• Published 14th Jun 2012
  • 3,283 Views, 50 Comments

Killed With Kindness - Mr. Grimm



A polite corpse seeks Twilight's help in finding his murderer.

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An Unlikely Visitor

It was around nine o’clock when Twilight decided to go bed. The mare had been up reading a book on Equestrian History. She had offered to read it to Spike, but the dragon had declined as much of Equestrian History was chronicled about the constant advancement of horseshoeing techniques. Thus, Twilight had read it to herself, and had just finished the chapter on how Cornelius Vanderhoof had developed the radical idea of using eight nails in a horseshoe instead of seven. She got up from her bed to put the book back on its shelf, when she heard a loud knocking on her door. Curious to see who would be up at this late hour of the night, the mare shelved the book, picked up her candle, and headed downstairs. The wavering flame of her candle cast eerie shadows about the dark library as she made her way to the front door. Twilight undid the lock, slid the bolt back, and opened the door.

She immediately screamed upon seeing the horrible creature that stood in the doorway. The flickering candlelight shone against a putrid canvas of cadaverous gray flesh, full of open sores where necrosis had set in. The skin covered a crooked skeleton, with a distended barrel of a ribcage. His left leg dangled from a thin cord of muscle and skin, dragging against the ground as he stood. The head was large, and a macabre smile of yellowed teeth adorned the mangy muzzle. Palled, filmy green eyes sat sunken in their sockets, half obscured by a wild, matted mess of filthy brown hair.

Twilight backed into her house, so terrified that the candle fell to the floor with a clatter, its flame extinguishing as it hit the ground. The corpse became a silhouette in the dim moonlight. The unicorn’s mouth opened in a silent scream as it reached out with a hoof towards her, and leaned forward through the doorway. His body creaked as his hoof grasped Twilight’s own in a cold, leathery embrace. The unicorn saw the shadow of his jaw as it opened.

“Good evening,” came a friendly, jovial voice with a Trottingham accent as the corpse gave Twilight’s hoof a thorough shake, “I’m Mortimer Spade. Could I perhaps trouble you for some directions? I’m terribly sorry that it’s so late in the night, but I’m afraid I can’t travel during the day without offending somepony.” Twilight sat on the floor, dumbfounded that such a lighthearted voice had just escaped the decaying lips of the cadaver. His vocal chords sounded as if they’d hardly rotted at all.

“…Excuse me?” she finally managed to choke out. The corpse suddenly moved forward into her home, prompting her to scoot back. He scooped up the candle and set it back in its holder, then produced a match from his threadbare jacket. Twilight cringed as the light from the newly lit candle illuminated Spade’s rotting features.

“Sorry about that,” he said, “Didn’t mean to frighten you. Here, let me help you up.” Before Twilight knew what was happening, the cadaver gently grabbed her hoof and pulled her to her hooves. He suddenly looked down at his own hooves. “Oh dear, I’ve tracked dirt into your house. Do you have a broom I could borrow? I’m always making messes with this old body of mine.” Twilight, was now completely baffled at what she was seeing. Before her was an actual zombie pony behaving in a most un-zombie like manner.

“Uh,” muttered the unicorn, “What did you say you needed again?”

“Some directions, if you don’t mind,” replied Spade, “Oh, and maybe a needle and thread, but directions are fine. Really, I don’t want to bother you.” Twilight now noticed that the smile on the corpse’s face wasn’t really as horrific as it first seemed. It was disgusting, no doubt, but had an innocent, kindly quality to it as well.

“Well…” said Twilight, “Where did you need to get to?”

“I’m not sure, actually,” Spade said sheepishly, “You see, I’m not really looking for a place. I’m looking for a person.” Twilight felt herself become unnerved again.

“Who?”

“The pony who murdered me,” said the corpse, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Twilight shook as though she’d been thrust into a freezing river.

“W-why would you want to do that?” sputtered the trembling unicorn, although she thought she had a pretty good idea why. Spade turned and looked over his shoulder. When he turned back he had a large, shining steel dagger clutched in his mouth. Twilight fell back as her knees gave out, her eyes wide and fearful.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry to have upset you again,” said the cadaver as he set down the dagger and helped her to her hooves, “You see, I wish to return the dagger. It’s a very nice dagger, and I’d hate to inconvenience the owner by depriving him or her of it. I just hope they can forgive me, I’ve been taking very good care of it for them.” Twilight looked at the weapon. Its surface was highly polished, its handle was made of black, lacquered ebony. She glanced back up at the corpse. In no way did he seem at all malicious or hateful. If he was truthful about his intentions, he had to be the nicest pony who ever existed.

“So…you want to give this knife back to the pony who killed you?”

“Yes,” said Spade with a nod of his head, his neck creaking loudly. Twilight tried to remain calm, though there really was no cause for alarm. It just all seemed so bizarre.

“Do you know who murdered you?” the unicorn inquired. Again, Spade looked sheepish.

“I’m afraid I can’t remember,” he said, “That’s why I came here.” Twilight questioningly raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“Well, because I’ve heard that you are quite adept at magic, and I was hoping you’d help me recall who murdered me.” Twilight frowned upon hearing this. She didn’t know out of the top of her head if she could really help him or not, or even if it was a good idea. She didn’t even know what he was.

“I’m not sure if I can help…” she said slowly, unsure of how he’d react. She had predicted that he might be offended or saddened, but rather, he simply smiled.

“Oh, well, that’s alright. No need to worry, I’ll be fine. Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry for troubling you. Now if you’d please tell me where to find a broom, I’ll clean up my mess and be on my way.” Twilight stood still for a moment, still unable to believe just how chivalrous the cadaver was. What made it so amazing was that it was so utterly sincere.

“Well, um…” said the bookish mare, “I said I wasn’t sure. Maybe I can help you, but I’d have to go through some of my books.” She winced as Spade’s smile grew wider with a faint crack of long-dead skin.

“Oh, how wonderful!” he cried joyously, “Thank you so much. I really can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”

“You’re welcome,” Twilight managed to say with a smile of her own, “But I still don’t know if I can or not.” Spade continued to beam happily and nodded understandingly.

“That’s quite alright,” said Spade, “I’m still thankful that you even considered the request. Now then, about the broom?” Twilight gave another forced smile as she nodded and opened the closet door. She magicked a broom into the pony’s eager hooves.

“Thank you,” he said as he began to sweep the particles of earth from the doorway, “May I sweep the rest of the library as well, please? It’s the least I can do to make up for helping me.” Twilight looked at the decayed face of the creature in surprise.

“It’s past nine,” she said, “Don’t you think you should be getting some sleep?” Twilight had always gone to bed at nine, and had no idea that ponies could stay up for even longer.

“Oh heavens no,” Spade replied Cheerfully, “Revenants don’t sleep. But if you want I can go lay down somewhere, though I tend to leak if I lay on my back. But don’t worry, if I do I’ll clean it up.”