Page generated in 0.041 seconds
Total duration
1,044 users online
1,967,863 hits today, 2,818,023 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Dang, really pulled on the old heartstrings!
Noice! Onwards!
I shall start this one now hehe
very nice fitting music
also nearly had me in tears (it was that well written the guilt she feels) I say nearly you would have had me in tears if.... SOME COMPLETE FUCKING ARSEHOLE DIDNT START BANGING ON MY DOOR AND RUINED THE FUCKING MOMENT!!!!!........ Thanks, roommateFucking arsehole
Let me put this into perspective for you, you know Lassy I laughed at it
Nice three chapters, although I thought the Griffon cunt needed a WAY more painful death (THE FUCKING COWARD CUNT BITCH OF A WHORE KILLED CIVILIANS!!!).
And I'm still waiting for someone to ask CTS "and who exactly is this Major you keep bringing up?"
7121715 Yeah, the expressions from that answer should be priceless
A heartwarming moment was what we needed. Good to see they are growing fond of each other. The princess of friendship stands up to her title.
7121790
As their expressions to when she will eat meat again
7121715 haha totally I can't wait for their reactions! oh its going to be so priceless.
7120864
All in all it is way too long. While it is good to get information the description is a wall of text and at the least my mind goes to "tl;dr" mode. Also to readers of previous story it is confusing since it does not address the end of the previous one in quick way.
To improve it i would suggest making shorter version of it and make sure that the timeline of this story as compared to previous one is mentioned within few first sentences. You can keep the old one since it gives a lot of information but i would personally think shorter brief above it which is clearly marked would help people start reading the story.
7120869
All in all this is a time loop story. Only thing that has changed between the universes is the Starlight's time-spell and what Twilight calls a wildcat event. It would explain the changes in the past and of presence of folding space spells in Commanders Equestria and keeping the worlds somewhat the same.
Few things that seem to be certain: Starlight Glimmer cast the time-spell in only 1 of the universes. In that princess universe some spells are not present but reality has not been shaped different by the lack of the spell as compared to commander universe it means that there is some kind of temporal sustaining loop going on. The spells mentioned, known by commander seem to me be very similar to those used by the cult.
My current theory is that it was no mere happenstance that brought Commander to the Equestria as it seemed to be pivotal moment of the effects kicking in. If i had to make a guess Commander is the solution to the end of the time-loop, since the spell NEEDS to be cast or time-loop never happened.
Hmm, can't wait for her to meet Razorwing in this alt universe... I mean I can see it now, Princess Celestia introduces them to a griffon specialist sent to aid them with their lil problem, and bam! Guess who it is! Let the hilarity ensue!~
Oh, and just as a lil side note, your most common spelling error seems to be the word 'rapid'. I constantly, through this story and all throughout the last one, see you using the word 'rabid'. Sometimes it's funny as all getout, something along the lines of 'Twilight moved rabidly through the halls'. I could see her running while foaming at the mouth, even though I know that it was meant to be rapidly... just something that sticks out and makes me laugh!
Keep up the good work, though doing a quick re-read of your work would likely cut down on over half of the errors.
7121565 well I am sorry to hear the moment was ruined for you but I was glad that the moment at least started as that was what I was going for with both the interlude and the chapter after.
7121593 pretty much, she only goes full Joker when extracting information from the enemy. or when she is alone with them....or when they are simple the enemy.
7121728 I do have a very hiliaoise idea planed for everyone finding out who the Major is
7122147 I'm glad as I haven't ever written something in reverse chronological order like that before but I felt it was appropriate.
7122450 I don't see it as a problem.
7124699 they will have to drag her from the room as she will be trying to kill him, unless Reaper gets lose, in which case they would be cleaning him off the walls.
7153844 NO that my friend is called masturbation
How would that be awkward, you just say "I always wanted to truly love myself" and everyone will nod in understanding.
7411690 XD
Shinning Armor you had so much to live for.
I salute you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WChTqYlDjtI
Rest now, Shining. We will go on in your place. *Salutes*
May the Stars guide you, and the Warriors of Old accept you among their ranks.
I'm just wondering about one thing: where did the griffons get their weapons? Commander introduced modern weaponry and I doubt she wants to share
8739487
While she may not want to share. She is subject to the wills of her superiors. And becoming the sole military domination do to massive leap in tech ancestors all.other nations would cause absolute shit storm with relations to said other nations.
To maintain peace diplomacy was needed.
Goddammit, these typos are really getting on my nerves.
You obviously wanted to write this instead.
I have a quastion, how is Commander Twilight Even able to cry? Let alone become blood shot, that should be impossible if your eyes has been replaced with cybernetics, unless there that advanced.
11812730
i assume only her eyes were replaced, eyes dont produce tears