Tirek. That name will always be remembered in scorn. Even though he's gone for now, he has left his mark on the world. We do what we can to keep his minions at bay, but I fear that soon, even our Light won't be enough...
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 6th Apr, 2015
- offline last seen January 16th
Jack_Trade
I'm a DJ from WA, who likes a good story, technicolor equine animals, and any game made by Bungie.
Jack_Trade
Joined 6th Apr, 2015 ·
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As far as first attempts go, this is pretty decent. You've got an interesting way of blending the two worlds going here. If I have one complaint, it's that this prologue seems to do very little as far as setting up the next scene. The history is important, but I personally would rather start in the present where presumably most of the action is.
That's a minor-ish complaint, though. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
Also, Twilight picked the best class. Just saying.
7575801 Thanks for the feedback! What's funny is that right before I saw this, I was entertaining the idea of removing the prologue, starting the story with the chapter I'm currently in the middle of, then move all the back story to the Grimiore blogs I'll be writing to accompany each chapter. I feel like that might help things flow a little bit better, at least in the beginning. I did notice from a readthrough that things are starting out a bit too slow for a story like this.
Also, I used to main Gunslinger, but lately I've found myself warming up to the Voidwalker.
Super fun to snipe on.
7576203 You might also consider what your intended audience is. If most of the people who read something like this are already familiar with the basic setting of Destiny, you might not need much in the way of exposition in the story itself. Luna's moon, for example, is probably a sufficiently obvious analogy to the Traveler that you only need a sentence or two of narration to justify it.
Now, it used to be that I always preferred Sunsinger because I adore my Tlaloc, but Voidwalker grenade spam is just so much fun. They get some really nice exotics.
7576203
As one who loves Destiny and it's lore, I'll be watching this one with great expectations...
A good start i have high expectations please continue on i am.. "tethered" by shadowshot better get that critical to reel me in
7612840 Hmm... let's see here...
I'm not looking for... "critical" acclaim, but also not looking to... "shadowstep" into anonymity either, though i don't want to... "glide" into this half-cocked.
I'm going to be using large amounts of... "patience and time" when writing this and take advantage of any... "super good advice" tossed my way.
...
I'm either really good, or very terrible at this...
7613445 i was talking about the hunter subclass void super attack that slows and makes every other shot critical hits and tether others and the prologue gave that effect in favor for me getting intrested but the rest was good i like it
Hey everyone! Just realized that this still existed. I COMPLETELY forgot about this for a while. Senior year was killer. But I graduated recently, so I should have a bit more time to work on the story. The problem though is that I ran into a little writer's block. Ah well. Happens the best of us. The sad part is that I want to see this story come alive, but I'm not quite sure how to. I've gotten as far as parsing out a rough timeline, but my problem is getting the meat in the sandwich taken care of, for the lack of a better term. Right now IRL, I'm job-hunting. Potentially going to be doing work as a sound guy. I'm also planning to perform at EFNW Ponystock this spring.
This story is still a passion of mine, so I'll work on it when I can. I ask though, please don't expect this to be the most well written thing on FimFiction. Like I said a bit ago, this is my first attempt at writing something like this. I'm much more familiar/comfortable writing things like manuals or reports based on facts, and stating those facts in as few words as possible. That said, I will be treating this as my baby.If any of you have any advice, it would be very much appreciated. With that, hope to have more of this done soon! See you guys later.
7613866
Patience & Time, and Super Good Advice are the names of a couple guns in the game, glide is the name of the warlock double-jump, etc. Don't know if you confused when I said that or something.
Hey man! Sorry it's been a while. What I was trying to do was make puns using the names of different guns and abilties in the game to have a bit of fun.
Certainly an interesting concept, I'll be sure to keep my eye on this story. I understand being too busy to continue writing, but I think you have a really good idea here, and it would be a shame for it to never flower into something better.
Ignore those dislikes, I haven't found any issues with this. Keep it up when you can, you've done well so far!