Ok first off you don't have to add innuendo's for all the time the whole "Queen of a Thousand Nightmares" and "Fashionista" just gets really old and makes the story feel very clunky and off putting to read.
As the scrambled eggs disappeared and the bread went the way of all good food,
Again this feels like very overcompensating writing and fancy for the sake of fancy, just get to the point don't drag it out.
Short and sweet my friend short and sweet that makes it more appealing to read and makes a story feel less clunky.
Also was this chapter really necessary? If you are planning on doing just a shower scene at least have it have some clop in it, otherwise the pacing of this story is gonna get a bit slow pretty quick.
7325308 First of all: I disagree to a point. I left certain parts in for a good reason and I will return to them in the future. Maybe I have a bit too much fun with the flowery prose, but I don't want to turn it completely beige. Second: Yes, this chapter was necessary. My whole goal with this story is to depict a realistic, functioning and healthy S&M relationship. And taking care of the equipment, talking about themselves and their thoughts on it. I want to go into the logistics as well as the pure sexiness.
7325890 Alright, that's respectable, but some of the flower prose feels a bit forced I felt. True but don't make it to realistic remember stories are life with the boring parts taken out. Says the great Alfred Hitchcock.
Well this is interesting to say the least. I do wonder who when or if Spike will start to wonder how many men she has brought down there and shown this true side of her? Which that is really something most guys do not want to know about heir partner even more so when they are YOUR first. But I did also notice that I don't remember Rarity saying she will be exclusive with Spike, i mean we don't know what she really want or plan. She could tell Spike he is her fav boytoy but he isn't her only one. She want to be a queen and she will need subjects. And I don't think Spike could handle having to see Rarity with another guy. He has suffered through that for years and for her to make him do that right in front of his face in place she told him was so special would really hurt him. I just can't trust Rarity in all of this till we know for sure that she is committed right now to Spike.
7332343 While I will go a bit deeper into the origins (or rather awakening) of Rarity's fetish, I really don't see how you go from sadism to polyamory or cuckoldry. Yes, both are fetishes and cuckoldry includes a lot of humiliation, but I don't see her ever needing another partner to humiliate Spike. And she is a sadist, but she is in control of herself and would never lash out like that.
....
Ain't nobody got time for that!
sorrynotsorry
Ok first off you don't have to add innuendo's for all the time the whole "Queen of a Thousand Nightmares" and "Fashionista" just gets really old and makes the story feel very clunky and off putting to read.
Again this feels like very overcompensating writing and fancy for the sake of fancy, just get to the point don't drag it out.
Short and sweet my friend short and sweet that makes it more appealing to read and makes a story feel less clunky.
Also was this chapter really necessary? If you are planning on doing just a shower scene at least have it have some clop in it, otherwise the pacing of this story is gonna get a bit slow pretty quick.
7325308 First of all: I disagree to a point. I left certain parts in for a good reason and I will return to them in the future. Maybe I have a bit too much fun with the flowery prose, but I don't want to turn it completely beige.
Second: Yes, this chapter was necessary. My whole goal with this story is to depict a realistic, functioning and healthy S&M relationship. And taking care of the equipment, talking about themselves and their thoughts on it. I want to go into the logistics as well as the pure sexiness.
7325890 Alright, that's respectable, but some of the flower prose feels a bit forced I felt. True but don't make it to realistic remember stories are life with the boring parts taken out. Says the great Alfred Hitchcock.
Well this is interesting to say the least. I do wonder who when or if Spike will start to wonder how many men she has brought down there and shown this true side of her? Which that is really something most guys do not want to know about heir partner even more so when they are YOUR first. But I did also notice that I don't remember Rarity saying she will be exclusive with Spike, i mean we don't know what she really want or plan. She could tell Spike he is her fav boytoy but he isn't her only one. She want to be a queen and she will need subjects. And I don't think Spike could handle having to see Rarity with another guy. He has suffered through that for years and for her to make him do that right in front of his face in place she told him was so special would really hurt him. I just can't trust Rarity in all of this till we know for sure that she is committed right now to Spike.
7332343 While I will go a bit deeper into the origins (or rather awakening) of Rarity's fetish, I really don't see how you go from sadism to polyamory or cuckoldry. Yes, both are fetishes and cuckoldry includes a lot of humiliation, but I don't see her ever needing another partner to humiliate Spike. And she is a sadist, but she is in control of herself and would never lash out like that.
How's the story coming along?