- Member Since 25th Jul, 2012
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Scyphi
A brony of few words who writes many.
Scyphi
Joined 25th Jul, 2012 ·
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So Luna one thousand years ago was getting fed up with how she was treated in Equestria and said "Fuck this shit I'm out"?
A story that finally has done this? Dreams. Dream do come true!
Age really doesn't seem to do any wonders for Celestia or Luna's wisdom. In the case of Celestia, she seems to have pushed fake Luna aside ever since finding out she's actually a changeling, completely disregarding that it's a similar thing of ignoring her that lead to the Nightmare Moon incident. There seems to be the implication in the text that they figured out the real Luna ran away prior to Nightmare Moon, so it's especially egregious on Celestia's part to be repeating the pattern of shunning, though she finally figures this out at the end.
As for true Luna, she somehow never figured out that mind-wiping Pietas and replacing her memories with Luna's own was always going to lead to something like Pietas' identity crisis. No matter how much it may have been Pietas' idea, she isn't going to remember it after having her memories replaced, and yet Luna somehow still seems shocked. She's only had a thousand years to have clued in to that, especially after she figures out that her doppelganger, being a changeling, was likely even more susceptible to social shunning than Luna herself.
Though, I do find myself curious as to how Pietas is seemingly immortal. For some reason, that seems the most jarring aspect to me. Even if she was magically sealed and preserved in the moon, I would expect her to have aged outside of the moon. I suppose she draws power and long-life from the moon instead. Maybe I just feel that the story would have been better had it been more melodramatic and real Luna had given up her long life to Pietas and died a happy mother hundreds of years ago instead, and the three alicorn princesses get this tale recited to them by one of her royal descendants.
Also, the show only says that such a birth as Flurry Heart's has never been witnessed in Equestria. Of course, some people like to equate Equestria with the whole world, but that's clearly not the case.
Might add an AU tag to this, I found it a little confusing.
If this is not AU story, then I suppose its still confusing, it's just the problem is me, not you.
More helpfully, I loved this story. The ending was perfect, Celestia's desperation was great, the reveal was a massive moment (I knew they were looking for the Queen, but dang) and overall this was terrific. I was on the edge of my seat right at the end there.
Wow, just an amazing story and I'm happy to see another changeling luna story.
God that was a good story. Wish there was more but oh well. keep up the great work.
7403522
Not exactly what was going through my mind while writing this...but yeah, basically.
7403767
Actually, the text should be implying that they figured out Luna had run away mere months ago...I'm not sure where you got the idea it was discovered prior to Nightmare Moon...can you point out what exactly made you think that? I might want and go back and edit it slightly to avoid the chance for confusion with future readers...but no, Celestia was not aware Nightmare Moon was actually Pietas at the time, and in fact even Pietas couldn't be sure of that until Luna confirmed it during the "reveal," so Celestia hasn't actually made that connection throughout pretty much the whole course of the story. Not that makes it right, but that's part of what I wanted Celestia to at least begin to learn by the end.
See, this matter kept bugging me too, and that's really the reason I allowed to story to put as much focus on it as it did (I kept worrying that it was getting things off-track), but when editing the story, that was the part I kept coming back to and tweaking; I saw it was an important topic that I couldn't just blur over. The text is supposed to imply that Luna had always feared precisely this would happen, but she had always talked herself into overlooking it by convincing herself she was doing it to help spare the Pietas the great grief she had been suffering from the loss of her hive--"the greater good" sort of thing. There's probably plenty more I could've discussed on the matter, but I think for the story on a whole it was better to keep from getting too focused on it; it's not really the intended point of the story, really, it was more about revealing Luna's charade and getting her and Celestia reunited.
I had pondered on the Pietas immortality problem too while writing. I ultimately chose not to address it to avoid the chance of discussing such technicalities risking gumming up the story's pacing, but basically I figured it didn't really matter anyway. The story obvious implies she is, so it in turns implies that something was done to address it, if it needed addressing at all. I'm sure when the two were planning out the whole scheme that they took steps to insure that much, otherwise Pietas would've grown old and passed away probably only a few short years afterwards, and ended the charade far sooner than preferred, so I assume as you largely had that Luna took steps to grant Pietas such immortality, or at least something very close to it. But as I was posting the story, it also occurred to me that the story never really says anything to entirely rule out that Pietas can't be a changeling queen, and I know fans have already speculated that changeling queens live long lives like the princess sisters too, so maybe Pietas was already naturally "immortal" in some shape or form already.
As for the idea that Luna gave up her immortality to Pietas and had passed from old age well before now, that's actually a kind of neat "alternate take" to the whole idea. Unfortunately it was never really something I had considered, because I was focused on the idea of them finding Luna still alive and hidden away somewhere, and for that scene of Luna and Celestia finally reuniting. Besides, I do feel that had that been the case, and Luna was already gone by the time Celestia learns the truth, it robs her of the chance of getting to make peace with her sister over the matter.
The comments for this story are starting to look like a top secret CIA mission report.
7404357
It's not really an AU story, though; technically, it can all still comfortably fit within the show's established canon especially if you assume Pietas continues to maintain her appearance as Luna afterwards, and I don't see any reason why she couldn't. The only thing that's changed is that all of this allows her to build a new life for herself much like how the true Luna has done in the Noriker Empire.
7405895
When I say that I don't mean that Celestia figured out before the Nightmare Moon incident that her sister ran away. I mean that when she does figure it out sometimes during the present day, she also figured out that the real Luna ran away a long time ago and that it was changeling Luna who turned into Nightmare Moon.
7405916
Oh, well, in that case, I'm sure the thought had crossed Celestia's mind that this could be the case, but lacking confirmation of it, she hasn't really allowed herself to consider it too much...probably on the terms that she didn't really like the idea that she and Luna had really been apart for that long. I'm sure she'd rather think Luna's running away was a more recent development than one from so long ago and she simply hadn't been a good enough of a sister to notice until now.
But now that you mention it, it would be pretty easy for her to pin all the blame for Nightmare Moon on Pietas so to justify to herself that the Luna she knew was never actually capable of such a thing. Indeed, it was partly a similar line of thought that first gave me the idea for the whole story in the first place, so in retrospect it's kind of curious I didn't think to address it when writing the story.
Personally, though, I still think that Luna, or Celestia for that matter, are both quite capable of pulling Nightmare Moon-like stunts if they aren't careful regardless...but that's neither here nor there.
sequel?
You sneaky little I knew exactly what the twist long before it was revealed but then you twisted the twist!
8331704
It is a bit like a pretzel, this fic...
...wish it'd get more readers, though.
Ah well, glad you enjoyed the twists.
7405895
I read this story all the way through as I wait for Grief Is The Price We Pay to continue. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, for several reasons.
The first big one is there is no real resolution here, and that concerns me for the future of Grief is the Price We Pay for obvious reasons. If a story reaches a climax and has no appropriate winding down afterwards, no tying up loose threads, it feels unfinished. There is so much that is implied to happen after this, and yet none of it comes to pass here. Furthermore, the big confrontation shown is between two characters we know little about. We know Luna from the show, but apparently all of that was false. We know little to nothing about this other Luna, what she was like beforehoof, or what life she has made for herself afterwards. We are only given a glimpse at how Pietas is dealing with the situation, and really skipping a lot of the introspection you'd expect.
The second issue has to deal with the missing character in question. Luna, Queen instead of Princess, has a life and history that is entirely devoid of Princess Celestia for over a thousand years. In a way, this is her version of the Nightmare Moon thing, except started earlier and extending later than the actual Nightmare Moon event. Perhaps she intended to reveal what happened much sooner, but I can imagine seeing Nightmare Moon's visage on the moon for a thousand years hardened her heart to wanting to reconcile with Celestia, thinking that Celestia had brought about the collapse of one of Luna's only friends. And afterwards, when Nightmare Moon is purged and Pietas is saved for herself, I can imagine Luna didn't wish to intrude on that life when she expected Pietas to need all the help she could get. Still, the entire thing is ice cold. Over a thousand years keeping distant from your sibling after you ran away is plenty absurd.
The third reason is related to the second in the sense that Luna has built up a new life with the express intention of excluding her sister. She had her son act cold to Celestia, his aunt, when Celestia had no idea what their relationship was. Plus there is the question of that nation's relationship to Equestria, and its state of prosperity, equality, and progress. So much is an open question about the place, and little is hinted at. Plus, I can't see Luna's original decision as anything but the abandonment of her earlier duties. Something I could understand (others have abdicated before), but then she turns it around and rules somewhere else, with the title of Queen even while her own sister attempted to keep Equestria a Principality. There is just so much to be said, and none of it is really resolved or even brought into focus. Instead, we have a watered down confrontation (that itself explained little) between Peitas and Luna, and missing the bigger one that should shed light on more things, or caused some kind of massive worldview change. After all, at the end of the story, Pietas outright said she doesn't want to be Princess Luna's doppelganger, as just a replacement, but her own pony.
I gave the story an upvote and a fav for the interesting scenario, I just wish there was more. It opened up a large can of worms in terms of interesting possibilities, but kept most of them unresolved or just barely hinted at. If I had to compare it, it would be like having a First Contact story between humans and ponies where the story ends right after they say hello to each other for the first time, after building up the meeting and background of the scenario.
On a side note, the one story this one reminds me of, in terms of the scenario of meeting someone who hadn't been seen in quite some time that had personal history (and grudge) with Celestia is The Cost of Asylum (Mature story) by Reykan. Thing is, that story kept exploring the interaction beyond the first meeting, and explored the setting and relationships between Celestia and Equestria going forward in subsequent chapters. This story is missing those, and so feels incomplete in comparison with all the worldbuilding invoked here.
8396770
Well, first of all, "Grief" is a very different story and will not end so...abruptly as "Artifice" here, because "Grief" is a full-length, multi-chapter story, while "Artifice" is a mysterious, semi-minimalistic one-shot and meant to be self-contained, and same deal with the example, "The Cost of Asylum," you provided.
As for why "Artifice" is written the way it is, it is because it is a mysterious semi-minimalistic one-shot. It's point was not to explain everything, but rather just provide a slice of the characters of life, a brief peek into a critical moment in their affairs, yet providing no prior or after context, leaving the reader to figure things out for themselves on the fly, and as such is deliberately left open-ended. Unlike many third-person tales, the reader is not all-knowing on this occasion, and only knows as much as the events he or she is witness to. It's sort of like being a witness to a disaster that you're not directly a part of. All the information you know about this disaster stems from only what you see or hear in the moment, and is thus imperfect and incomplete data. That's the sort of feel this fic was shooting to accomplish. As such, much of the story is then supposed to be more up for reader interpretation, not for the author to spell out everything for the reader. No, the idea is supposed to make the reader think and try and fill in the blanks with the data provided themselves...and when done right, you can have an excellent short story that does all of this and pulls it off. I've read plenty famous short stories that do this very, very, well, and it was with them in mind that I wrote this. Whether or not I succeeded is not for me to say (I am, after all, bias
).
But that being said, I can understand this type of story isn't necessarily everyone's cup of tea--as can be noted by the fact that this fic happens to be one of my more overlooked, which is to my occasional frustration as it's one of my personal favorites, but everyone has their tastes and I can respect that.
I suppose I could've given a bit more detail about the setting at the very least, in retrospect, but I was trying to keep the word count from going too high, as I've noticed that after it exceeds a certain point, it gets too long for a practical one-shot and readers are less likely to read it. Plus, due to the nature of the story in which I was deliberately throwing the reader into the middle of things and having them figure things out on the fly on purely the words and actions of the characters, there's only so much detail I could give without spoiling that desired effect, and it's hard to find the fine balance between too much and too little. Again, I cannot be the one to say if I succeeded on that or not, though I like to think I was at least on the right track.
Nevertheless, I stand by on where I ended it, because to me, there wasn't really any more to say, at least nothing of enough interest to merit writing. Basically all you would've gotten is a repeat of what was already told to Pietas as it's related for Celestia's benefit, and then, quite likely, Celestia and Luna more or less making up, or at least starting on that track. And to me, that spoiled the intrigue and interest of the story because it resolved it all. I didn't want to leave it that cleanly cut. Plus, I think it's rather fun leaving what happens next up for the reader to decide.
In short, as it's a one-shot of this nature, it was always meant to be both self-contained and vague on certain details, and your comment admittedly suggests to me that I was on the right track on doing so with the desired details (or lack thereof), as most to all of the points you note are lacking in detail I deliberately left that way on purpose.
Again, it's a tale that I suppose isn't going to appeal to everyone, and my first impression is that you might be one of them. But that's just my thoughts on the matter.
Few final notes: Luna's son's apparent "coldness" is his own doing. All Luna had told him was to keep the secret, and that has been a longstanding request for many years now. She did not instruct him on how to do it though, so how he treated Celestia and company was his own doing, and Luna likely didn't know of it until after the fact. Frankly, I think he was at least trying to be professional about it as best as the secrecy could permit him, and he certainly could've done much worse than he did. As for Luna's actions altogether, there is no right or wrong way to interpret those. Indeed, they're questionable in ethics entirely, but as for whether Luna's intent being cold or otherwise, that's again meant for the reader to decide. Personally, I don't think Luna intended malice or coldness towards her sister, at least not to the degree you speak of, when she started out, but then again she very much enacted on this plan without thinking it all the way through. And as for her choice to keep quiet and remain hidden, it wasn't so much that Luna didn't want to tell Celestia, she was just in so far deep into the ruse now, there was no good way to do so without spoiling it, quite possibly for the both of them, and she has family of her own to think of now. Plus, she genuinely believed Celestia wouldn't be understanding and would only drag her away from the life she had built for herself, utterly missing the point of why Luna had done it in the first place. Luna still loves and cares for Celestia, but she felt Celestia was inadvertently stifling her needs as an individual too much and could not be swayed away from it, so she chose to take matters into her own hooves, for her own benefit. In some ways, she didn't take joy in doing so, but she really felt at the time there wasn't a better alternative available to her...and perhaps there wasn't at the time, as according to Pietas, it didn't seem Celestia started coming around to Luna's side of things until after Nightmare Moon.
But again, that's all my interpretation of things. It's not the only one. You're free to interpret these characters and their actions on your own. That's largely the point.
No. I don't think this should get 'MOAR!'
As nice as the story is and ignoring the canon issues, it runs itself into the ground. Unless you plan on making/tying this into another series, this story is dead.