Chapter 32: Dragon’s Teeth
The midnight moon shined through the clouds from on high. It was enough light for Night Guards to maneuver through the garrison with ease, especially with the flickering torchlight for those less accustomed to working in the dark. Princess Luna, Captain Hawk, and First Lieutenant Lightning Chaser stood at the forefront of a tent swarmed with Night Guards, Royal Guardponies, and the occasional magus.
The princess, being easily a head taller than everypony else, caught the attention of Professor Incantus and Second Lieutenant Skylar. The pair approached the group. “Highness,” they said together in a formal greeting and bowed.
“Rise and report.”
Skylar was first. He had taken the time to gather his armor and looked well, but given the late hour, he looked dead on his hooves. “Sergeant Jetstream is missing, Highness.” He wheezed a sardonic laugh. “We’ve set up a ten kilometer grid and are expanding in concentric circles after every pass. His bunkmate was the last to see him and reported he left Jetstream alone at eighteen thirty hundred hours.”
The many milling guards parted around the trio with an unspoken courtesy and allowed her to approach a scullery maid being interrogated by a soldier bearing the rank of captain.
“The maid here,” Skylar jerked his head to the pony in question, “claims to have been sitting outside the adjacent tent until nineteen thirty hours before leaving. She claims to have been... er, “looking for a roll in the hay” as the soldiers came and went. According to her, Jetstream never left the tent for as long as she was present.”
Her interrogator left the mare. She eyed his rump as he left and licked her lips. Luna caught a whiff of an unmistakable spicy and musky scent. “Make sure this mare is discharged until her state of mind is no longer addled by carnal needs, second lieutenant. Can her testament be trusted?”
“I have no justifiable reason to doubt her. She kept a notebook with a few fantasies concerning the soldiers as well as some of their schedules. Her details, however hormonally misguided, are accurate. She even recorded the time she noticed the sergeant’s door was locked shut from the inside.”
“Elaborate.”
Skylar halted by the front door. Ponies continued to file in and out when they duties required. A pungent scent wafted from inside, causing Hawk’s second to look inside the open tent curiously. “Sergeant Jetstream’s door was left open when the bunkmate left. After an undetermined length of time, the scullery maid noticed that his door was locked from the inside. Well, locked is not quite accurate. All of these tent flaps are built to close with rope loops and bits of wood. While not particularly sturdy, they are built for privacy and protection from the elements. The tent stakes are also firmly in place, meaning he didn’t finagle under the tent either. In short, the sergeant shut the tent flap and didn’t leave for the maid’s stay. He is not inside, so he can’t be more than two hours in the wind.”
Luna narrowed her eyes. “The coward has fled? I do not believe you would ask me to come myself if this is everything pertaining to his treachery.” A shift in the wind brought more of the foul smell to their sensitive noses.
“Indeed, highness. I’ve checked the records; all of his gear is in secure storage, untouched. All of his personal effects are in this tent, also untouched. It was well past shift change, so he couldn’t have snuck out easily, and no one recalls seeing him anywhere. He’s up and vanished.” Skylar carelessly kicked a rock in mild irritation. It rolled uselessly before stopping next to a cart full of hay bales and the slight burst of adrenaline seemed to sap whatever remaining energy he possessed. His head hung low and he legs wobbled before he regained the energy to remain standing.
The charcoal grey coat of Hexxus Incantus stepped forward and adjusted his glasses. With a disheveled mane, unkempt coat and fur, and bloodshot eyes, he looked even worse for wear than Skylar in terms of fatigue. He adjusted the black cloak identifying him as a Council member, better wrapping it around his pudgier abdomen to better provide warmth. “I do suppose this is where I come in. Please, Highness, step inside.”
Upon hearing that title, the magi and soldiers inside the tent filled out. Skylar joined Hawk, Hexxus, Lightning, and Luna and together they walked inside while Hawk and Lightning parted the tent flaps for their charge. The foul odor hit them in full. Hexxus sneezed. “Bless you,” Skylar said. “That’s a foul stench no matter how many times I smell it. We’re not quite sure why it’s in the air.”
“I have already requested the resources and ponypower necessary to analyze vapor samples.” He sneezed again. The caustic air had been stagnant until it was disturbed by those looking for the wayward sergeant. “It smells like somepony had some rotten eggs sitting around for a couple days.”
“Foul indeed,” Hawk agreed. “Some type of alchemy?”
“Sulfur,” Lightning corrected. She sniffed the air and nodded, confirming some unvoiced suspicion. “Scent’s too sharp. Maybe mixed with niter. Unless...” She sniffed the air a few more times and her ears perked in surprise. “No, just sulfur.” There was something odd in the way her eyes shifted as she started searching the tent. Insignificant, seemingly normal, objects caught her eye: the beds, the nightstand, the grass. She blinked, squinted at the bunkmate’s bed, and smiled.
A typical officer tent, it contained little other than a bed, dresser, and cabinet for a pair of officers. An envelope was half hazardly splayed on the nightstand, but the room was otherwise kept clean.
Nothing was out of the ordinary. Except that every blade of grass was blackened and dead. The devastated flora crunch and crumbled to dust under their hooves. Crushed grass marked the past paths of guards and magi as they came and went. “I haven’t had much time to investigate, but what I have has only asked more questions than answers, not that there was much to discover to begin with.” Hexxus sighed. For the first time since he arrived, Luna could see the toll stress had done to the stallion. Already well into his fifties, age and duty had weighed on him before, and the endless supply of mysteries and danger throughout the past week had done little to ease the burden.
Hexxus shook his head and his face became one of impassive professionalism, brightening his once downtrodden demeanor. His lips curved as if he heard some unspoken joke. “That awful stench has its source in this tent, but we can’t find anything capable of producing it. Whatever did, I assume it is now gone as the smell is noticeably lighter than it was once we first entered. We can only guess that it killed the grass in the process, but that is nothing but baseless conjecture.
“The only other thing of note is the good Sir Skylar interviewed the chap who bunked with Jetstream and he said this was not here when he left. Now the dead grass is by no means dangerous or anomalous, but the fact prevails that it wasn’t here before and it no longer contains any residual bacterial life. In addition, we can find no normal signs of fire, which is what looked like killed the grass, but there are no usual signs of a fire like smoke damage. I cannot even discern why the damage does not extend beyond the tent.”
“Hmmm?” Lightning hummed, looking over the whole tent in a calculated search. As the mare was a seasoned tracker and investigator, the detail was absorbed into her mind like a sponge. “Magic?” Her eyes scanned over the tent once again, looking for something.
“You will have to explain this to me, professor,” Luna said.
“As you wish, princess. And I don’t know just yet, first lieutenant. All soil contains varying degrees of life; bugs, worms, or simple soil bacteria live in just about everything. What we have here is completely dead. Preliminary samples contain no life whatsoever, not even fledgling seeds for grass. Now this can very rarely occur in nature, but this is rural farming ground that just suffered through a week of rain. There should be something. There just isn’t.” Hexxus through his hooves up in exasperation. “It would be interesting if I could think of a possible reason why it’s here. I can detect no recognizable magic and I don’t see how this in anyway relates to your missing escaped pony, and that is all I have to offer at the moment.”
“Very well, you two. Continue your investigations as necessary. You both will receive all available funding and resources needed to assist in Sergeant Jetstream’s capture,” Luna said. The pair bowed in thanks.
“If I may?” Lightning asked Hawk. He in turn gave Luna a questioning look, who nodded. Lightning walked forward, twitching her bat wings in delight at being able to begin a hunt. Hawk ran a hoof through his silver mane and sighed; she would never change.
Lightning approached Jetstream’s bed and made another visual sweep. She started sniffing his bed, looking for anything out of the ordinary. She picked at the sheets for any hairs or particulates, then started examining the stitching. Done with that, she wormed her way under his bed.
“Ah, thought so,” she exclaimed in triumph.
“What is it?” Skylar asked, surprised that he missed something in evidence collection.
“Stop talking. It’s distracting.” Wiggling out, they could see something that looked like plastic in her teeth. She set that on Jetstream’s bed for evidence collection.
“Wh – ”
“Stop that. Stop thinking.”
Her next target was the nightstand between the beds. Her eyes marked a scuff mark at the base, and moved onto the letter. She held it as if it were a viper and gave it the usual scrutiny. Paper type, ink, address, name, strokes, all absorbed with an eidetic memory. Taking the letter subpoenaing the missing sergeant out of the envelope, she examined it for a few seconds before placing it back inside.
Finished with that, she started on the dead grass, but something caught her eye halfway through her examination. The four waited as she laid prone on the ground, examining something they couldn’t see. She rose and walked out of the tent, returning a moment later with a vial and a glass small glass slide. She scooped some thick but minute traces of gray powder into both and set them onto bed. Returning to her work, she slid the garbage pail out of her way and continued examining the grass. Skylar and Hexxus winced in disgust as she cautiously dug out a small sample of dirt and licked it.
The bunkmate’s bed was next and subject to a similar peculiar exam. Eyes level with the sheets, something had once again caught her attention. For a second time, she exited the tent and brought an item for evidence collection, this time a full water bottle and an evidence bag. She plucked something from the bunkmate’s bed, sealed the bag, and set both on Jetstream’s bed.
“Bring the bunkmate in, will you?” she asked Skylar without looking. Skylar, having been ordered not to talk, eyed Hawk questioningly. He nodded, Skylar sighed, and walked off to fetch the other soldier.
Lightning walked toward the bunkmate’s empty bed and put her cheek against the covers. She spread her hooves out slowly in both directions, eyes closed. The remaining trio just looked on and let the strange mare be.
At that moment, Skylar’s burly form escorted in another soldier. This one looked like most Royal Guardpony pegasi, except he had a splotch of chocolate brown fur over his muzzle. He looked confused at being inside the tent and reeked of alcohol.
“He’s not...” she began, but trailed off. She got off the bed and approached the stallion.
“I, uh...” He started babbling incoherently before she silenced him with a hoof to his mouth. She put her other hoof on his head and turned him so he was looking at Skylar to his right. Without any warning, Lightning leaned forward and licked his neck.
Red blossomed across his head and neck faster than dye spread on cloth. “Hey, hey, hey!” Lightning let go and his eyes went wide with shock. “Let me buy you a drink first before we get to that stage.”
“I don’t need him anymore. He can go.” Lightning turned without looking at him and walked away. The stallion withered under the cold shoulder, his alcohol-induced confidence shriveling with every step she took away from him. With a smile and a snigger, Sylar escorted him out. The stallion walked gingerly, as her inexplicable and deeply personal action had caused more than his indignation to rise.
“I hope,” Hawk began, a smile also on his lips, “that lick will produce something a little more fruitful than a cold shower for a poor stallion.”
“I needed to taste his scent to better rule out which was his. And I’m not that exploitative.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Only when it is necessary.”
“Only when you can get away with it.”
“You have nothing on me if I can prove sexual harassment was necessary to solve a pertinent case.”
“The courts will disagree, especially after I tell them about what happened at the Night Court last year.”
“You try telling them why I needed Blueblood alone with a lizard.”
Hawk laughed, the noise deep and throaty. Luna smirked, clearly in on the joke, while Hexxus and Skylar only looked on, confused. Lightning saw their bewilderment and said, “I’m not telling them if you’re not, captain.”
“Agreed. It’s caused us enough paperwork already. Although, he was a lot more amiable afterwards...”
“While reminiscing has proved enjoyable,” Luna interrupted, “bigger concerns lie ahead. Please continue, Ms. Chaser.”
Lightning did just that. She spread herself across the bed once again, sniffing occasionally. After nodding her head in confirmation, she moved away form the beds and opened both Jetstream’s and the bunkmate’s dressers. There were small, compact things, hardly capable of holding more than the most basic clothes like shirts and doublets for underarmour protection. She started sniffing random garments, taking in the scents of both soldiers in order to discern them from each other. She found a picture in Jetstream’s dresser. A stallion with a scar under his chin sat and smiled gleefully with a little gray filly with a silver mane. The pair were underneath a large oak tree in the middle of some field, but both participants expressed the happiness and delight associated with a familiar place and happy memory.
She put the photo away and moved towards the trash bin. It contained the usual miscellaneous paper, debris, and trash one would expect. She extracted one item in particular: a single cigar just barely used. “There you are...”
“You act as if you expected it to be here,” Hexxus commented before sealing his lips tight in remembrance of her warning.
“I did. You can smell a hint of the smoke in the air and on the sheets. You were looking so hard for the source of the sulfur, you didn’t smell what else was in the air. I smelt it before I even came in.” She put the cigar with the evidence. In one final odd act, she licked the sheets on both beds, tasting the scent.
“Okay, let’s see what we got.” Taking the water bottle, she used the liquid inside like a lens to examine the gray powder.
“We have microscopes and magnifying glasses if you need them.”
“Too tedious,” she responded. She put both down before lifting up the cigar. She sniffed the tip before removing some of the filling and eating it.
“Sweet, Celestia, what are you doing?” Skylar exclaimed. “That’s evidence, you foolish mare! It might even be poisoned!”
Lightning blinked and stared at him. Although he was second in command of the base, she still outranked him. She stared at him for a few more moments before he broke the silence. “Well, say something!”
“I was waiting for you to discover how stupid your comment was.”
“Lightning...” Hawk warned.
“Pffft. If somepony used poison, the horny maid would have seen a pony carrying his carcass away. Since there was an anti teleportation bubble placed over the entire base since the discovery of the Farlander’s ability to teleport, that rules out a unicorn blinking in and out of the tent with him. Either way, nopony saw anyone strolling off with an unusually large burlap sack shaped like a pony. And the reason why I can do what I wish is because there’s no pony better than me.”
She sniffed. “Plus, awful waste of a good Highlands brand.”
“You can tell the difference by taste alone?” Hexxus asked, amazed.
She rolled her eyes in exasperation. Hawk glared at her with an unspoken demand to behave herself. “Yes, I can. I smoked as many cigars as I could over the course of a year, one a day, and examined the ashes of every one.” Hexxus and Skylar both blanched. “This is a Griffin Highlands brands produced somewhere between five to seven years to go. The Highlands have a higher alkali content in the soil that makes it taste saltier and the type of ashes confirm it.” She pointed at the gray powder. “I got the year because the Highlands pulled an exceptionally good crop then, but high rains reduced the quality for the next three years. This is a good one.”
The pair stared at her with mouths open. “I’m curious as to how long it would take you to discover this without me. Ignorance must be bliss.”
Lightning continued with one more piece of evidence, the bag that turned out to be nothing but white hairs. She turned on a desk lamp and examined the follicles under better light. Removing one from the bag, she gave a brief sniff before putting it back. “Okay, I believe that’s everything.”
“So, first lieutenant, to where did the cur flee?” Luna asked. Luna could feel her muscles tensing again and again.
Lightning licked her lips. “I haven’t the faintest clue, princess. I think the better question is whether or not he was murdered.”
That caused a stir. Hexxus cast a spell to halt sound from carrying out of the room and Hawk was the first to start grilling the tracker. “There better be good reason for this accusation, Lightning.”
“I said better question. I’m still not sure,” she defended herself. “I’ll start from the top. I’m certain the maid’s and the bunkmate’s testimony accurately conveyed events, at least everything else corroborates their story.” She sat down, crunching grass under her rump; it was going to be a long explanation. “The maid claims the sergeant did not physically leave the tent for as long as she left.”
Hawk noticed the choice of words. Given his company, he’d had a lot of practice. “”Claimed?” You said you were certain she is correct.”
“I said she claimed he did not physically leave. Let me finish, please. The timelines fit, but too many things don’t add up. The only thing for certain is that he was here at eighteen thirty hours. The only thing the maid’s testimony proves is that he did not physically leave until nineteen thirty hours, and I am growing more and more certain that whatever happened to him happened before she left.
“After the bunkmate left, that’s when things get fuzzy. What I don’t understand is why Sergeant Jetstream started lying on the bunkmate’s bed. Those hairs,” she nodded towards the bag on the bed, “are his. His scent and sweat is all over it. I needed the bunkmate here to rule out which scent was his in case somepony else was in here. Getting it from the source is the best way, despite alcohol tainting his scent and amateurs contaminating the evidence. So far, the only scents on the bed are from the two of them, with the sergeant’s scent being far stronger than it should be in cramped quarters.
“What I can’t make sense of is why he was in the bunkmate’s bed. The scent and the ashes on that side of the tent confirm Jetstream was on his bunkmate’s bed for a lengthy amount of time. Why? He’s got his own bed.
“I found the cigar plastic wrap under Jetstream’s bed. Little shreds of plastic caught in the box spring confirm the cigar as his and he hid it under his own bed due to it being contraband. Considering he stayed on the bunkmate’s bed and that there are no sweat stains on his own, I conclude something else was indeed in here.”
“Wait, wait, wait... you just said no pony came or left,” Hexxus said. “How is that possible? It is a paradox, unless Jetstream left after the maid did.”
“What time did you and Skylar get here?”
“Twenty hundred hours. Why?”
“I severely doubt he managed to chat with a guest and escape in a half hour window of opportunity with a garrison looking for him.”
“I believe you said something,” Luna said. “Not somepony, something.”
“Considering the cigar and the lack of any other scents, yes. I think something was in here with him in the hour between when the bunkmate left and when the professor and second lieutenant arrived. Why else would he sit in a bed that is not his and not even finish a cigar that’s three hundred bits a box? If he was going to be leaving, why smoke...” she looked at the cigar, “about five minutes of a cigar and throw it in the garbage? Why not take it with him? Why not take the bag of bits he has in the back of his dresser? Because he was busy with other things on his mind.
“Why smoke the cigar? The room is immaculate and all the clothes are folded according to what we are taught in boot camp. Why a sudden inclination to smoke and roast the local flora? Not doing so would provide less evidence.
“Why not go AWOL immediately after his secret was out instead of waiting several hours? He would have had plenty of time to leave once he got word the Miner was moving underground. Being temporarily suspended, no one would have questioned him going into town and disappearing into a coach or into the forest. He had every reason to leave as soon as possible.
“The only variables that I cannot explain are the grass and the sulphur smell, but I see no other reason why he would use a bed that is not his own and sweat like he was being threatened at knife point. Something else had to be in here with him doing exactly that. Our assumption has always been Jetstream threatened the Miner for some reason. That never sat well with me. What reason? Why? There’s nothing to gain. I’m starting to believe more happened down in those caves than we know. I think he smoked that cigar not because he had a craving, but because something else was in here with him, the organ grinder to Jetstream’s monkey. He needed to settle his nerves... Or he knew he was about to die...”
“He... in an interview, he once said he felt like his head was full of holes. Like his memory was chopped to pieces and stitched together...” Skylar’s voice was rattled with solemn horror. “I thought it was just nerves and selective amnesia...”
Luna and Hawk’s eyes were wide. The implications were terrible, and the ramifications were equally great if the truth got out. A murder right in the middle of a garrison? On a pony who was already under investigation?
“What do we do? What do we say?” Hexxus was completely lost, unable to comprehend an answer to anything.
“Continue as we were,” Luna declared to them all. “Until we have answers, Jetstream is wanted for question on the assault, battery, and intimidation of the Miner. Despite the evidence, it is naught but suggestive and circumstantial. Until we have answers, real answers...”
Luna’s eyes hardened. They needed to know, especially if the case was related. “In case it is, there is something that needs to be addressed. Listen carefully. I must tell you about an entity named Herobrine...”
A iron-gray squirrel lodged deep in the Everfree Forest burrowed at the base of a great and twisted beech tree. A hidden test of hazelnut and walnuts was buried under several layers of old leaves and carefully placed bark. The forest, especially this forest, was a dangerous place to live. It was best to have little stores of food to matter who or what you were.
It stuffed his cheeks full of as many nuts as he could fit, along with a few in his arm for good measure. Eyes open and ears alert, the squirrel carefully climbed up the nearest tree. It placed its claws on the bark that would not bend or break so easily. Doing otherwise would no doubt leave marks for larger, more dangerous predators to follow.
The squirrel had learned from others of its kind and fellow scavengers that safety and fear were necessary in order to survive in such a dangerous and violent place. The darkness of night blanketed the forest. Darkness never left the forest, even if the full moon or shining sun were at their zenith in the sky. Leafy overhangs always concealed the sky. Even under the most searing, burning heat, there were stretches of the forest that never saw the light of day. Some monsters woke up in the dark, but some also fell asleep.
The rodent knew the risks of venturing out at night, but it also knew that the monsters that prowled in the darkness were big and ignored the smaller creatures of the evergreens. Fear and caution were always necessary, just in case. Once, far in the past as its ancestors recalled, large quadrupedal animals lived in the forest. Legends existed of their multihued bodies –
It ducked its furred body close to the tree, clinging to the shadows close to the tree’s heart. A flock of several massive eagles dove through branches and hanging vines. Some of those vines drew close to the avians as they passed, but quietly returned to their respective places as they scattered and flew. Finding a hole in the canopy, the eagles rushed through it and out of sight.
The forest was quiet. That was a bad, very bad, portent; it was a paradoxical antithesis to the very nature of the Everfree Forest. Trees, vales, cliffs, and canyons were vibrant and filled with some kind of life, yet the omnipresent silence of the nocturnal denizens hinted at something terrible: they were all listening for something even worse than them.
Something stampeded through the forest undergrowth, crushing ferns and rotted stumps in its wake. Focusing its recently acquired night vision, the squirrel saw a herd of elk. Their large horns scraped against trees and each other. One buck accidentally smacked the broad side of his rack against the tree and flailed to his back as it threw him off balance. The buck stumbled to his feet and trailed after his companions.
Silence crossed the forest once again, and this made the squirrell truly afraid. It could hear other, bigger creatures fleeing into the forest, creatures a lot bigger and stronger than elk or giant eagles. Something worse was near.
The light dimmed and ate at the ambient moonlight leaking through the canopy. A wave of black started eating everything else hugging closer to the ground, the moss, lichens, stone, and extraneous plant life. It was higher up in the trees, but the eerie blackness sparkled with light and moved with a mind of its own.
Peering around a knot, it looked down for a better look at the forest floor. Everything was covered in waves of darkness, except for a lone figure. It was tall, but not nearly as big as most monsters. A manticore might need to take two bites to devour it, but there was something... wrong with the creature. Old instincts never forgotten through countless generations demanded activation of that age-old compulsion: fight or flight? Its hair stood on end, wary and fearful of the creature below.
It knelt and placed a limb against the mossy undergrowth. The darkness parted by unspoken command and yielded access to the soft loam. A soft thrumming haunted the air, an ancient and forgotten call unheard of since time immemorial. The creature was saying something, but so soft that nothing close could hear it. Underneath its palms, earthworms and grubs rose to the surface and fled in terror. The thrumming grew stronger into a steady pulse that beat to some eldritch heart. The rodent couldn’t help but watch in awe and horror. Something terrible was about to happen, something incredible, but terrible all the same. The siren call of chaos and death demanded tribute as the underground vermin fled.
Black, putrid filth leaked from the creature’s body and into the earth. Globules suffocated and destroyed whatever poor creatures the deathly ooze touched. It leached into the ground and water table, poisoning the earth and destroying the flora.
The ground shifted.
From within the depths of the poisoned earth, something new arose, begotten by old magic. Underneath the dark fog writhed the tormented souls of servants to a dark and angry god. It moved and pulsed in tune with the heartbeat.
“Uuuuuuaghhhh...”
Something groaned from within the squalid cradle. Out of the ground burst a limb topped with a quintet of digits. One finger hung off a an angle clearly broken. The arm was stained with the browns and blacks of earth, along with the effluvium secreted by the creature. The second creature lurched out of the ground in an uncoordinated heap. It was another bipedal creature very much like the first, only this one had skin splashed with red, green and white. It looked like it had died a dozen times before being born again from darkness and evil.
The air was cut by a loud, raspy hiss. A gargantuan, black creature descended through the open canopy. It was jet black and profusely excreting the same toxic sludge that birthed the dead creature, only this one was nothing but a fleshy ribcage topped by a trio of shrunken, sunken skulls. Black flesh clung to the the creature, some of it hanging off in meaty lumps. One of the heads hissed a sound akin to the final cry of a dying basilisk. The squirrel had rumors that the mountains were haunted by a creature made from darkness and shadows, but it never thought it was true. Even the mere sight of the creature made it relieve itself in fear; the image of three bodies melted into a solid, tormented body would give anything nightmares for months.
It glided behind the kneeling biped on a nonexistent wind and waited. It made the occasional death rattle but was otherwise silent. The same was true for the rotten biped. It was hunched as if wounded, but it waited on the kneeling creature as a lion tended to the pack leader.
More limbs burst from the ground. Some were many, distended, and hairy, while others clanked and rattled. Monsters. It was breeding and growing monsters. The field was alive with movement and cacophonous din. Moan, groans and cries pierced the air, the earth gaped and shadows split, revealing dozens, if not hundreds, of suffering faces.
Rather than watch the hell before it grow, the squirrel dropped everything and ran. It was beautiful. It could not help it, but the chaos held something gorgeous and wonderful, and fantastically terrifying. It ran and never looked back. Every step was an attempt to bury the images of the dead bodies, the floating corpse amalgamation, and the creature that was more monster than flesh. It needed to be stopped. The rodent had occasionally heard stories of a healer at the farthest edge of the forest with the power over all animals. Maybe, just maybe, that healer could help.
From branch to branch it ran from the creature kneeling in studious work. Little did the squirrel know the source of the creature’s motives. A god had challenged it and lived. Its role and intent had finally been revealed. Perhaps something a little more... drastic was in order. Freedom required a price, after all, a sacrifice. A hand clutched to its chest and wrapped around a chain binding itself.
Freedom... oh, sweet freedom. An eternity of darkness and sleep, of emptiness so vast that even the emptiness itself would birth life. It was enough to drive anything to desperation. Freedom. It was so close, oh so close, just a little bit farther...
One by one, monsters rose from the earth at their master’s beckoning call.
Minecraft/MLP:FIM crossover
For chapter updates and my ramblings, visit my page on Fimfiction HERE.
Chapter Commentary: LINK
Edited by: Cor Thunder, Material Defender, Retsamoreh
Right when I wanted to go to bed. I always thought that was just a saying used by everyone here....Oh well
Edit:
Interesting chapter, I like where this is going. Looks like we will get some action soon!
Oh my gosh... You updated this right after my birthday... AWESOME
Sweet Mother of Possibly Non-Existent GOD. I love this story
/gamerule doMobSpawning true
We're doomed.
Dear god, its the story of Notch and Herobrine......... I never thought id see this relic live...... i wonder, Journeyman, did you use mind control tech to pry the story out of my mind? I had a similar story to the one you described, a god rising up against Herobrine and defeating him. But the way your describing it............ Its a story for another time. Anyway I'd like to congratulate you on starting what i like to call the death or glory march of the story. The evil force is rising an army and now the hero's have to attack their base/ Defend their location. This is gonna be one hell of a story! I cant wait! I'm giving you a rating I've never before used: SIXUUU Mustachuuus!
Ps. you really should try to not do the old boring "Ohh if we destroy their relic then we win! " situation. When i see minecraft in pony land, like you agreed to, we expect a boss battle (not to be pushy, Its your choice) Good luck!!!!! :)
Oh my. Looks the Miner's work is cut out for him. Time to don the Diamond armor and weapons, and rush to meet this new foes. And with the Maine Six by his side, along with the forces of the Sun and Moon, this will bed a battle of epic proportions. Look out Equestria, your fate is at hand.
Anyway, holy shit! That was awesome. Can't wait for more, definitely going to be an impressive fight.
I do have to wonder though, how will the Miner play into this, because aside from his crafting powers, he's not magical in the sense like Twilight and of course Herobrine. the most magical thing he can do is make portals, and create potions, which aren't really helpful in this kind of situation. Although, I bet that potion of quickness( or was it speed?) will come in handy.
Aside from that, I don't have anything else to say. Can't wait for more.
Is the number of creatures going to be like the normal minecraft spawnage rate, or will it just be a massive army of mobs?
The beginning didn't seem well put together, in terms of stage setting and character placement. That becomes particularly bothersome when the investigation team is moving about, and Lightning starts snaking around everywhere. For instance, when they took the bunkmate away:
I know he was suppose to be drunk, but when was it ever mentioned he was on his knees?
Also, why is he plastered to begin with? Did he hit the bottle hard when he heard his bunkmate was missing and under suspicion? Otherwise, it seems weird that a military base tasked with guarding an extraterrestrial and a giant unknown portal would be staffed with such careless personnel (same thought goes for the nurse).
Something I didn't care for at all was the pointless tangent of the past awkward encounter with Blueblood. I was baffled why these professional investigators would come to a screeching halt in the midst of a case, on the fresh scene of the crime, to go on and on about something so trivial. And as a reader, it did absolutely nothing for me. I couldn't give a rat's ass about coy teasing that I've seen written better in more appropriate settings. I was enraptured with how Lightning, this fascinating character, would stun me with her talents, and take the Equestrian forces one step closer in deducing that they are pawns in a game of the gods. That sounds much more significant, don't you agree?
Setting up the animal point of view in the forest was done very well. Perhaps too well. The immersion kept breaking as I kept scratching my head, pondering why this small timid rodent doesn't run think about running like hell when it notices all other life in the forest doing so. It doesn't even take evasive action until after the presence of pure evil steps forward (which we've established is disturbing enough to make ponies wet themselves), the entity of nonexistence bubbles up behind it, and the first batch of zombies pops out of the ground!
This last is a smaller gripe I've mentioned before, but it would strengthen the tension to clarify just how far the Everfree Forest spans. I can't help but wonder how the ponies haven't picked up on the oncoming apocalypse beast. In the previous chapter you introduced it, you made it seem more devastating than Deathwing's cataclysm.
This is coming from a WoW fanboy.
Isn't Ponyville and the Everfree Forest visible from Canterlot? How much closer does the tide of darkness need to approach?
Okay, time for answers and stuff. I'll tell you all right now I've driven about 250 miles and gone through four hours of classes. I'm exhausted, so If I sound a little testy, I apologize. It's not intentional.
3180997
Sorry, just some random name I conjured.
3180457
Well happy birthday!
3181552
He's gonna keep spawning them until he's done. It's why he selected a darker portion of the forest, as some of the monsters burst into flames upon contact with sunlight.
3181756
Nice, good, long criticism. Awesome. Upvoted.
That first part was rewritten to not make it seem so silly. I guess I missed a piece.
As for why he was drunk, his bunkmate says in the last chapter he was going to the local Ponyville pub to start drinking. They have shifts just like everything else, along with down time. Jetstream didn't want to go with him. That was about six o'clock, and it's currently midnight as the start stated. He's had several hours to start drinking.
Blueblood was me trying to experiment. If there are two things I am bad at, one is character development, the other is being funny. It was a little test to see how well I could do the latter. It never really set well with me, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Why didn't the rodent leave? Why do people stare at train wrecks? Why do reporters go to dangerous lands where their safety is in question? People have a fascination with the horrible, even though it should inspire so much fear they should run away screaming. Yet they stay, their body frozen because what they see conjures so many new unexpected emotions it takes them completely off guard. Given that the animals display baseline intelligence, I saw fit to ascribe the same behavior to them.
Between your last two questions, I'll answer your last question first. So far, the Void Fog that surrounds him sticks very close to him. Very close. The reason why they haven't noticed it is because he id deep into the Everfree Forest, a place that has long stated to be vast and supported by the fact the deciduous trees inside are decades old judging by sight alone. He wormed himself in deep, and given that Zecora's hut is estimated to be less than an hour into the forest, his location is well hidden as the trees cover most of the canopy and grow quite large.
Lastly, they do know. At the end of the Pony's portion, Luna tells his top staff about him and what she saw. It's mentioned in passing at the cut and is explained off screen, but it does occur. I've already stated Twilight has the same clearance as any of them in the Ponyville Think Tank chapter, so she'll know soon enough as it is.
If you are referring to an exact location, Luna didn't meet him in person. She broke into the Crafter's mind and accidentally called him in her attempt to fix some mental damage she found. It was a mental battle, not a physical one. There were no battle scars, as no physical blows were traded.
3180629
See, once you become a writer, you are granted a magic glowing crystal that speaks with the voice of a thousand climaxing angels. It grants you the power to see into the future, which I did so and glanced into your mind from early 2012 when I made this story. I apologize for my abuse of the laws of reality
No god in the machine just yet. We're in the clear.
Otherwise, thanks for the praise! Strange as it sounds, I still have a ways to go, another 20 chapters is my guess is right. Seven more chapters until the end of act two, five for the finale, and the rest because I like to aim high because I can never get the exact number right.
3181194
Here's a question to tickle your fancy: why do they look alike?
What he can do is fight monsters and create artifacts at an alarming rate. I actually touch upon how impactful his powers can be to Equestria as a whole in the next chapter. Imagine if Equestrians can duplicate his abilities.
But fighting monsters. That's the important part. It's not as if Minecraft monsters are in Eques–Oh wait.....
3180590
Don't you just hate it when Herobrine breaks into your game and turns on spawnstack?
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/078/9/b/minecraft_creepers_by_darkwolf44-d3bymhv.jpg
3180518
Who's your god now?
th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2011/227/d/7/herobrine_apears_by_duskbladewolf-d46nwb5.png
The highlight of the chapter was definitely Lightning's awesome analytical and detective skills. She seems like the type of investigator who lives for the challenge of cracking a tough case. Hopefully we will see more of her in future chapters, she seems interesting
Also I can definitely relate to that poor squirrel. Nothing is more terrifying than hiking through the woods, and having the ambient forest sounds abruptly go silent (O_o)
This got really serious.
I could have been happy with a simple little slice of life work.
I was not expecting something of this magnitude.
I only have a few choice words for this.
Let the Games... Begin.
3182206 Also, what the fuck Crafter? Who is stupid enough to only carry ONE sword with them on adventures? I stuff half my inventory with swords whenever I go on an adventure.
3182212
Recall, he was returning to base. Of course your supplies are low when you are going to resupply and drop of your collected junk.
3182223 True true...
I guess he's gonna be making himself a new sword soon, right? I mean, he's got some iron and sticks.
The legions are mustered, the fallen god revealed. The time for shadows is over, yet no-one knows fully what is in store. So begins the end.
Brace yourselves.
War is coming.
3182037 Hm...Well, seeing as both the Miner and Herobrine look the same, I'm guessing that the miner will have something to do with his downfall, or will have to do some kind of sacrifice to stop Herobrine.
Anyway, can't wait for more(I say that a lot don't I...).
Oh...crap. Folks...things are about to get bad. Really, really, REALLY bad!
The beginning of a gruesome and horrifying war is coming and the Equestrians better be ready. Because its only going to get much worse from here on out.
Here's hoping that the Crafter has what he needs to aid this world in defending it against a being that hundreds of thousands of sentient beings truly fear.
Anyway, really good chapter, and I'm anxious for next one.
~ Super-Brony12
The Doctor would do something clever, like reengineer the portal's wave function to draw all things touched with 'malevolinium' (the element which composes all evil) back into the Void realm forever...
... or until they're needed for another episode.
Welp. The Wither and zombie hordes. Somebody pass me my Diamond Sword of Sharpness V and Infinity I Bow, time to go to work.
This is quite the fun story to read. And now I want to actually recreate this future fight of Miner vs Horde in Minecraft. I've always loved one vs the masses.
Wellllllll shit. the wither boss and monsters. Hope the crafter is up for a challenge
3182228
Dude fuck the iron remember that the crafter has a shit load of diamonds
3184129 Yeah, all the diamonds and all the armor!
Miner, I reccomend full diamond gear
3185327 I know who that guy on your profile pic is, I just can't remember the anime's name.
Well, what is he called... Train chaser? Something like that, and believe me when I say that I did indeed Smile (HD) during that entire anime.
This is all I got to say.... mommy!
3185339
Not quite. It's a web original character from the SCP Foundation. I can't write his name, as it is that of an A major chord played on a ukelele. No, seriously.
3184007
Ha ha ha! That would be cool to see. There would be some pretty epic lag, but that would one of the most epic fights ever.
3183230
The Doctor? As awesome as that would be, I like to avoid even passing jokes involving characters like him because they open up a can of worms so large that it would implode the story under its own density. Once I bring in the Doctor, there would be no chance. Plus, last time I included him in a story I kind of killed everyone.
3182684
Yeah...... this is where things are going to get darker. This is where it earns that dark tag. This isn't going to be pretty, especially because there are not one but six targets in Ponyville. If one falls... game over.
3182277
Yes, war is coming, but although the fallen god is gathering his forces, the broken king has one card left to play.
3182075
I hate to say it... but it's going to get worse. You think I've built the suspense now, just wait for the next three chapters.
3182046
I do like her. perhaps when this is all said and done with i can make some stories about her. Given that she was modeled after Sherlock Holmes' own distinctive and somewhat crude traits, she is perhaps the most interesting of the characters I have written.
Yes, I thought about having some great cacophonous horde preceding Era'doth/Herobrine's appearance, bu the use of complete silence seemed to ratchet up the creepy to the desired levels. And then the heartbeat came.
3185647
Now that you've said it, they know where you are!
I suggest full quantum armor, a hyperkinetic lens, an archangel's smite, and a fully charged klien star. Normally that's overkill, but I think this is an exception. A full modular power suit with diamond plate and a sword of the zephyr with repair enchantments will also work.
Run mr Squirrel run! Warn Fluttershy before its too late!
3186328 Don't forget your nano saber.
3185746 I'm just assuming all the ponies in the story are already bucked. It has really stopped being about them and is just about some little bugs flailing around under the feet of the Uber Gods, trying not to get squished.
It wouldn't shock me at all if they all died, because really, they don't stand a chance unless somebody finds a major deux ex. Even Miner is pretty much useless as he's just a construct, and thus should be able to be easily 'deconstructed'. His relevance has plumetted in these last couple chapters.
I'm serious, the tone, scope, and focus have shifted tremendously. As it is now, the ponies should never have had a presence from the start to maintain a central continuity.
They just seem to be in the way.
I'm not even sure what the point of view is anymore. We're now getting entire chapters that feature brand new characters (such as Zombie Death God) and NOTHING else. It's exceedingly jarring.
This reminds me of two of the problems of "The Phantom Menace": a lack of adherence to a central theme and a wandering tone. At the end of the movie, you really had no idea who the main characters were, or what the central theme was. This started out focusing on Miner and took a VERY long time introducing him to the ponies. It even spent an inordinant amount of time re-telling the same chapters from another character's point of view!
And we all thought, "Ok, crossover where a character from one story gets to know the world of ponies and fight off a big bad from that world." The story began clearly in the format of a character arc/adventure-discovery genre. But then the 'gods' began showing up, the perspectives began to shift more and more towards what they were doing/thinking, and it pretty much made everything that happened previously became a big waste of written space.
Jetstream's chapter, for instance, is only used from a practical standpoint as the 'info-dump'. As a character, he has virtually no presence until that time other than as a warm body for one of the villains to play with. Suddenly, we need insight into who he is and why we need to feel sad for him, after an entire story where for most of it he was possessed and we only saw glimpses of him even at that. If we were going to think of him as a 'person', we needed more from him a whole lot sooner.
If everything is just going to lead up to a bunch of mega-powerful Cthulhu-like entities slugging it out and every pony ending up useless, why did all the minor characters have so much screen time?
For an analogy, this would be similar to telling the first half of "The Lion King" from Timon and Pumba's POV (re-telling many scenes from both POVs, in fact), and then abruptly going to Simba's and Scar's for the rest, as well as including an odd scene or two from the gathering storm's perspective and one from a zebra the lions ate.
3185746
And we can't forget the "mere mortals" aren't exactly empty-hoofed either.
Nobody will make it through this unbloodied!
3186745
There's a discernible problem among many fanfics that see threats against people/nations/customs/worlds/realities/etc. as a very black and white ground. There is no or very little gray area, with the exception of Pyrrhic victories but I personally haven't seen too many of them.
I've seen you in several other fanfics commenting about similar things. It's made you jaded and blind to what's going on in my story. You see Herobrine as an unstoppable juggernaut when I've revealed several flaws in his strategies and personality. You see his strength only in raw power. If he has greater power, he should win. Why not? He's stronger. Strangely enough, he thinks the very same. You two are a lot alike. He has several fatal flaws you do not see.
He doesn't believe anyone other than an alicorn is any threat to him. He does not consider strategies other than using raw strength to overcome his enemies, believing his own strengths and powers suitable enough to overcome any physical attack. He has become so consumed with the desire to free himself that he's blinded himself to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he can be hurt. The seal on his body is there, so obviously he can be imprisoned, or as Brimstone put it, returned to an eternal sleep. Lastly, Brimstone is working tooth and nail against Herobrine, and he knows the god far better than anyone. How could Herobrine possibly make the mistake of letting him live if they've encountered each other in the past? It's his pride. Brimstone alone, with his knowledge, is the single greatest advantage the ponies have.
I'm not Rorschach. I see the shades of gray. Herbrine, although a god, was beaten once and therefore has the chance to be beaten again. Brimstone, although fighting the good fight, has let his blind hatred turn him into a different kind of evil. The Crafter, alone forever, has made friends and fears losing them.
As for the Crafter, I'm not even there yet. His role in the story has yet to be explained, but always hinted: why was he pushed into the portal? It's not a valid assumption to deem him valueless without holding all the variables, the biggest being, as you noticed, why Brimstone keeps calling him a construct.
He is far more important than you realize, as are the ponies. Each side holds half the key. The ponies hold the piece of the puzzle that frees Herobrine forever, while the Crafter still holds the greatest secret of them all. It's not about who lives and who dies, it's not even about who is the main character. It's about a guy being alone since time immemorial finally meeting another soul. It's about ponies discovering that they are not alone and that even the strangest, most enigmatic entities can become friends. It's about how far a god can blind himself with visions of grandour and superiority, that in the end he is no more significant than those he condemns. It's about a fallen angel so overcome with grief and hate that he becomes a devil.
Each gets their own story and place when their time comes. What, did you think that every character should be in every chapter? Not only is that unrealistic, it is exceedingly selfish to demand a story conform to your own expectations of pacing. When they play a role that influences future events, it is their turn to shine. Each diamond is lovely, but none shine brighter than any other when in the trough.
That's the whole point. Although my skills are shoddy as I am a rookie author, this is a story-driven narrative that relies on its characters growth. The Crafter, once blinded by fear, now embraces others. Luna saw a piece of herself in him, all alone for ages, and tries to protect him because she has the vain hope to protect a piece of herself. They've grown. They are still growing.
It has and always shall be a story about him getting along with the ponies, and two devils who can't understand they're both pricks catching them in the crossfire. I don't understand why you want it to be more about him, considering the ponies outnumber him a thousand to one. Of course more chapters are going to be about the ponies. There are a lot more of them than there are of him, even though he is literally in half the chapters in some capacity (2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 14, 15, 16, 18, 20, 21, 23, 25, 28, 29, 30).
Of course the perspective is going to shift more towards Brimstone and Herobrine once we get further into the story. That's called the story conflict. The second arc. Yes, they are not in the beginning. I was setting up the world and characters there! I'm not going to plummet everyone into the conflict cold turkey; you have to build it up.
Of course Jetstream isn't all that developed. He's just a regular guy that has bad things happen to him. Just like civilians can get caught in a train crash or IED, bad things happen to good people. There is nothing special about him. He was there to show that it's not going to be a fight where only the Mane Six have to get their hooves dirty. Do you think battles are completely free of civilian casualties and collateral damage? Of course not. He's just a guy. Sometimes life puts a bullseye on your back for no reason other than you were unlucky.
By far your biggest misconception is that the ponies are woefully unprepared and are about to get curbstomped.
What, the main characters are immune to harm and only the side characters can get hurt? What sense does that make?
Otherwise, there are three demigods on the side of the ponies. The most powerful magic artifact of all time is in their grasp. They have a comprehensive knowledge of how the Crafter's powers, and therefore Herobrine's, work. They know he is out there. They know he is hostile. They know Brimstone is helping them. Most importantly, they know he fears the alicorns. Over a thousand people track this story and literally everyone missed the hint. Herobrine evaded an attack of Luna's.
Do you realize how important that little thing is? How much gravity it holds? If he is truly invulnerable, if he truly fears no weapon or demigod, then why did he show the mortal instinct of self preservation? Why did he run from Celestia rather than fight her when he was in Canterlot? If he has fear, he has weakness. If he has weakness, he can be beaten.
Brimstone already knows he's coming and is very close to attacking. He's already prepared them for the possibility of a slaughter and is putting the best soldiers in the proper places. He's already told Luna how to blind Herobrine to the exact presence of the Bearers. Most importantly, his hatred is so severe he is going to do absolutely everything to assure that the Bearers survive, because if they die, Brimstone loses the only chance he has at vengeance.
This all goes back to those shades of gray. What kind of contrivance is it to deny the strengths of the ponies and have them all slaughtered wholesale? What kind of anticlimax is it for them to defeat the bad guy without any struggle? Shades of gray, the middle ground. After every battle, after every war, it is not possible to return to how things were. We were not the same after we shook off feudalism? We were not the same after not one but two world wars. Why shouldn't the ponies be the same after fighting a god? What kind of pitiful story ends with everything going back to normal?
Peace comes with suffering. They may suffer, they may bleed, they may even die, but the fear of failure of the certainty of victory is superfluous if you don't pick up arms and fight. No, they are not going to be the same. Yes, they are going to bleed for this. I want the ponies win, but that is no reason for me to make it easy. These ponies have fought gods of chaos, eldritch embodiments of darkness, faewild bugs, and planar entities that live within walking distance.
I think they will be fine.
3187191 I was going to type some shallow comment along the lines of:
You should include the mutant creature mod with this. Then you could have not just Zombies but Mutant zombies.
Then I noticed you were neck deep in a very serious and heated debate with this guy here. So instead of making some hollow and pointless suggestion I think I'll go stand over in that corner....over there.....way over there......
3187191 Wow... You won... Seriously! You. Won. You are right now my favorite author. Not because of the story (which is awesome btw, don't get me wrong), but because of YOU. You have just shown me how much passion, effort and soul you've put into your work. You have shown me how deep you have gone with this story...
So congratulations... And remmember...
You are looked up to by hundreds of fans... And I am one of them.
3187191 You're missing the point. The story doesn't flow smoothly. It wastes too much time on long-winded, very slow-paced things like language, and then suddenly and drastically shifts to a coming apocalypse.
The CONSTRUCTION of the story, the FOCUS and TONE of the story is the problem!
Look at any, and I mean ANY mainstream big-name in fantasy writing, and you will see that the stories maintain a certain format throughout. There are shifts in perspective, yes, but not drastic to the point where half-way through the story another major Big Bad shows up and we have an entire chapter seen through the eyes of a random squirrel.
The tone of a story can change, but it is always best not to change it too radically within a single-volume work!
Hence why there were no Death Eaters in the first two Harry Potter books. Those were saved for the later stories as the tone of each INDIVIDUAL STORY grew gradually more ominous.
My point was that this feels like parts of two different types of stories which don't really work well together.
It feels akin to what LoTR would have felt like if it spent 1/2 of the story going into the Elves' language and didn't get around to introducing the threat of Sauron until the hobbits got to Rivendell! Or never hearing the name Voldemort until after the first Quiddich match!
All of that extraneous material, the painfully slow communications issues with Miner were useless to what has now become the central focus of the story. It amounted to a technical form of 'purple prose', taking far too much time to simply say, 'And after several long, tiring days, the ponies and Miner began to gain a basic understanding of each other's language.'
That single line could have saved several chapter's worth of material and allowed the story to get on with the plot.
If this was a slice-of-life crossover, then that's all well and good. But cluttering up an epic adventure/apocalypse story with trifling details that don't matter at all to the primary plot serves no purpose.
I have favorited quite a number of stories where the ponies suffered horribly. But generally, those are stories where they did so at the behest of beings and characters integral to their own world. They were a real part of that world, the setting and tone told from the start what the tale was going to go into. This is now adding Big Bads from other universes which feel completely foreign (and are) to the ponies' world... while expecting us to accept that one of them has been here all along, and while conveniently forgetting about several major players from the ponies' own world... beings that would certainly have a vested interest in what's occuring: least of those being the changelings and Discord. NEITHER of those would appreciate these foreign forces interfering in THEIR plans. And give how far matters have gone thus far, they would assuredly have come into the picture by now.
And we still have next to nothing from the other nations/races: dragons, minotaurs, griffons, Diamond Dogs, zebra. All of them are of this world, , all are present to some extent in Equestria, and all should be included in something with a scope this enormous.
It adds to many foreign elements while forgetting quite a few native ones.
The scope has grown outside of its self-limitations of a single protagonist and some shady entities which were mostly keeping out of sight. It was believable at that level. I knew things were starting to lose focus and internal continuity once the huge portal and monster appeared and not a single other race showed up in the ensuing chapters demanding to know what the hell was going on.
When you are writing about something which affects the whole of a world, you must ensure always to consider all the other peoples of that world when it is established that they already have connections to each other. How are they going to react to these occurrences? None exist in a vacuum, and by now most, if not all would have reacted and made contact. All of them are in danger, even the changelings who could easily tell that these invaders are highly destructive and possess no love to feed upon.
As I said, and now reiterate, the scope of the story has grown too big for itself. What is was in the beginning it is no longer. The story needed to be clearly outlined to know exactly where it was going, how it was going to get there, who was going to be important to getting there, and what both DID and DIDN'T need to be included.
Holy shit!
*Jesus comes down and poops on my floor*
Come on! That wasn't what I meant!
"Close enough, fagget!"
Oh dear g- fucking he- JESU- GAH! MOTHERFUCKER!
Dad: "You called?"
FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
---------
Yea that sums up how I feel right now... Damn this is getting intense...
3195099
Without further examples, I fail to see how it is slow paced enough to be detrimental to immersion. For instance, using your own example, developing a common dialog between the races took only one chapter. One. Chapter 25 is the only such chapter, as immediately afterward, I skipped ahead one week for THAT EXACT PURPOSE. I knew showing them learning his language wouldn't be interesting enough if I extended it beyond one chapter. I skipped ahead and implied through character interactions and his own developed, if nowhere comprehensive, understanding of their language that they both learned enough.
As for gloom and doom apocalypse scenarios coming out of nowhere, you must have missed it because I made sure everyone knew since the official end of the first arc. Excerpts from chapter 9:
Again, I enforced this two chapters later with the introduction of Herobrine (Era'doth). It has been these two. Only these two. I will Word of God this right now and say there are no secondary or tertiary villains. The Fallen Angel, and the Eldritch Abomination. They have been here since Act I. I don't know what you see or anticipate, but I declare as the author there are no lingering villains, with the exception of those being manipulated by Brimstone, but that hardly counts as their mind returns when he leaves their soul.
As for tone, I made it VERY clear, all the more enforced by the ever-present dark tag and, for those that read them, the commentaries accompanying each chapter, that this was going to get very bad. This was hammered home by Brimstone's own sociopathic behavior. Again, chapter 9:
Brimstone is the Chessmaster archetype, the one who slinks in the shadows and operates through proxies to hide himself. He goes through a lot of effort to remain hidden for two reasons: it's how he maneuvers best, and anyone of significant mental strength would kick his ass. As the reader, this tone has always been consistent and lingering due to you knowing he is there. The readers know the truth, but not the ponies. This is balanced by their discovery of the End Portal.
Herobrine's introduction does something similar: his reveal comes at the same time as his attack on Fluttershy. Both reader and the in universe ponies know the threat. If you the reader knew, while the ponies continued to be oblivious, I could understand this line of thought, but as they occur nearly simultaneous, I must disagree.
I must reiterate, if this argument was made concerning the first arc, there is justifiable cause to this line of thinking. I can conceive, and even concede, that after ~45k words little of note happens during the first eight chapters. It's just the two races trying to understand each other without killing each other. That's a fair bit of time until any noticeable story conflict occurs.
But that was over 20 chapters ago. We've been neck deep for a long time so such an argument cannot apply to the second arc.
To edify, I wrote this story wanting to contain a language barrier. I was bored of crossovers without such an obstacle, or at least a notable one. Rather than having them bond over fighting, I wanted them to bond over learning while those who actually had the strength to fight did so. I find positive reinforcement works better than negative. Bonding over battles holds little weight in my head, as two unknown people fighting alongside each other for self preservation purposes does only just that. It's a trust that your new 'friend' values his own life as much as you do, not that he actually considers you a friend. It's a tenuous friendship at best and I wanted something more quantifiable and identifiable. That's why they started talking.
Plus, having long established that they didn't understand each other, suddenly having comprehensive knowledge of each other's language not only renders the original obstacle inconsequential, but is colloquially referred to as an Asspull. The Crafter's ability to understand English is limited, but enough to get him by as of chapter 32. There are no more chapters dedicated to him learning English and anything that he does need to learn happens in passing. The active struggle to learn languages is over. Yeah, he still struggles, but it is no longer impeding communication, plot, or story progression. In just one chapter, number 29, he had a lengthy, if one mostly one sided, conversation that emotionally bonded him to Rarity. She was once his least favorite of the main six, but is now trusted alongside Barricade and Twilight.
Hardly. One has never been here, and the other I have yet to get into. Herobrine only recognizes the chain of command in terms of strength. Luna and Celestia are the heavy hitters. After her ordeal, Cadance is in no real condition to fight him. He doesn't give two creepers about Discord, as he's safely locked away in stone, this takes place after season two so Twilight is not an alicorn, Herobrine only recognition of Shining Armor's strength is the barriers he's created on the Elements, and the rest of the races (Changelings, griffons, etc.) don't concern him as they are nowhere near his target area, that being the immidiate vicinity of the Bearers and the Elements. Why would he care about the potential of the Changeling's? They're weakened and miles away.
That's not to say the world is ignorant to what is going on. Political red tape takes a long time to cut. This is to my benefit, as this gives me reason to drop a series of events to not make it another Asspull. They know very well what is going on:
Of course, the Griffons could just screw the rules and enter Equestria anyway, but that's something classified between 'International Incident' and 'Declaration of War.' No sane ruler on the planet will enter sovereign territory without express permission from its ruling parties. I believe I have enough on my plate, and I don't want to stretch myself that thin.
Digressing back to basic knowledge, I'll talk about Brimstone now. Yes, he has been here longer than Herobrine. Why? I'm not going to say. That's in another chapter that has yet to be published. However, he has not forgotten who rules what. He hasn't approached foreign nations because, due to them being foreign nations, they will take too much time to mobilize. He stays with Luna and the Bearers and not the Elements for a logical and already explained reason.
He already laid the clues to get Luna to trust him, despite him accidentally screwing the pooch in chapter 32 and leaving evidence for Lightning Chaser. He's already tried to convince Barricade, one of the leading military powers, to work with him. He is well aware of who holds the power. I know your next question: why not approach the Bearers? That's still coming in a later chapter.
Think about it from there point of view. What justifiable reason do they have to call in foreign powers for help? Do they know the true scope? No because between the three who do, one is dead, one is a tall shadow alien incapable of recognizable speech, and one is Brimstone and he is in no way willing to tell. Do they know where Herobrine is? No. Do they know what he wants? Kinda; Luna has contemplated the idea he wants the Elements.
What reasons do the royal court have to call on others? None that they can justify. Let's count the aggressions.
The Nether Portal has an unknown creator. They have used circumstantial evidence to deduce Herobrine did it, but given the nature of such evidence, it is not enough for definite conclusions. The Enderman created a skeleton End Portal, but it has done little other than place a single Eye of Ender in it. It hasn't even attacked anyone. The Crafter attacked a few ponies, but that was classified as self defense and the victims forgave him. Brimstone's negotiations and threats have all been erased from everyone's minds. Jetstream is dead, but there is no body, no weapon, and only a guess as to a motive.
No one knows anything about the creeper that blew a hole in Canterlot's defenses. The Crafter does, and he just promised Barricade to talk about the monsters in his world now that he has a reasonable knowledge of language. That comes into play in the next chapter with a recognizable OhCrap moment and they know for certain the monsters are crossing over.
No pony knows who broke into the Elemental Vault, as Herobrine displayed the ability to selectively choose who sees him. The only one who connected the dots was Brimstone, but how he knew hasn't yet been explained due to his upcoming background story.
The only concrete evidence they have to a villain is Herobrine's attack on Luna and Fluttershy. The latter provided a description after she escaped with Brimstone's help, and Luna provided confirmation when Herobrine attacked her while she was in the Crafter's mind.
They have a face and a name, and that is it. It's made all the more confusing due to the fact he and the Crafter share the exact same profile, even though the Crafter professed he has always been alone.
A face and a name is hardly enough cause to warrant calling for aid from other foreign nations. They have no idea the damage he is capable of causing. Even if they did, I'd be hesitant to say it is warranted. You never saw other species mentioned or seen during the attacks by Nightmare Moon, Discord, the Changelings, or Sombra. These world-ending threats are almost routine, and you never see the foreign nations banding together to help each other out. My guess is that they don't to keep the focus of the show narrow enough to be entertaining, but after three seasons of demigods, I'm starting to believe this happens enough that a few attacks by monsters are not enough to do that much.
If you are concerned about the real world realism of it, you don't see us calling in foreign armies when hunting for known terrorists or serial killers. At best, you'd get foreign consultants who specialize in certain pathological behavior. Granted, we can't use magic so the variables may change. I have countered that by using the MLP universe as a template and only incorporating in real world traits and codes of conduct when aspects that I need from the MLP world are vague and ephemeral.
That has already been done. I have advanced them as various chapters and plot points have come and gone, but they have remained the same.
1. The Crafter is learning to grow and live with others and not live out an eternity in isolation
2. Stop Herobrine.
There are side things that seem to bear no real weight. Take for instance my longest chapter, chapter 29. The vast majority is internal contemplation and introspection that is never said to another physical character. I wouldn't cut a single things from this chapter because everything has its place, its own place on the puzzle board. Barricade talked to him in order to find out what his monsters looked like. The talks with Rarity and Spike delved into his internal struggles with companionship and layed the stage for a deeper bond with the ponies. The fight showcased the superior fighting skill of the guards with enemies capable of cognition and brought in lingering threads from the show to provide added depth. The mansion reveal showed for the very first time the scope and significance of his capabilities.
And later I showed Herobrine had returned to the town.
The point is that you need a little bit of filler and fluff to compliment the WhamLines, plot twists, and OhCrap moments. Not only does this give those moments added weight by proxy, it gives people the time to cool down. It is very emotionally draining to read things that have a pace so brisk, the reader has no time to rest or sit back and think. For instance, I just read a book that had a single chapter dedicated to a fight. That chapter lasted over a 100 goddamn pages.
Despite these little things being inconsequential, they are needed for world building and immersion. If everything is life threatening, if the pacing never takes a break, it goes too exhaustively fast instead of going too slow and boring.
Those scenes with Rarity? I could have cut them all out and done a fade to black, insisting that off screen he bonded with the ponies more and more. It can be interpreted as being not important. I could have achieved the same character development by inference of screen, but they not only gave me valid character development that was fun to write, but provided a lull in the action. Before, Herobrine attacked Canterlot. After, he attacked Luna.
Sometimes things that bear absolutely no consequence happen. From a flow and pacing standpoint, it's just a lull for the benefit of readers. The calm before the storm. From an in story standpoint, it lets people to sit down and just talk. That lets readers get to know them better.
I'm not going to cut that out.
3197063 *sighs* Look, I can tell you have thought about this. It's just not coming together for me.
Perhaps it's because I have only a basic knowledge of the oldest Minecraft game and too much of the game-related parts feel very strange and implausible to me.
To me, the Pony and Minecraft world just don't feel... compatible. Especially the 'crafting' powers. It feels too conventient to me that Miner can use his abilities upon matter in a world with completely different phsyical rules.
They are simply so different and starkly contrasting that even when thought through carefully I can't rectify the disparities the merger creates.
The long-winded sections became trying because they felt too dry. LoTR made descriptive text flow like poetry, a painted masterpiece with world rather than color.
Thpse sections in the story, to me, were more like trying to keep awake during a lecture. And the shifting perspectives of the same scene didn't help.
I'm also analyzing the villain's powers from a very logical perspective, weighing their abilities and advantages over the ponies and their allies. Technically, without Discord or the Elements, the ponies are completely helpless. Matching capability in the way I used to with Starcraft, the absolute advantage goes to the villains.
I cannot plausibly find a way for the ponies and their world to win, thus I anticipate that they cannot of their own volition. It then turns all focus entirely upon Miner and the shadow. Had the story been from only Miner's and the shadow being's perspective perhaps it would have felt more natural to me.
As it is, I'm not able to connect to anything because I never know who or what will become the central focus in the next chapter.
3198731
That was... intentional in a way. Without spoiling things, you inadvertently stumbled onto something I've been building for a while.Yes, his powers don't make sense. That's not the only thing that doesn't.
I admit I started without knowing how to write, this is only my second written anything, so I cede that the way I write is kinda strange. My only other style of writing is this really odd, overly flowery prose that is very minimalistic in terms of dialog. Those Legends of the lost Days blog posts are an example. If there's something you don't like about that, I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it.
As for the shifting perspectives, I have a query: the scene transitions accompanying line breaks, or the shifts from first to third person?
Helpless? It's hardly fair to judge that considering he has only ever been in one fight. It's an effect of cosmic horror that what is unsaid is often creepier than what is said. I employ that. However, just because it is unsaid does not mean they do not follow a certain set of rules.
Herobrine's two most potent powers, portal creation and invisibility, are inherently imperfect. Brimstone told Barricade that sending the Crafter through was a test of the Portal's effectiveness across realms. It took him two days to create another one. By implication, doing it across realms instead of the intrinsically connected Nether and Overworld, takes power even he has trouble mustering.
He has been invisible thrice, one with the guards and twice with Cadance. Cadance, given her alicorn nature, overrode the mental compulsion and detected him not once:
But twice:
As for his other skills, it's hardly much to worry about, considering Brimstone tricked Luna into fighting him. Given that no one expected Herobrine to be on the other end of the thread, it's no wonder she was taken off guard. Now she knows he's coming and has confirmed his abilities. Invisibility? She's even stronger than Cadance in terms of willpower; it takes a lot to not lose your marbles over the course of 1,000 years of isolation. Changing materials? Just a modified version of what the Crafter does and he can only change one object at one time. Phasing through matter? Luna can do that too. Summon monsters to fight for him? Save for a Wither, any monster that faces Luna is going to get curbstomped, and even then she has an entire garrison on her side and a hotline to Celestia in case she needs reinforcements
One on one, without any semblance of interference, it's a pretty fair fight. Yes, Herobrine got off a shot when she was in the Crafter's mind, but she knows what kind of an ass he is now. Given the trail of fear urine that critter left on his way to Fluttershy's, she's going to get an early warning concerning the coming horde. I think you are judging him by only impressions alone. As a Vulcan would say, "Think with logic, not emotion." Yes, he is an all powerful god forged from the primordial fires of creation, but he still has his own limits and rules, and until he finally cuts back and gets into a fight, I have done little to tip the scales of power in his favor. In fact, given Brimstone's interference, the odds are against him, especially after the next few chapters. Remember, Herobrine sees things in a very narrow scope. It boils down to "Kill Bearers, get Elements." There is little to no grace to his planning, even if he is capable of setting a trap to kill them faster. He's not a tactician, he is a god and incapable of thinking on their level. To quote a saying: "If you are a dog, you know too much suffering and will never harness enough hope to elevate your existence. If you are a god, you live with excessive joy and will never learn the painful lessons needed to advance. And if you are a man, your balance of joy and sorrow will move you steadily towards oneness."
He will never understand how threatening them brings them closer. He is hitting them in exactly the right spot to harden their resolve to never give up. The only pain he will ever understand is his own.
I'm not sure how to respond to this other than to say: "Of course you don't. You haven't read it yet."
Not to sound snide or anything, but I really don't know what you mean other than what it says at face value. I don't know what professional works you have read, but I am a child of fantasy. When their are a significant number of chapters, the focus moves back and forth between them freely. There are several characters doing things, and they need their time to do their things before returning to the next stage of the story. The epically long battle chapter I previously mentioned switched between characters so much I cannot even count how many where there other than "all of them."
What I do is when someone has something to contribute to the plot, be it foreshadowing, character development, a fight, etc., they come next. The only exception to this is when a scene stretches over the course of a day or something, and someone else has something to contribute during that same timespan. I've stopped adding characters and don't believe I need to add any more for the immediate future.
This randomness is only random at face value. If something magical happens, I bring in a Council member to help dissect it, or Twilight. I need them for exposition. Military concerns bring in the military. Scenes where one person is all alone, I just write about them or an insignificant proxy like that rodent in the last chapter.
All I can really do is describe why I change characters between characters. I can't exactly have a few select group of people know everything. It's why I have these tiny tidbits bunched together. In Chapter 31, I needed to talk about Brimstone calling for an increase in the guard, the writing on the mirror, and the scene with the Archmage. Alone, none of these scenes have the length or interest to sustain a full chapter, so I grouped them together due to it being in the correct chronological order, and put them in the beginning because Brimstone did that stuff before speaking with Jetstream.
Well, this has been fun. Not often I get these longer comments.
3195199
Cool! I have only two more OMGWTF chapters in mind other than this one. I think we're out of most of the foreshadowing. Now the cool stuff happens.
3189830
I do appreciate the sentiment. I write because... well, I've got nothing else to do. Rather than be depressed or suspended and some limbo, I do this to kill the time. It's a lot more fun than some of the normal things I do.
I have a few lingering issues with my work, but if you enjoy what I do, I'm not stopping you. I often get comments that can be reduced to "MOAR!" especially when I post updates on Fanfiction.net. It's good to get honest praise and criticism. I understand what Alondro is looking for, but the way I write sometimes obfuscates what I write.
3199762 Yesh!!!
3199258 Well, I'm going to stick with it, simply because it has enough that it could be great once it has gone through an edit.
It has the feel of what it actually is: a first draft.
It's final form will require revisions to tidy up the issues.
And, if Miner's powers being incompatible is indeed a part of the story, then it does open one solution to the problem I'd been musing.
Not many would get the reference you made my calling this chapter Dragon's Teeth.
It's the legend that if you plant a dragon's teeth in fertile soil they would grow into monsters under your command.
So since Herobrine is 'growing' monsters it makes sense.
3202254
As far as I know, you're the first to get it. And you're right.
Ah, the up-and-coming tale of one vs. many.
Or, maybe not, I can't say I'm sure. I've always enjoyed a good 1 vs. Many tale though. That's why I enjoy setting up epic battles in the Feed the Beast modpack, tweaked to my own specifications, because there are so many fun combat-oriented things in that pack, there's always some awesome thing to do.
Regardless, this continues to be my favorite fic that isn't random comedy or clop (I tend to categorize those genres separately), and you, dear Journeyman, my favorite author for all the world-building and foresight you've poured into this. Plus, it's awesome to see a crossover done amazingly, impressively well for a change.
Keep rocking, man. You are a damn fine fellow.
~M.E.
Oh please make the Miner get an enchantment table. He'd be unstoppable!
3274818 Actually... :P
3195099
0: He probably needed the filler.
So let's recap here.
In Equestria we have...
"The Miner" (Steve. Right?)
Herobrine (Era'Doth, whatever...)
The Wither (Jet Black, Trio of heads, Ugh!)
"Brimstone" (I was thinking Notch, but...)
Enderman (The Far lander. Endermen? Are there more than one?)
And now, a bunch of monsters. (Zombies, Skeletons, and Creepers, Oh my!)
So the Endermen/Enderman are trying to build a portal to the end and take an alicorn with them?
Steve is just... confused and freaked out...
Herobrine is trying to kill everyone and attack Canterlot...
The Wither also probably wants to see everypony die too...
Brimstone wants to put Herobrine "to sleep"... Right?
What's next?
3204969
Well, I haven't been around here for a while, but please, don't neglect Steve. I know you have these mysterious characters (like "Brimstone") that have great powers, and of course, The Elements of Harmony, but please... Steve needs to be their hero, no matter how unoriginal it is... he's the main character after all... (Right?)
And also... don't skimp on the action Chapters... I love those ones, and I would love to see some Minecraft vs. Equestria (And The Miner) action soon. Oh, BTW, Chapter 29 was 2spooky4me. I love it.