two want to put in your order for the second course?” She asked.

Both men looked to the near empty objects, “Ah…could you give us a little more time?”

“No problem, I’ll be back in a moment with your drink.”

Alan looked after the server as she left, before turning back to find Saul’s face already hidden by his re-opened menu, “I’m thinking we just go with the ‘Traditional Canola’ for the cooking style, and then pick three of the meats each. How about you?”

“How do you do that?”

Saul peaked over the menu, “Do what?”

“Just…casually flip from one topic to another when someone else is in earshot like that.”

His friend shrugged, looking back down at the menu, “After all these years, it just comes naturally to me, it’s not like I had much of a choice in the matter.”

Alan leaned forward, “What do you mea…?” Saul looked up from the menu again, his brow low, the line of his mouth flat, “Oh…gotcha…sorry…” The blond said softly, leaning back and opening his own menu, peering at the choices.

Saul’s expression softened slightly, “It’s alright, don’t worry about it.”

It wasn’t long afterward that Saul set down his menu and folded his hands. He once again looked out the window at the revolving city, eyes gliding over the vast expanse of lights that had come on since the start of the meal, in the wake of the setting sun. Large strands of EL wire ran up and down the glass spires, combined with LED’s and other lights in and on nearly every other surface in the city. Greens, blues, and whites from the offices, banks, and other buildings; orange and red from the as of yet unthinned rivers of cars; all beneath the black, empty sky.

“Uh, Saul…”

“Hm?” The man turned back toward his friend, who’s lowered his menu slightly.

“I was wondering what you were planning to order; so I can pick something different and we can get a better variety.”

Saul smiled, “I was planning on the beef tenderloin from the red meats, the salmon from the seafood, and the garlic chicken from poultry.” The edges of his eyebrows drooped slightly, “Please tell me you have some idea of what you want.”

Alan grinned as he looked up, “Actually yes.” He said, a quick hand gesture toward Saul’s closed menu. His friend opened it immediately, “I know I definitely want the black tiger shrimp for the seafood choice, and I’m pretty sure I want the smoked sausage for red, but I’m having trouble deciding between the jerk and the teriyaki chicken…”

“Get both.”

“Huh?”

“I said that you should get both,” Saul smiled, closing his menu, “I can get chicken however I want, any time I want; you’ll not be able to eat it after this week.” He set the closed menu down and interlaced his fingers, resting them on the table, “Besides, you know I don’t really care for white meat anyway.”

Alan was silent for a moment, “Well…thanks Saul.”

“No problem man. Now, you are getting benefits right?”

There was a brief pause from Alan “Of course. Dental and chiropractic.”

There was a clink as a fresh glass of coke was set on the table, “Thank you,” Saul said, turning toward the server, but not before giving a small grin and nod to Alan, “I believe we’re ready to order.”

“Excellent,” Barbara smiled, motioning to the same waiter as before, a near-identical cart being wheeled out, and picked up the pot by a pair of handles, setting it on top of the cart, along with the tray, before placing a new pot over the burner, “What cooking style were you looking for? We like to get it started before we bring out the meat, so that you can cook right away.”

“Just the canola please.”

The server retrieved a large bottle from beneath the top of the cart, pouring the yellow liquid into the pot, filling it two thirds of the way high before capping it, putting it away, and flicking the burner to a high setting, the flame beneath the pot going from red to blue, small bubbles already popping up at the bottom, “There we are,” She took out a small notepad, “What did you want with it? Two from each of the columns remember.”

Saul smiled, “The beef tenderloin and salmon are all I need.”

Alan glanced at his friend and gave a smile of his own, “The Jerk and teriyaki chickens, smoked sausage, and black tiger shrimp please.”

Barbara gritted her teeth and the edges of her eyebrows drooped in a wince, “I’m sorry…I’m afraid we can’t serve the shrimp.”

“Hm?”

“The black tiger shrimp was placed on the endangered species list two days ago…we can’t legally sell it anymore, and we haven’t had a chance to change the menus…”

“Oh…okay then…um…” Alan picked his menu back up, opening it, “Let me see here…”

“I’m sorry…”

“No…no…it’s alright…it’s fine…”

Saul glanced at Alan before putting on a soft, close-lipped smile, “You…must have some shrimp left.”

“Well yes…it’s all in the refrigerator in back…but I’m afraid that we just can’t sell it.”

“Sell it…” Saul mused for a moment, “Could I…speak with your manager?”

“What?”

“Saul!” Alan glared over his menu.

“I won’t make trouble…”

Alan rolled his eyes behind his spectacles, “You’re not going to convince them to violate federal law.”

“I don’t intend to try,” He smiled back at Barbara, “I’d really like to speak with your manager if it’s not too much trouble.”

The server looked over her shoulder, before turning back, “I’ll go find him…”

“If it’s all the same, I’d prefer to come with you.” Saul stood up from the table.

Alan sighed, “In any case, I’ll go with the mahi-mahi.”

Barbara quickly scribbled the rest of the order down, “Right… put this in right away…” She handed the ticket to the waiter, who nodded and headed for the kitchen, before she turned toward Saul, who stood off to the side with his hands clasped behind his back, “Um…this way…” The man nodded and followed her.

-o-

Alan scratched his chin, opening his cell phone and checking the time. It had been roughly four minutes since Saul had left the table, one since they’d brought the plate of meat, along with several cups of batter and a few stuffed mushrooms that came with the oil, and about thirty seconds since he’d dipped his first piece of chicken, coated in the batter, into the bubbling pot.

The blond turned to see his friend trudging across the floor before slumping down into his seat, “Didn’t go well?”

Saul looked up, glaring at Alan for a moment, his lips pressed tightly together, before his face broke out in a grin, “You’re gonna get your shrimp.”

“Wha…how…”

“I talked to the manager, and informed him that while it was illegal to sell an animal that is on the endangered species list, it isn’t illegal to give one, or multiple ones, away, provided they were killed legally, before they were placed on the list. Ooo, that looks good,” Saul pierced one of the cutlets of tenderloin with his fork, and then lowered it into the hot oil, a hiss traveling up from the pot as he did so, before leaning back and continuing, “Anyway, from there, it was a relatively simple matter to convince him to offer everyone in the restaurant a free portion.”

“Ok…you lost me there. How the hell did you do that?”

Saul smiled and shrugged, “I told him that it would be to him and his business’s advantage. He’d gain some good will and a reputation with the customers as a good host, which is more than what he’d get what he was planning to do with that shrimp: throw it out.” He finished, spying his glass, wet with condensation now, picking it up, and taking a long drink.

Alan stared at him for a moment longer before laughing, “Saul…you’re nuts.”

“I’m not nuts,” The human’s grin was wider, “I’ve just learned some useful tricks. For instance, working for a bureaucracy has taught me: If you have a problem, and the person that you’re talking to can’t solve it, go to their superior. Works just about every time,” He chuckled, “This time included.”

Alan returned the chuckle, before his eyes widened and he smiled slightly more, “Oh, speaking of bureaucracy…” He felt over his pockets for a moment, before reaching into one and pulling out a set of folded papers, “Here’re the forms you gave me, before I forget.”

Saul took the papers, unfolding them and looking them over, “I appreciate it, you’ve saved someone in my department a bunch of work” he said before stopping on a new page and reading over a set of numbers, “Wait…I know this” He read the numbers again, his grin diminishing and his brow furrowing slightly, “These are your parent’s accounts.” He said, before turning back to his friend.

Alan nodded, though his visage shifted to a grinning wince, “Please don’t say ‘I told you so.’”

Saul smirked, “How about ‘What did I tell you?’”

The blond shook his head, “They were planning on going a week later than I was, before I even told them. When I told them I was going, well,” He shrugged, “They decided to move their flight up, so we’d all head out together.”

“I’m glad things worked out.”

“So am I,” Alan leaned back, looking out the window again. The rotation was coming back onto the industrial center. The black buildings were awash with red, orange, yellow, and white. The human narrowed his eyes slightly, “I wonder…” He tilted his head to the side, almost parallel to the ground, and chuckled. A memory surfaced, of being far out in the wilderness with his parents, atop a high mountain at night. The sky had been filled to the brim with uncountable stars, and the ground below completely black, “You’d probably get a kick out of this Saul…”

“What’s that?”

Alan looked back up, and his smile disappeared, his gaze focusing on his friend’s fingers. The middle and thumb were grinding against each other, “Saul…what’s wrong?”

Saul had been smiling, but the expression dimmed somewhat at the question, “Nothing. Why do you ask?”

“Don’t lie to me,” Alan leaned forward, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothi…”

“Let me rephrase that: You know you can’t lie to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Saul’s grin disappeared, he set the papers down on the table, “If there was anything wrong, which there isn’t, I’d tell you.”

“Not if it had to do with what I think it has to.”

“Which would be…”

“The fact that I just handed you what is, essentially, the prospect of me being on all fours in a week in hard numbers.” Saul opened his mouth to speak, but Alan held up his hand, “Saul, just…answer me this. Are you comfortable with this?” He tapped the papers.

Saul took a deep breath, looked down, and gave his lips a small lick before looking back up, “I refuse to answer.”

There was a long pause between the two, “Why?”

“Because, if I answer truthfully, you’ll stay,” Saul shook his head, “ You won’t get ponified, and it won’t be for a good reason.”

“Try me.”

“No,” There was another pause before he shook his head again, “I’m…experiencing…a directive instinct…”

“An emotion.”

“…yes. One triggered by the fact that something…or rather…someone, important to me, is going to change…drastically change,” Saul sighed, “It is not rational, reasonable, or even applicable to the current…situation. It’s born out of an obsolete evolutionary pressure for mundanity and xenophobia, the dangers inherent in drastic change for Paleolithic man.” Saul’s fingers were still rubbing together, he shook his head again, “And I will not allow my emotions to influence you out of getting something that I think, not ‘believe,’ not ‘feel,’ but ‘think,’ will bring you great happiness, just because I may or may not be ‘comfortable’ with it.” Saul held up his hand as he saw Alan’s mouth begin to open, “The feeling is not long term, nor is it directed at you, or the ponies, or ponification in general. It is purely against the prospect of dramatic change and it will pass when that change is completed.” He smiled, “Trust me Alan. If I had any serious problem with what you were doing I’d do my best to talk you out of it.”

Alan glanced at his friend’s fingers again, and smiled upon seeing that they’d grown still, “Ok Saul,” he nodded, before a buzzing sound from his pocket drew his attention. He pulled out his phone to see a timer he’d set on it had gone off, “Well, that means that my meat is done.” He said, pulling the fried piece of chicken from the pot, still dripping a bit of oil, “Yours should be done too.” He finished.

Saul pulled out the meat, setting the thin steak on a plate in front of him before setting another in the oil, and beginning to cut it with a conventional knife, before sticking the piece with an ordinary fork, and lifting it, “Savor it Alan, this is going to be good.” He said, as his friend bit into the chicken, and he slipped the tender cut between his lips…