Equestria and Zebrica were burned a century ago. But on the continent of Sall'han, ponies survived and thrived. Those fledging societies are isolated, and dissimilar. With the arrival of the Transient, powers old and new will make their move.
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Thank you, for pointing that out. Also, thank you for commenting in general. I really wouldn't have held it against you if you had said 'First'.
6990953
I believe that I fixed it. If I didn't feel free to quote the specific part of the chapter.
Also, what are some positive parts of this story? Negative? (Other than the formatting issue.)
6990970 Unfortunately it seems the problem isn't fixed and it shows up immediately in chapter 2. It starts in chapter one in the section right after Icepick (btw great name for a Ranger in the DESERT) is speaking to the elder and continues throughout the chapter. Other than that I am slightly confused on the situation. We got Steel Rangers in Saddle Arabia... And when this takes place or why they are here? I didn't even realize they were Rangers until mentions of the codex and I the ranking system were mentioned more. It also seems kinda bizzare/neat how these Rangers have a combination of traditional and Steelhooves thinking even prior to the schism. And was Saddle Arabia struck by the megaspells? If not, what happened to their central government? And are the Rangers after oil or is that not a thing? All in all, quite a few plotholes and General confusion throughout. Solid idea, slightly messy practice.
6991033 Thank you. This is quite enlightening.
Honestly, the why of it and the circumstances will be expanded upon in later chapters. Suffice it to say that once Imperial Equestria made the acquisition of resources a top priority they quickly annexed the militarily backwards Saddle Arabian state. And once the bombs fell the army and the MWT involved with the industrialization drive unified in a manner very similar to the Equestrian rangers. With a few key differences. Only a handful of bombs were sent at Sall'han as a whole, so other than contending with the oppression of the population and the brief nuclear winter that was caused by the exchange they had free reign to create what they wanted. Namely, an industrialized land. It was a part of their original purpose there. Or one of their overt reasons.
Also, remember that an Icepick is something more like this in version of language but contemporary american. cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0370/9921/products/Anvil-Ice-Pick_grande.jpg?v=1441102615
A sharp tool, utilitarian, deadly in a pinch, but capable of so much more.
6991033 Actually, fixed it now. It seems to be an issue with the Gdoc uploader. Of course.
7017437
Yep, every chapter will have a different POV. Though at this point all three of the POV characters have been introduced.
In any case, have you enjoyed, do you have any feedback?
This is the first FoE story I've read that features a rotating PoV, and so far I think it's been done well. All three characters read differently and have their own voice, which is good. However, I'm a bit worried about how this will affect the length of the story, but I don't know what you have planned.
The characters themselves are likable, especially Rosetta, who is my favorite so far. He's the most sympathetic of the three and had the most developed background, and I thought Icepick was the most admirable, with her confidence and willingness to screw the rangers' rules. This is also the first FoE fic I've read that has a desert setting aside from TTWHD, and it's nice that you went with Sall'han rather than a new vegas knockoff. It's far away from Equestria, which has its benefits and its drawbacks as a setting, since it's so removed from the main fic, but it also means that this story has its own world to develop. So, yeah, it's a unique setting and I hope I get to see more of it.
I don't have much criticism as of right now. The formatting had some issues, but I see that's already been brought up. The only other thing I can think of is the conflict in Perm's chapter. I don't think it's properly explained who the Empire and the Celestians are, or where this conflict is taking place, and it left me confused. This could also just be the result of me somehow missing that exposition while reading, and if that's the case, I apologize.
Anyway, nice opening chapters. Will the PoV rotate in order (Icepick, Rosetta, then Perm) or will it be random?
7047903
Thank you so much for the review. Um, as for the POV it will shift periodically, some characters need more chapters (or chapter length), so they will get more chapters. As for the next chapter, Icepick will have the next one. As to the length, I'll try to keep it from becoming one of those 400K+ stories. I have learned a lot of finesse in regards to what needs to be included. In any case the next chapter should be out relatively soon.
Thanks a bunch stealth.
7199714
Well, thank you for the addition to your list. On another note, the cover art was done by the ever grand Rangelost. He's cheap and well, if you give him a good idea of what you want, he can turn it out pretty well.
Also, to you or anyone else, the next two chapters should be published within about two weeks or so. Both are nearly done, and just awaitking that spitshining that editing can do...
My goodness. There's so much clop for this story, but little context. Am I missing something? Is the main story on a googlobal doc or 4chan?
So now comes the question... Is it notable that I am a pre-reader and have been doing this for half a dozen years by now?
Nitpicks:
Don't know why the first paragraph of the story is center aligned
"After his older sister died from a Stomach illness he took the crystal throne. " don't really know why you have this capatalized
"I said to my Bunkmate" You would not write girlfriend with a capital letter, so should not use it here
" My eyes closed.I lit my horn" someone in the trench stole your space!
"She turned away from me" Another paragraph there are center aligned for some reason
"bumping shoulders with what had become my institutional best friend. ‘" Don't know why you have that thing after the period.
". In the span of time it took me to walk to the nearest exit with my Earth Pony guardian," Races does not get capital letters
" No, the staff had greater issues on their minds. " You have a double linebreak after this sentence
" The reasons manifold, as always. " Double linebreak again
" it was also equally erotic." Third double linebreak in a row does not make a charm
8940585
I can tell, and I love your reviews at the bottom of every chapter! I hope you're enjoying the rather unique story so far!