The Fall

by QuickSticks45

Final

Trixie finally got some idea thought up, and just in time for she heard hove steps coming from the house.
A purple unicorn stood in the door way, Trixie was speechless, she had this whole thing planned out but she couldn't do anything about it. "Hello? oh hey Pinkie what did you want?" said the purple unicorn
"Oh i didn't want anything but this pony said that she was looking for you." Twilight turned her gaze onto Trixie and her eyes widened as she realized who the pony was.
"Oh! it's you Trixie right? what can i do you for?"
Trixie just stood there, she had no idea what to do she just stood there like an idiot and then it just flooded her.
All of the feelings from the past year the failed shows, the insults, losing her stage, her home, the poverty, the shame.

She just couldn't help it anymore she just started to cry, uncontrolled tears rolled down her face, the shame of just standing on somepony's door step, one who she doesn't really know just crying.
Twilight had no idea what to do, so she just offered the strange pony inside.
Pinkie pie left and Trixie slowly walked into the house confused and upset, she sat down in a chair and twilight offered her some tea.
Trixie still sobbing takes the cup and Twilight sits down on the chair across from her.
"So it's been a while hasn't it?" Trixie didn't know what to say she was still crying but not as bad as the sobbing she was doing before.
"Listen I know the last time we meet wasn't the best, i'm sorry that everypony expected so much from you that was unfair of them to do that, but i had to do something i didn't even know i could do what i did but i never intended for people to treat you any differently."
Trixie was confused, she didn't remember it happening like that, she must be lying she must!
"LIAR!" Trixie screamed, "YOU DID NOTHING OF THE SORT YOU HIT ME AND TOOK ALL OF THE FAME!"
"Trixie i didn't, it was the Ursa Minor that knocked you down and i had to step in"
"But but, no, you're right i guess, to tell the truth i don't really remember what happened that day it was a while ago"
Trixie said with a sigh.
"I guess i should just go, it's not like it was your fault. I guess i'll just go find a box to sleep in" Trixie said with a frown and tears starting again. "wait, what do you mean? what happened to your wagon?" Twilight asked.
"Because of what happened a year ago, everypony said that i was a fraud, they cursed me everywhere i went i had to sell it just so i could live, but what does it matter to you?" Trixie said with a scowl.
"I just won't allow it, no pony should have to live like that epically a great and powerful one at that"
Twilight said with a wink.
Trixie was caught off guard she had no idea that this once what she thought was an evil pony turned out to be one of the nicest she had met. Twilight let Trixie live with her and spike, and after a few weeks she got a job preforming at the sugar cube corner to attract more customers. She finally felt good again, her life wasn't fully fixed but she couldn't complain she had a job, a place to live, food, and most importantly friends.

Comments

[Lios]

I can only assume that this whole thing was intended as a joke.

[Obibital]

787
It actually wasn't, but it was his first story so give him a break eh?

I thought it was okay; Lots of grammar errors, typos, and mediocre sentence structure. I look forward to your future stories, just make sure you read over stuff before posting it!

[QuickSticks45]

790
Thanks Obi, I'll try

[Lios]

In that case, make sure you space into different paragraphs, which is currently the biggest flaw I see here.

Always look over what you write and see what needs to be fixed.

[QuickSticks45]

797

What do you mean by space into different paragraphs?

[Lios]

798

Read other stories for an example. You have everything jumbled up into one massive mess in chapter 3, and it's not spaced out very well in chapter 1. Basically, you don't want a big giant mass of text. You have to space it out to make it look nicer and be easier for the reader to read.

[Lios]

Oh, and you might want to get into the habit of breaking dialogue into new lines. Helps the reader keep track of who's talking and when.

[Hyperion]

798
had the same problem too when i was starting out. the story was good.
just remember this if someone gives you crap about your work: "...as long as an author writes from their soul and works hard at it no matter what their circumstances, you can never make anything that others won't like"

A good friend help me out when i wanted to give up on writing. i'll always remember him.

[QuickSticks45]

805
Thanks for the criticism, i'll make sure i do that next time

809
Thank you i'm glad you liked the story, and thank you for the quote as well :)

[confetti91]

The story had a good idea, but it has a few problems.
Length: Stories don't have to be long but this one went too fast for the idea it had.
Grammar: Needs to be seperated into more paragraphs, like everytime somepony talks, and just needs a quick skim through to find spelling errors.
Okay first story, could have been a bit better.

Aside from a few grammatical errors, I enjoyed it! :3

wat