as per your request
somewhat sharp theets [ teeth ]
the other players has to drop to drop [ have] and repeated words
When is supposed to come this new replacement!?" [ When is this new replacement supposed to come ] ???
you sidecracked [ sidetracked ] ??

Find an editor, get this cleaned up. You have a good idea, but the grammar and pacing are atrocious.

You have a solid base here but it is severely lacking in grammar and punctuation. I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs.

Your pacing is way off too. If you are writing a clopfic aim for 3-5k words a chapter, not under 2. You have to properly establish relationships as well as motivations for characters to fuck.