Just an idea I could not get out of my head will continue it you all like it, please do.

"Lyra Heartstrings, Head Archaeologist, Canterlot University."

Whoa this sounds interesting.

Reading this later.

>>804565804565Thx roman

I am going to fav and like this.  Going to read at later time.  If you need any OCs for your story the ones in my blog are up for grabs.  I am great at making unique characters but not so good at stories.

An interesting concept, and I like your ideas, but your style is a little too quick for my liking, if you understand what I mean. There is a general lack of description or atmosphere, and you have rushed through a lot in a very short space.

Your ideas are sound though, I just feel you could extend the material you have into a more detailed and engaging story.

>>804624804624 thx might take u up on that l8r

This is a very interesting concept. I am very interested in reading more.

>>804643804643 thx for the feed back, I know what u mean, I will watch that in later chapters

>>804656804656 Thank you ur guy's feedback is what keeps me interested in writing this

Like the idea. Execution is good so far. Definitely keeping an eye on this.

>>804741804741 thx man

I thought this was a bad idea lol, apparently not.

>>804745804745

No need to thank me, I calls 'em like I sees 'em.

>>804811804811Still like to respond to feedback  

thus is awesome

Liking it so far, it's an interesting concept; hope to see more in the future.

My oh my, how delightfully intriguing. I don't think that I've ever seen a story that tried anything like this and it seems to be quite an interesting concept to read. I do hope to be able to enjoy more of this.

A nice, unique, and well executed idea. Kudos.

>>805195805195 thx for the support.

A great idea, executed greatly, with great details to back up the greatness!  Great!  Great... Greatly, greatness!  Greatlyness and greatnessly greatejaio adg ajs;dgjajgagreat! I think that accuretly describes the story!

I'd suggest giving it a bit of a proofread and fix up a few of the grammatical and spelling mistakes.

Other than that though, I LOVE the idea of Lyra being an archeologist!

You are now being stalked, your opinions on the matter are invalid.

YES!!!!!.......Jk I've been waiting for a story like this, thx for posting

Loved it, wish to see more.

> To all > I'm rly surprised at all the positive feed back. Thank you all for the support, I thought it wasn't all that good of a story but now I'm working on this  full time.

Just going to point out a few minor spelling mistakes in chapter 2. These are nitpicks, but just leaving them gives a half-finished impression, and this story deserves to be as good as it can get.

"And now she was off to 'Alexandra' to see what she could find." Should probably be 'Alexandria'.

"Then after holding their forms for a time the blackness reseeded back into the figures forelegs," Should probably be "receeded"

""...brought their souls back to their bodies and then the figure steeped back."  " Should probably be "stepped".

"...and when they tuned to look at the figure there was now more then one" Should probably be "turned".

"...like a tar is spread across their forms completely taking them in the blackness." May or may not be wrong, but should probably be "it".

"...then in a cascade of light they to, like the others, disappeared." Should probably be "too".

If this is a stylistic thing, deliberate mistranslations on Tongue Tied's part or damage to the writings on the walls, it needs to be more obvious. Otherwise you just need a proofreader. If you'll have me, I'll gladly do it.

>>807982807982 Its more a style, i tried to make it read as more primitive, thanks for that  

intresting.

go on.

you lost me

>>809041809041 SRY, chapter three was NOT ready for publishing I did not realise what i did until u commented. I was editing and must of hit publish by mistake. I should be finished by tonight or tomorrow

Heh, hit next to go to chapter 3 and everything went blank on me. Looking good so far.

>>809181809181 it was not ready

Yeah I saw. Just thought something had broken on my end.

so that black stuff is nanotech probably

I THIS STORY ALREADY!

faved

Good concept definitely following.  Feels slightly rushed though, you should also probably take Ethrak up on his offer of proof-reading as it can't hurt to have an extra set of eyes on it at least for feedback before publishing.

Woo, humans are gods.

I demand a god named Jagun as my OC.

Alllllriiiiight. Can't wait for the next chapter!

A most interesting development... Most interesting

>>818640818640

Most interesting indeed!

I will track this story

I love your El-Dorado refrence.

im loving this story

Ah yes, yet another interesting chapter. I only have one minor caveat: it would be beneficial to do a bit more proof-editing. The errors, while minor and barely worth a hiccup while reading, are often enough where if the chapters were any longer, they might begin to pull readers out of the story. That's my two bits.

All in all, still a good story. Kudos.

>>820294820294Thanks i got a pre reader now so the next chap should have less mistakes

oh lord jesus take me now!

next chapter, is needed

"Our glorious city was built by the divinities, by Gods. Who saw fit to bestow. The gift of a paradise peaceful and harmonious upon us mere mortals below"

AND MADE EL-DORADO

THE MAGNIFICENT

AND GOLDEN

ONE THOUSAND YEARS

AGO

There was a slight miscommunication between me and my pre-reader, the story has now been updated to show corrections.

Okay the gods are tall maybe seven or eight feet tall Indicated by the steps.

Faceless masks

Rippling blue shields of blue "water"

Can move large objects with no machines or left behind no machines

Heal by touch

Could fly without wings probely a booster pack no noise

Changed the ponies physically made them strong

Black goo nano bots

All of this either suggests humanity at a farther future

Or forruners from the halo series

And the daisis was probely a landing Pad

Or it was temple or becon

Make us come down to earth alreaadyyy

"(although they were still substance more powerful then unicorns". Should be substantially.

" Together, you will lift yourselfs to godhood, ". Should be yourselves.

Apart from these mistakes, you have done a very good job. There's a little bit of missed punctuation, nothing I feel is worth making a fuss about. Just look at the text and you'll find the mistakes. Your writing has improved a lot. I'm looking forward to your next update.

Humans and alicorns and nuclear wastelands, oh my...

THIS STORY JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!

i love how the stories just keep unraveling and becoming more confusing to lyra

cant wait for her to figure it out

Image:  http://th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/159/9/a/lyra_humans_by_theirishbronyx-d52q46j.jpg

>>884323884323thank you. you can thank my pre-reader he has been helping ne with my grammar.

wait let me guess forerunners from halo and the deadlands are some type of radioactive tingy?

>>884376884376 I've noticed this from a couple of comments is NOT a halo crossover this universe is of my own creation.

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/315/204/8bf.jpg

I am waiting for Lyra giving an exhibition on those "gods" (*cough* humans *cough*)

oh this is getting good

i wonder do Celestia and Luna know the truth? and so why hide it?

and what did those ancient ponies do to piss of the 'Star Gods' to get nuked form orbit?

>>884856884856 explanations are coming.

Teleporters, genetic manipulation, molecular reconfiguration beams, construction drones, force-fields, beam weaponry, advanced morality, and I'm assuming interstellar travel. My question is why they would resort to fission weapons? Laser, plasma, or fusion weaponry would not create harmful radiation. I think one of the alicorns they were making went rouge and caused some sort of... accident which caused the plane of glass and residual radiation.

I don't think there is going to be much left above ground at the heart of.. wait tear shaped desert?

>>884376884376 I'm guessing far advanced humans. I mean, one did refer back to when their species was 'young'

>>884998884998

Nuclear fusion creates radiation.  It doesn't produce solid nuclear waste that needs to be stored or have dangerous meltdowns but it is still very deadly without being shielded while it's active.

As a weapon that had a blast area of 100's of miles in circumference I'm surprised that it didn't wipe out all the ponies.

>>886940886940>>884998884998 All will be explained in time.

>>886940886940 I did some reading and I have to agree with you. The alpha radiation created by such a detonation have would almost no lasting impact however the neutron radiation created by the react would create lasting contamination in the exposed area. The general radiation levels created by a fusion reactor as hardly above background levels so the rest of the planet would be relatively fine. Also we don't know how long ago it was. For all we know Luna and Celestia were born form the nuclear inferno which scorched the skin of the world.

>>886976886976 hypothesizing and making conjectures is fun though.

>>887016887016 I have no problems with my readers doing that, in fact i like it it provides a talking point for the fans and tells me that people are really interested in my story. So thanks

>>887036887036 You are very welcome. Stories that make me think are my favorites.

>>887078887078Ya its the sign of a good story when the reader gets to thinking hard about it. I love finding one like that and now that I'm writing one makes me feel good. Already almost 1,000 words in on the next chap it will be out soon

My pre-reader is gone 4 a couple of days. check back later for corrections, hope it ant to bad

Good god man, normally i don't judge the spelling, but that was pretty bad!

WHY DOES THIS SOUND LIKE A WARHAMMER CROSSOVER?!?!?!!

"Then the beast spoke in a male voice, "Ahh, I am glad to see that some of you survived."

Celestia steeped forward, "Well you wont survive this BEAST!", she then launched the most powerful spell she could muster"

A+ writing.

For that description it would seem to have been some kind of high speed impact that created the glass wasteland. If it was a ship with some kind of fusion, or fission drive system it could explain the residual radiation. The only issue is that there was no deep crater.

Anyways

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljcrcxzPHY1qitf3lo1_400.jpg

YESSSSSSSSS! FINALLY!

let the ass-kicking/storytelling BEGIN!

thank you so much of the feed back

Good, only issue i found was "I'm shore", should be sure. Looking forward to the curbstomp, I mean next chapter.

>>902857902857thx, that stuff trips me up some times

More

Nooooo, Raaiinnbowwwww

But I'm guessing that you're taking some inspiration form human mythos with fire and brimstone and the wrath of the gods, the comparison with faith under Celestias reign is rather striking.

I'm guessing that the humans were forced to undo their changes was because of some form of prime directive thing, but then again that doesn't explain the knight the language, or the rapture. I await to see where you'll go with this.

Aww, man. Just when it got good. I demand MOAR!

You're definitely in need of a lot of editing before you post these. The story itself is quite sound, but the spelling issues... We'll get you help, bro, I swear it. Even if I have to edit them myself. With a little cleaning-up, this could be great.

>>914144914144 Ya I know, already got a pre-reader it would be way worse if i did not have him. Might get another one of my friends to help. Hate that my shit spelling is messing with my readers enjoyment of the story

>>915055915055 I'm not very confident in their quality of review, then, because there's a lot of errors that have managed to get through.

>>915172915172 I am not surprised English is not his first language, but he does do a better job then I could. Will probably get a second one to go over what he goes over.

>>915218915218 When writing in English, you might want a pre-reader who speaks English as their first language. I certainly wouldn't want me to edit my Brazilian friend's essays, for example...

>>915250915250It's sad but he is probably better then i ever will be at writing, the main reason being is i have a learning disability that really fucks with my writing.

>>915291915291 I'd still invest in a native speaker of English for an editor, no offense to your friend. Mayhaps even learning disabilities could be overcome if you just gradually observe the changes made to what you already can do. That's how I learned math, myself.

There are a handful of errors in this chapter and in the previous, but it's not as bad as some other stories I've read.

-

I've never read a fic before where Lyra was an actual credential researcher instead of just a nut with a Human-obsession...

This promises to be an intriguing read.

>>836306836306

Or the Ancients from the Stargate series.

>>884856884856

Probably abused the abilities that they'd been given. Alicorns were made to protect the lesser ponies, but those abilities also would allow for them to seem godlike themselves. Still, if that had happened roughly 9000 years previous to the current time, there shouldn't be enough nuclear residue left from a bombing to be lethal unless perhaps, their tech either really was that good( in which case, why didn't it blow up the entire world?) or there's a nuclear reactor being maintained perhaps by machines and they periodically bury nuclear waste out in the desert. *Shrugs*

Great story, I am eagerly awaiting future installments.  The way you handled the mythical humans was fantastic, the treatment of what was obviously a nuclear strike (to us at least) by a culture that could not understand it was great, and the way this "second contact" scenario is going seems very natural given the information available to both sides.  It will be interesting to see what happens next because I really doubt the human actually felt threatened by any of the attacks and he now has full control of the situation so further violence is not necessary, although Celestia may have pissed him off enough to get herself hurt or killed.  I actually do not see Rainbow getting hurt at all because she was obviously trying to protect her friends who were equally obviously of mixed races which is apparently part of what they are looking for, so she would have passed the test.

As for the errors, I would recommend using an automatic spellcheck to avoid total misspellings and checking the definitions of words with multiple possible spellings with a dictionary or thesaurus (looking up synonyms will tell you if it means what you want it to mean).  Microsoft Word has a great system built in for spelling and quickly checking synonyms, and can also check for grammar with reasonably good results so I would highly recommend it for cleaning up these kinds of errors.

Wonder how paladin-guy is going to be getting home when that's done with.

>>916076916076>>917245917245 Thx for the comments I enjoy the feedback

a brilliant chapter you managed to explain all that history without making it seem dull and wordy congrats

although ponies going to space? wouldnt that kind of leap in technology be kinda dangerous for such unexperienced/primative species?

>>918453918453Be on the look out for 'Life Giver' I will talk about that subject in that story

awesome

i'm looking forward to the next installment

>>918469918469 oh dont worry im watching you

Image:  http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/im-watching-you.jpg

Oh damn. Can't wait for the sequel.

>>884376884376 When sand is superheated it turns to glass. Also the "Effects" of the deadlands sound like radioactive poisoning. Can you guess yet?

The deadlands sounds like a crater left by a high yield thermonuclear weapon, maybe eight or nine times the power of the Tsar bomb

WOOOOOOOOOOOAH MIND BLOWN

>>919312919312hahaha rly? why?

Alot can happen in just 100 years. over 9000 have gone by since Humanity last contacted them. Something big is bound to have happened during that time.