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During a festival in Equestria Pinkie Pie accidentally destroys a gypsy's home and in revenge she curses her. But her friends will pay the consequences of her mistake and now Pinkie, with the help of her sisters has to find a way to break the curse.
A crossover between My Little Pony and Them's Fightin' Herds.
Cover art by The-Butch-X.
Thanks to forestpip and Night_Shadow12 for the editing!
Now rated T for some allegories and allusions.
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7126167 hi
Great story, keep it up!
7126551 I haven't read the story. What makes it racist?
7126763
Um... What if the gypsy is evil not because she's a gypsy? I mean, if this one particular gypsy is putting curses on ponies, this one particular gypsy wouldn't exactly be good
Keyword: "an." As in singular. For a negative judgement to be considered racist, it needs to be generalized. As in plural.
If the author claimed "All gypsies are evil," then that would be racist. Calling one individual who does questionable things "evil" is not racist.
7127154 It's actually totally fine
7126763
You're putting a LOT of words in his mouth here.
Well, I guess now I have to read this story to see if it's really "racist", so I guess you gave him some free advertising.
Interesting premise. A little heavy on the exposition, and some word usage was a little off. This isn't meant as an insult or anything, but is English your native language?
I also like how the Alpaca reacted realistically and wasn't at all presented in a racist way. I think someone would have to judge the entire story based on the description instead of actually reading it to perceive anything here as racist.
7127154
Again, it might just happen that THIS ONE SINGLE GYPSY does know how to cast curses. The author is not claiming that EVERY GYPSY IN THE WORLD is an evil spell-caster.
And I know you're just a sad, pathetic troll that will never get any other satisfaction than getting a rise out of others. But that's fine, because I get a satisfaction of proving people of obtuse minds just how wrong and obtuse they are.
7127774 Because using racist stereotypes in fiction affects nobody in tangible ways. If you're offended, you don't have to read this. But I don't care about racist humor unless the story has some kind of discriminatory agenda.
Stop making a fuss about this.
7128368 This isn't even racist, the mystic Gypsy stereotype is more of a cliche plot device than racist caricature...
How come smash get's the sledge hammer to the balls, but Sam Rami can make an entire film about it:
or in Sherlock holmes
or this classic film
7128770 Because we live in an outrage culture where people believe that their being offended by something translates into an automatic right to see it removed from existence.
The good news is that the loud minority is still a minority, and (though it can be difficult at times) can safely be ignored outright.
7128779 Yeah i found smash's story to be actually quite interesting and an innovative premise, the fact that ironically some people can't look past superficial means or glances of words, and make a huge thing baout nothing is stupid, and childish...
7128779
HOLD ON ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU HATE MINORITIES I DEMAND YOU DELETE YOURSELF FROM THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!
7129056 :c
7127380 No it isn't. If you want to know I'll give you this clue: check out the groups I'm in and spot the odd one.
Well this is a sudden dark turn.
The whole gypsy thing aside, this story does has some striking issues. For one, we have all this death and cannibalism and whatnot, and yet for some reason there's a comedy tag instead of dark. Or at least maybe have a sad tag for all the death and mental torment. In addition, the story itself is very inconsistent. All of Pinkie's family dies, but suddenly it was all a dream and they're alive, but suddenly a lot wasn't a dream and everything else still happened. Ponyville is like a ghost town with ponies raring to attack the castle, but Ethnicfest is smoothly finishing up the next day. Discord's best plan of action is to woo the gypsy until she sees the error of her ways? And the only way to remind her friends of themselves is to sing a song she'd never sung with them before (which doesn't even work)? It also reads like a rough first draft, and is in serious need of a proofreader and editor.
That being said, the concept itself is not bad. The idea of a crossover between these franchises is conceivable, and could easily make for a good story. However, any such semblance is lost here behind the pile of unnecessary death, lack of comedy, and inconsistent plot. Overall, the gypsy issue is the least of your story's problems.
7138186 AT LAST SOMEONE WHO COMMENTS ABOUT THE STORY ITSELF AND NOT THE DILEMMA!
As for the issues you mentioned: yes, there is a hint about death and cannibalism but it's very brief, that's why I didn't add it. The comedy it's just present in the first chapter, the rest is a drama. Some of these are the reason is tagged random. Like I said in the intro this plot got through a lot of changes while it was in my desktop and it was one of the hardest to write because of that. I'll add the changes you mentioned so it could fit better. And if the story didn't caught your attention it's ok, I comprehend, this experience teached me how to deal with these situations (the warning will leave the description someday).
Also I asked for an editor long before this was published, he answered he wanted to help me, I accepted and I delivered the draft to him. This was the final result he gave me (and if you're wondering I gave him an entire month for it). All I can say is that this started up as an experiment and ended up as a "what if" project.
7133417
Edit 1;
Original sentence: The rest of the Mane 6 were no exception: Applejack and Pinkie Pie prepared the food, Fluttershy took a tour for all of them across the town, Rainbow Dash entertained them with acrobatic stunts and Rarity opened a small souvenir shop so they could bought some clothes.
Edit 2;
Original sentence: “Ah Ethnicfest, the festival where all species different from ponies worked to be like us”, said Rainbow Dash. tip: don't use a comma after speech marks as they aren't needed.
Edit 3;
Original sentence: “You can even heard all of them saying ‘hello’ to each other”, said Fluttershy agreeing with her friend.
Edit 4;
Original sentence: “Hey that’s me!” said Pinkie Pie excited when she looked the first card and noticed the drawing, she did the same with the second one. “And that’s you!”
Edit 5;
Original sentence: Your a stupid, tupid pony!” she shouted to all of Equestria and pointed to the pink pony. “I cursed you. Bad luck will fall on you and the ones you love!”
Edit 6;
Original sentence: Fluttershy kept her promised and stayed with Pinkie the rest of the day.
Edit 7;
Original sentence: “Ok”, Twilight started the list. “So for tomorrow Rarity will sell hats and saddlebags, Applejack will prepare apple fritter, Rainbow Dash is going to brought them to the highest cliff for some gliding and–” future tense, not past tense
Edit 8;
Original sentence: Twilight we have a problem”, Rainbow Dash interrupted her and pointed Pinkie who was lying on the floor on a fetal position.
Edit 9;
Original sentence: “How many times do I have to repeat it?” Twilight desperate levitated Pinkie with her magic and shook her up.
Edit 10;
Original sentence: "Good night Pinkie Pie!” all said it at the same time.
Edit 11;
Original sentence: The next morning she was awaken to bake the next round of cupcakes for the day, the door opened and two customers entered to Sugarcube Corner.
Edit 12;
Original sentence: Pinkie got out of the kitchen with a fray full of cupcakes to welcome them.
Edit 13;
Original sentence: The pink pony dropped the fray and the cupcakes touched the ground in slow motion.
Edit 14;
Original sentence: “Well if Twilight hadn’t dragged me so hard there the tent wouldn’t burned and everything would be fine.”
Edit 15;
Original sentence: “Or maybe if Applejack wouldn’t spot the tent in the first place.”
Edit 16;
Original sentence:“Ah was just tryin’ to spent time with ya.”
Edit 17;
Original sentence:Suddenly everypony fell to the ground; a pain surrounded their bodies and their screams of agony covered the air. Physical changes were occurring to each one: Rarity’s legs extended, Fluttershy, who had fallen of her friend’s back, saw how wool was replacing her disappeared fur, Applejack’s tail went from being of keratin to bone, Twilight’s horn enlarged and curved and Rainbow Dash’s teeth fell out of her mouth to be replaced with new sharp ones. The only thing Pinkie could do was watched them suffer.
Edit 18;
Original sentence:“This is worse than I thought. I have to visit my sisters right now, in the meantime take shelter on Twilight’s home, I Pinkie promised I’ll save you.”
All edits are simple and are put in chronological order, this is a very good chapter. Edits will be recorded in the next chapter, you will receive the notification about this normally.
Edits for chapter two
Edit 1;
Original sentence: At the rock farm Pinkie told to her sisters about the problem hoping they’ll help her.
Edit 2;
Original sentence: “Now if you excused me I had to go back to work, those rocks won’t crush by themselves.”
Edit 3;
Original sentence: “I want proofs of what you’re saying, we know you like being in your imaginative world.”
Edit 4;
Original sentence: the youngest of the Pies died squished.
Edit 5;
Original sentence: "They’re dead and I’m the only guilty. Maud I need to–”
Edit 6;
Original sentence: When Pinkie exited her destroyed house she headed to Ponyville, since she knew that only Twilight could cast Discord with her magic.
Edit 7;
Original sentence: Carrying them in her back and digging a pair of holes with her own hooves she excavated graves for them and put them there, covered them with dirt and used tree bark to mark the place.
Edits for chapter three
Edit 1;
Original sentence: They weren’t the same ponies she had become friends long ago.
Edit 2;
Original sentence: Applejack moo, instantly covering her mouth in afterwards. “Sorry.”
Edit 3;
Original sentence: Fluttershy is cryin’ on the corner and Rainbow Dash is chained in the basement”, said Applejack.
Edit 4;
Original sentence: Why does he had to be so... tasty?”
Edit 5;
Original sentence: “You don’t let me finish my sentence. I said I’m not going to hurt you... I’m just going to bash your brains.”
Edit 6;
Original sentence: She exit the room as she briefly saw her friend lunging the bucket and devouring the fish heads.
Edit 7;
Original sentence: “Why don’t you tell me about that before?!”
Edit 8;
Original sentence: “It was the only way we could save ourselves, she doesn’t even knows her own name anymore for peach’s sake!
Edit 9;
Original sentence: Both Rarity and Applejack nodded Twilight and she tried to use her new magic to cast Discord and unlike the last time this was much faster, probably because she didn’t noticed she was using dark magic
Edit 10;
Original sentence: Applejack moo once more and, like before, she covered her mouth. “Sorry again.”
Edit 11;
Original sentence: “Fluttershy is also cursed; she’s now a lamb, can’t even walk and it’s cryin’ on that corner.”
Edit 12;
Original sentence: Paprika took the nearest thing she had available and threw it to Pinkie Pie, unfortunately for her the pony not only dodge the throw but also catch the object.
Edit 13;
Original sentence: Paprika run to her trying to recover her item, only to receive a punch in the face.
All edits in chronological order
7143712
7143789
7143905 Done. Thank you!
7138505 Edits for chapter 4 (all edits are in chronological order from start to finish)
Edit 1;
Original sentence: Limestone looked her up and when she realized her little sister was awake she smiled surprised and happy.
Edit 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7;
Original sentence: Maud and Marble entered rapidly in the bedroom, once they noticed her sister was awake Marble run to her, jumped to the bed and gave her a huge hug. Maud walked calmly into, carrying a letter with her, but something said she was as excited as them.
Edit 8;
Original sentence: Pinkie Pie looked them up.
Edit 9;
Original sentence: Why you would care anyway?
Edit 10;
Original sentence: The ungulates looked to each other.
Edit 11;
Original sentence: You were ponies like me and we had saved the world multiple times. We were in a festival and you befriend her but because I accidentally destroyed her home and cursed me because of that and the curse was all of you transforming into her old friends so she was able to be with you once more and the only reason I’m guessing I’m here at her wedding is for her to tell me ‘in your face, now your friends are mine and you’ll be alone forever.’
Edit 12;
Original sentence: Pinkie Pie then began to speak as she watched them walking away from her, although her sobbing make her difficult to understand she knew what she was singing.
Edit 13;
Original sentence: Nopony better say nothing bad about, you my friend. unnecessary comma
Edit 14;
Original sentence: Maud, Limestone and Marble heard her from afar and run to her as fast as they could.
Edit 15 and 16;
Original sentence: She commanded her sisters to take her to the alpaca, they placed her on the wheelchair and move her.
That's all the edits for this chapter and the story, I hope this was helpful. Thank you again for notifying me.
7144772 all commas after speach marks are completely unnecessary please remove them!
7145932
7146363 Everything done (commas included)
7147007 much better and much cleaner, thank you. I hope you like the look of it!
Wait, is Spike still dead?
I am going to ask this question only once: IS there A Lauren Faust cameo in this story or not ?
8149746 No. This project is dead for me anyway.
Good news! There's a Them's Fightin' Herds series tag now!