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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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HA. Adorkable Twilight is best.
Well he's been here two years if I remember right, he might have to think that his girlfriend back home thinks he might have died and moved on by this point. Plus there is also the fact that he hasn't had any sexual release other than his hand for the past two years as well lol. Although if she wants to start a herd with him I do wonder who the others will be. If he is going to get out of the castle then maybe start small like her taking him to meet her roommate for instance.
dam it Twilight your timing sucks. now how long will it be before Tim has another free moment with Citrus?
talk about a cock block.
a exultant chapter Sparky Brony.
Good chapter! You've got the nuances of early fooling around described perfectly, and the character's actions are believable.
"Oh! Hey bucket of ice water, I mean Twi-block..."
I think they both need to cover how relationships work in their respective cultures. This will hopefully prevent any bad misunderstandings from happening, hopefully.
THIS WAS UNDENIABLY GOOD KEEP IT UP!
LOL Twi just had to poof in at a specific time that he was working Citrus over
Damn it Twilight!
If you want to join, all you have to do is ask! Don't cock-block people.
I wouldn't normally comment on a story I filed in my "clop" folder but...this is actually pretty cute so far and definitely looking forward to the story more than anything else :)
My only critique (constructive) would be Hero Protagonist doesn't seem to be questioning the situation much (but hey...it's clopmance) and that Waifu doesn't seem to connect the dots about humans being culturally monogamous.
7671664 actually...both issues will be addressed in upcoming chapters. And with Citrus not understanding his cultural norms...that's what makes a story, right?
7671688
Looking forward to it! :D
Twilight the cockblock.
7671952
beat me to the punch...
7672087
TwiBlock Stople
This is going to be one of my favorite stories.
Awesome job. I look forward to more.
Word to the Author. Don't over do the "virgin overthinking sex" meme that many Authors put in their writings. In the real world, sexually experienced people just go for it. There is no hyperventilating in a paper bag like some writers like to commit pages and pages of text on. A sexually experienced man and woman know what the other is getting at and will halt things very quickly and very bluntly if not interested. Also you do loose points for committing two sins in my writing laws. You used the word "chuckled" which is so over used on this website that it really should be banned. second you had a character say something very close to "If I do anything your uncomfortable with, I will stop" This is also a meme in these stories that needs to be banned. Sexually experienced people don't say this. We do it, we respect the boundaries of the people we mate with, but its never explicitly said by anyone with experiance.
Other than that, I LOVE, Love, Love, this story, keep up the good work.
THREESOME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
7673181
not really needed. and it is below twilight's status she would never do that.
7672577 Luna playing matchmaker.... Wouldn't be the first time in my stories. LOL
Second on the...I'll kill him...line...I justify this because there is a sexual dimorphism among the ponies, in general, the stallions are bigger than the mares. Most evident in Big Mac, though it's less pronounced with some of the other stallions. So, I can see mares banding together to protect each other. And Cayenne already is protective of Citrus. I agree in our world, it would be wrong for a guy to say he'll kill a girl for hurting a guy. To top it off, she's not truly serious. But she does want to help her friend.
And on the pairing bonds between the genders...more will be revealed in the story.
I still blame Cipher Splash for this. *grumbles and goes back to not writing clop*
is it weird that the 'sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry' made me think of Mei?
Ugh fuck, when's the next one?
-Your newly irritated and artificial alicorn, SilentStorm.
7673521
It is a little curious when you start really looking at it. In the far past, way before the unification, was it a male-dominated society? Larger stallions would seem to indicate so, but with the emergence of two female alicorns, society was turned on it's head making it a female-dominated, or at least female-oriented country. A nice little setup for nurture versus nature.
I do have to wonder if Citrus isn't also being attracted to him in part because he's a predator in the eyes of a pony. That thrill of living dangerously as well as "taming" the cunning beast.
Thought of something not often mentioned in HiE stories... Walking barefoot (or better yet, socks) would also make him almost silent to ponies used to the noisy clip-clop of hooves on floors. I could see him unintentionally scaring the bejeezus out of ponies by "suddenly appearing" behind them because he's too damned quiet, "It's like he's teleporting but without any sound!" Twilight's gonna have to bell the human to keep maids and guards from having more heart attacks, heh.
Sigh. Twilight Sparkle
Cows have udders.......Horses do not.........
Other than that this is very well written and I like the clash of cultures between Citrus and Tim. I feel like a lot of other stories push right past this issue and never really resolve it in a believable way. I look forward to reading more about how they resolve their respective differences.
I don't like the name Timothy, its too... Average.
So from now on anyone named Timothy, real or fictional, shall be given the nickname Rimmy Tim.
along with the the title of "the giver and receiver of rimjobs."
7671952
Or clam jam, seeing as how females are the ones who have a harder time getting laid in this take on Equestria.
So, how did it go from Citrus and Tim being on the bed with Twi showing up (presumably standing in a doorway?)
But all the sudden Tim is "flopping down on the bed between Citrus and Twilight"?
Where's the part where Twi went from standing by the door to laying in their bed?
7710950 perhaps I didn't explain better, twilight is at the door, citrus is in the bed, he moves to where he's on the bed, right next to Citrus, he's using his body to get between Twilight and Citrus.
7710952
Try something like:
7711674 That's an easy enough fix, thanks!
7712800
Very nice start to the story.
Faved, and Liked.
Please let them have a real romance and not just getting together for the sake of lust.
7673515 not so sure with the main reason being her status, but I do agree that twilight doesn't really need to join in. Sole reason being that I hope this story revolves around the background ponies more than the (already well written about) main characters.
But that's just the hopeful romantic in me and ultimately it's up to the author.
7752137
sorry to say but I have to say no comment as the author would beat me like last weeks trash if I let any of the plot line slip in or I mean out.
7752137 oh, no worries. This is a romance, it's not just about the sex....but the sex is important too. I hope you enjoy the new chapter coming out soon.
Once you started leading into the clop, there was quite a few short-style sentences in a "he did/she did" format. It honestly got awfully repetitive in the heated portion near the end, so I would suggest varying the sentence structure - maybe merging some to break thing up - and the lead in to each.
I wish I could explain better, and include examples, but sentence variation is just one of those things that needs to be practiced. One thing you could do is to look at your favorite stories by othef author and take note of how they do things.
Udders are a single large lump of breast tissues with multiple nipples (like a cow has). They're essentially a mono-boob with a ton of nipples jutting out.
Ponies don't have "breasts" in the human sense. The breast tissue is a seamless layer under the skin that also insulates the pony's underbelly just like fat would.
This layer of breast tissue swells up at specific milk reservoir areas when it begins producing milk.
As they don't have breasts, they simply have a flat belly area with nipples.
I can assume in this part of the story, he's just sucking on one of her nipples.
7682837
7764616
I've addressed both concerns.
Cock blcock Sparkel
Don't tell me what you think I need.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/249/165/8d4.jpg
7764616
well the more you know lol learn something new everyday on this site
Jason Mraz would like a word with you
7764616
You have any references for that? I'm finding plenty of examples of horse ranchers and veterinary documentation calling a horse's mammaries udders. Also, there seems to be a range of udder styles, from those of the familiar cow, to the deer, goat, and many antelope.