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When a tragic event befalls Applejack, she takes drastic measures in an effort to prevent it. But can a simple farm pony make a difference in the face of an inevitable end?
A story about the sacrifices we aren't willing to make, and those that we are.
- Edited, attacked, and generally made better by Exuno.
Featured on EqD, rated Star-5.
NO! 
Oh AJ, why???? 
Anyway, interesting concept! Time loop stuff is always fun for me to read, and this was quite good. Sometimes the deaths feel a little abrupt, like we don't get quite enough time to take in the impact - although, this might just be because we see it coming after the first time. But the emotions are good, and the back story, while vague, is intriguing.
Nicely done. (I rarely say that about MLP fics- in all the ones I have read most have left me sorely disappointed.)
Some work could be done with AJ's dialect- making it a little more pronounced would go a long way. The idea that she would do that for Mac is very in character though.
I am rather confused on the premiss of the fic- how was AJ getting the visions? You mentioned Twilight, and dreaming- so is the reader to assume that she got the visions in an enchanted sleep from Twilight?
Lastly, I love the use of repetitiveness in this. Anaphora and epiphora are literary devices I hardly see used in fanfiction which make a wonderful tool for writing. The last line could be a little more ... eloquent, but perhaps that was purposeful.
Sweet, it's finally up. Arcainum, I'm sure I made my thoughts on this pretty clear while I was editing it, but for the rest of you: This was a beautiful piece on the nature of AJ's and Mac's character and the lengths they're willing to go for each other, along with their own stubborness. The scene between the two of them on the field really was one of the most touching scenes I've read in a while, and that's why I'm still not confident the ending was the right one, even if was just as strong in it's own way.
On a different note, this was my first time editing, so commentary on mistakes I may have made would be appreciated (from anyone, I mean). The biggest changes I recommmended were removing extended explanations on how exactly everything was happening, because they really weren't critical to the story and destroyed the pacing. Everything was still understandable, right? I suppose Arcy or I would be cool with trying to detail the pseudo-physics of it later, but there should be enough information to figure it all out, so I'll wait and see what gets come up with first. The other point I'm curious about is if leaving the end of the fifth segment as purely implied worked. Other than that I look forward to seeing the reaction.
Well ...
Just ... well ...
I don't really know what to say to that. I got chills when I realized what happened, and then the ending...
I can't help but feel happy and sad at the ending. At least she got the second best thing, I suppose...
Damnit Arcainum, I wasn't planning on being depressed tonight. Good job on this.
very well written and sweet to the brink of touch. i give this story a thumbs up. you made the concept awsome, plot was great, and most of all, the inspiring quote you taught me today.
- ‘To my eternal shame, I am unable to perform that which destiny demands of me, and I am sorry. To those who would follow in my hoofsteps, know this. Destiny will have its way. It simply does not care with whom.’ -
i understand stand this phrase fully. when she said this she knew someone was going to die, but as she said it didnt matter WHOM did. it will have its way no matter what. but all in all, great story. 
~Dillan2046~
>>750649 Sorry, brain =(
>>750800 WHO'DA THUNK
>>750900 Yeah, I kind of tried to make each death a little less involved, to sort of imply that AJ was, despite herself, becoming kind of jaded to the experience (a horrible thing is almost always slightly less horrible the second time, I've found). It wasn't something that I specifically aimed for though, which is why I guess it didn't come across that well.
And yes, time loops are great. This also proves that I am incapable of taking a simple prompt and just USING it. Nope. Godquills and time-travel.
>>750913 The accent is something I struggled with. I feared over-accenting greatly and I ended up deciding too dry was better than too ridiculous, considering the nature of the fic. As to the physics of it all, that's one legit interpretation! And lastly, yes! Repetition doesn't get used enough. I read a fabulous horror story once that was just the same short description of day in the life of a guy over and over again, with minor changes everytime until everything had gone horribly wrong.
>>751126 Why does everyone call me Arcy? I mean, Arc I would understand, but Arcy? I sound like a lovable 80s cartoon sidekick. But yeah. This guy. This guy is cool. Everyone should give this guy love. This fic was way worse before he got his hands on it.
>>751244 Sowwy =(
>>751300 Thank you! And... yeah, that is a pretty sweet quote ¬_¬
>>751354 Thank you.
>>751462 Oh, curses! There's always something.
Heh, ah well. I'm sending it to EqD soon, maybe that'll give it a boost.
>>751661 Yes! It was originally going to be part of the SALT contest, but I didn't like the picture we were required to use and I ended up liking the fic too much to rush it out, so I backed out.
-----
Thanks for commenting, everyone! I think this is probably my favourite fic as of now, so it's great to get feedback.
Just went through this and I see you really cut down on the Applejack/Twilight scenes. I suppose the other way explained too much and this leaves things more ambiguous.
Either way, this was some excellent writing. When I first went through it, I was going to comment that it had a Groundhog's Day feel but the deeper I went, it started taking on more of a Twilight Zone feel. This is certainly a break away from your normally comedic and slapstick style of writing but you managed to pull it off nicely.
I'm actually glad you restrained yourself from giving Applejack too much of an accent. I've seen some stories where her dialog is filled with more apostrophes than letters! Anyone that has seen the show can fill in her quirky accent themselves is how I go about it.
Very fine fic! This is something to be proud of!
First of all, congratulations on a wonderful piece of work. This one of the best one-shots (if not THE best) I've read ever since I became a bronie.
Second, you're now on my WATCH LIST! ... Not in a creepy way.
Third, may I be so humble as to suggest a sequel to this? I mean, think about what all this means for the story, Equestria. The loss of an element, Twilight who will be racked with guilt for sure because of her part in all this, Big Mac who shall NEVER KNOW the reason it all happened... Do I have to continue? lol
Meinos Kaen out!
Edit: Also, you're getting reviewed and reccomended on my blog.
I'm a sap for the "heroic sacrifice" schtick.
This was very well done. I thought the reveal of the spell was done at an excellent pace. I knew where it was going, but I was still surprised at the end. I was not expecting the "doesn't care for whom."
Exceedingly good. Bravo.
Good story, but I do not like the message of it. Are you saying that you should be selfish? Applejack did not want to live with the death of her brother, so essentially she committed suicide. She could not deal with the grief, so she decided to escape it without thought about how others would feel?
>>753270 She was stubborn, not grief-stricken. Like in The Last Roundup, all she could see was what she considered her own failure. Her tragic flaw is her unwillingness to give in. One of them had to die, and she'd rather it be her. It's not that she's running away from the grief, it's that she Honestly considers her actions the lesser of two evils.
I personally consider it more of a character piece - it's about what she thinks, not what I'm trying to say.
EDIT: Thank you for questioning it, though. It's made me think about it more.
>>753415 That's very magnanimous of you! Thank you.
I have very few strongly-defined opinions on the world in general, you see! I write (pony or otherwise) because I like to tell stories. I don't know if that means I can never write anything truly worthwhile, but... Well, I'm having fun!
>>751764 Yeah, I wondered what you'd think when you saw 2000 words just vanish xD Thanks for proof-reading it though! This is probably my most polished fic yet - which is faintly embarassing to say. I seriously don't put enough effort in.
>>751968 You were having enough? I thought I was going to get this out in, like, two or three days, and it ended up taking more than a week xD Thanks for the compliment though and... well, the prompt in the first place! I know it was a bit cheeky nabbing the prompt and such then just upping sticks.
>>752980 Thank you kindly! Might I have a link to said blog?
>>753010 Yes, the pacing of the reveal was one of my major concerns. Exuno ripped about a fifth of the fic out from under me after I showed him the first draft =p As for being a sap for heroic sacrifices... aren't we all? ¬_¬
>>753772 Yay, thumbs!
That was awesome, once again. I KNEW there was a reason for having you on my watch list. Aside from the lulzy blog posts, of course.
I'm a sucker for well-written stories, especially character pieces like this one. I'd love to see more like this - not time traveling, but deep inspections to each character's... character.
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, though I'm not sure what there is to say that hasn't already been said. Everything seemed very in-character and I adore the quote about destiny. I rather liked the ambiguity of the scenes with Twilight and since it's been noted in the comments, I appreciate that you left out writing her accent - it definitely helped with the gravity of the fic and for it to be too emphasized would have been out of place. I really think Applejack is an interesting character and as such I enjoy character fics about her the most. Overall, an excellent one-shot that definitely ears the thumbs-up.
>>754609 I know, right? I actually wrote something passable! It took me a while, BUT I GOT THERE. Also "lulzy blog posts" <3
>>755087 Thank you kindly, I shall keep an eye out x)
>>755277 Five Should Be Enough starring Richard Gere? It could happen.
>>761621 See, this is why I'm glad I held back and got this edited. You say you liked the ambiguity of the Twilight segments? There's 2000 words of those that got cut =p Applejack is a weird one for me. While I like all the ponies equally, I'd definitely say I think about her the least. The only reason I even wrote this fic was because the picture on the contest was AJ. Anyways, thank you for your feedback! Comments longer than a line are authorial ambrosia.
I honestly have no idea which film you were thinking of.
I saw Richard Gere and was like 
.
I really liked the movie, but there are mixed views on it.
If you wish to read up on it, here is the IMDb page for the movie.
Wow.
That story just made love to my brain and I want to have its thought babies.
That was a bit weird way of saying I liked it wasn't it.
OK. Serious now. I loved the concept and it really fit with the characters.
Gotta ask though.
Mac was in the middle of an open area with nothing to fall on him. What did you envisioned as the way he died the 5th time?
This, this is beautiful. The idea, the way it's written, portrayed, the characters, the emotion, the stress, the tension. A masterpiece, I cried, AJ is my favourite character, and I love her in oh so many ways (platonically). This must be in my top three favourite/best fanfics; this isn't repetitive, the way the love between a family and the desperate situation Applejack is in is shown. I'm emotional and sensitive; though I said it before I want to say it again, I cried. I would hug you if I met you, and more hugs. Thank you for this story, thank you.
It's on Equestria Daily, too.
I liked this. Normally I would have just written it off (it's been done once before in "The Best NIght Ever", which is one of the single best pieces of MLP fanfiction out there - I recommend it if you haven't seen it), but this is good, solid writing. I knew what would happen here, but it was worth it for the story.
That said, there wasn't a whole lot of "wow" or deep, original insight. This sort of time-cycle fic doesn't need much of those to be a fantastic piece of writing as long as it's well thought-out. This sort of fic has a bunch already built-in. But without them*, this is sort of predictable, and lacks "wow" to someone familiar with this sort of fic.
Edit: *"without new ones too"
You know how this story is really f*cking with my mind?
The paragraph breaks. There has to be some sort of pattern. A certain number of tildes before and after the slash. So... I'm guessing the number of tildes before the slash is the point in time where she's talking to Twilight (possibly the number of times she has casted the spell), and the number of tildes after the slash is the "loop" # of Mac's fate? eh... maybe.
God, this is deep and surreal. You've outdone yourself. 5/5!
amazing story, and now i'm sad.
I really wanted AJ to succeed (though I guess you can say she still did), still a part of me knew this would happen.
And Time Loops!!! 
Why didn't I think of that? It's genius!
edit: And than AJ woke up in the hospital. She was dead, but only for a few minutes. Big Mac was able to lift the tree with his great strength; the "curse" was broken. And the reader didn't have an enormous amount of feels, except those of happiness.
Now I have to go cheer myself up. Why must this story be so good that I keep visiting it?
Well, another sad fic down the drain. Whenever I bring myself to reading a fic at all it always comes down to a sad fic. Brain, why do you do this to me. It was a great fic and I loved it, I'm sad that AJ died . I guess she died the way she wanted to, protecting her family
Sads, I have them.
Commenting because I simply MUST KNOW what went wrong in the lay-in-the-field loop! It's not explained! What happened? How did it happen? Why didn't it work? I hate loose ends. Gotta know! Did Big Mac meet his end, just dropped dead? Did a meteor fall from the sky? Did they both stay safe but the fire proceeded as expected and wiped out Apple Bloom and Granny? Did the spell kick in prematurely and reset the day because he was gonna be safe and that wasn't acceptable? Hopefully I've translated my desperate dissatisfaction through text here... 
Also, what does 5 have to do with anything?
Great story - the ending made me so sad though. 
But I think that's the type of pony Applejack is - I totally think she'd do that for any member of her family.
Reminds me a bit of a book I read - "Before I Fall" - by Lauren Oliver. If you haven't read it, you might like it.
Holy shat.
That wasn't a happy story. 
Still trying to understand everything with the Twilight spell. I figure that's what caused the loop. But... do you think Big Mac might try and cause a loop to save AJ and then everything would go crazy all over again? 
My head hurts from the time loopage. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. *doctor whooves face*
Oh, and grats on the EqD feature.
Now I'm trying to imagine some kind of alternate Luna universe version of Fluttershy with a moth cutie mark, great.
And now that it's been up on EqD for half a day and gotten most of the reception it's probably going to get, it's time for some behind-the-scenes bonus answers for those of you who stuck around! Skip over this if you want to keep some of that ambiguity.
You basically nailed it. The basic principle of the timeline here was that Twilight casts a spell that rewinds time five times, with Applejack only able to get her memory fully back on the final iteration. The dashes represent the original casting. Of course, Five Is Not Enough, so she forces Twilight to do it again, this time creating a cycle that includes all five of the original loops. Then we get ~/~, ~/~~, and so on. Since the explanation of all this was really long and ruined the pacing, only made sense half the times you thought about it, I advised on trimming it down to what you see here, and I think the story's the better for it.
And the other big cut! All of those are valid explanations. Though if you have to know, originally there was a scene of AJ going back to the farmhouse, nothing having happened, and then time suddenly cutting back because the spell is just arbitrary like that. It ruined the impact of the scene, and raised some weird questions, so we agreed that letting you guys draw your own conclusions was better. I personally like to imagine there were several days of normalcy before Big Mac died some other way and it triggered, or that they come back to the news that Apple Bloom saved Sweetie's life out on one of their crusades.
And finally someone proposes that! It was so hard to agree with my better instincts that cutting to "Eeeyup. Five should be enough." would be an awful and cliché and corny way of ending the fic. The mental image of the two sibling's stubbornness effectively ending the progression of time in Equestria is still pretty impressive, though. There's a ton of other ways things can go after, too. If you picked up on it, the final iteration would only be loop 5-1, meaning that depending on the mechanics of the time travel, AJ could wake up the next morning just the same, four more times. From there it's anyone's guess if she can finally come to accept that Mac is just as willing to save his sibling as she is, or if she can find the courage to face her death over and over.
Anyway! There's my entirely-too-verbose final thoughts. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I did, it was a pleasure to be able to participate in this process, even just a little bit.
Great story, gave me the feel I used to have while watching Steins;Gate...
My only complain would be that AJ never tried asking her friends for help while being aware of the loops. Though I know that it'd kill the storyline in some sense, so...
Thank you for this great fic!
That's just...
I mean...
I could tell what Applejack was going to do in the end as soon as the second loop started turning ugly, and I spent the rest of the story just begging her not to do it. Seeing it coming didn't soften the blow any, though. Very good writing.
Wow. Now I need to hunt down something that ends with Applejack all happy and alive and stuff. I can't go to bed with that being the last image in my head.
Wow. Just...wow. I am almost stunned. Throughout the entire thing I was totally confused but at the end I began to make sense of it and then. Wow. I am still just trying to think wtf just happened.
I realise that AJ had visions about Big Mac's death and sacrificed herself for Mac but i am still...confused. Thank you for a very good story, il be thinking about it for a very long time trying to fully comprehend it
Yup, good story. Glad you took out the 2000 words between Applejack and Twilight. It's really unneeded, what you have now tells enough. Greened thumbed. Great characterization of Applejack. Very touching, not as difficult to take as I thought when I first read the description. In the end, Applejack did what she thought was best. Sometimes a hero has to die. Keep up the great work!
Absolutely fantastic story. The characters, the writing, the emotion; it's all done very well. I'm struggling to find any negatives. I have to actually point out the pacing, which in most fics is either just a pass/fail type of deal, but this story's pacing somehow stands out on its own as being great. I suppose the time-loop nature of the plot gives it more prominence. The narration reflects Applejack's increasing urgency and panic (and ultimate acceptance) perfectly. The parts with Twilight work beautifully, revealing just enough to provide the necessary information and intrigue without being distracting.
That said, my curiosity is piqued. Is there any way one could read the parts you removed from the story? I can understand an author's reluctance to share unfinished/unpolished material, but I for one would love to see the "beta version" which has more of Twilight and her magic.
"Would you take a bullet for me?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because if I had enough time to see, process, and react to the bullet firing, and do so before it hit you, you should be out of the way already. Or I could, you know, tackle you in such a way that it wouldn't kill either one of us. If I have to take a bullet for you because you're just that stupid, you deserve to be hit. Also, IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY!"
Amazing story. It reminded me of Inception (5 dreamlike scenarios, going deeper each time), Final Destination (cheating death), Groundhog Day (reliving the same day) and most importantly The Time Machine (the unchangeable destiny) movies.
I have to admit that I was thinking of the very similar idea for the next story (with maybe a tad more final approach to death). But what you've written is so much better than what I could ever hope to achieve. 
Because you have shown what I would have merely told.
Kudos to you good sir, for this wonderful story. 
I read this story a while ago, but didn't make a FIMFiction account until later on. I tracked down a lot of fanfics that I enjoyed, and I had to make sure that this one got the "like" and the "favorite" it deserved.
It was interesting how you took a "Groundhog's Day" approach, with each day repeating itself for the most part. Even with all the things Applejack tried to do to prevent her brother's death, it still ended in tragedy. The point where this story really began to shine was where no matter what actions Applejack took, Big Macintosh would die. At that point, it no longer was so much a battle against fate as fate would always win out by the end of the day. It was her sacrifice at the very end that was the greatest; not only did it show her acceptance of what fate had in store that day, but also how she was able to end the cycle on her own terms.
And that's the beauty of it. Fate may have chosen the destination, but Applejack was still able to choose the path.
One thing I wanted to let you know, Arcainum, is that I'm glad you ended the story the way you did. I would've actually been disappointed if Applejack didn't make the sacrifice to end the cycle.
Oh how I enjoy mentally exploring the possibilities of time loops! This particular journey, like all the others, has many different things to explore. Take for instance the possibility of Big Mac not accepting Applejack's death. That could very well lead to him letting her kick the tree so he can save her, thus the opening scenario. It would also explain how he 'detected' the rot in the tree so easily. Normally because time is such an unstable dimension it would require that every loop be played out exactly the same as the last for time to remain intact. Time is connected with space, so it could be that certain rules for the objects of space apply to time. That could mean that in accordance with Quantum Theory a mere Deja Vu, an observation, could change the scenario (which if Quantum Theory is still in effect is possible since in it everything a particle does is unpredictable) rendering time destoyed. So it could be said that the mere existence of a time loop would destroy time itself. Keep in mind I am in no way disregarding this story, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Like I said, I enjoy exploring time loops.
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That's an interesting take on them.
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