When Twilight Sparkle (Sci-Twi) attends her first sleepover with her new friends, she discovers that Equestria magic effected them in a very unique way. When the girls all learn Twilight hasn't undergone the same change, it's open season on her!
Story is good,but it was a little to fast from how Twilight was being a shy little virgin,to a complete slut. My boner got killed when the finale of the orgy started and that was where she turned into a slut I believe..
Since I'm still new here I'd like to ask readers; do you prefer someone to add kink tags in the Long Description? If so, I can certainly make that happen for you.
Certainly. A spoilered kink list is a shorthand way to tell if a reader is into what you're writing without having to read to the point where that particular kink shows itself. Saves time for people that don't like particular kinks and saves you some downvotes from people that got annoyed that they were 'tricked' into reading about them.
This was good, but why no penertration? After all it's what they were all excited for, the fact that she had a pussy. I get that it was probably them being considerate of it being her first time and all, but they never brought it up, which from Twilight's perspective probably seemed strange.
Also, I agree with 7483514, the transformation of Twilight was way too fast.
7485422 The out of story reason would be that this is a commissioned story, and the client wanted to have the ladies all sort of enjoy her without the full moment of penetration first.
The thigh job is kind of meant to take that spot; or at least keep it in Twilight's mind. :) By the time the second chapter starts Twilight has already had her first time with all of the girls. (A convenient way to avoid any awkward virgin moments.) I can totally see your point considering they're all excited that Twilight's not like them, but by the same token I think just having them all enjoy her mouth, hands, and breasts is a good way to get her introduced to the concept of all of them.
As for the Twilight transformation, I really don't have a defense for that outside of a limited word count, and the fact that it's dirty writing. Getting her transitioned to that point meant having her get down and dirty quicker.
But I sometimes feel like that's a subjective thing. If a character goes from 0 to slut in thirty seconds, people can feel like it's too rushed. On the other hand, if they spend more time in the hesitant virgin state, you risk people disliking it because it's borderline noncon/coercion at that point. So I think it's kind of a matter of taste.
7487152 There's a short summary that they run a train over her the next morning, but that's just for time to pass for her to get more cock-hungry and the meat of the story to take place.
OK, I don't normally comment on a chapter of a story if there's more written after that chapter, but I had to break that rule for this one; this is one of the hottest fics I've read in a while! Is sweet, it's sexy, there's no non-con, it's (mostly) in character, and the author doesn't "blow his load" too early. It's got a good narrative, tells a complete story while teasing more to come.
7545954 I have no idea what you're talking about. Seriously, yes the paragraphs aren't indented, but that's more of an artistic choice than anything. There wasn't any noticeable spelling errors, nor was there any breaks in a sentence (you know that error where a sentence is broken in half and the rest starts on a separate paragraph?). And the flow was consistent.
So I don't see where you're coming from. And common courtesy is that if there's an error you copy and paste the passage, wrap it in quote marks, and state a fix. Then either send it to the writer in a PM, or post it in the comment section.
Way late but they're not actually Futa if they only have dicks and tits. That's called a "Dickgirl", Futa is the full package: dick, tits, and pussy all on the same body.
9029508 Fembois fills a different trope really; those are generally men that have been feminized. Futas are...they're weird, and it exists so deeply in the trenches of porn there's no real good way to depict them. (Contrary to what was said, they do NOT always have to have pussies.)
It's an area where I feel like porn terms and tropes clash with common social sensibilities on gender. It's a complicated discussion so I say just kick back and enjoy hot girls with cocks fucking their friends.
i should be more angry that they undressed her and started to engage in activities without her consent first but for some reason im not (im gonna blame my chemo treatment its not letting me feel much to begin with)
Oh man, this hit the right buttons. Ya done good.
I personally prefer a quick tag for ero-content, but your description was enough.
7481374 It's a commissioned story so I don't know if that'll show up yet, but I can promise there's some big insertion play coming.
7479777 Thanks! I hope to keep hittin' those buttons with future chapters. :D
7479910 Gotcha! I'll play around with it some next time I post a story, see if there's a better way to do it.
That should probably read "Sunset"?
and start of turn sci-twi into they personal fuck toy cum dump hehehe
good story
*finishes reading*
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/758/851/d13.gif
Story is good,but it was a little to fast from how Twilight was being a shy little virgin,to a complete slut. My boner got killed when the finale of the orgy started and that was where she turned into a slut I believe..
Certainly. A spoilered kink list is a shorthand way to tell if a reader is into what you're writing without having to read to the point where that particular kink shows itself. Saves time for people that don't like particular kinks and saves you some downvotes from people that got annoyed that they were 'tricked' into reading about them.
7483724 Okie doke. Thanks for the heads up! :)
This was good, but why no penertration? After all it's what they were all excited for, the fact that she had a pussy. I get that it was probably them being considerate of it being her first time and all, but they never brought it up, which from Twilight's perspective probably seemed strange.
Also, I agree with 7483514, the transformation of Twilight was way too fast.
7485422 The out of story reason would be that this is a commissioned story, and the client wanted to have the ladies all sort of enjoy her without the full moment of penetration first.
The thigh job is kind of meant to take that spot; or at least keep it in Twilight's mind. :) By the time the second chapter starts Twilight has already had her first time with all of the girls. (A convenient way to avoid any awkward virgin moments.) I can totally see your point considering they're all excited that Twilight's not like them, but by the same token I think just having them all enjoy her mouth, hands, and breasts is a good way to get her introduced to the concept of all of them.
As for the Twilight transformation, I really don't have a defense for that outside of a limited word count, and the fact that it's dirty writing. Getting her transitioned to that point meant having her get down and dirty quicker.
But I sometimes feel like that's a subjective thing. If a character goes from 0 to slut in thirty seconds, people can feel like it's too rushed. On the other hand, if they spend more time in the hesitant virgin state, you risk people disliking it because it's borderline noncon/coercion at that point. So I think it's kind of a matter of taste.
Either way, thanks for the comment!
7486607 Wait on a sec, you saying we don't get to see her first time with everyone? What a bummer, that's what I was looking forward to.
7487152 There's a short summary that they run a train over her the next morning, but that's just for time to pass for her to get more cock-hungry and the meat of the story to take place.
7487152
Actually, the next chapter is up on archiveofourown, and that has penetration.
Here.
7488211 Penetration, but not the first time. :) That's kinda relegated to the background.
Now I go back to writing Chapter 3, which is what I'm in the middle of doing now! Woosh!
I am so exccciiiittttteeeedddddd
*Reads first chapter* *Dies* I'm spent....
I really wish I could enjoy this, but the issues with sentence structure, flow and the desperate need for an editor killed it for me.
Well, that's one way to join the group.
OK, I don't normally comment on a chapter of a story if there's more written after that chapter, but I had to break that rule for this one; this is one of the hottest fics I've read in a while! Is sweet, it's sexy, there's no non-con, it's (mostly) in character, and the author doesn't "blow his load" too early. It's got a good narrative, tells a complete story while teasing more to come.
Stand up job!
7545954
I have no idea what you're talking about. Seriously, yes the paragraphs aren't indented, but that's more of an artistic choice than anything. There wasn't any noticeable spelling errors, nor was there any breaks in a sentence (you know that error where a sentence is broken in half and the rest starts on a separate paragraph?). And the flow was consistent.
So I don't see where you're coming from. And common courtesy is that if there's an error you copy and paste the passage, wrap it in quote marks, and state a fix. Then either send it to the writer in a PM, or post it in the comment section.
7876614
7914665
Well said .
WE NEED PICTURES GOD DAMN IT
Way late but they're not actually Futa if they only have dicks and tits. That's called a "Dickgirl", Futa is the full package: dick, tits, and pussy all on the same body.
Fluttershy: so kinked that she seems straight from a far.
8615181
can we call them fembois?
9029508
Fembois fills a different trope really; those are generally men that have been feminized. Futas are...they're weird, and it exists so deeply in the trenches of porn there's no real good way to depict them. (Contrary to what was said, they do NOT always have to have pussies.)
It's an area where I feel like porn terms and tropes clash with common social sensibilities on gender. It's a complicated discussion so I say just kick back and enjoy hot girls with cocks fucking their friends.
This was deliciously naughty. Nicely done!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/3/24/1115676__rainbow+dash_blushing_questionable_meme_animated_edit_text_sweat_reaction+image_lip+bite.gif
9029780
Thanks! :) I appreciate that!
i should be more angry that they undressed her and started to engage in activities without her consent first but for some reason im not (im gonna blame my chemo treatment its not letting me feel much to begin with)