I'm sorry to say I only got 1/4 of the way through this chapter before I had to give up.
This story seems like it could have a lot of potential and there those who like it, however for me it feels like you have fallen into the trap of "over detailing" your story. Several paragraphs were essentially about the same thing and in one you described Rainbows feelings 3 times.
There is a lot of "fluff", filler words that don't need to be there.
I don't dislike the story, I just wasn't able to read it because of the over detailing.

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That's fine, I know I still have a lot to improve on, and over detailing is something of a habit of mine, since I don't want people to get confused about certain things (which paragraph was that I don't remember describing Rainbow's feelings 3 times at all)

Sorry I'm a real sucker for fluff, so I like to put quite a bit of it in my stories.

Again it's fine I know that not everyone will like my stories and I'm okay with that, thank you for commenting all the same and sharing your insight with me.

KillerChainsaw ;)

it's a Rarity to read a story like this... I like the perspective of Rarity being the more shy pony, as she is more elegant and posh. Good work on the details but I do like your dialogue the best

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Thank you, I'm glad you liked it, and I always have liked Rarity being the more shy one at certain times.

KillerChainsaw ;)