Yet Another Tale of Spitfire's Nickname

by Needling Haystacks

Yet Another Tale

Towards the end of Rainbow Dash's third week cleaning the barracks, Spitfire was the next-to-last out.

"Lock up when you're done, Crash." Spitfire said.

"Yes ma'am!" Rainbow Dash said smartly, saluting with a mop. "Uh, ma'am?" she said as Spitfire was about to open the door.

"What, need more soap? It's in the supply closet," Spitfire said.

"Oh, I know," Rainbow said, "No, I was just wondering... when are you gonna tell me how you got your nickname?"

Spitfire turned around and regarded Rainbow Dash for a moment.

"Hey, you gotta earn that," she said.

"But everyone else has told me their stories," Rainbow Dash said, "And I even told everyone about how those bullies back in flight school also called me Rainbow Crash. Come on... Pleeease?"

Rainbow Dash did her best impression of Fluttershy's begging face. Though Fluttershy probably would have accompanied it by saying something like 'Oh, that's ok. I don't really need to know.' But seeing the Captain wince, it seemed to be effective enough on its own.

"Well, I guess maybe you HAVE earned it after these last few weeks. And everyone else already knows anyway..." she began.

Just then, there was a crashing sound from a nearby room. Both pegasi dropped into a combat ready position.

"I'm OK!" came a familiar, if somewhat dazed, voice. The two already there relaxed.

"Soarin'?" Spitfire asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Huh? Oh, right." Soarin' grinned sheepishly. "I decided to take a nap before my flight home, and, well, I guess I overslept," he said, rubbing the back of his head.

Spitfire rolled her eyes. This was not the first time this had happened. "Whatever, just get moving, or you'll never make it home before dark."

"Now wait," Soarin' said, "Did I hear right? You're gonna tell Dash the story?"

Spitfire groaned. "One time per recruit, Clipper! You know that."

"Awww, come on, I just gotta see the newbie's reaction!" he protested. He glanced at Rainbow Dash, who adopted her previous pleading face. He made a quick attempt to copy it.

"Ugh..." Spitfire put her hoof to her head in exasperation. "Fine, fine. But don't let anyone else know I broke protocol, alright?"

"Sure!" he said with a grin.

"Alright, maggots," Spitfire said, assuming her drill sergeant demeanor, "Sit down and shut it, 'cause I'm only going to say this once!"

Rainbow Dash dutifully sat on her haunches, putting the mop aside. Soarin followed suite.

"She always says that," he whispered, prompting rainbow dash to chuckle into her hoof.

"Clipper!" Spitfire said with a raised voice, "What did I just say about shutting it?"

"Uhh, shutting it, ma'am!" he said, adopting a deliberately overly stiff posture. Rainbow Dash struggled to hide a grin.

"Right. Well then..." Spitfire hesitated, appearing hesitant to continue.

"It was back in my first day as a Wonderbolt..."

Around here it would be appropriate to invision a flashback ripple disolve.

"We were doing a line-dive and angle-rise maneuver. Pretty standard stuff. I had practiced it before in the reserves."

For the benefit of those readers who are not Wonderbolts, this maneuver required a number of pegasi to dive in a line, fast, then make a sudden rise. The trick being that they hadve to turn sideways in mid-air, so that they were flying parallel on the rise. For performance, color cloud releasers in the suits would make a makeshift rainbow (or some other stripped pattern), but that would not generally be done in rehearsal for cost reasons.

"I won't bore you with the details of the maneuver, but I was in a group with two other fliers for the maneuver. But I was so focused on making a good impression, that I didn't notice a flock of birds fly up into our path. The flier in front of me did, though, and he stopped cold. Well, next thing I know, my muzzle's right up on his ass!"

"Bahahaha!" Rainbow Dash laughed at this, and Soarin tried unsuccessfully to hide his own chuckles. Spitfire glared at them and they soon stopped, aside from an occasional giggle.

"Apparently the flier behind me wasn't paying attention either, so HIS muzzle wound up in the same position with MY ass. To top it off, they were both stallions. I think you get the picture."

Rainbow Dash tried hard not to burst out laughing again, but was unsuccessful. Soarin sooned joined in, and even Spitfire had to chuckle a little.

"So, Spitroast?" Rainbow managed to gasp out.

Spitfire rolled her eyes. "Yeah. What's more, the stallion in front was Wind Rider. Don't think he let me forget. Even brought it up once in front of a stallion I was interested in."

"Hahahmmmph." Rainbow Dash put her hoof over her mouth to stop laughing. "What did he say?"

Spitfire sneered a bit at the memory. "He said 'Oh, trying to get your muzzle in his ass, too?'"

"Haha... w-ow." Rainbow mostly had the laughing and giggling under control, "Did he at least help clear that up?"

Spitfire shrugged. "Yeah, but it didn't work out anyway."

Soarin chuckled again and stood up. "Well, that was fun, but I gotta get goin'. Later, Crash. Spitroast." He grinned and quickly ducked behind the door to dodge a mop thrown by Spitfire.

Spitfire turned to Rainbow Dash, who was still working through the giggles. "Well?" Spitfire said, "Get to work!"

"Uhh, yes... heh... ma'am."

As Spitfire left, Rainbow Dash gathered up the mop and resumed her cleaning duties, still chuckling to herself. Whatever else happened, Rainbow Dash was not sure she would be able to look at Spitfire the same way ever again.

Author's Note:

Uh, yeah, urban dictionary if you don't get the joke.

Comments

[Hillbe]

If pigs could fly she'd be bacon wrapped.
fire roasted if it was a dragon.
Oh Oh Oh If she was left in the fridge for a month she'd be meatcake! ???
really!

[OmniFox]

Someone needs to take it to Twitter!!!

[Dash32]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I still think Shitfire is more hilarious! But this is fricking priceless!

[FillyCheeseSteak]

"She always says that," he whispered, prompting rainbow dash to chuckle into her hoof.

Although this technically could work, I assume that you were using the proper noun disambiguation of the word. Aside from that, great story!

[Needling Haystacks]

7199525 ? I see the missed capitalization, but I feel like the pronoun antecedents are pretty clear. That's why RD is referred to by name... or is that what you meant?

7199430 I had to look up Pinkie's, I must admit.

7199498 Yeah, I saw the Shitfire story, too. XP Either one works, really. I'd say it exists in a quantum superposition of these two states, and possibly others, until it's observed. XP

7199481 I have a twitter, but I almost never use it. Not sure if that's what you meant.

[Hillbe]

7199627 George Carlins Meat-Cake might be meat, could be cake, It's been in there so long you forgot what it was, could be another life form.......meatcake.

[Dash32]

You lost me at quantum superposition

[Needling Haystacks]

7199660 Ask me after a panel at a convention to learn more! Or you know, your local college physics department. Or don't ask, whichever. XP Obviously, I can't actually get into something like THAT in a convention panel...

7199658 Well, I assume you know it's also euphemistic slang. Not familiar with that Carlin bit. I mostly know his work on Shining Time Station. XP

[Hillbe]

7199700 Look up George Carlin and prepare to LYAO his work was timeless

[Clacksphob]

Grand, we both had the same incredibly lame pun and I doubt it's coincidence, seeing how the joke writes itself

[Needling Haystacks]

7207694 ...If you're on one of the same FB brony groups as me, I may have actually got the pun from you. PM me if you think it is: I couldn't find the originator when I went back to write this, so I couldn't give them credit. If you can show it's you, I'll append that to the author's notes.

[Clacksphob]

7207849
Nah, I'm most likely not. I just found it was a funny coincidence is all.

[Needling Haystacks]

7211905 Noted. I only wrote this 'cause whoever I saw that name from, I was like "This is too funny not to write something on."

It is one of the more obvious plays on words, if you've got a bit of a dirty mind.

[Clacksphob]

7212303
Doesn't take all that much, obviously still, a funny story!