Mind control, hypnosis. Things Twilight Sparkle had never considered before. Well, maybe hypnotizing somepony. But she never thought it would be what she wanted for herself—she can learn, however.
Nice work. It's well-written, gets quick updates... but I'd wish for more explicit content, though. The very essence of the M-rated fic is given in very broad strokes which is kinda sad.
"I went to Fluttershy's house and I couldn't stop looking at her plot until I had seen her and then Rainbow Dash arrived and I moved too fast and I told Dash that I couldn't look away from her but she thought I really like her rear and now I am staring at your plot and I can't stop please can I see your folds…"
liked
"Soft cheeks… I mean, thank you!" Twilight shook her head
"Pancakes!" Twilight blinked. "I mean buttocks!" The alicorn started to tremble a little, her eyes were glued to Rainbow's rear and nothing she could do would pull them away.
A stone sat, alone on the stage. After some minutes passed, Maud trotted out. "Boulder, that is enough." Her monotone voice belies the mare's mirth at the little game.
7596342 Well, I didn't mean sex. But the in-depth description of feeling and emotion in a less factual manner and with more... descriptive wordage would move this story from "pretty good" to "awesome" in my mind.
7596347 Hrmm, I will attempt to grow myself as a writer and get a little more descriptive with it. Prepare for a new chapter soon that I will try and delve deeper into what is felt. Thank you for the criticism.
Nice work.
It's well-written, gets quick updates... but I'd wish for more explicit content, though. The very essence of the M-rated fic is given in very broad strokes which is kinda sad.
Four updates in two days? What is this sorcery?!
7595862 I like to write. Fun fact, this isn't the only story I was writing for during those two days.
7595906
More hypnosis goodness?
7595910 Nah, working on the "end" of my big "Given Shape" series. Over 500k words is going to take some slow, careful work to wind down.
liked
What an awesome plot...err story plot that is?
pre11.deviantart.net/b3e0/th/pre/i/2012/259/2/3/sleeping_fluttershy_by_darkfrei-d5ewjr0.png
Rear....Errr We're crack'in the gags today down udder...err under!?!
derpicdn.net/img/2014/2/21/558385/full.jpeg
What? I didn say nuthin I didn mean ta say! I was just explaining mah viewpoint.
static1.e621.net/data/88/4d/884d1c183d5d8d15b5e90b447d466bc9.png
7596042
7596055 And everywhere else!
(I remember asking, just playing to it)
(PS typo report in previous comment added at last minute, you might have missed it)
7595770 I have to disagree. I like the 'no actual sex' rule. It's refreshingly different.
7596342
Well, I didn't mean sex. But the in-depth description of feeling and emotion in a less factual manner and with more... descriptive wordage would move this story from "pretty good" to "awesome" in my mind.
7596347 Oh, I see. Yes, I suppose you're right.
7596347 Hrmm, I will attempt to grow myself as a writer and get a little more descriptive with it. Prepare for a new chapter soon that I will try and delve deeper into what is felt. Thank you for the criticism.