The Misadventures of Fanta Shock

by Feathers and Fanfics

Chapter 6: Fanta Shock and the Invasion of the Door-to-door Salesponies.

Fanta regained consciousness. She must have been a few minutes earlier than usual, as the sunlight had not yet reached her eye. She sat up, yawned, and climbed out of bed.

A few minutes later, Fanta made a hesitant move towards the stairs. Nothing had exploded, hit her head, or caused her injury in any way. Something was very, very wrong. She gingerly tip-toed to the kitchen. No landmines. No foals trying to take off her eyepatch. She approached the counter and made herself some cereal. No nurses. No dragons. She put the bowl of cereal on a table and went to a mirror so she could look at the damage the scooter had done. Slowly unwinding the bandage, she breathed a sigh of relief as she saw that it was only a lump and a bruise. It would go down soon. The unicorn sat at the table, slowly eating her cereal, waiting for something to jump out at her. Maybe she was still asleep? Her hoof slowly prodded her bruise which gave her a harsh assurance that yes, she was awake.

Fanta finished her breakfast and sat down with a mug of coffee. This was so weird. Normally by now, something had whisked her up into some ridiculous adventure and she was fighting for her life against foals or chasing dragons through the Everfree. Yet this morning, nothing had happened.

To Fanta, this was almost worse. Then she remembered that a nice, warm bed with a comfy mattress and a pillow fluffed to perfection awaited her upstairs. She smiled and climbed up the stairs, slipping back into bed. She sighed contentedly, and closed her eye.

Exactly forty-two seconds later (she counted), Fanta heard a knock at her door. Letting out a disgruntled moan of annoyance, she dragged herself out of bed and down the steps. Making her way to the door, she unlocked it and gave the stallion in front of her a death-stare.

The stallion in question, a white Pegasus with a blue-and-yellow mane, grinned at her.

"Can ah interest you in some-"

"No." Fanta slammed the door and went back to bed. The stallion, momentarily stunned but undeterred from his mission, knocked again on the door. Fanta opened it, wishing she knew a spell that could summon the armies of Tartarus. The stallion smiled and offered her some dustpans at a bargain price.

Fanta bought one and held it aloft in her magic. The Pegasus, realising his mistake, took off flying, desperate to get out of range of the angry unicorn. Fanta carefully judged the distances, took aim, and threw the dustpan with all her might.

Meanwhile, in a well-concealed hideout constructed from twigs and leaves, a falcon was just waking up. This particular falcon had somehow gained an awareness of himself and had taken it on his shoulders to make the life of that sandwich-rescuing mare a misery. He had been hatching a plan, a plan that would quite possible get Fanta evicted from Ponyville. A plan so dastardly, no one except a truly evil creature could have devised it. He did not, however, plan for the dustpan that crashed into his hideout, sending him into the air and over the horizon with a startled squawk.

Fanta grumped. The dustpan was supposed to have gone straight through the tree and bring down the salespony. Oh well. She shrugged and went back inside, only to hear a knock on the door. Deciding to ignore it this time, she shook her head and went back up to bed.

"Fanta!" Well. The salespony wouldn't know her name. She opened the door to discover her neighbour on her doorstep. Her neighbour was nice enough – she was a light grey unicorn with a smooth violet mane, but she always kept her cutie mark hidden under something, like a dress or some bags. Fanta secretly suspected she was a spy, or a jewel thief, or something ridiculous like that.

"Salesponies! Salesponies everywhere!" Her neighbour (Fanta could not recall her name) was jogging frantically on the spot and moved aside so Fanta could see behind her.

It was carnage. There were salesponies everywhere, running from door to door, bothering everyone with their useless wares and services. Fanta's eye twitched. Her bad mood was slowly starting to come to a boil and she turned to her panicking neighbour.

"Does that purple pony with the glorified glasshouse know what going on?" The purple-maned unicorn nodded.

"Yeah, she heard the screaming." Fanta was fortunate to live in an area where the ponies weren't so... easily scared. She shrugged, tripping up a salespony who was speeding by her and pinning them down.

The mare in captivity looked up at Fanta, and offered her a digital watch. Fanta shook her head, then stopped and thought.

"I'll buy one if you tell me where you all came from, deal?" The mare enthusiastically nodded, and pointed towards the Tartarian portal on the other side of town.

1,342 years earlier

Luna opened the gates to the castle. The army of salesponies and cold callers streamed in, hundreds of bargains and special offers being flung like confetti at a wedding. Calling forth her magic powers, she scooped them all up into a ball and gave them the Angry Luna Look™, which was very scary indeed.

"I SENTENCE THEE TO TWO THOUSAND YEARS IN THE PITS OF TARTURUS FOR ATTEMPTED FRAUD AND ALMOST BRING EQUESTRIA'S ECONOMY TO ITS KNEES!!" The Royal Canterlot Voice rang out, a portal opening underneath the crowd of ponies and sucking them to their fate.

"Well, that is that over. With any luck, those vile ponies will have learned their lessons in 2,000 years." She trotted off to go and annoy her sister.

Present day

The mare smiled up at Fanta, having recounted her story. Fanta tilted her head.

"So how did you escape Tarturus?"

"Oh, we tried selling stuff to Cerberus so he kicked us out. Like these bargain dog trea- mmmph!!" The mare protested through Fanta's hoof which was securely stuffed in her mouth. The white unicorn shook her crimson mane and looked at her neighbour.

"Err, so... Has that Sparkle mare got a plan, or anything?" The grey unicorn nodded.

"She's going to show them Equestria's biggest door, which they will rush through and fall into a trap." Fanta was starting to wonder how this Sparkle pony got into politics with loony ideas like that.

She sat on the unfortunate salespony and dried her hoof on the grass.

"Eww. Conpony saliva." Fanta sat and thought. If the invasion of these salesponies escaped from Tartarus once, they could do it again. She needed a way to silence them… permanently. Or maybe knock out their memory. Anything to stop them going door-to-door with bootleg discord lamps...

Fanta continued sitting and thinking while she came up with a plan. Then, she had a great idea. But she needed to talk to this Sparkle person, if she was really an alicorn.

Twilight Sparkle was having a rather eventful Friday. She had dismissed thirty-nine different ponies from the castle doors today and there seemed to be no end to them. She was putting the finishing touched on her 'Giant Distracting Door' spell, when she heard a knock at the door. Timidly opening it, she saw a white unicorn with a crimson mane, an eyepatch, and a very grumpy expression.

Fanta sighed and pushed her way past the alicorn, amid protests and 'what are you doing here?’ She sat in the nearest chair and eyed the princess.

"You're Princess Sparkle?"

"Yes, but what're you doing in my house?" Twilight was rather annoyed at this point.

"And you're the one who came up with the giant door idea?"

"Yes, but what ar-"

"If they can escape once, they can do it again." She raised her eyebrow at Twilight, who was getting flustered.

"As a group, could they escape from the moon?" Twilight went quiet, calculating the average magical output of an average unicorn-out-of-three ratio based on the national average amount of ponies in a given area.

"Err... No, I don't think so. Even if they all used the same escape spell at once, they wouldn't be able to break the magic field that surrounds the moon after casting the To-The-Moon spell." Twilight grinned, proud of her deduction.

"To the moon?" Fanta blinked.

"Yeah, that's what Princess Celestia named it after banishing Nightmare Moon!”

Fanta was starting to think that the royal sisters were funny in the head. Twilight was starting to think that this strange pony was an anineigh character. Fanta thought Twilight was an egghead.

A few minutes later, a giant door appeared near Ponyville. It glistened with magical aura and every salespony, con-colt, and cold caller's eyes were instantly drawn to it. You could practically hear the bargains rush through the streets towards the door. Once they were all gathered around it, they felt themselves being picked up in a magical field. They glowed as they were lifted up, up, up into the sky, never to be seen again.

Fanta walked through her front door, sat in her living room. The rest of the day had been her helping with relief efforts, as 'requested' by Princess Sparklepants. She'd never got her head round how a town of panicking ponies could cause so much upset and destruction, but hey. She groaned and got up. Walking to her kitchen, she shoved a slice of bread in her mouth and chewed on it as she climbed the steps to her bedroom. Sitting down in the centre of her room, she looked around. She'd grown up in this house and it hadn't changed much since her parents left. The walls were devoid of pictures and photo frames. Her room had some drawings of a half-baked plan to steal Luna's underpants, which had never come to fruition due to the fact that Luna does not wear underpants.

She swallowed the last piece of bread, and climbed between her sheets, hoping for a night of restful sleep.

Comments

[Feathers and Fanfics]

6999030 That's a good idea! I'll do that, thank you!