Chapter 2
Cleavage: The first days and weeks after conception
Derpy slowly opened her eyes, taking a moment to focus on her surroundings with great difficulty. Without her glasses, which were currently lost, it took her some time to identify what was a single object and what was the ghosts around it. She hadn't lied, the wound was from the door frame she had run into as she fled in tears from her violently drunk coltfriend.
She searched out the source of a commotion and spotted a pink and yellow blur running around the house before noticing a muffin and a glass of juice sitting next to her. Feeling absolutely parched after crying for hours while she wandered around looking for somewhere to stay, she grabbed the juice glass and drank it quickly.
"UmifyouwantmorejuiceitsinthekitchenI'msorryIcan'tchatIwokeuplateandhavesomanyanimalstohelp!" Fluttershy said in a single breath as she rushed through the house in a mad dash to make sure every animal was fed, woken up if needed, and to make sure the Cutie Mark Crusaders hadn't released anything into the wild while she slept. Derpy simply blinked and slowly got to her hooves, looking around blearily for her quickly thrown together bag of necessities.
Finding it, the blonde maned pegasus dragged slowly around the house until she found the bathroom and began to rummage for her toothbrush. She found her manebrush, a toilet brush, and even a crusted over mascara brush, but her toothbrush was missing. She felt a sob leave her throat as she looked again at the pregnancy test. Sparkler and Dinky were the best things that had happened to her, and this was going to be a happy time. Her coltfriend had even mentioned wanting to have a foal someday. Apparently "someday" was not with her and not any time soon.
Her usual morning friend suddenly caught up to her and she clutched the toilet bowl for dear life.
* * *
Underneath the bathroom window, Fluttershy heard the unfortunate sounds emerging and sighed. She was almost finished with the animals, then should could try and deal with this situation. She wracked her brain for somepony to call for help and could only locate a few sparse memories of a sister and daughters. Thinking harder as she made for the chicken coop to lay out the morning feed corn, she found the name of the sister in the back of her mind. Ditzy Doo. Finally finishing with her morning chores, the yellow-coated mare smiled and made her way back inside. Shy approached the bathroom softly and knocked lightly on the door, "Um, Do you, uh, need anything? At all?"
"Just a toothbrush... I *hic* left mine..." came the depressed reply through the door.
"Oh, if that's all, I keep spares on the bottom shelf next to the door. There should be a bunch!"
A few thumps and thuds were heard, followed by water running and a mouth-filled "Fhanks, I fou 'em," Derpy said at last.
Fluttershy smiled softly and went to the table to pen a message to Ditzy Doo, hoping that one of her pigeon friends would be able to find the pegasus soon. As she finished tying the message to the birds leg, thanking her profusely, Derpy finally emerged from the bathroom. The poor mare still looked exhausted, as if she hadn't slept well in weeks. She produced another pitcher of juice and some more muffins and set them on the table, "Sit down and eat something, um, if you want."
"Thanks... I'm just... I don't know..."
"It can be hard... but I'm not a psychologist... I can help with the baby, but..."
"It's okay, Fluttershy... I'll be okay... It's not the first time it's happened after all!" Derpy said with a smile that simply made her sad face look even sadder.
"Oh, um, I'm sorry to hear that... I'll be, uh, heading into town soon if you need anything?" Fluttershy asked, in hopes there would be something she could pick up in the market in Ponyville to help cheer up the poor mare.
"No, no, I'll be fine... It's my day off so I'll just... mope around here for a while."
"Oh... Okay. Um, I'll bring you something from Sugar Cube Corner," Shy nodded, standing up and walking past Derpy towards the front door. As she passed, Derpy reached out with her forelegs and pulled the surprised mare into a hug. She squeaked and squirmed, then hugged back, a little nervous.
"Thank you, Fluttershy... for everything..." the other mare said, breaking the hug and wiping one of her eyes before reaching out for a muffin, "Breakfast never hurt anypony, right?" she asked, managing a silly grin as she bit into the muffin.
"Right... I'll be back in a little while, Derpy. Make yourself at home," Fluttershy said, moving to the door and exiting carefully. As soon as she felt she was out of sight, she took off at a full gallop towards town and Twilight's library, "OOoooh, I hope Twilight knows what to do..." she whispered to herself as she ran.
* * *
Thanks for sticking through Chapter 2, everypony. Constructive criticism is appreciated!
Is this a fic?
828151
Why yes, yes it is. I told someone I would write any pairing they gave me, so this is what my brain leaked out.
Constructive Criticism:
* Your breaks are both centered and indented, so they look awkward
* The story needs better pacing
* You change point of view between characters a lot, this can be disconcerting or confusing
* The chapters are a bit too short
* Don't indent the first paragraph of each section
* "UmifyouwantmorejuiceitsinthekitchenI'msorryIcan'tchatIwokeuplateandhavesomanyanimalstohelp!" is hard to read
* "It can be hard... but I'm not a psychologist... I can help with the baby, but..." This line seemed sort of out of the blue
* Some of your sentences are awkward and I saw a few grammar mistakes and typos
I feel like you're writing Fluttershy in character pretty well
The story seems like it has potential, it's kind of funny at some points and sad at others
If you'd like my assistance as a pre-reader, just send me forthcoming chapters and stories. I can give you lots more feedback.
828317
I'll probably take you up on that!
Somebody please find hat stallion for me. i would like to have a few words with him. luckily, i speak mostly with my fists.
derpy will not go unavenged, and i hope to god the kids are nothing like their father.
How dare he??!!!
i'm finding kinda hard to read fluttershy's parts. the "um's" seem a little too frequent. other than the um's though i really like the story! gotta love
828409 OH GOD. SUDDENLY LIAM NEESON.
I'm going to say, this is a really nice story! It's a great concept, and I think you've done a good job so far! While it is a bit short, I understand that writing is a hard and slow process sometimes. And honestly, aren't some of the best things also short and sweet?
I do enjoy the fact that this is a Fluttershy story very much. She is best pony to me, but Derpy (or as I prefer Ditzy, since it's a tad less insulting in my opinion) is really great too! That being said... I think a certain unnamed stallion is going to be strapped down, and have a certain appendage chainsawed off! NOPONY HURTS MY FRIENDS!!!
...But overall, a great story! It's short, sweet, sad, and quite enjoyable. I'd rate this work at... and a half out of ten! Than is a B+, which is good, but it still leaves room for improvement. I know you can do a good job on this, so show us readers and fellow writers what all you can do!
I like the story and all, but it is my understanding that Ditzy Doo and Derpy are the same pony.
Actually, Derpy Hooves was the fanmade name, while her real name is Ditzy.
I think it's really clever how you're using them as two different ponies!
I have something I tell my students for things like this. If you wouldn't make her into a bride, don't make her into a mother
Okay, so the writing and the actual story are fine, but I'm a bit confused as to Derpy's past. You say she already has 2 daughters. I'm just confused as to where they are and how old Derpy is.
WHY IN THE LIVING FUCK IS THIS CHAPTER CALLED CLEAVAGE WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
2530520 Embryonic Cleavage
2530520
That's because the chapters of this are named after stages in fetal development, and cleavage is the first thing that happens after fertilization. Look it up!
This is a sweet story