Burying the Past (Alternate Ending Part Two)
The Walls Came Tumbling Down
Alternate Ending: Part Two
Burying the Past
The next day
Fluttershy followed the Royal Guard slowly down the stone corridor beneath Canterlot Castle. He led her from the guard post at the entrance to the dungeons down to a room usually reserved for the interrogation of prisoners.
“He’s in this room.” The guard motioned with a hoof towards a heavy iron door. “We’ve been instructed by the princess that you are to be allowed as much time as you need with him, alone.” The look in his eyes showed that he did not fully agree with his orders, but he knew better than to question a direct order from Celestia herself. The guard pulled a key from his uniform and deftly maneuvered it into the lock of the door. The lock clicked and he pulled the door open.
“Thank you for your help.” Fluttershy nodded grimly to the guard before entering the room. The guard closed the door behind her. The interrogation chamber was plain, with only an iron chandelier hanging from the ceiling to provide light. Thunderlane sat in a chair at the far end of the room, chains holding him in place.
“Well well well.” He cracked a cruel smile, revealing a series of wires crossing his teeth to keep his jaw shut in place while it healed. “You were the last pony in Equestria I thought would want to see me.” Thunderlane shifted in the chair, rattling the chains. “This whole thing could almost be romantic... if I wasn’t rotting in a jail cell thanks to you.” He looked over Fluttershy’s shoulder disinterestedly. “So, where’s little Rainbow Crash? Still stuck in the hospital I suppose?”
“She’s dead.” Fluttershy tried to keep her voice level. “She died three days ago from a combination of internal bleeding and a collapsed lung.”
“Pity.” Thunderlane replied.
“Do you even care?” Fluttershy slowly crossed the room, straining to keep her emotions in check. “Rainbow Dash is dead. You killed her. Does that even make a difference to you?”
“Why, it makes all the difference in the world, Fluttershy dear.” Thunderlane smirked. “If she was alive, I would just be looking at a charge for attempted ponycide. That would get me seven to ten years in prison, maybe five with good behavior.” He paused and shook his head. “If she’s dead, then I’m looking at a charge for murder. That will get me twenty-five to life, maybe even with no chance for parole.”
“You’re a monster.” Fluttershy spat.
“Am I?” Thunderlane responded. “I prefer to think that I understand how the world works. It’s a pony-eat-pony world out there. The big eat the small, and the strong crush the weak. Those with power do all they can to keep those without from gaining any power of their own.”
Fluttershy turned to leave, but stopped. “I just have one question.” She turned back to face Thunderlane. “Why?”
“Why?” He mimicked, faking surprise. “I thought we went over this right before I beat the crap out of your marefriend the other day.”
“No.” Fluttershy stepped closer. “Not now, why did you do all of it back in school? What did we do back then to make you hate us so much?”
“In school?” Thunderlane was genuinely surprised, but he soon recovered and gave a cruel smile. “Oh, I see... I suppose you’re hoping that there was some tragically poetic reason for what happened back then. Maybe I was secretly in love with you or Rainbow Dash and I couldn’t handle that you had chosen each other over me.” He chuckled darkly. “I’m afraid it’s nothing quite so hopelessly romantic. The simple answer is that I did what I did because I could. I was big and strong, you were small and weak. It was as simple as that.”
Fury rose in Fluttershy’s chest. “You bucking son of a-” She stopped and took a deep breath. She looked Thunderlane dead in the eye. “I hope you have a good lawyer, you’re gonna need it.”
“Am I?” Thunderlane shot back. He noticed Fluttershy glance off to the side for a moment before looking back. “Oh... I don’t think I will. Rainbow Crash was one of the Elements of Harmony. Celestia can’t risk me being acquitted in a fair trial. I imagine she’ll step in and use her powers of Royal Judiciary Review to take over my case.”
No. Fluttershy thought to herself, panicking. This was going to be my revenge... and he’s stealing it from me.
“Now there’s only one question left.” Thunderlane continued, reveling in Fluttershy’s panic. “There’s no doubt that the princess will find me guilty, but what will the sentence be? Life in prison? The death penalty, maybe?” He adopted a look of mock thoughtfulness. “Hmm... I don’t imagine that it will be the death penalty. After what I’ve done to you, I bet you want me to suffer, so life in prison it is. That’s really why you came down here to see me, isn’t it? You wanted to take away any last shred of hope I had at tasting free air again, but I took that away from you too.”
You’re not getting away that easily. Fluttershy felt the anger in her chest die away, replaced with a cruel hatred. She slowly walked around the chair Thunderlane was chained to and lifted her forehooves up onto the chair’s back. She smirked as Thunderlane tried in vain to angle his head around to follow her movements.
“You talk about power and strength like you know what they are.” Fluttershy ran a hoof along Thunderlane’s jaw, causing him to jump slightly She leaned down and whispered in his ear. “You know nothing, Thunderlane. You have a foal’s notion of what it means to be powerful.”
“What are you-” Thunderlane began.
“Shut up.” Fluttershy stood up and smacked his broken jaw, eliciting a moan of pain. She continued as though he had not interrupted her. “I have true power.” She placed hoof on either side of his head. “I could snap your neck like a twig right now. I could kill you in cold blood while you sit chained down like a dog.” She leaned back down and whispered again. “I could murder you, and nopony would bat an eye at it. I could walk out that door and nopony would try and stop me. That is true power.” She paused and let the silence hang in the air.
“Oh, what’s this now?” Fluttershy slid a hoof down Thunderlane’s neck and rested it on the carotid artery. She felt his pulse beat quickly as he tried to pull away from her touch. “Why, your heart is racing, Thunderlane. Don’t tell me you’re afraid of poor, weak, little Fluttercry.”
“Y- you w- wouldn’t kill me.” Thunderlane stammered.
“Wouldn’t I?” Fluttershy stood up and grabbed Thunderlane’s mane in her hoof. She pulled down on it, forcing his head up so she could meet his eyes. “You took the one thing I loved most in this world from me.” She growled. “Why shouldn’t I do the same to you?” She shoved his head forward roughly before continuing. “It’s just a shame that you don’t have a marefriend of your own I could visit. Then you would truly know the pain you’ve inflicted on me.” She saw Thunderlane’s muscles tense up.
“Well well well.” Fluttershy mimicked his traditional greeting. “Don’t tell me you found some half-wit mare who’s stupid enough to put up with you?” She gave a short, humorless laugh. “Hah. Oh, this is just too perfect.”
“You leave them out of this!” Thunderlane yelled, an edge of fear in his voice.
“Them?” Fluttershy repeated. “So not just a marefriend? A wife perhaps, and a foal?” She lowered herself from the back of the chair and slowly walked around to face Thunderlane. “How did you ever find a mare willing to marry you?”
“Please, don’t hurt them.” Thunderlane begged. “They’re not a part of this. This was between you, Dash and me. They don’t even know about what went on back then.”
“Shut up.” Fluttershy reached out and slapped him across the jaw, drawing out a whimper of pain. “This stopped being just between you and me when you killed Rainbow Dash.” She leaned back and examined her hoof as though she were bored. “Don’t worry, I won’t do anything to them, as long as you do something for me.”
“Anything!” Thunderlane strained against his bonds. “I’ll do anything! Just don’t hurt them.”
“You only need to do one thing.” Fluttershy locked eyes with Thunderlane and poured all the pain and misery of the last fifteen years into giving him The Stare. “Suffer. You’re going to prison. Forever. You’ll never see the light of day again. You may even never see your wife and child again. All you need to do is sit in that cell and rot.” Thunderlane cringed away from her, but couldn’t bring himself to break eye contact.
“I’m sick of looking at you.” Fluttershy turned and made her way back to the iron door of the chamber. Before she opened it, she looked back over her shoulder. Thunderlane sat slumped in the chair, utterly defeated. She watched for a moment and saw a single tear streak down his muzzle and fall to splatter on the chains holding him to the chair. A sick, twisted sense of pleasure spread through her chest at the sight. There sat the stallion who had made her life a living hell for fifteen years, and she had reduced him to a broken shell in less than fifteen minutes.
Fluttershy pushed the iron door open and made her way out of the dungeons, a cruel smile dancing on her lips.
*
Three days later
Fluttershy dabbed a hoofkerchief across her eyes as the carriage slowed to a halt. She shared the carriage with Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity. Pinkie Pie had left early to oversee final preparations for the event. The stallion who had been pulling the carriage opened the door and let in the afternoon sun. After her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, Fluttershy stepped out onto the grass and marveled at where she was.
The Canterlot Royal Cemetery.
An odd name, considering all of the royalty are immortal. Fluttershy thought to herself. The cemetery did not actually contain any royal residents. Those buried there were some of the greatest ponies to ever walk Equestria. Names like Starswirl the Bearded, Emily Nickerson, Friedrich Neightzsche and Shetlandspeare dotted the tombstones around the picturesque garden.
A long discussion had progressed over the past few days about where Rainbow Dash would be buried. Since Cloudsdale was a floating cloud city, it did not have a cemetery. All but a few pegasi opted to be cremated. Twilight suggested the Ponyville Cemetery, but Fluttershy had wanted to lay Dash to rest outside her cottage near the Everfree Forest. They argued back and forth for several hours before Spike interrupted with a letter from Princess Celestia. The princess offered to have Dash buried in the Canterlot Royal Cemetery in recognition for her efforts as a two-time savior of Equestria.
Everypony had been wary when Pinkie Pie requested, or rather demanded, to plan Rainbow’s funeral. As they stepped out of the carriage, any doubts Fluttershy, Twilight, Applejack or Rarity may have had vanished. Seven rows of chairs formed concentric half circles, each row a different color that formed a rainbow. At the center of the semicircles was Rainbow Dash’s casket, with an accompanying podium for ponies to speak from. The casket was a black darker than ink, emblazoned with Dash’s cutie mark on the lid. A few ponies already sat among the chairs, but most of them remained empty for the moment.
“Hello, everypony.” Pinkie Pie walked over from speaking with Princess Luna. Her appearance was a far cry from her usual chaotic demeanor. She wore a simple black dress, just like the rest of her friends. Her hair had deflated to merely wavy, and Pinkie had is pulled back in a simple braid. She smiled, but her bloodshot eyes betrayed her peaceful exterior.
“Pinkie... this is...” Twilight’s mouth worked open and closed as she searched for words.
“It’s perfect.” Fluttershy finished the thought.
“Thank you.” Pinkie nodded her head. “You should probably take your seats. Front row, center. The rest of the guests will be arriving soon.” She gestured a hoof in the direction of the rainbow of seats. Her eyes passed over the casket and the happy mask slipped for a moment. Her friends glimpsed a deep pain etched on Pinkie’s face, but she quickly reset her smile and moved on to greet other new arrivals.
Applejack, Rarity, Twilight and Fluttershy made their way to the violet row of seats at the front and found placards with their names on the four chairs in the middle. They all sat and did their best to avoid looking at the casket for the time being. Within minutes the rest of the seats filled in, and still more ponies arrived. By the time the service began a crowd of dozens stood beyond the arranged seats. Hushed chatter died away completely as Princess Celestia stepped up to the podium.
“Mares and gentlecolts. We are here today to honor Rainbow Dash.” Celestia began. “She was the Element of Loyalty, but more important than that she was a dear friend to all who met her.” Abruptly, she looked away for a moment before stepping away from the podium. She flared her horn, and a large vase full of pristine white roses appeared next to the casket. The princess grasped one with a hoof and laid it on the lid. She retreated back to Princess Luna’s side, tilting her head so that her flowing mane covered her eyes.
At that point, other ponies made their way to the casket to pay their respects, a few even stepped up to the podium to share their feelings or a story. Spitfire talked about Dash’s determination when she had led the Ponyville pegasi in forming a tornado to get water to Cloudsdale. Soarin’ spoke about when Rainbow caught the falling statue at the Grand Galloping Gala. The mayor of Ponyville recounted Dash’s acts of heroism that had led to the arrival of the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well. Applejack talked about the Iron Pony competition she had with Rainbow. Rarity told the story of how Dash saved her life and those of the Wonderbolts during the Best Young Flier’s Competition. Twilight talked about when Rainbow was stuck in the hospital and discovered her love of reading, along with the fracas that followed.
Finally, Pinkie Pie made her way to the front. By now the casket was blanketed in white roses, along with three red ones from Applejack, Twilight and Rarity. Pinkie placed a fourth red rose and stepped up to the podium. She told story after story, complete with hoof gestures and sound effects. She was still subdued by typical Pinkie Pie standards, but she regained some of her spark as she regaled the crowd with tales about Rainbow Dash. Everypony present had tears in their eyes, but they also had smiles on their faces. Even Fluttershy could not help but smile as Pinkie told the story of Dash racing to rescue Soarin’s pie at the Gala.
When Pinkie finally sat down, Fluttershy stood up and walked towards the casket. She knew she would never be able to speak in front of such a large crowd, especially not after the performance Pinkie just gave, but she still needed to pay her respects.
She needed to say goodbye.
As Fluttershy approached the casket, Princess Celestia stepped forward and flared her horn to life. A flash lit the air, leaving behind a special rose hovering in the air. The stem and leaves of the rose were solid emerald, while the petals were made of ruby. A gold filigree traced the edges of each ruby petal.
Fluttershy took the rose carefully in her hoof and looked up at the princess with tear-filled eyes. Celestia simply nodded slightly, tears welling up in her own eyes. Fluttershy gently laid the rose on the casket.
“I’m so sorry, Dashie.” She whispered. “I love you.”
Fluttershy returned to her seat and the assembled ponies began to slowly disperse. An errant thought pulled at Fluttershy’s mind, but she refused to acknowledge it. She stared at the casket as though hoping that Dash might pop out and claim that this was all an elaborate prank. She could imagine Pinkie rolling on the floor laughing at it all.
Pinkie Pie.
The errant thought forced its way to the front of Fluttershy’s mind. Something was wrong with Pinkie’s whole demeanor. Even in past tragedies Pinkie had never lost her very essence the way she had now. It was Pinkie’s firm belief that any problem, no matter how grave, could be solved with laughter and a party of sufficient size. A possible answer formed itself in Fluttershy’s mind.
No... that can’t be it. It just can’t be. She looked around for Pinkie, who was standing near the casket with her head bowed. Fluttershy made her way over to stand next to Pinkie. When Pinkie finally looked up, Fluttershy caught another brief sight of the gnawing pain on her face before she replaced it with a friendly smile.
“Hey there, Fluttershy.” Pinkie broke the silence.
“Pinkie...” Fluttershy tried to find a way to put words to the thoughts running rampant in her head. “I... I need to ask you something.” Pinkie Pie did not respond, she merely looked on expectantly. Fluttershy gathered her courage and blurted out her thought. “Did... did you love Rainbow Dash?”
“Of course I did, I love all my friends.” Pinkie replied mechanically. She pointedly avoided meeting Fluttershy’s gaze.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Fluttershy pressed on, determined to find the truth. “Did you... love her, as more than a friend?”
Pinkie Pie sighed and turned to meet Fluttershy’s eyes. Her own eyes were overflowing with tears. “Yes, I did.”
“You...” Fluttershy stepped back. She felt as though her entire world was about to crumble around her. “You never...”
“Of course not.” Pinkie looked away. “I could tell that Dashie loved you, even if she tried not to. I could tell that you cared for her, even if you wouldn’t dare to call it love.” She turned and pulled Fluttershy into a tight hug. “How could I possibly think of coming between two of my bestest friends? I knew you two would be perfect for each other, so I just sat on the sideline and cheered you on.”
“Oh, Pinkie...” Fluttershy returned the hug. She felt fresh tears steak down her cheeks. She was not sure how she could still produce tears with how much she had been crying the past few days. “I’m so sorry. You never got to tell her.”
“It’s okay.” Pinkie pulled away. The pain from before was still etched on her face, but it had lessened. “In the end, you two found each other, even if you only had a few days together.”
“Here y’all are.” Applejack walked over, followed closely by Twilight and Rarity. Her eyes drifted over the casket and her face fell slightly. “We were just gonna see ‘bout headin’ over to Dash’s house, start sortin’ through some o’ her stuff. We understand if you don’t wanna come, ‘Shy.”
“No...” Fluttershy wiped a hoof across her eyes. She took a deep breath. “I can’t just avoid anything that would remind me of her. I’ll come with you.” She laid a hoof on the casket. “Goodbye, Dashie.”
With that, the five ponies left the cemetery and took Twilight’s hot air balloon up to Rainbow Dash’s cloud home above Ponyville. After a quick application of the cloud-walking spell, they hopped out of the balloon and walked up to the front door. The door opened when Twilight tried the handle, apparently Dash felt no need to lock it when she went out. The group headed into the spacious cloud mansion and spread out in search of the master bedroom.
“It’s down here, y’all.” Applejack called from down one of the seemingly endless corridors. After a few minutes of shouting back and forth, everypony found their way into the bedroom.
“I feel like we should have brought breadcrumbs to find our way back out.” Twilight joked as she entered the room. She took a moment to look around the room. Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy were already busy looking through drawers and various scattered boxes. Twilight’s eyes were drawn to the bed. It was massive, big enough to fit five ponies, ten if personal space was not an issue. It seemed like an unnecessary extravagance to her, but then again the one thing Dash had taken most seriously was sleeping. Twilight shook her head and got to work sorting through boxes. They all worked in relative silence, occasionally broken by a soft sob from Fluttershy.
“Ya really don’t need to be here if’n ya don’t wanna, ‘Shy.” Applejack pulled open a drawer of Dash’s dresser. “We can go through all this and let ya-” Her words died in her throat. Rarity took a break from magically sifting through a pile of what was mostly discarded fast food containers to see what had startled Applejack. She trotted across the room and looked over the farm pony’s shoulder. Rarity drew in a sharp breath and quickly glanced over to Fluttershy, who was busy sorting through Dash’s Wonderbolts memorabilia. She magically tapped Twilight on the shoulder and beckoned her over. Twilight joined Rarity and Applejack at the dresser.
“Oh, sweet Celestia, no.” Twilight burst out. This finally grabbed Fluttershy’s attention. She turned to see everypony gathered around Dash’s dresser staring at something.
“W- what is it, Twilight?” Fluttershy took a step towards the dresser.
“It’s nothin’. Nothin’ at all!” Applejack quickly hid something behind her back.
“Applejack!” Rarity chided. “She needs to see this. Now give it here.” She flared her horn to life and tried to grab the object.
“Ah don’t think so.” Applejack reached up and flicked Rarity’s horn with a hoof, interrupting the magic. “She’s not in a fit state to be seein’ this. It’s too soon.”
“Applejack.” Fluttershy’s voice was soft but insistent. She fixed Applejack with The Stare. “Show me. Now.” Applejack swallowed and slowly brought her hoof out from behind her back. The object she held was a small black box, closed in the front with a latch.
“That’s it?” Fluttershy arched an eyebrow. “What could possibly be inside that box that is so scary?”
Applejack did not respond. She simply reached out a hoof, flicked the latch open and pulled back the lid of the box. Inside was a gold ring the size of a pony’s foreleg set with a single brilliant diamond.
“That’s...” Fluttershy recoiled as though the box would attack her. “That’s...” Her voice broke.
“An engagement ring.” Applejack finished for her.
“She... I... When?” Fluttershy could not wrap her mind around the idea. Any way she looked at it, it seemed ludicrous at best.
“There’s a receipt in here.” Twilight broke in and levitated a piece of paper from the box and scanned over it. “According to this, she went out and bought it the morning after your date. She must have come back and dropped it off before coming to Rarity’s.”
“No no no no no...” Fluttershy pressed her hooves to her head. She let out an inarticulate cry of pain as the reality of the situation hit home. After one date, Rainbow Dash had intended to propose to Fluttershy. She collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Rarity, Applejack and Twilight stood fixed to the spot, unable to move and comfort her. They could only listen to Fluttershy’s pained crying as life threw yet another insurmountable torment at her feet.
*
Later that day
Fluttershy wandered blindly towards her cottage. Celestia’s sun had dipped halfway below the horizon, setting the few clouds in the sky on fire. After hours of crying, screaming, and comforting, Fluttershy had finally convinced Twilight, Applejack and Rarity that she would be fine spending the night alone. Surprisingly, Pinkie Pie had been supportive of Fluttershy during the entire argument, even after hearing about the events at Dash’s home. When Applejack told her about the engagement ring, Pinkie gave Fluttershy a look that somehow conveyed both unrestrained joy and unfathomable sadness, along with an all-too-understanding glint.
Fluttershy reached her house just as the sun finally fell below the horizon, revealing the moon and stars for all to see. She barely noticed them as she opened her front door and trudged through. Angel Bunny did not so much as stir in his sleep as she crossed the living room into the kitchen. Fluttershy placed her forehooves under the table and flipped it up against the wall in a sudden fit of rage. She reached down and ripped up the floorboard, pulling out the bottle of Old Thunderhead. With no glass after she broke it during her last drinking escapade, Fluttershy was forced to drink straight from the bottle. She pressed the opening to he lips and tilted her head back. She chugged as much as she could before she began violently coughing. She threw the mostly empty bottle against the wall, shattering it just like the glass had shattered.
“I can’t do this anymore...” Fluttershy muttered to the empty room. She stepped over to the counter and pulled open a drawer full of knives. She clumsily grabbed for one, her empty stomach allowed the alcohol to affect her more quickly. She picked up particularly shiny knife, drawn to it by the reflection of the moon on the blade. It was stainless steel, an eight inch blade, razor sharp.
“Perfect.” Fluttershy turned to leave the kitchen and made her way up to her bedroom. She fell down on the bed and returned to examining the knife. She turned it over in her hooves as she ran over her plan in her head. Not much of a plan. She thought to herself. Cut wrist, repeat, wait for death. She gripped the knife with one hoof and hovered it over her other wrist.
“I could have handled Dash being gone.” Fluttershy did not know who she was talking to, herself most likely. “I could have. I even could have lived knowing Pinkie was in love with Dash because she set it aside so that I could be with her.” Hot tears stung at her eyes, blurring her sight. “I can’t live with knowing that Dash was going to propose. That’s just too much...” She screwed her eyes shut and pulled the hoof holding the knife down.
It did not hurt as much as she thought it would. Fluttershy opened an eye to make sure she had in fact cut deep enough to hit the vein. A rapidly spreading pool of blood answered her. She quickly moved the knife over to her other hoof and repeated the process on the other foreleg.
Fluttershy let her head fall back on the pillows. Her vision was swimming due to the alcohol and now rapid blood loss. Her eyelids felt heavy. She let them slide closed. Even behind the darkness of her eyelids, Fluttershy saw the edges of her vision turn black. Her breathing slowed. She thought she could faintly hear Dash’s voice calling her. A small smile tugged at her lips.
For once, Fluttershy went willingly into the blackness.
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So the Epilogue was less THE end and more AN end. I was gong to try and hold off on posting for a day or two... but I was too excited to see what people think about the new alternate ending to hold off.
However, I regret to inform everyone that The Walls Came Tumbling Down is now well and truly over.
I prefered this ending to the normal one if i am to be honest
Holyshit this was saddening
This story wasn't as sad as My Little Dashie but dammit it came second, you sir are one amazing author!
Imagine the epilogue to this alternative ending, Thunderlane will have to prepare his anus for shit-storm while we worry if Fluttershy's death causes a chain reaction in the group leading to more suicides.
Its allways nice to see alternative endings. As we saw this one from Fluttershy's point of view, it leaves me for wanting saw alternative ending for Rainbow Dash aswell from her point of view.
I like the alternate better. 2nd saddest thing I ever read.
WTF FTW FLUTTERSHY
the straw that broke the cammels back
1047570 will you make a new flutterdash story
Manly tears. You do both joy and tragedy really well. I feel there should be something of an epilogue for this ending as well, but I understand that the end is the end. It's just unfortunate this story is over.....but it was a grand endeavor and am glad to have had the experience of reading it.
1048103 Sadly, there will not be an epilogue for the alternate ending. The story is officially done. Also, even being mentioned in the same sentence as an epic story like My Little Dashie is an honor, thank you.
1048968 Maybe eventually (FlutterDash is in my top 3 favorite pairings), but I've got two stories queued up that I want to work on and neither of them involve any shipping (so far).
To everyone who preferred this ending over the original: Honestly, I like this one better too, but the original ending was the one I had planned from early on so I stuck with it as the "official" ending.
I said I don't like sad stories, and this is why, sad endings
. Sniff... Good job on the writing, that was quality work. But I think I'll go re read the last few chapters of the happy ending.
And as always, FLUTTERDASH FTW
I don't like this ending but you made it work and you clearly put a lot of thought into it. Too brutal for me.
All I can say is that at least Fluttershy and her Rainbow Dash get to be together forever, even if in an odd, sad way.
I look foward to more Flutterdash from you. You can be sure I'll read it. Especialy if its as crazy as this one.
1049786 The original original ending was the one I had planned since early on (about chapter 3 or 4), but this alternate ending just came to me one day and I knew I had to write it. Personally, I do like the alternate ending better, but the reason it's longer is just because inspiration kept hitting me with things I could do with it. Originally, the alternate ending was very, very short, but I just kept getting more and more ideas as the story progressed and it grew and grew.
1049787 Sadly, there is no more FlutterDash in the stories I'm thinking about writing next, but I would like to come back and write more about them. FlutterDash is in my top 3 pairings (Along with TwiDash and RariShy), but the next stories I'm considering don't look like they'll have any shipping.
This was more sad than my little Dashie by any means. The dad in my little Dashie accepted that Dash was safe and ended as a new man.
This alternate ending was by far the most saddening thing I have ever read and I hate you for making the story so damn good.
So with that I end this comment with conflicted emotions, you could have left me happy instead of crying. I also feel you could have added in a scene where Fluttershy talks to Thunderlanes family and tells her story.
But I chose to read the chapter so I suppose it is my fault. You officially have a fan who loves and hates your writing, please make it up to me with an extremely happy story.
I now must cry myself to sleep.
A good alternate ending. Would have liked to have seen Fluttershy telling Thunderlane's family about all the things he had done.
I also thought it seemed like it was bein hinted that Pinkie loved Rainbow. As Rainbow Pie as my favourite ship, I greatly approve, even If Rainbow is dead and in love with Fluttershy. You've also got me wondering now how Pinkie's love could pop up in the original storyline after the epilogue.
1066565 I can only imagine that if would be terribly awkward with Rainbow and Fluttershy being married and all.
The main reason that I didn't do a scene with Fluttershy telling Thunderlane's family about what he did is that I didn't know how she would be able to find them. I had thought about it briefly, but I could never come up with a good way for her to be able to find where they lived.
1067013 It would be delightfully awkward indeed, but if you use the whole generic 'Rainbow is endlessly loyal' thing, you could end up with some interesting but dodgy polyamorous relationship.
Wouldn't Thunderlane's family have to be informed that their husband/father is in prision for murder? Fluttershy could just follow that somehow; ask the police or be the one to deliver the news or something. Or she could just get Celestia to find out and tell her.
You....you're way too good, eternally saddened, yet I love it
Yeah I agree with that but don't you think pinkie would become depressed and her mane would lose its fluff before she says. "Oh lets throw a please don't kill yourself fluttershy we all love you party"
This alternate ending was harsh. It took my emotions far out of their usual comfort zone in a way that I liked less and less as I read further. For that, you've done an incredible job. This is so far one of my favorite fics out there, and the alternate ending made it better than I had imagined it could be. Had I not had company over while reading it, I might haven't restrained from choking up a little. I'm really looking forward to your next FlutterDash fic. Keep up the good work!
Pretty good story, you managed to surprise me a few times with the direction things went.
Holy crap. I don't normally even like Flutterdash, but this fic was amazing. I admit, I liked the happy ending better, because I'm a sucker for those, but the sad one was a really nice touch as well. Its like the tragedy just kept building with Dash's death, and then Pinkie's confession, and then the ring. Ugh, I think I have to go watch an episode now to get some happy feelings. Honestly, awesome job. This whole thing was extremely well written, and I don't understand how it doesn't have more views and likes. Keep up the amazing work
1277598 I don't know. I posted another fic recently that got featured (still can't believe that happened) and surpassed this one in views, favorites and likes in less than 12 hours.
I'm happy that my other fic is doing so well, but kind of sad that this one (which I enjoyed writing more) didn't get the same level of popularity.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
1296398
I've felt this way once before, After visiting a Holocaust memorial in Italy, I was reading notes left by people who had been in the concentration camp there. I found one from a girl named Belle to her mother: "Mother, every day, you read of the deaths of thousands with perfect composure. Try to maintain that calm when you discover that I will be one of them. Remember, I am but one of thousands." It tore the breath from my chest, the words from my mind and all the warmth from my soul. All I could think was "No".
Damn you. I love your writing, I loved the story and I'm going to read absolutely everything you write. You are an amazing author. Damn you for making me feel that again.
Yeah that's a great idea let's leave Fluttershy completely alone during the most traumatic day of her life, although I guess they all saw it coming eventually. More stories need alternate endings, makes everyone happy and it's fun seeing radically different outcomes.
I read this for a second time now, still just purely fucking amazing as it was the first time round
You deserve some sort of awesome award
So Sad!
1820286 I assume that's... good, somehow?
I have to tell you, even though Unexpected Confessions has blown Walls out of the water in terms of popularity, it still makes me immensely happy to see someone enjoying this story. Walls was my first story, and really my first serious attempt at writing anything that someone else would read. I was floored by how many people read it and said they liked it.
You good sir have made something that is truly amazing. the Milky way out of 5 starts for this story.
First of all I loved this fic, I read it some time ago and loved the characters, the growth, and the writing in general. I loved this fic and favorited it and promised myself I would never read it again.
Well I loved it so much I broke my promise. The reason I never wanted to read it again is because of the damn feelings it gives me. Don't get me wrong I love BOTH the endings, I like how the first one is the "happy ever after" ending and it was fun and cute, and the other ending is so damn sad AND well written I love the feeling it gives even though it makes me feel empty and sad. For the longest time after reading this just thinking about it made me feel empty, a sign of glorious writing.
However, the sheer amount of depression it gave me by the end of the 2nd ending made me never want to read it again.
*sigh* I did read it again, and again it made me feel happy and sad at the proper moments, even empty at the 2nd ending... again. Sometimes I wonder if you put the happy ending before the sad one to make it give even greater impact.
Well, I am impressed. Every time I read someone writing about suicidal tendencies, they always make it either this huge, over-the-top thing or some kind of ridiculous caricature of morose whining.
You're the first fanfic author I've ever seen who captured that... bottomless pool of casual, black despair and self-loathing that insidiously needles at your psyche until you decide that you've had a good idea about tying that rope.
I never dunked myself into that pool, even back in school, but by damn I dipped my toes into it once or twice. Bravo.
2591926 sorry i forgot i wrote that comment can you recommend me a flutterdash fic
i did liked this ending. but i liked the first one more, but what i really like is how thunderlane had a little got a little more than just a jail sentence. so i merged the two to create a very satisfying ending... it was nice
p.s. GREAT STORY you my friend earned yourself a follow
2704071 slow down... you made a page of comments i think that is more than enough feedback for a story
Nice job. That second ending ruined my fucking life. Great story tho. Thumbs up!
I don't know if the music I was listening to was appropriate. Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin. I kind of chuckled at the thought. Anyways, dark but great story. The alternate ending didn't surprise me to be honest, but that's because........Oh **** I can't take it! That was so unexpected and sad I cried. And I don't usually cry when reading!
Happiness and sunshine. Damnit I need to go play with my puppy or SOMETHING adorable and playful.
All in all GREAT story structure and amazing writing. I'm not usually into dark stories but I'll read any story if the premise is interesting and the writing and plot is good. Good job!
No… no… nononononono! Did this just seriously happen?… fuck it! I'm going to my crying corner for the rest of my life.
(In all realness this was a fantastic story man! I think you have just gave me a bigger kick-in-the-balls ending then "For the Ones we Love[C27]". Bravo!)
3131012 please tell what happened i don't like sadfics (the ones were someone dies atleast)
3263303 There are two endings to the story. The first one (more or less the "official" one) is fine and happy. The alternate ending... not so much. Feel free to read the story, but skip the alternate ending (the last two chapters).
3264478 k, i will
Oh god. My feels. After reading this story i knew i had to make this account so that i could like and follow. I'm a 15 year old male who has only cried once from an aspect in my life (well my more emotionally mature life anyway). The other times i have cried was from anime (Clannad after story and Ano-Hana). This alt-ending had me in tears. Bad ones that made my throat burn and made me sob like a bitch. I expect more great stories from you and I'm eagerly waiting for future installments of "Unexpected Confessions" and the many more stories i hope you make. Thanks.
Man, I'm 17 and cried like 10 TIMES. One of the best but one of the saddest also.
I'm one of the few that preferred the alternative ending. Maybe because I read a great variety of differing material, not just mlp fan fiction, but I think the alternate ending is closer to real life than the original.
I know fluffy and sweet is standard fair. Still, the show is about teaching real life lessons, which are normally sad and hard to face.
Thank you so much for writing this. It's now my favorite.
3635909
You threw Thunderlane under the bus, and now I have a seething hatred for him.
Like honestly, I had no idea his actions in this story would affect my overall thoughts on the character in the series. Very interesting.
The first chapter was fantastic. As the story progressed though...
I was hoping that Fluttershy would have more internal conflict over her feelings for Dash instead of that issue being resolved as quickly as it did. That's what I personally like in a story; internal conflict over external conflict.
The second thing that I disliked was the way that Thunderlane was dehumanized and by turning him into a psychopath. I think that it suggests that bullying is a much less complex issue than it is. It takes away from the fact that people, real living, feeling, everyday people, are capable of being right assholes. (It was also an unwelcome, out-of-the-blue plot device.)
This could have been a more compelling story if Thunderlane returned without being a psychopath. It could have delved into the mind of the bully. Did he regret it? Is he still an ass? Maybe he could have had a chat with these ponies from his past and learned a thing or two.
Overall, it was a bit of a letdown. But good job on that first chapter. (The second chapter was pretty good too.) It hooked me and got me really excited to keep reading.
3687764 Yes, well, I have to admit that back when I wrote this story I was really just hammering out words without thinking about those words. I didn't consider "What would _____ do in this situation based on his/her character?", it was more "What could happen next to create the maximum amount of tension/suspense/drama/etc."
I'm happy to report that I've since learned better thanks to a pair of wonderful pre-readers who have pounded better writing techniques into my head with a pair of sixteen pound sledgehammers. On occasion, I've considered going back and re-writing this story, but I've got enough on my plate as it is between stories I'm currently working on (Unexpected Confessions and Trials of the Heart) and ones that I want to write down the road... oh, and that thing called 'life' that keeps getting in the way.
Still, I'm glad you enjoyed the first few chapters.
This story is sooo freakin good. If it's all the same to you I am going to believe in the first ending though. Oustanding work!
Sweet.
Mother.
Teresa.
i loved every syllable of it.
i want to go with the first ending though.
sequel, please?
4004412 I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever do a sequel because a) I already have plenty on my plate with stories I'm currently working on and ones that I want to write (I have a "Potential Story Ideas" document that has 15 entries), and b) it would force me to declare one of the endings as 'canon' instead of letting readers decide which one they wanted to use as the 'real' ending.
4005408 no problem...
although, i am curious, have you written any other good flutterdash fics?
4013717 It's not strictly FlutterDash, but the closest would probably be Unexpected Confessions. FlutterDash is a primary component, but there are other ships involving both Fluttershy and Dash going on at the same time (Meaning, I wouldn't read it if you're one of the "FlutterDash OTP" people who despises other ships that use Shy and Dash).