Pretty much what you’d expect. Ends as well as you might imagine.
Just a short one-shot for fun.
Chapters (1)
Tartarusbound
Joined 31st Jan, 2015 ·
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The synopsis makes it sound like this story needs a dark tag? Why doesn't it have one?
7079302 I'm not sure that a dark tag is really warranted here, actually. If it's a dark comedy, this thing is a good 70 or 80% comedy. The ponies don't actually use weaponry to harm one another and the story ends on a pretty high note without ever reaching the darkness/dread that the dark tag normally invokes (at least IMHO). Of course, I'm horribly biased and I might be incredibly off-base.
Should this be a dark story?
7079356 Nah, just put in the description something witty, like "No ponies were injured in the making of this story." In spoiler text or something, and it should be fine.
Stab stab stab
Morbid curiosity and a hint of fear dragged me to this story. The laughs made me stay. My only critique is that about midway through the story it becomes all too easy to lose the thread of who's saying what. I had to reread several lines. And... that's it. Not a lot else here. Still laughed.
I was really expecting one of them to accidentally gouge out the other's eye with their butter knife there at the end. Glad you didn't do that, mostly because it would have been predictable but also because that's where I personally draw the line between [Teen] and [DARK].
7079956 And just like that, your comment became more violent than the entire story. Congratulations.
7080672 Glad that I was able to provide laughs. This was my first real attempt at writing comedy (along with my first extended dialogue) so I'm glad that I was mostly-successful.
Makes me think of the old song, lets see it it lives up to it.
Eh, close enough.
7082091
Damnation. You beat me to it. They should have had a tickle fight instead.
Tickle fight! It's a tickle fight! Don't bring no knife to a tickle fight!
Just bring your hooves, or bring a feather, and
Everyone can sing together, now:
Tickle fight! Tickle fight! La-dee-da dum dum tickle fight!
Tickle fight! Tickle fight! Whoopy-doo zig zag tickle fight!
Ding dong doodly nick nack noodly
Fee fi fo fum kitten kaboodly!
Tickle fight! Tickle fight! Tickle Tickle Tickle fight! HEY!