Chapter 2
"You're going to be fine. Just trust me..."
I felt a warmth over come my body before I was able to open my eyes once again. Luckily, I didn't have to adjust like last time. As my eyes slowly open I look around the room. I'm in the same room as before but I wasn't alone this time. A figure stood at the window, seemed to be a woman at how wide her hips were compared to her narrow waist.
Look, I'm not a pervert nor is this story going to go that route so I'm just stating female anatomy. She was wearing a white business coat and white slacks. I couldn't really make out anything else but her hair was as golden as the sun's rays. It was wavy and went down to the middle of her back. I wouldn't doubt if she had a stylist to do her hair like that everyday.
I adjusted myself to sit up and tried to be quiet but the sound of her voice gave the sign that she heard the rustling of the sheets.
"Good morning! Or should I say good afternoon?" She giggled lightly at her motherly pun. She turn against me and I finally saw her face. Her skin was tanned and had deep magenta eyes and a comforting smile. "It's about time you woke up. I was beginning to think you were a goner."
I sat there in silence. I was confused to why she acted so casual. I opened my mouth to speak but all I could get out was a whisper. "Um... Do we know each other?"
She gave a look of sadness and disappointment then immediately changed back to what it was. "Sorry. My name is Celestia. I am the one that watches over my subjects during the day."
"Subjects? What are you a queen of some sort?" I snicker at my smart-ass response.
"A princess actually." She smiles like she's very proud to state that.
I sat there with a dumb look on my face. A princess? Should I be formal? Did I go too far? "I-I so sorry, Your Highness!" Trying to bow was the worst mistake I could have done. My stomach started to hurt really really bad. "Khah!" My abdomen felt like I was stabbed by something.
Celestia rushed over to me and held me back down to the bed to lay me down. "Are you ok? Here, this should help," she reached her hand out to my stomach and a light glowed in her hand. The familiar warm feeling came over me as the pain became nothing but a memory.
"It's nice to see magic is a thing," I said." Without it I definitely would've hated this wake up call even more. I'm sorry I gave you such a smart mouthed question..." I looked up to see her with a smile that she wore before.
"Don't worry about it, David. I'm not much of a formal being to begin with. Only when I have to." She gave me a playful wink and stuck out her tongue.
I chuckled silently. "So I'm guessing my name is what you just spoke? David?"
"Indeed. You are very... unique. You have a very friendly personality, one that can befriend even the worst of po-" she stopped herself before sneezing in a subtle feminine way. "...one that can even befriend the worst kinds of people."
"You knew who I was?"
"Well, we weren't too close. I still had my duties as a princess but you were more close to the people here in this little town, Ponyville."
Ponyville? Strange, but what do I know? I woke up out of a hospital bed and have no memories whatsoever. At least she gave me my name back.
She began to walk towards the door. "I must attend my throne now. I still have a job to do but that doesn't mean I won't come back to visit. We have much to talk about. Also, please don't pull any stunts like you did last week. Stay in bed and rest. Can you promise me that?"
"I promise." I crossed my heart with my right index finger since my left arm was hooked back up to the IV. "Wait, that was last week? How long have I been out, Celestia?"
"In five more days, it would've been 2 years... I'll catch up with you later, David." She left and the door shut itself with a click.
2 years? That's ridiculous... No wonder my escape didn't work out as planned. I look to my right to see a mirror laying on the nightstand by the bed. I grab it and take a look at myself. I had short black hair, tan skin, and dark brown eyes. From the looks of it, I seem to be of Asian descent but the beard on my jawline and the slightly dark peach fuzz on my upper lip I grew in my sleep said otherwise, Hispanic I am. It seems someone kept me groomed while I was unconscious. Thank god. I didn't want to wake up smelly, too long hair and a patchy beard and prepubescent mustache.
Enough of admiring my looks. I set the mirror back down and leaned back in my bed and look out the window to my left. I can see a dirt road leading down the town. Small houses surrounded the road as people walked on the sidewalk on each side. It wasn't over crowded but it was pleasant to see this town so relaxed.
My eyelids felt a bit heavy as I pulled my head back to a relaxing position. I shut my eyes and prepare to go back to sleep until a sudden knock on the door interrupted the silence in the room.
The door opened to reveal another blonde haired woman, but in a plaid buttoned shirt and a pair of denim jeans and boots. She looked up to show she's got green eyes and light freckles on her cheeks and under her eyes.
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Two chapters of a man waking up in a hospital. Not much of a hook.
What if I don't love it? Then what?
Keep going! I can see very much potential.
Then get a synopsis editor. There are such people out there.
Nah, really?!
G-guh...? Sorry, bub, but that's not how the userbase of Fimfic works. Some people will like it, and others will hate it, while the rest will shrug and move on. Don't assume everyone who sees it will love it; it makes an ass out of you and your audience.
Interesting. From what I got from the second chapter, David may be the only human that exists and Celestia's human form is her using magic. I really your story and can see lots of potential. Can't wait to see more.
so far nice start. The like/dislike ratio dont look in your favor but, i bet that many this early dislike come from ppl that dont like the human tag well most of them anyway.
7247122 Hate to burst your bubble, but the story's going en route to cliched confusion, on top of sudden shit we're supposed to buy (in chapter two, for instance, the character suddenly gets amnesia and Celestia knows his name somehow.) And it has yet to show Unicorn!Twilight Sparkle, something that's been promised in the synopsis. And for as many tags as this story has, it's too short—the chapters should at least be 3k words to build upon them all, and that's just the genre tags by themselves!
It's bad, but not terribly so. Just cliched, rushed and something I and a lot of other people on this site have seen a hundred times already in slightly different formats.
WAKE ME UP
wake me up inside
CANT WAKE UP
Alright, I feel like I should explain the intro in a summary that's not just, "Oh I woke up in a hospital and I forgot everything." A lot of people are doubting this story, and I understand that. With only 2 chapters that's basically unedited and small with 1,000 words each is completely under par considering the other stories from authors that have the time and friends to help make stories be a little bit more understanding. I completely understand where the dislikes are coming from and I also understand where it feels like I missed a couple points from the intro, synopsis, etc and usually the intros to stories are indeed slow as hell. Haha. If you could please be patient, I appreciate everybody giving my story a chance and sincerely very sorry that I can't fulfill everybody's expectations with a synopsis promising so much with only 2 chapters made.
Now for synopsis, I will clear things up a bit. The man wakes up in a hospital from a coma. He does not remember a thing, at all. What exactly did he do before being in a coma? Was he in Equestria for the time he was in the coma or was he already there? What's exactly going on in this story behind David's point of view? Maybe a few questions you should have asked yourself during the read. I just basically opened up a door of possibilities that this story could end up going for you guys. I have a couple ideas for this fiction that have plot twists and emotions that you could or could not predict.
Until next time I see a couple comments saying they have trouble following the story, I'll be leaving the comment section for you guys to discuss about my mediocre writing, haha. Bye!!! :)
7247536
Fuck those down votes. I'm giving this a chance.
7248041 I have one word for this..........maybe.........that is all for my announcement