• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Melesse Lindenya

Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo. Estaxen yando Undómë Tinwë.

Melesse Lindenya Joined 22nd Aug, 2016 · Offline

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Comments ( 2 )
Journeyman
Journeyman #1 · Sep 2nd, 2016 · · 1 ·
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Ah, the joys of filthy, dirty, married sex. It's fun to see a married couple spice things up a little.

I'd say you do have an issue with showing versus telling. Some portions were just exposition, if short exposition, and it dragged down the mood at times. There's nothing that contrasts with emotion and sexiness more than scene that are just relayed because they need to be relayed and exposited.

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