• Member Since 27th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 18 minutes ago

Silver Octave


There's a fine line between magic and technology. We must explore these together and then find union in knowing we all belong. Whether you are of this world or beyond. Everyone can be a friend. -Me

Comments ( 36 )

OMG, loving this, can't wait for more!

Great just wait like 2 days!

I wrote a ton before uploading

Comment posted by Saomaster1450 deleted Sep 17th, 2016

This looks promising, but the things that concern me are those gore and horror tags. I really hope the infection doesn't happen in this and its just for the stories she tells or something.

i added it to a "maybe read" bookshelf. I have many other stories to finish, but this one stands out.

added it to my to-do list though i've never played last of us so I really don't know the character

This needs some editing. The exposition comes off rather clunky and the character interaction is extremely flat and seems forced.

Maybe go more into what Ellie has been doing since the game concluded. Did she ever find out that Joel lied to her? Did another group like the fire flies come along, claiming to know of a cure? Or did Ellie find the rest of that comic book series she was reading?

Details, they are important.

The game left us and a huge cliffhanger. With an implied sequel in the future. Which left a lot of fans wanting more. Writing this, you can fill in the blanks of what happened from where the game ended to this point. Since you've aged Ellie to 18.

Instead you start things off with Ellie having just been assaulted. (Which no one seamed be worried about her broken wrist.) Shift to a nightmare scenario and then have her suddenly appear in Equestria. With everyone a bit too eager to help her.

Maybe going into some detail of what's happened since the game concluded and end with Ellie waking up in Equestria. Just a thought.

I'm not trying to be mean here, just offering some constructive criticism.

7571421

Those were my worries...but much of what you said is actually already written and taken care of. Of course explosions are chunky they take chunks out of people.

7571509
Hey man, it's your story. I'm just putting my two bits.

OMG, a Last of Us crossover, I'm diving head first into this!:heart:

You should be dead. A dark sick voice rang inside her head. So I will make you dead in one place, and alive in another. Beware, or you shall truly find death more agonizing than bleeding to death while being raped.

y'know, for, what i can only assume is, an etheral being, it's surprisingly crass

Crotocepts

i think you mean Cordyceps

7570385 Unfortunately, Twilight just cut herself on a blade that (judging by the description) is coated in old Infected blood ...

Things could be getting really dark in Equestria ...

These were almost as strange as the weird as the strange blue see though clothes that were laying atop her own clothes.
Surely your own kind would do such a thing?"
What isn't it fed to orphans."
"We have my star pupil Twilight asked the Spirit, Discord.

You're missing some words (or have too many words) in these lines ...

she had a broken patch of fur on her right shoulder that was barely hidden by the neck hole of the shirt

And it looks like the infection has come to Ponyville ...

Oh shit the infection has spread from someone touching the knife

Oh yeah, the fungus is Bloodborne, Equestria is FUCKED.

Comment posted by tgrtyhythrth deleted Sep 23rd, 2016

7586820

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I think u messed up the strings. The thick E string is at the top and after that its the A string and the thin E string is the one furthest down after the B string

7677776

I looked at the strings of a guitar, it was EABGDE

But I'll look at it again.

edit: It's fixed, thanks a bunch!

So looking forward to the next chapter of this, the character development is very intriguing

Oh yes please! This game was an amazing, and I remember watching Pewdiepie play it and flipping out over its killer content. Thanks so much for righting this with Ellie being the sole purpose of survival in that game. The ending shocked me though:twilightsmile:

7782049

I have too keep playing the game to really get a gist of who and what Ellie is as not only a character but also as a person as well. I really put to point how much Ellie really loves and trusts Joel, and also how she sees him as a Father she didn't get to have growing up. It's important to me when I do a cross over to make sure I have a fresh image in my mind. So it takes time to write each chapter.

Thanks for enjoying it!

Man...this stor is way too cheery....thats just me though. Im looking foward to a new chapter....oh and Happy New Years man!!...or dudette. Am I assuming? Is it?

Comment posted by Apollyon deleted Jan 24th, 2018

I forget.... is Ellie a pony or a human?:applejackconfused:

Since Joel apparently changed to a pony.... that's gonna get interesting when Ellie and Joel meet:rainbowderp:

7997983

Ellie is human but this adds the mystery of it all. And it will be a while before they reunite.

HUE HUE HUE HELL YEAH! This shit is dank asf!

(Hue; In britain it is basically the equivalent of LOL in text messaging. It's an older sort of term. Just to clarify, that way no one misunderstands my intentions with my own sentence.)

Bad puns ey?

TOUCAN PLAY AT THAT GAME!

Damnit, I forgot the part about the bird, that damn bird...

[Edit] Also, upon further examinaton, I have a began to have questions pop up in my mind. Firstly, we have to understand what it is exactly that , ahem, 'examined'. Okay, so now i understand that bewbs :trollestia: are either fairly big, or disappointingly small. On a human, either way they will be able to physically be able to carry around the juggernauts, and not have any problems except for maybe a bit of discomfort.

On a pony, however, the only way for it to have bewbs is for them to be small. Otherwise, those tits would be LITERALLY being dragged on the ground. In this case, Rarity has bewbs that are the size of her frickin HEAD! HOLY SHIT! And also, the characters are fairly small, with their heads taking about a quarter of their whole body in total. No wonder Spike has an, ahem, interest in Rarity...

But that's just a theory.

A [Fairly articulated story that is actually worth reading, and although I don't like clop it was still pretty good] THEORY!

What the damn Hell?!
Ima start using that now.


p.s Whens the next update?

8567979
Soonish actually. Got some stuff to iron out. A week or so

"No...I'm....I'm one of a few but....Humans are on the verge of extinction in just twenty years...J-Joel told me only about ten percent of humans are left...in the entire world." Ellie actually found herself chuckling. "F-funny thing is, those of us left keep on killing each other. Heck, I wonder now if I'm dead. Pft...I almost hope I am."

Is it just me, or is this bit kinda weird? I mean, she suddenly offers the state of her world in a pill, here. Why would she do that? Isn't knowing where she is more important? Like, tons more?

At the very least, a) this bit should be much longer, and b) would she really talk about this with some random pony? I can understand laying it out for Celestia, Luna maybe, but here?


Ma'am, I'm only checking your pulse.

You mean breathing and possibly heartbeat. If you want to check someone's pulse, go for the wrist - no need to perv on tits.


"My name is Princess Celestia, it is a pleasure to see that you are finally awake."

No it's not.

Her name is Celestia, and she is a princess. Being a princess is a function, and the word "princess" is a title. There's a difference.

It's not like Twilight changed her name when she became "Princess Twilight", right?

9798190
She probably is thinking it's all a dream at that time

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