You didn't finish responding to my comment, plus there seems to a sizable space where probably a image or a YouTube window would go... what was the rest that you wanted to say about it??
Anyway, I really hope that they catch the bastards that did this to Spike. And well, I'm starting to turn on Amethyst as well--she's as guilty as Goliath and the rest of his crew. So whatever happens to her is exclusively because of her. She turned out to be a genuine 100% Bitch.
I just noticed that it seems Blueblood is a good guy in this. Got to say that he being a good guy, or at the very least a neutral party, is refreshing. Wonder what the skinny between Blue and Spike is, they're pretty informal enough that they pal around with each other.
EDIT: I wouldn't be surprised if Blueblood is the one out of all the group that is the one that gets Spike his new special someone. Really cool with what he's probably gonna be doing for his cousin.
7456796 Eh. For stuff like this I prefer extreme vengeance. Look up top torture methods and top torture devices on Youtube, that's the kind of stuff I'd want to happen to the dragons.
I like it, all the way you used Blueblood and Spike. I want to see Twilight's coltfriend suffer what all he did for Spike, and Blueblood will show him how sick he is for all the family. XD Great job man.
There's some good stuff in this story. I like how you didn't resort to making Blueblood a bigger Hate Sink than is either needed or logical; I like how you didn't have Spike turn into a violent little ball of hatred, like other stories have done. The care from his friends feel genuine too.
But there's also some problems as well. You switched from past to present and back again, for example. You told us about the problems with the girls' boyfriends instead of showing us. In a short summary. I'm having a hard time getting invested in it now. There doesn't seem to be any ambiguity left here. Which leads me to believe the reason why they dislike Spike isn't all that important, just that they do—all of them, except Mac. Why? And why all for the same reason?
I have a suspicion, and that would be so they girls can safely break up with them and rebound to Spike's new harem. That's why their boyfriend look like they're cardboard cut-outs rather than real characters, at least for now. My apologies if this sounds harsh, but you have a good basis going here and it's things like this that distract from it.
Not gonna lie, when I first saw that the most of the colfriends were OCs, I was worried about keeping up with who they were and what they looked like. But now that I know they're jerks, I don't care. Now I'm just eager to see them get their comeuppance
*Scene starts out with Spike in his comatose state in a dream world* How much you wanna bet this is actually Cannon Spike's Subconscious? It could be, although, I think it'd have more Rarity themed items, or have him as the king of this world.
*Spike sounding just about done with his life and is willing to just cave in on himself* Damn it man, stop it. You can't let them win! You need to be strong Spike, what would the rest of your family think of your departure?
*Luna appears in his dream and tries to comfort him* Please Spike, just listen to her, and if at all possible, court her! She is kind beyond her years, and she's a freaking Alicorn, she'll be with you till the end!
*Spike still wanting to give in* No, spike, please, Don't go there. Come on Spike, don't do this to yourself, you can still come out on top.
*Luna showing Spike the aftermath of Last Chapter's events* You see, even though they have lovers, they care for you. Don't push them away Spike, friends can still be close to you.
*Luna showing Spike Celestia's current action in effects to spike Being Comatose* Good god, i'd want to make a don't fuck with Alicorn's joke, but then i'd be spitting on a friend's family member's memory. No good can come from screwing with a mother's son, or even a father's child. Honestly, no parent should have to bury a child, it is always heart breaking to see such a young light snuffed out. As a soldier of War, i've seen many parents burying the child.
*Spike's Change of Heart and reawakening* There we are, atta boy Spike. Back amongst the land of the living. Let's make sure this doesn't happen again.
*Next day and Twilight realizing Spike is awake* Thank god, went through the same thing when my dad was in the hospital. Thankfully he's fully recovered.
*The rest of the girls coming in* There the rest of them are. and still as caring as ever. They are like a tight nit family, odds and ends and all.
*Doctor telling the girls to kindly leave as the treat and diagnose spike* Yeah, the doctors don't want civies inside when medical procedures are going on. Could mess up the entire thing and cost the hospital/clinic a good bit of money.
*Afternoon starts and Cadence, Shining Armor, BlueBlood, Celestia, and Luna come in* Thankfully they get a chance to interact with Spike. And Celestia sees that her Surrogate son is fine, another win!
*The girls coming in, along with their significant others* There could be some problems with them and their reactions to Spike. Any boyfriend would see it as a problem that another male might be coming onto their woman, friend family or otherwise.
*Realizing that Twilight's boyfriend isn't as nice as he shows to her* Calling it right now, Stargazer was the one who set Spike up to be beaten up It is obvious, but how the hell would he do it.
*Realizing that Twilight's Boyfriend reveled in Spike's Agony* You... Fucking... JACKASS!COCKWAFFLE! Okay! Fuck this douche! Inner! Get the torture gear and a chainsaw! Way the hell ahead of you Crim.
*Blueblood actually helping Spike and him just ignoring the glowing red flags* Spike, why!? He fucked himself. He's dead.
*Twilight's Douche of a Boyfriend's reaction to her being close with Spike* This guy is so fucking petty, he's her goddamn adopted younger brother you fuck, the love they share is platonic! And besides, Spike may not have an interest in her romantically.
*Spike going home and BlueBlood getting Shining's Attention* Looks like he's been cleared. Good, the less time in their the better. Wait, did Blueblood just grab Shining's attention, even after a Pinkie Pie Promise!? *Pulls out a bucket of chocolate and caramel covered popcorn* Oh this is gonna be good.
*Chapter 2's general Reaction* Fuck you Stargazer. Stargazer can go screw himself.
9645422 Blueblood only pinkie promised not to tell the girls. Telling Shining Armor is ok because of the loophole in the noose that that promise made for Spike.
Beat the coltfriend sip mate, it'd make a jolly good show.
7456784
You didn't finish responding to my comment, plus there seems to a sizable space where probably a image or a YouTube window would go... what was the rest that you wanted to say about it??
7457063
That was it.....I don't know why it did that
7457066
Oh.
Anyway, I really hope that they catch the bastards that did this to Spike. And well, I'm starting to turn on Amethyst as well--she's as guilty as Goliath and the rest of his crew. So whatever happens to her is exclusively because of her. She turned out to be a genuine 100% Bitch.
I just noticed that it seems Blueblood is a good guy in this. Got to say that he being a good guy, or at the very least a neutral party, is refreshing. Wonder what the skinny between Blue and Spike is, they're pretty informal enough that they pal around with each other.
EDIT: I wouldn't be surprised if Blueblood is the one out of all the group that is the one that gets Spike his new special someone. Really cool with what he's probably gonna be doing for his cousin.
7457073
Blueblood sees Spike as a little brother.....the same with Cadence.
7456796 Eh. For stuff like this I prefer extreme vengeance. Look up top torture methods and top torture devices on Youtube, that's the kind of stuff I'd want to happen to the dragons.
So far I approve of this.
I like the chapter and looks grat sorry to see the clt friends are so jealous and stupid, they going to screw up and lose everything.
I like it, all the way you used Blueblood and Spike. I want to see Twilight's coltfriend suffer what all he did for Spike, and Blueblood will show him how sick he is for all the family. XD
Great job man.
Please tell me there's more coming soon. I'm really liking this story.
7458038
Currently proofreading adding and deleting scenes in chapter three....should be ready within the next hour or so......hopefully.
7458176 Awesome! Can't wait!
There's some good stuff in this story. I like how you didn't resort to making Blueblood a bigger Hate Sink than is either needed or logical; I like how you didn't have Spike turn into a violent little ball of hatred, like other stories have done. The care from his friends feel genuine too.
But there's also some problems as well. You switched from past to present and back again, for example. You told us about the problems with the girls' boyfriends instead of showing us. In a short summary. I'm having a hard time getting invested in it now. There doesn't seem to be any ambiguity left here. Which leads me to believe the reason why they dislike Spike isn't all that important, just that they do—all of them, except Mac. Why? And why all for the same reason?
I have a suspicion, and that would be so they girls can safely break up with them and rebound to Spike's new harem. That's why their boyfriend look like they're cardboard cut-outs rather than real characters, at least for now. My apologies if this sounds harsh, but you have a good basis going here and it's things like this that distract from it.
I still want to know how the hell did Luna catch up to Rainbow Dash.
Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, & Fluttershy. Who was the seventh?
I find it hard to imagine Blueblood actually performing the Pinkie Promise.
THANK YOU for having Blueblood not be a douche, jackass, and/or traitor in a mature anthro story.
7585320
Spike
That's why he told Shining Armor they needed to talk
Your welcome.
Dude Thats down right psychopathic. Smiling at someone near death
Fuck that guy
In fact all o fthem
Even though you didn't give a good reason why lol
7587687 I completely agree with you mainly because of the fact that the guys just sound like down right pricks to smile at someone who was near death
Spike's extremely lucky that he's okay.
out of the 150ish stories I've read here this is the 4th or 5th story where Blue Blood is a half way decant being.
Why did you have to go with the no pony/dragon hybrids route?!
8453373
Because every story goes that route and I wanted to try something different.
I REALLY hate Stargazer. If Twilight heard he smiled at Spike's misery, well, I don't think it'd look pretty. Great story, man.
Not gonna lie, when I first saw that the most of the colfriends were OCs, I was worried about keeping up with who they were and what they looked like. But now that I know they're jerks, I don't care. Now I'm just eager to see them get their comeuppance
8621588
Blueblood: ”Can we please kill them!?”
Shining Armor: ”... I’m thinking about it.
YOU AWAKE TO FIND YOURSELF IN A DARK ROOM!
*Ahem*
Er, sorry.
Um... Like the story so far! Looks good!
I'll take my czech pockets and leave.
*Scene starts out with Spike in his comatose state in a dream world*
How much you wanna bet this is actually Cannon Spike's Subconscious?
It could be, although, I think it'd have more Rarity themed items, or have him as the king of this world.
*Spike sounding just about done with his life and is willing to just cave in on himself*
Damn it man, stop it. You can't let them win!
You need to be strong Spike, what would the rest of your family think of your departure?
*Luna appears in his dream and tries to comfort him*
Please Spike, just listen to her, and if at all possible, court her!
She is kind beyond her years, and she's a freaking Alicorn, she'll be with you till the end!
*Spike still wanting to give in*
No, spike, please, Don't go there.
Come on Spike, don't do this to yourself, you can still come out on top.
*Luna showing Spike the aftermath of Last Chapter's events*
You see, even though they have lovers, they care for you.
Don't push them away Spike, friends can still be close to you.
*Luna showing Spike Celestia's current action in effects to spike Being Comatose*
Good god, i'd want to make a don't fuck with Alicorn's joke, but then i'd be spitting on a friend's family member's memory.
No good can come from screwing with a mother's son, or even a father's child.
Honestly, no parent should have to bury a child, it is always heart breaking to see such a young light snuffed out.
As a soldier of War, i've seen many parents burying the child.
*Spike's Change of Heart and reawakening*
There we are, atta boy Spike.
Back amongst the land of the living. Let's make sure this doesn't happen again.
*Next day and Twilight realizing Spike is awake*
Thank god, went through the same thing when my dad was in the hospital.
Thankfully he's fully recovered.
*The rest of the girls coming in*
There the rest of them are. and still as caring as ever.
They are like a tight nit family, odds and ends and all.
*Doctor telling the girls to kindly leave as the treat and diagnose spike*
Yeah, the doctors don't want civies inside when medical procedures are going on.
Could mess up the entire thing and cost the hospital/clinic a good bit of money.
*Afternoon starts and Cadence, Shining Armor, BlueBlood, Celestia, and Luna come in*
Thankfully they get a chance to interact with Spike.
And Celestia sees that her Surrogate son is fine, another win!
*The girls coming in, along with their significant others*
There could be some problems with them and their reactions to Spike.
Any boyfriend would see it as a problem that another male might be coming onto their woman, friend family or otherwise.
*Realizing that Twilight's boyfriend isn't as nice as he shows to her*
Calling it right now, Stargazer was the one who set Spike up to be beaten up
It is obvious, but how the hell would he do it.
*Realizing that Twilight's Boyfriend reveled in Spike's Agony*
You...
Fucking...
JACKASS! COCKWAFFLE!
Okay! Fuck this douche! Inner! Get the torture gear and a chainsaw!
Way the hell ahead of you Crim.
*Blueblood actually helping Spike and him just ignoring the glowing red flags*
Spike, why!?
He fucked himself.
He's dead.
*Twilight's Douche of a Boyfriend's reaction to her being close with Spike*
This guy is so fucking petty, he's her goddamn adopted younger brother you fuck, the love they share is platonic!
And besides, Spike may not have an interest in her romantically.
*Spike going home and BlueBlood getting Shining's Attention*
Looks like he's been cleared.
Good, the less time in their the better.
Wait, did Blueblood just grab Shining's attention, even after a Pinkie Pie Promise!?
*Pulls out a bucket of chocolate and caramel covered popcorn* Oh this is gonna be good.
*Chapter 2's general Reaction*
Fuck you Stargazer.
Stargazer can go screw himself.
Well, I better get the popcorn ready for the confrontation.
Welp I'm getting the snacks for when pinkie finds out. also stargazer I am the god of the end of all things and your life has become forfeit
9645422
Blueblood only pinkie promised not to tell the girls. Telling Shining Armor is ok because of the loophole in the noose that that promise made for Spike.
9645422
Are you the same Crimsonfucker from Hellsing Ultimate Abridge? If so, I really like what you did with this discussion comment. Great job.