Equestria and Zebrica were burned a century ago. But on the continent of Sall'han, ponies survived and thrived. Those fledging societies are isolated, and dissimilar. With the arrival of the Transient, powers old and new will make their move.
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Main problem, halfway through the chapter, the format centres for no reason and I couldn't stop focusing on that. The story is decent, but that formatting issue needs to be fixed ASAP.
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Thanks Corshy, I'm glad to hear that you like the characters.
The grammar thing is a little dialect thing. Some people in the west used to say that a lot. I got left by eight yesterday.
And yeah, I agree Churned lacks some description in his appearance. I will probably re-write it eventually.
I hope you like chapter two!
Bad joke is bad and you should feel bad for gaining my upvote by using this joke!
Every moment now do I expect an "I never asked for this/I am too old for this shit" said in the most gruffy voice ever... You had my attention, now you have my interest.
... Damn it and there goes my fav, I always fav a story if it can make me smirk, and mission is accomplished!
All in all a damn good chapter, no matter what the reason was for taking it down originally am I glad that it is up now so i can enjoy it
Nitpick:
"Her mother and brother gave her a certain weight that I wouldn’t of had even if I didn’t ‘misuse the discretion afforded to me’." Maybe just me, but I think you are missing a word here
someone may have mentioned this but i'm pretty sure you meant replied. this is at least the second time you did this in the first chapter. i ignored the first time because people make mistakes but when you do it multiple times in just a few paragraphs generally that means you don't know you are doing it wrong and think you are doing it right. it's like that time some guy misspelled the same word three times in three different ways in the same thread. it was dinosaur as i recall.
8940467
probably already been answered but "wouldn't of had" is a normal if formal/informal (i can never remember) way of speaking
9522533
No, uh, it's literally just a mistake I made a couple of times. I didn't have a good editor, or editing software at this point. And I really need to clean up these first couple chapters. Thanks for the comments though. I'm glad to have another new reader. And uh, push through, the later chapters are a lot cleaner, and a lot better. Mostly because I improve a lot over the course of the story.