In his average day life turned upside down, will Nick be able to survive in this new world after his less then pleasent arrival? Or will his inexperience with other magic users and the strang mark on his hand be to much for him to handle?
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Wow, I knew Celestia was being a bitch to Nick, but I didn't think we'd have a Xenolestia in this story!? Also I REALLY don't like these stories were males are treated poorly as slaves or breeding livestock, I can handle Xenolestia if she gets what's coming to her, but this "stallions are property" thing is just something I'm not comfortable with.
... And my mind comes to this, for when Midnight makes her move:
Only, without Midnight killing Nick.
And I honestly like what you're doing with Celestia.
So is faust at fault here, or is it all tia?
Was really enjoying this, and had honestly just been hoping it was Twilight being crazy. Don't really care for the whole Xenolestia archetype, and the stallion's being slaves things really bothers me. Gonna stick with it though, as otherwise I've really been enjoying the story and characters.
Before I was rooting for Nick because Celestia was being stupid but now I'm rooting for him cause she is being a straight up bitch. Like WTF where did all this evil come from?
I like it the way it is, makes defeating her all the more sweeter.
Wonder what Faust would say about Celestia's society and plans.
Let's put it this way it's getting to the point where I might quit reading it I just don't like the way you makein Celeste out to be
And you're making the males into slaves let me ask you something are you a woman who had her boyfriend husband or something do something bad to her because this is this it's just not right I don't like it
kinda, yeah
Ya' think?
7742856 7742889 7742914 7742940 Honestly, if he took out JUST the parts with Celestia from this chapter, it would become more of crazy Twilight and an absurd society and Celestia would be less of a bitch and more too lazy to change the way ponies think.
7742961 They could set it up where Celestia did not know that her ponies were acting this way and Twilight is already crazy you can make it where she is acting this way because she thinks that's what celestial wants
Honestly yes. It's kinda confusing as well. I mean does her mother think along the same lines? Is sunnybritcthes only concerned for Twilight because she is only her most valuable pawn in her sick game of conquest? What the hell makes the ponies soooo different from the caribou on the lines of slavery? Guh! I can only hope that all this and more can be explained in future chapters.
*goofy grin slowly spreads across face*
*goofy grin slowly drops before morphing into a grimace*
Is redemption actually your plan for her? If so then I'm sorry to say it but...
Until now the Equestrians have been seen as mildly racist with a bit of an imbalanced gender ratio. Hell even their devotion to Celestia -fanatical though it was- seemed downright tame when compared to some real life religions. But full on pony master race and gender based slavery?
What the fuck man!? What. The actual. Fuck!?
I'm alright with vilification and role reversal when it's believable and/or justified, but this? This chapter was hard for me to read, and not in any kinda good way either. It went waaaay past what I was -and I assume many others were- comfortable with, and while I don't believe everyone will share my opinions on this matter... I'm pretty sure that the events of this chapter just cost you a few readers.
...Seriously, wtf man?
Edit:
7742961
7742969 This, this right here would have been sooo much better from a narrative standpoint. It would keep the overall tone of the story intact, without making the Equestrians go from simply being a bit spoiled/coddled/sheltered, to just as bad as -if not worse than- the caribou.
If i was in this story with my powers i would go to war against equestria immediately
7742969 Eh.
Personally, I don't much care either way.
The storyline is good and well paced, so it doesn't bother me who's the antagonist(s) or why.
7742969 that would be awesome, but hey different universe, I'm up for whatever is put up but I like that idea.
Author's Note:
does anyone think I'm making Celestia a bit too evil to redeem?
If you plan was to redeem her than hell to the fuck yes.
But if you just plan on making her the main antagonist than you did a good job.
Hang on a tic... Didn't you say something about not putting mind warping and control in the comments of your last chapter? This is even worse! She's doing exactly that, only she's doing it the slow and gritty, yet faaar more difficult to reverse non-magical way, and on the national scale at that!
To quote my previous comment: What. The actual. Fuck!?
7743014
7743000
7742978
I would have to agree with 'Skye787' and 'quaze' what makes the ponies different from the Caribou? The males have no rights in Canderlot and she is even thinking of taking over several other nations. And she thinks that there are the Superior race.
A Pony Hitler any one?
This is what I'm thinking.
Maybe Faust is saying that Equestria is the enemy and her daughters need to be taken care of because of all the shit Celestia is doing over the years.
Also does Twilight have an older brother or an sister? because if its a male he wouldnt even be a guard.
also I'm thinking of North Korea any one else?
7743099 Im gonna agree with the pony Hitler part
If you do it right celestia can be redeemed,but you have to have the right build up. Like an unsure Luna following what her sister say till a point pushes her to work against her,would be somewhere along the right track.
If you want to redeem Celestia you are going to have to tone it down. the couple paragraphs in this chapter made me hate her enough that I would dump her in the caribou capital if I could and I abhor the caribou
Canon Celestia is a manipulative bitch anyways. It will be good to see her knocked of her pedestal and treated like she treats others.(perhaps tied-up with her magic locked away in a room full of horny dragons!)
I going with a big fat fucking yes with making Celestia a little too evil.
Other than that good story so far. =D
celestia is a HUGE cunt but thats good! people are too forrgiving in fics. i mean one guy got his eye shot out and had his favorite things completely destroyed by twilight and the next morning hes all like nah its cool i mean jesus balls
Yeah you are kind of making her a bit too evil to be redeemed. She is getting to the point where the only 'redemption' she gets is at the cost of her getting beheaded. So yeah if your planning at one point for her to be redeemed you really need to tone down her being a evil manipulative bitch(She was already manipulative just not EVIL manipulative) cause agreeing to having a Stallion raped by a male minotaur because he was running away from his herd that was treating him like property isn't really showing she has a chance of being redeemed. If however you don't plan on a redemption than keep her the same. you may lose some readers that hate evil sexist bitch xenolestia but you'll gain a few that will love the point where she suffers either from Nick just viciously killing her or Nick going a route Bill would probably like by stripping her of her powers and making her watch as her kingdom is destroyed and all her subjects are brutally killed before killing off those that she might actually care a little about right in front of her.(Not trying to disturb anyone. I just play a lot of violent games and since childhood have had a avid love of the horror genre. So my mind can go to very dark areas for ideas.)
She seems to believe her own hype. Faust should send her to her room without cake.
nah youre fine dood keep going
7742978 considering that most of Equestria treats stallions right, i think its one of those carving out the cores and replacing it with a better one.
7742835 it's mostly just in chanterlot, outside there their treated as equals for the most part.
7743645 Still, I hope Nick(and Twilight after seeing her ruler as the manipulative bitch she is) make everything right and puts the ponies oppression to an end, after dealing with Xenolestia. Cause I doubt her Faust or ever Luna would approve with how she's been running the country.
7742894 no, i'm a dude, never had a girlfriend before, and i'm making her "evil" for a reason. hint, she is not in her right mind, hint.
To put it blunt, this chapter needs editing.
repeated mistake:
*Fleur, refer to this
7743029 *permanent mind warping, the reply was to convey I wouldn't mind warp someone into mind warping/controlling someone. and this indoctrinating, while similar to mind warping and is difficult to change, it's not impossible, like convincing someone in a debate to see reason.
7743693 oops...
Murder the evil, xenophobic bitch Celestia brutally and horrifically Nick!
Shia, if you will.
Shia Labeouf: "JUST DO IT!!"
7743775 Nick:"right i'm on it!" *storms up to Celestia, chargest his strongest augment spells to max and dashes towards her*
splat!!
Celestia: "huh, you would think a mortal would know better than to take on a deity that could kill you just by raising her presence around them... oh well, now where was I? oh yes, master is waiting for a report"
7743789 *facepalms, then uses godly powers to rewind time(power lottery), them stops Nick from charging in blindly*
We did not mean now, in the future when you are strong enough to kill her easily, or at the very least able to enter her mindscape and destroy her mind
So far, Steelcunt needs to die from slow castration (like the rapist scum he is), the Caribou need to die (for obvious, FoE, reasons), and Canterlot needs to be nuked. Twilight can stay right the fuck where she is, and be dropped in a volcano...
Awesome chapter. Man Celestia is a real witch with a capital B. No redemption I hope she get's what coming to her.
Makes me wonder what Luna, Discord, and all her old enemies are really like though. For all we know Tirek could actually be a good guy.
I wonder who else wants Nick.
Hope let Nick KILL every last slaver.
7743694
...Have you ever actually tried using logic to convince someone that their deep-seated beliefs are false before? Religious or otherwise? It usually ends a bit like this:
Getting the Equestrians to believe that their god-empress of a princess is actually the villain would be even harder than convincing a devout catholic that god doesn't exist. It would be more like trying to convince them that god does exist, but he's actually the bad guy, and that they should worship the devil instead.
Magical effects would be far simpler to reverse, seeing as you would either need to either devise a counterspell, or simply drain the magic fueling the spell. It's much more straightforward, and to be honest it's probably something Twilight from season 1-2 would be skilled enough to accomplish on her own. Someone like Nick? Yeah, it would be soooo much easier.
7744321 and? it'll make things more interesting to see how Nick fixes it.
7744437 Only if you yourself can come up with a believable way for said events to unfold. This is how authors write themselves into a corner, and I like your story too much to simply accept that without voicing my concerns.
Couldn't Nick call himself a divine being and set his own law. Think. He has/ is a philosopher's stone and despite the change in shape, a human. His power, if he had access to all of it, would put him above all of those other deities. That is what the philosopher's stone does. INFINITE power. Especially if he trains more. Back to what I was saying, he could (eventually) regain all his power and proscribe himself as a deity of humanity. Which happens to be patriarchal rather than matriarchal thus it would be impossible to even try to make him property.
Hmm, personally i'm not bold enough to write a straight up evil celestia like you do but, i do always love a story with an evil celestia. She does some questionable things in cannon, that lead me to not trust and somewat dislike her, that and i just don't trust anything that old, beings that old tend to have outdated vievs and fucked up morals, and she is a thousad year old politition to boot.
She just gets my inner conspery therist going.
But i do love what youre diong with the story so far. I love this story but FUCKING hate people like the celestia in you story. I'm chearing for Nick so hard right now it ant even funny.
Maybe its just me but the whole "redemption" thing is getting old, idk maybe its just me. That, and non pony (male at that) Trying to change the fundimental views of a several thousand year old, xenaphobic, misandrist, pony hitler goddess bent on world dmination is like a jew goimg back in time to convince hitler what he is doing is wrong, not likely to happen. Talking dosent work with those people, it never dose, deepseted views and opinions dont change with a few speaches no matter wha bullshit world you live in. Im honestly hoping for some kind of eternal torment that brakes her down both physicaly and mentaly and makes tartarus look like a five star hotell.
But redemption yeaaa no. Shes too far gone, you dont redem people like that in a modern society you either imprison them or put them down, or say you imprisoned them and put them down to curb their influence.
I noticed a few people basicly wanting you to give back some of celestia's benevolant image, to hell with that i say, keep writing the cellestia we all love to hate.